Walk:
Does she have someone she listens to? Maybe a mother or something?

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

SirMichael1:


The previous get togethers I went to, their wife did the cooking. It's just making of soup while I make the swallow.

SirMichael1:


I don't invite people, it follows a pattern. It's a monthly stuff. It's a get together. The last time it was held in my house was over a year ago. We're mostly over 20 members. 20 people spread over monthly will be 20 months, that's a year and 8 months. That's enough time.

SIRTee15:


Ok lets get something clear. Cooking in the home is the primary responsibility of the wife.
A woman has no business getting married if she doesn't want to be cooking on regular basis. Such a lady should stay single for life.
I don't understand where all this nonsense is coming from.
because last time I check, married white women ( u guys are trying too hard to copy) cook for their home, they cook for friends who come visiting and cook for family gathering/reunion.
There are thousands of youtube vlogs dedicated to married white women culinary skills in the kitchen.

Asian, Arab and latin women cook for their families without issues.
It's only in Africa that black women wants to turn modernity on its head with their warped feminist ideology that makes no sense.
I don't even see this as feminism...rather what I can perceive is a lazy but entitled generation trying to avoid responsibility.

It's not by force to marry, stay single if u don't like the responsibility that comes with it.

SirMichael1:


Please try to read elaborately. I didn't choose to host the get together. It was my turn in the church.

Saintmary:

Mr Community Marriage Values Enforcement Officer, I hope you'll be paid for this job.
@ the first bolded, why don't you take a post at every event center to screen all intending brides.
You sound totally stupid.
Simple snacks should have settled this issue for the op @topic.

royalfly:


Abeg shut up... abeg sorry o but u Dey talk rubbish.. what is enslave in just cooking and cleaning, the guy offer to help... I don’t understand o. Watch this woman will do worse things in future.. if she refuse to help the man wash his clothes no problem but to cook my dear even whites host friends all the time and just like the guy wanted to do help each other. You could see the man grilling the meat while the woman cuts the veggies as the case maybe.. onyinbo life nor go kill una.. even the onyinbo is retracing their steps while Nigerians are blindly running forward to nonsense.. now I know why this country is like this.

lefulefu:
op said he doesnt know how to do any kitchen stuff..so it would be his wife stll shouldering all the responsibility in the kitchen.He should suggest to the men that they should tell their wives to help out his wife in the kitchen.if six more women would help it would make the job easier and besides we no even get the full story.Who buys the food and drinks the visitors would eat.does it comes out of the op's own purse? or is it op"s wife who buy all the foodstuff in the market with her own money to feed the men? If na the woman dey use her money to feed men dat her not related to her in anyway its enuf to make her resentful.Even though i am not in naija i know how things are tough right now in naija.he should pity his wife small and suggest to the men dat they should instruct their wives to help out in the kitchen.the women even ought to use their initiative to help out
Only one person to cook a hefty meal for a large company of men
only she go cut yam
only she go boil the yam
then pound
then do soup
the cut meat
then boil men
and after the men don drink then chop she wil now clean the sittingroom then wash the giangantic mountain of plates
osanobua
if na me i no gree host if dem go suggest my wife to such
make dem go report to pastor

SIRTee15:


I wont brandish insult with u....
Engaging in verbal insults both online or offline is a sign of weak emotional intelligence, the inability to engage in logical reasoning or sustain a conceptual argument.
A common trait among people from poor upbringing or dysfunctional family background.

U are not even married yet u've been dishing out toxic advice since yesterday on this topic...
No wonder u are telling women to stop cooking for their families.
The kind of people that give advise on this forum...u go fear.

bukatyne:


Nobody said it is easy however, as the wife of the home, she is their hostess.

The OP has offered to make the Semo and get someone to help her. All she needs to do is to go to the market and make the soup.

The other person would be on hand to help her serve and they can figure out how to clear the sink the next day.

The thread is strange to me: I don't know anyone around me (across different cultures and income levels) that would debate the wife's responsibility to host her husband's guests.

The level would now determine the kind of help they would employ to make it easier.

This event is once in two years: not once a month or once a week or daily.

Once in two years.

The fact that people think the wife has a 'choice' in the matter is baffling.

Everyone to their own world.

Nooil:


Even if he is trolling, that story must have been lifted from somewhere. And people are still learning. It's the reason I even bothered cos I saw her comment first.

bukatyne:


OP said he pounded the yams the last time and would turn the semi now.

Prior to this thread, I never knew that hosting your husband's friends would cause such an issue.

Our view of marriage is obviously different.

Whatever works for everyone.

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

kingsarch2000:
God bless you. Your response is a relief. At least there hope for the nuclear family. Satan has been trying to destroy the nuclear family. From this post, I can see how bad it is. This is a simple problem. The wife is not doing the cooking alone. People responding, did not see that. But they started throwing insults at the man. So the husband can not ask his wife for help again? Thank you sister. Thank you. God bless you and your family.

ImaIma1:


Yeah it's something that some of us that like to cook and don't mind stress will do without flinching. But not all of us are cut out that way.

But it's actually extra stress to start cooking for and hosting over 20 men. He should understand that and not just try to dump it on her and make it her job

kingsarch2000:
My dear, I'm just finding that out like you. If it her group, I'll assist her. Both money and work. It is good to see what people think of marriages. Because opinion differs truly.

CAPSLOCKED:


LOL. THAT'S WHY I USED "WILL" IN MY LAST POST. SHE WILL COOK FOR THE STATE'S GOVERNOR BUT NOT FOR HER HUSBAND'S FRIENDS, AND THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DO WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO SOMETIMES (IF NOT ALL THE TIME).

IF AS A MAN YOU CAN'T DO EVERYTHING YOUR WOMAN ASKS YOU TO DO, YOU DARE NOT EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT FROM HER. IT'LL BE MADNESS.

bukatyne:


I am really surprised.

Just how I expect my husband to play his part if I were to host my friends or any other event.

Imagine my husband saying he can't get drinks or help me clean or some other stuff because 'he does not feel like'.

This una 21st Century marriages, na wa.

ImaIma1:


Yeah it's something that some of us that like to cook and don't mind stress will do without flinching. But not all of us are cut out that way.

But it's actually extra stress to start cooking for and hosting over 20 men. He should understand that and not just try to dump it on her and make it her job

bukatyne:


Whose job is it to host the husband's guests?

LadyExcellency:


Did you read the part where the husband is offering to call some sisters from the Church to assist her?

My question then becomes, if some sisters from their church can help, why not the wife?

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

LadyExcellency:


Marriage is a contract. If not why marry when she can't fulfil the obligations.

It's absurd to decline a contractual responsibility without offering an alternative.

The man has provided for the event and has offered to take on the physical and energy consuming part of the cooking, yet she remained recalcitrant on helping out.

If this event was a naming ceremony of their daugter where her immediate family members requires their traditional foods, she will oblige.

CAPSLOCKED:


YOU ROUNDED UP WITH HER "WILL" AGAIN, TO PROVE THAT I'M CORRECT. SHE HAS A WILL THAT MUST BE RESPECTED SOMETIMES (IF NOT EVERYTIME).

chomskyina85:
I can help with the cooking at a very affordable price.
If you're interested let me know