dingbang:
Let God bless you both.

Every child needs a father.

exactly. I think her decision will be easier if she is willing to make any sacrifice for her son's sake.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

He's going to be forever grateful to you.... Help him find his feet, I guess he has learnt his lesson for abandoning you and his child. Forgive wholeheartedly, prayer changes a situation. He might be down now but no one knows tomorrow. It's not going be easy considering the current situation, but I believe things will workout well at the end.

OP, see the burden as a sacrifice for your son to grow up with his dad. If you can see it like that, then your decision will be easier to make.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

/
Simple case.

Let him sort himself out first.

Until then, no sex with him and no commitment to him.

Once bitten, twice shy. Don't tell me that your life is also so stagnant after 8 years that you have not outgrown this man.

/

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

All these FAKE and CONTRADICTING STORIES sef, why dont yu take your time to look at allthe angles of your story properly, tidy them up, before making it public?

-He used his Tuition to pay for your own final year clearance so you can graduate
- Then you had sex for the first time and you became pregnant (this means you were a graduate when you had sex with him or awaiting NYSC, right?
- He then refused to accept the pregnancy (menaning this was within three months of pregancy)
- and WALKED away (where can he walk away to, as an undergraduate of the same school with you, such that you could not see him during lecture hours, if you wanted to see him?
- He convinced you to keep the Baby, but still walked away? (How much is D & C that a guy in the UNiversity will want to walk away from a baby he asked you to keep?
- Then you went for NYSC and you never saw him again for eight years, you did not even know he was rusticated since you never went back to the school to look for him
- All of a sudden, somebody you could not see for Eight years, got your phone number, started calling you and apologising and you asked him to come over and he came over to sleep over?
- Seven years after graduation and NYSC, you did not have a husband of your own, which kain problem you get?
- For Eight years you did not see him, he now has No place of his own to stay, except in your Family house? has he been sleeping under Lugbe Bridge for the past seven or eight years?

ADVICE: ONLY intelligent people with brain cells should try to be an AUTHOR............ you dont fit in that category, go and get a proper job, like selling Face Mask, you never can say.
Naansense.

It is well with you. Firstly, pls forgive him.
Do your family accept him back? Do you still love him? Do you have any other guy in your life presently to probably marry? Did you sense any strange behaviour /attitude in him now unlike before? Does he sound serious now as in how to become great in life and live a purposeful life? What is his plan towards that? Now that ur child has father, is he ready to take or share responsibility of child upbringing bills with you, either you are together again or not? How do you think you can be of help to him on his path to success? What about his family? Did they accept you then as their son's lady( wife) even though d guy abandoned you? During 8yrs, was there any of his family member contacting you regularly to know how you and ur child were fairing?
***Pls sit down in ur closet and find answers to all these aforementioned questions , if you can get 80% positive, then go ahead. God will take care of the rest. Remember physical problem is solved with physical approach while spiritual issue is better treated with spiritual medicine.

Zzor:
see comments from men,women have really suffered in this life,lets picture the whole thing the other way round, you can imagine the kind of comments you will read from these same men.

Why does everything have to result to a gender war? Are you people so narrow-minded?

People changes over period of time.
If you can confirm that he is good person, and he his not lazy, you can forgive him and take him back.

Certificate is less important today. Many graduates dont get job with theirs.
If he is not lazy he can do anything he can find his hands on and get some money.

please don't be carried away by his word, do your findings about how he spent his last 8years without you.Don't be surprised when you heard that he is married with a child from another woman please take things slowly remember 8years is not 1year

Op, if you know someone who can get him get a job, help him. Allow him visit his son. But do not marry him. You don’t marry a woman because you can’t find your footing in life. Is he with you because he needs support? Help him out financially if you can. But keep your emotions in check.

Sorry for your peril.
Keep him at arms length.
1. He is now a stranger since after 8 years.
He is a changed person.
He is a reckless human Male. Because of pussy, he renege his school fees.
Never commit yourself to have sex with him again.
Are you that ugly or overtly religious that you have not gotten yourself a man since all this years.
He will see you as a cheap pawn and use you to satisfy his whims, since you cannot add value to yourself.
Whatever u do, don't ve sex with him.
His live for his so-called son might only be facade.

Yourself... Your matter get as e bi! Allah.

PeacenLove2:
He left Again Part II story loading. Take him back, you hia?

To be serious, there is need to find out what occupied his life for 8 years when he abandoned you. So it's very important to know what kept him away. Only wicked, selfish people could do that ... forget how great he was back in school. Men can do anything just before climbing the mountain No be today.

Yeah, your kid is having a ball with a dad in his life and you are probably lonely too but use your head, madam. You can help him out from a safe distance. He can have access to his child as well as long as it's good for the kid. You could even date him if you want but don't be quick to commit yourself to anything. Looks like guy is just desperate and you're making it too easy for him. Chances are he would bolt again when he feels comfortable enough.

In other words, let guy go get his act together first before you let him in again. You have a good heart sha. I hope this doesn't land you in soup. I don't know how you can trust such a person again. Be very careful and good luck whatever you do. I hope his intentions are good this time and he does right by you if you take him back.

You have just said my mind. That's the whole fact.

this thing is simple, before agreeing to settle with him, tell him he have to engage with something first, whether you will help him of connect with someone, just make sure he's engage with something


keep on watch on him after 6months after engagement, if he's productive enough with the engagement then consider his mental stand because I don't want a situation whereby he will impregnate you again and walkaway as usual


assist him to stand back to his feet by connection to work/business or any other means

don't settle down with him yet and the relationship should be strictly sex free at least for now

assess his mental readiness to settle down after engaging him with something of livelihood


living together with him, is a big advantage to your son psychological traits but consider those points I stated above

[quote author=Divanona post=94374342]Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up


Nothing beyond God my sister. The guy is in confused state he need you at this critical time of his life . I see his case as more of spiritual, I will suggest you join him taking to God in fasting and prayer for 40 days and see what God will do. Both of you should stay away from sex, and be close to God now than ever.

I hope the young boys on this thread are reading and learning, so that you won't make the same mistake this guy made in his life. Never sacrifice your opportunity in life for any woman, never ever do it. If that guy didn't sacrifice his own school fees for her, if he wasn't good to her throughout school (= carrying some of her burdens in school) and instead faced his own demons and carried his own cross he would have graduated and probably be in a more better position than he is today. When your parents send you to school or you send yourself to school, please and please, dear boys, face your school and face the aim you are in school, don't go forming super man and captain save-a-girlfriend for any girl in the name of being a hero or nice guy. If it backfires, you are in soup. If you're from a wealthy family, and have more than enough and have some to spare, yes by all means, you can help anyone you feel is deserving of it or you feel like helping. No problem. But when you barely have enough for yourself and you're not rich or from a rich home, and your school fees is like your life's savings, the last thing you have, don't sacrifice your own chance of finishing your education for a girlfriend in school, because she will abandon you if things don't work out for you, and people will tell her to abandon you, as you can see from this thread. When your parents, or helper (or you yourself) sponsor you to school, please carry your cross and face your education, don't go and be adding another BROKE girlfriend's demons and problems to your own. You sacrifice to save them when they are broke, but they will abandon you when you are broke, 95% of them. Only few women will reciprocate the gesture. Be wise! When it comes to BROKE girlfriends, let the dead bury their dead broke girlfriends bury their demons themselves, you have your own demons to deal with. Don't add her demons to your demons.

Op is codedly making excuses for him already, signifying she wants him back so any suggestion asking her to leave him will not be accepted.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

I can see you're about to get emotional about your decision. This is altho complicated but believe me there may be more than meet the eyes. Stay away from him for the moment till you are satisfied with your personal research about the missing years. It is glaring he didn't use those years well. Maybe due to his personal fault or things beyond his control. What if he has many hidden past, maybe crime, within this years. He is a stranger now please be wary!

enemyofprogress:
Love is an emotional feeling that only you know how you feel inside you, just like when you wear a shoe, only you know where it pinches you. What I’m saying is that only you can talk to yourself because only you feels what you feel for the guy and what you want in life for yourself and your son. I wish you all the best.



Dominique I am so sorry. Please forgive me and come back home. Vickyrotex, ajepako, fatymore,seunmohmoh, funjosh, funkybabee and bola146 please help me to beg dominique

Who normally mix your hemp for you

I love this well said

Richy4:
<<< He doesn't have any certificate except a diploma.. Hmmm!!! I'm hearing it for the first time that diploma is not a certificate is this supposed to be a criteria to accept him.. check

<<<< Unemployed... is this suppose to be a criteria to accept or reject the Null hypothesis considering the fact that it's not a permanent thing check

<<<< He left u when u needed him the most.. is this a good and valid criteria to reject him.. check

<<<< Do u still have feelings for him after treating you poorly? Do u see a future with both of u together? Do u think he has changed and ready to make amendment/ settle down without taking off again? Check

<<< you are the only one that will answer these questions.. don't let anyone do it for you.

OP, what's your plan for yourself? What has he come back for, to assume responsibility for his child or to seek help from you and your family?
This is a very dicey situation so i will advise you to think with your head and not your heart. You can have a cordial relationship with him without marrying him. He can also be in his son's life without being married to you.
Do not make the mistake of marrying as a result of pity or to satisfy your son and family because you are the one that will live the life. Do not think you will never find true love again just because you have a son. Give yourself some value and others will value you.

For eight years? That would have been a time to get a certificate. Apart from the certificate what is he doing to earn money? What is he starting with, what was his attitude while leaving you? Did he discuss anything with you and he has gone to try it without working? P

Pray for God's direction and God will reveal something to you. Otherwise by human thinking depending on the questions and answers to what I asked you, I will ask him to GO or stay. You can reach me let talk on

He did not return with nothing but to the only thing he has , that's you and his son. You now have two children to cater for. After 8 years he earned a diploma. Well if he can get a security job with one of the security companies or if he can do any business , then don discard him because he might be the only man for you. You and his son are the only thing he has in this world. Don't push him away. To be a man is not easy.

Divanona:
According to him, he couldn't graduate, he tried going back to school, he couldn't achieve that, he was not bold enough to face me nor my family because he felt he has hurt me so much and couldn't face my family.

Seems he was playing truant in his school days even supporting you with his school fees now see where it has landed him. As a guy I'd say Story sounds legit and I feel for him but in today's world, all that glitters..

How old are you and him now? What's his plan of making the marriage work if you accept? Which money would he use to cater for the wedding and family life after since he's jobless. How many Ladies, infections and pregnancies has he contracted, abandoned or aborted during this 8yr period?

A real man stoops to conquer when faced with this kind of situation in life. I've been there and I didn't allow myself to be called jobless most times. I always sought any job no matter how menial to survive. That's what makes a MAN not a drama king or super story teller!

Hasn't he and/or Can he learn a skill to help get his kid toys, clothes once in a while? Or will you be the breadwinner of the family while he enjoys free sex, food and fatherhood cos so far THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.

Barbing, cab driving, tipper conductor, dispatch rider, okada, pos machine operator, lotto machine operator, fuel pump attendant. JOB PLENTY. LIFE NO EASY.
Don't set him up financially, Just Give him advice and encouragement then watch how fast and eager or proud and lousy he is to earn and survive in desperate times.

From your narration, you are still single and love this guy.
Life is full of uncertainties and people progress in error thinking they are on the right path.

If you are still single,take him back and both of you should start a new life.

If you are married, allow him to be seeing his child and support him in your little way to get his life back on track.

Don't forget you have an unbroken bond with this guy, and if he is not happy,it will affect your child as no child will like seeing his dad miserable.

ensamy:
He did not return with nothing but to the only thing he has , that's you and his son. You now have two children to cater for. After 8 years he earned a diploma. Well if he can get a security job with one of the security companies or if he can do any business , then don discard him because he might be the only man for you. You and his son are the only thing he has in this world. Don't push him away. To be a man is not easy.

Exactly. But he has to prove willing to bend down to survive first and not to come and take freebies from sugar mummy because he "invested" school fees and pregnancy in her!!!

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Go and ask God first

As in ask well and ensure there are at least two other withnesses.

I tell you, maybe he came back because they told him he's life will be meaningless without you because of what he did to you.
Don't jump.

@Divanona - If after he left, he graduated, got a good job, married a slay queen in his office / level. Or if he became a “Laycon” during his away years. He would have had a sweet family with 3 kids. Do you think he would remember you or remember his son with you? What exactly is the confusion here?

You need to advise him to go and acquire a lucrative vocational skill. Sth like; plumbing, interior designing, fashion designing etc.

Poster, the questions are; will he had come back to you if he made lots of money? Or is he coming back because he needs solace?

Be wise!

What i see here is a golddigger. May God help you to make the right decision though.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me

throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Where is his family?
He is a criminal probably a cultist living a fugitive life.
He might have even impregnated other ladies in different locationi
He would impregnate you again and disappear.