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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue (1487 Views)
Pls Help I Need Ur Candid Advice-family ISSUE / Please I Need Serious Advice On A Serious Family Issue / Your Perspective On This Family Issue (2) (3) (4)
I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by bettyobie: 11:07am On Feb 13, 2011 |
Hello everybody! First,I want to apologize I am not a nigerian and write here,but I think you guys,can help me or at least give me an advice, Here is the difficult situation: I have a serious relationship with a nigerian guy and we are in England now (he is working here).We love each other very much and he means the world for me.We are together for a year and was about to live together (we are currently living in different cities and travel and spend weeks together).Everything was perfect between us,until he told his family in Nigeria about me, And,unfortunately they said "no".They told him,they don't wanna him to have anything in common with a white girl.They don't accept me as a white girl.And they don't wanna talk with him at all.But they don't know such a pain it is for us, to break up, So now he has to choice between me and his family, Hard decision for both of us, We really love each other and I will do everything for him,without any doubts, So guys,do you have any advices for me ![]() Hope things to change!!! Need your help and knowledge, God bless you all!!! |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 11:36am On Feb 13, 2011 |
How long have you guys been together? Who told you his family is not in support of the relationship? |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by bettyobie: 11:39am On Feb 13, 2011 |
We are together for almost a year.And he told his family about me,cause our relationship is very serious and his family said 'no'.And one day he told me the all situation, |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 12:14pm On Feb 13, 2011 |
what is the proof that he told his family?or are you just concluding because he told you himself? |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by naijafrend: 1:56pm On Feb 13, 2011 |
@ OP Volunteer to speak to his family. The benefits of doing so : (a) rule out that he made up a story to get rid of you (b) If what he said was true, then maybe you can talk to them and get a first hand knowledge of what their exact problem is (c) You get a chance to prove that it is just not a fling and could tell them about how much you value this relation and the things you are willing to do to make this work. |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by njcdrich: 5:09pm On Feb 13, 2011 |
Am not interested how long you have been in the relationship. My question is do you believe in God? If yes. Then trust Him for He is able to give you that which is yours. Not even the man's people can stop you if God says yes. What is important is if both of you love each other. Go ahead and believe God, make sure you are at peace with God, he will make even them that disapprove the marriage to be the ones that will share your wedding card in Jesus name. |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 6:35pm On Feb 13, 2011 |
njcdrich: What is the proof that they love each other? As Jennykadry and Naijafrend had mentionned, her man may be trying to get rid of her by making up this story. So far there is no indication that someone has disapproved the marriage. OP has a homework to do. TheCongo |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 11:18pm On Feb 13, 2011 |
jennykadry: naijafrend: if the guy came up with this story to dump her then shouldnt she simply leave the guy? or do you guys suggest that she should fight to stay with someone that doesnt want to be with her? @poster the important question IS: what did he say/decide about it all? if family is VERY important to him (like in most Nigerian household) then i suggest you go on your merry way and find yourself someone else. on the other hand, if he serious about you and decide to go on with your love and happiness then good luck to the both of you. |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 11:36pm On Feb 13, 2011 |
MRbrownJAY: First scenario: if the guy loves her but his family doesn't like her, then she should fight to stay with him. Second scenario: if the guy doesn't love her and came up with this story to get rid of her, then she should dump him. We don't know which case is involved here. Accordingly, it is best for her to find out if he had told his family as he claimed he did. TheCongo |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 11:43pm On Feb 13, 2011 |
^^^^ bro, is that not a waste of time? A) if he did tell them and the story is true then she will have to accept what he has decided on the matter. b) if he has NOT told them and that is just a BS story then she will dump his behind (which he is looking forward to anyway). so she might as well just talk to him directly instead of jeopardizing her relationship with the guy by not showing him TRUST at this very delicate time. if he wants to dump her then he will automatically say that he cant date her anymore(when she ask) and the case will be closed. |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by naijafrend: 12:18am On Feb 14, 2011 |
@MRbrownJAY If he came up with that story, the woman should stop all of this nonsense at once (if she has an iota of self respect) No matter how much ever you love someone, never allow someone to take you for a ride, and that too in a silly manner like this !!! Oh yes, and before she bids farewell, it would be nice if she gave him a tight slap, a parting gift ! @ OP If this guy really wanted to dump you there would be other signs as well. I'm sure he would have been avoiding you under the pretext of being sad about his folks' attitude and all. You seem to be naive and too smitten in the whole affair thing and would have surely overlooked all of those signs, if there were any. I'd definitely advice you to sit down with a clear head, assess the situation, compare how things had been then and now and only then should investigate whether his story is true or not. If you feel there is a clear difference, you dont even need to find out if all of it ws made up or not. If you feel he is as much into this as you are , then probably both of you should try to talk to his folks and if that doesn't work BOTH of you should pay a visit to his folks, even if that involves a lot of money and time. |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by mutter(f): 12:34am On Feb 14, 2011 |
It is very possible that his family don`t want it. Allot of bad experiences in bi national marriages are to blame. Very often families are against the choice for one reason or the other. If you both love each other, he can convince his family with time. Just the same way many whites don`t want their kids bringing home a black partner. Don`let that worry him. If that guy really want`s to he can remain with you. Hope he is for real? |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by OAM4J: 5:20am On Feb 14, 2011 |
Betty A good number of our folks in Nigeria are still very much weary of cross cultural marriages for fear of unknown and other reasons But then I know a lot of people who got over those barriers, not immediately or with ease, but overtime with much persuasions. It depends on your bf, what is his stand? does he believe he can persuade/convince his family to change their mind? If he doesn't believe he can, and he thinks you two should end the relationship, then you might just leave him and move on. |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 6:48am On Feb 14, 2011 |
. |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 10:10am On Feb 14, 2011 |
He knew all along that his family will object to him dating a white girl, and yet he went ahead and got himself hooked up to one. One would expect that for his to 'fall in love', he must have been prepared to face the consequences! Guys and their baseless 'excuses'! ![]() |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 10:37pm On Feb 14, 2011 |
^^^^^ Did poster indicate she was white? I may be missing something here. TheCongo |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by spyder880(m): 11:11pm On Feb 14, 2011 |
Inter racial marriages have a 10% chance of survival, talking from my observations of ten such marriages I know. |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Busybody2(f): 11:42pm On Feb 14, 2011 |
You dated for a year and your dude was fine with you when you were both in separate cities, doing your undercover loving, and he only cooked up the "my family" story, when you were about moving in together, so you need to remove the blinkers from your eyes ![]() Although, a lotta Nigerian Parents frown on their children dating and marrying outsiders, that you are not Nigerian nor have the same culture, has nothing to do with this issue on the ground at all, your boyfriend was just looking for an easy way out, otherwise he would have broached your existence to his Parents earlier on in the relationship ![]() ![]() |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 3:19am On Feb 15, 2011 |
Busy_body: I like busy_body. She always hits the nail in the head. OP, remove the blinkers from your eyes. By the way, BUSY_BODY are you a lawyer? Same question goes for MRbrownJAY: Are you a lawyer? TheCongo |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Nobody: 5:35am On Feb 15, 2011 |
Busy_body: LOL She claims to be inlove, no doubt about that, but I doubt this guys love for her. LOL The guy is moving on or about to get married and is using the "family not in support" line to walk out of the relationship smoothly. ![]() The reason why we nigerian women are smart, a guy can't easily deceive us with such stupid excuse. ![]() |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Busybody2(f): 3:30am On Feb 18, 2011 |
TheCongo: Thanks, see me blushing ![]() ![]() jennykadry: Hmmm, na only single girls Naija men nor fit deceive oh, once Naija women marry, na to turn into doormat remain ![]() ![]() I still don't know the meaning of the last word up there but bia Jenny I am confused, is that the real meaning, and why does it only apply to women only ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: I Need An Urgent Advice! Family Issue by Blazay(m): 10:47am On Feb 18, 2011 |
My dia, you are not a 'family yet'. . . so, the only advice I can give you now as an 'experimental, cultural, "Jung[b][size=20pt]O[/size][/b]-Fever", rat' in the hands of one of awa brodas is right here: http://www.topix.com/forum/world/nigeria/T6MAVH1UFMVFA7K69 Onyinye wrote: Enjoy! ![]() ![]() Hope you do not end up there too. ![]() Call me when you need a strong shoulder to cry on huh? ![]() We are together for a year and was about to live together (we are currently living in different cities and travel and spend weeks together).Everything was perfect between us,until he told his family in Nigeria about me, At least you have[b] 'chopped'[/b] him goooooooood for a whole year. You did not lose all ways. ![]() Keep chopping sis. . . .and let it end there. For old time's sake. You will need the memories on those cold winter nights to warm you up long after he is in another woman's bed. ![]() Sorry darling. . . he does not want to marry you. This has absolutely nothing to do with his family. Every Nigerian man knows the 'cultural taboos' associated with any relationship PRIOR to embarking on one or several. . . . .especially outside Nigeria. He is not being honest with you. ![]() Goodluck sweewrie pie! |
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