I don't understand this o.
Must you cook? Why can't you get snacks, maybe biscuits, egg roll or any of the pies with drinks for them?
Your wife may be against you wasting unnecessary money on cooking.
Except if cooking is in your group's rules and regulations o.

akan102:
My brother, you should be straight with her, it is her place to prepare the food it is surprising that a husband is having a get together and the wife Is refusing to participate, this is crazy if she needs help, that is totally different to saying she is not cooking, tomorrow she would come up with something else, well..., It is your house, as for me I won't take it.

it is not her place to prepare the food, at all at all. The guest are not her family ( kids or husband) to be fed by her. Her role as a wife in terms of feeding stops where her family (husband and kids) is at not guests. Entertaining guest in homes is optional whether in-laws, relations or friends. If she takes up the entertainment role, it is an act of courtesy not an entitlement. In this case, she refused to partake in that and her decision should be respected.
There is a huge different.

oloriLFC:
Eating food every month to 'foster unity'. Na wah o. It is just a kind of competition to me. What we do in churches these days is baffling. Some might even go out of their way to cook just because they do not want to be behind. Mr Festus' wife cooked jollof rice last month, My wife must cook fried rice. What happened to snacks? And it's not like you people are that bouyant at the moment. Na wah o

I thought as much too. You were only faster than I was.

Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it
[/i][/quote]
God Bless you... i really got disappointed reading peoples comment.. something that happens just ones in a yr n she cannt help her husband... haba

LadyExcellency:


She is being unreasonable.

I sense, she is richer than the husband but doesn't care about burden sharing. The husband is complaining of paucity of funds and you want her wife to encourage the husband to spend the little saving for a labour the wife can do freely?

Nawaa for Nairalanders

She said she is stressed and cannot go through similar stress she went through in the past.
She cannot do the labour freely because it's not free as you've assumed. It's both a physical and mental engagement to host a party.
Nobody knows what kind of stress she went through, how she coped and even overcame the aftermath from the previous party.
Why is that flying over you people's heads? She says she cannot host a party (especially when she was just informed a week or 2 prior) because it is too STRESSFUL for her.
Why do you take that as inconsequential? , Something not to be reckoned with?
That's her husband and he's never said they had issues prior or that his wife is wicked or whatever, or that she is richer or poorer than he is.
She has told him her reason and you and the OP have refused to accept it, because you believe it's not tenable.
But it is to her, and that's most important. Na she get her body, and na she know where the shoe pinches since she's wearing it. Don't compare yourself to her or to anyone else because our health and situations are different.
She hasn't asked him not to bring people to come and do the cooking, serving and clearing up afterwards, so he should get an alternative arrangement if the party must be done.

You don't need to keep explaining yourself to everyone.
I think you're a nice person and you love you wife too but you gotta respect her decision and start looking for a plan B. The economy is tight bro if you kill twenty cows those twenty men will finish it before you say jack Robinson. Now that your wife isn't willing to do the cooking I'll suggest you get them snacks and drinks, there's no point overdoing an event that's supposed to last less than 7 hours.

You will be fine.

SirMichael1:


I don't invite people, it follows a pattern. It's a monthly stuff. It's a get together. The last time it was held in my house was over a year ago. We're mostly over 20 members. 20 people spread over monthly will be 20 months, that's a year and 8 months. That's enough time.

Exactly! Enough time for you to have been able to save a mere N20k for a caterer and have some money for drinks. I'm sorry but you are quite inconsiderate. How can I even be 5 months pregnant and my hubby would ask me to cook for 20 men!

picaso313:


Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it
[/i]God Bless you... i really got disappointed reading peoples comment.. something that happens just ones in a yr n she cannt help her husband... haba

You don't have to lose your health and well being over a marriage. If you have to do that, then it is no longer a marriage but a contraption. A trap to harm you.
Why is it so hard for a husband to understand his wife's inability to host his old boys party?
Why do you people take marriage to mean nothing until you sacrifice your well being for it? How can you be useful to anyone in a marriage when your well being is compromised?
She's done it in the past while pregnant, so she's not lazy or unsupportive. It didn't agree with her afterwards and she doesn't want to go down that path again because only she knows the toll it took on her.
There are certain things you won't find me trying to do because of previous experiences. I would be very angry and unhappyif my experiences are brushed aside by my partner and I'm told it's not consequential and doesn't mean anything- like you people are trying to say.

Nooil:



And you didn't see the wife has compromised once and it left her scarred for life. I'm advising the man on how to reduce her psychological trauma and you're here typing rubbish. Better receive sense o. Isi aki!

Which trauma again naa.. my friend u are a child, you know nothing about what you talking about. Go and play with kpangolo.. am done with u

tabithababy:
.

I don't understand The woman should kill herself on top food preparation. The caterer option is best for now.

So he should call his mother in law to inform her of how his wife refuse to cook for 25 people abi wetin

to cook plenty food na wasa . make I see u lay your dirty hand on her u go see me fight u with Mike tyson hand glove now now

eyinjuege:


She said she is stressed and cannot go through similar stress she went through in the past.
She cannot do the labour freely because it's not free as you've assumed. It's both a physical and mental engagement to host a party.
Nobody knows what kind of stress she went through, how she coped and even overcame the aftermath from the previous party.
Why is that flying over you people's heads? She says she cannot host a party (especially when she was just informed a week or 2 prior) because it is too STRESSFUL for her.
Why do you take that as inconsequential? , Something not to be reckoned with?
That's her husband and he's never said they had issues prior or that his wife is wicked or whatever, or that she is richer or poorer than he is.
She has told him her reason and you and the OP have refused to accept it, because you believe it's not tenable.
But it is to her, and that's most important. Na she get her body, and na she know where the shoe pinches since she's wearing it. Don't compare yourself to her or to anyone else because our health and situations are different.
She hasn't asked him not to bring people to come and do the cooking, serving and clearing up afterwards, so he should get an alternative arrangement if the party must be done.

Then you didn't read his brief very well. The OP stated that she rejected alternative suggestions of having someone come over to assist with the chores, and him pounding the semo. She was essentially trying to truncate the party, which I think is in bad faith. You keep screaming stress, stress, when she would not be the only one to be stressed i.e Her husband, herself and the third assistant are all going to share the burden.

It's a family social affair, so the expectation is that all hands should be on deck. Not the wife sabotaging the husband's efforts. I don't expect anti-social people to understand this.

SirMichael1:


She listens to her parents. Thing is, I don't want to involve them.

The last time, I pounded the yam for over 20 guests but she recieved the compliments. I just don't want to look like a dictator forcing her. I just need her to assist me in making the soup and i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

L

can't the assistance church member kuku make the soup.

God have mercy on these kinds of wives and husbands. God forbid!

Men who are not strong enough to lead their homes with all gravity, claiming nice and cool; and women who refuse to submit or even listen to alternative solutions.

OP, tell me you never saw signs of this stubbornness when you courted her? I believe you saw it but hoped "God would change her". Lol... They never change. Never!

royalfly:


Which trauma again naa.. my friend u are a child, you know nothing about what you talking about. Go and play with kpangolo.. am done with u

While you're a baby. Go and suck breastmilk. Again, you know nothing about human relations.

royalfly:


Which trauma again naa.. my friend u are a child, you know nothing about what you talking about. Go and play with kpangolo.. am done with u

Don't mind those puerile persons. I don't know when a one-off cooking incidence is now to be considered a traumatic event. The over-exaggeration and melodrama is nauseating. As if people have not been cooking en masse all this while.

To start with... Is SirMicheal married?

SmileDance:
who were it up to o? It were up to who? It were not up to you to decide how your home is run? I were not understanding

LadyExcellency:


What is stressful about cooking you lazy generation? Is she the gas cooker or the grinders?

In this day and generation where you can contract one food condiments trader and tell her what to buy and do the grinding and slicing of vegetable for a penny.

Anyway, enjoy your lost generation

Am I the only one reading this and shouting? What happened to us o.. wait o. Na because of the church involved na I’m make these rubbishy talks. What if it was families coming? As in I don’t just get it.. wait so this is the mindset of the average Nigerians. God help o. Unbelievable, I can’t imagine the things am reading here. Some people even said the guy gave her trauma by his actions, some said he is forcing the woman. As in ehh. Well am consoled by the thought of the fact the the commentators maybe mostly unmarried folks or kids. The husband has done everything right from what we read. In short una good night

bukatyne:

She might confuse your emoji as you laughing at her, when you actually agree with her sentiment.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Find a way to get her involved and invloved fully

This people here who cannot tell the difference between yash and dick don't know shit about the situation

telling you she cant cook means she doesn't respect you.what the op is telling us here is that this event do occur once in a year if not more than and it is not a weekly or monthly routine.op your wife is lazy and stubborn.those above saying the op wife is not a slave but you can read where he is willing to join the wife in the kitchen and also invite someone to help them cook..reading some few comment above makes me weak about some issue in marriage. these so called white or oyinbo women our naija ladies are copying today wont lead them anywhere cos the last time i check and did some research white women are still in charge of their kitchen and cooking for the family..92% of working class white ladies still cook for their husband and children.if only i can hear from your wife stating reasons why she cant cook for you before i will give my final conclusion.op you are a good man but most ladies dont respect good men just add a little ruggedity to your good nature.allowing peace to reign doesn't mean your wife should take you for granted.

patani:


So your wife will refuse blatantly not to support you on such decision and u let it slide?

Go to market itself? Chief you need to review your leadership style in the house...

Lol..head of fish.

Carry the leadership on your head very well. Small minded poor Ridiculous Men.

GoodFaith:


Canadian trash

another suicide walking. Pele o.

CanadianNaija:


Oga, if you want to play host then pay for it.

Leave your wife alone if she doesn’t want that stress.
Hosting doesn’t just involve cooking, there’s the serving, market run, cleaning.

I don’t blame her for refusing especially since it’s not something that she wants to do or is interested in.

Don’t inconvenience her just because she is married to you, pay a caterer or explain to your people what you can provide. Maybe if this starts hurting your pocket you will rethink the need for the elaborate feeding you people carry out in the name of coming together to solve problem.

most of you with all these your evil advice will destroy so many homes. What is the duty of the wife if not to help her husband? Oh she can decide not to help the man but when she have a need she can run to her husband for assistance and if he refuses most of you evil witches will say that he is not a good husband. Wow women of this generation has turned marriage into a war zone.

Longman180:
eyya baba,this really touch my heart.if she still Adamant before the meeting leave her alone,find somebody dat can help to prepare soup,.maybe cousin or neighbours then you assist them.dont even ask her to do anything on dat day,after the meeting she will come and apologize.just take it easy wit her.

Do what with the apology. Life sha

bukatyne:
A wife has to be 'begged' to host 20 men in the church once in two years? Is it 'slavery' for a wife to host her husband's guests?

A husband willing to make the swallow and get someone to help?

The husband who knows the way the rotation works should tell his men group to shift it (because his wife would not cook)?

People are throwing protection and love around; what about love, submission, nurturing!?

If clearing the sink is the problem, she cannot cook, serve and tell husbandman he will clear the sink himself since they are his people in jest?

Hmmmmmm!

@OP:

Nice tradition your church has got.

Trolling or not, the comments are appalling.

It's a just a pity. They want to marry, but they don't want to perform the role that comes with it. These may even be 17 year olds talking this kind of trash

Bonjovi13:


Mr Husband man.I wonder how long you have been married for and whether you have taken time to study your wife.

Even as a man you cannot bring hard back breaking work with no reward for me except thank you.
You are presuming on your wife's hospitality and only inexperienced men do this.
It would shock you that your marriage will disintegrate if you don't handle this issue carefully.
Since you knew before hand that you would host your group's meeting you should have started softening your wife up by being nice and affectionate with her. Helping her out with chores or buying her gifts.
Then after a nice warm lovemaking session you should have just said Wow honey its my turn to host the men.What do you think I should do?Allow her to talk and gauge her reaction. If it is favourable and she pitches in.Good.If not let it go and try another time. With time she will get involved and you guys would find a mutually satisfactory arrangement.

Now you just ruined every thing with your approach and your wife is in battle mode.Anything you say and do would be used against you.lol
My advice...Tell her to take a break from house chores this weekend or if she is the type that can't completely hands off...tell her you will lend a major hand this weekend.The goal will be to reduce her burden and destress her.Then in bed, apologise for the way you brought up the issue.Assure her that you will seek her advice before signing her up for work.Then calmly tell her that you are willing to get a caterer just to spare her the stress but with financial constraints you can't get a caterer.Also your family would be embarrased if you don't host this meeting.Ask for her help and assure her that you will make it up to her.Sweet talk her.Pet her.She will bulge.
If you attempt to force her you will regret it and she will resent you. You will also have succeded in setting yourself and your marriage up for failure. My 2cents

This is by far a very shallow advice, so you expect the OP to beg his wife to cook . For God's sake this is an event that happens just once in a year . That's absolute rubbish even God knows I can't take this shit from my future wife.

Even after the husband has invited an helping hand that also includes him too, it's either they are underlying cracks in the marriage or the wife is just been stubborn either way OP if I were you I'd pay her back in her own coin if I eventually call a caterer or serve snacks

Nooil:



And you didn't see the wife has compromised once and it left her scarred for life. I'm advising the man on how to reduce her psychological trauma and you're here typing rubbish. Better receive sense o. Isi aki!

Trauma to cook kwa.

Gantofi:
This is by far a very shallow advice, so you expect the OP to beg his wife to cook . For God's sake this is an event that happens just once in a year . That's absolute rubbish even God knows I can't take this shit from my future wife.

Even after the husband has invited an helping hand that also includes him too, it's either they are underlying cracks in the marriage or the wife is just been stubborn either way OP if I were you I'd pay her back in her own coin if I eventually call a caterer or serve snacks

Don't mind all these people from broken homes

CanadianNaija:


Lol..head of fish.

Carry the leadership on your head very well. Small minded poor Ridiculous Men.

I really pity the man that married this nonentity of a person, the guy must be in a living hell