virtuouswoman77:
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

Start putting some money aside before his liver finally shuts down.
Wetting the beds means he already has diabetes and probably about to short circuit his kidneys as well.
He must have taken you out to some happening bars and hangouts when you were dating, so his alcoholic prowess should come as no surprise to you. Also buy a small pestle and have it nearby should he come home one day and mistake you for a punching bag. Pestles are handy for resetting the brain.

Are we FSARS?

lilmax:
Start cheating, coming home late, stop cooking


Just lose yourself and see your husband start focusing again

Your husband lacks self control because you tolerate it


My opinion

Are you normal ? in Mr Macaroni voice.

EllemGiggy:




If u truly loves him and wants the marriage to work
just talk to him with respect and love each time he does it. Make him realise how disappointed and embarrassed you always feels each time he does it.
Let him sincerely promise to stop it,beg him to do it for you and ur children, ( you must emotionally connect to him by shielding real tears before him on ur kneels) too heard abi. Lastly If truly u want changes from him,u must first change some things about urself to him. What are the things he complains about u that u have refused to change.u don't need to tell us just work on urself and pray to God to recreate him because He (God) is able

He's an addict. He's not drinking because of her behaviour so he won't stop even if she changed and becomes an angel. It's not every problem in marriage that is the fault of a woman. So stop thinking like that and giving useless advices that you have not yet put to test.

Thank you.

virtuouswoman77:
I believe it has been in him cos when I complained to his brother he told me that that is one habit that everybody in the family keep complainibg about him that the thought he would change after getting married to someone he loves so it has nothing to do with me which he knows is just that he hid that side of him when we were dating

This takes us back to what IamDon18 said.
You didn't do your finding about his characters and habits. A simple underground check would have done.

I recently helped a friend uncover a potential suitor who had lied to her that he worked at MTN. I advised her to ensure he gave her the breakdown of where his office was.
She visited the place unannounced and discovered he was lying.
Many ladies had fallen prey for such fraudsters.

But again, it has happened and blaming you wouldnt help solve anything. One point is alcohol is addictive and will need professional handling to help him quit. Still follow my advice on seeing a primary physician.

UDUJ:
Did he just start drinking alcohol or this has been happening for a longtime now? Majority of times when a man is depressed he turns to alcohol.

Do you know the source of his depression? Is it lack of finance, being out of a job or are you also contributing through constant nagging and belittling the man? Give us honest answers if you need our help.

May God bless you

virtuouswoman77:
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

It's only your husband and him alone that will change himself if he wants to. There is nothing you can do.
Most negroes are not raised to be strong and find a very good distraction. Any small thing, they will turn to dangerous distractions like sex, drugs or alcohol.

Is your house roomy? Any time you smell piss, change rooms. I hope you are working? Get busy!

If you are conversant with your pastor( if na better pastor you get), tell him to come and visit and invite your husband for church service and other activities. This is the little you can do for him.

IamD18:
If only people will leave sex, cheating and money to focus on important things during courting, we won't have people in miserable marriages or high rate of divorce.

Anger management, personalities, addictions, abuse, level of mutual understanding, friendship, goals, genotype, differences, family background and histories are very very underrated in relationships these day.

Sex, money, birthday, hanging out, cruise, sexchat, cooking and gifts are the only things existing in 99.742% of relationships in Nigeria.

I need more

My Sister there is no problem that can't be fixed but time is gradually running out. Involved GOD in your marriage affairs and pray with faith for him. Alcoholism is dangerous and highly addictive but stand up and fight for your marriage.

Dayoebe:
Pray about it.

Don't try to force him to quit.

Be supportive. [/b]Even buy it for him sometimes[b].
Let him drink it at home.
Only God Can change him.



As a guy, I do drink also. But I drink responsibly.
The best is to drink at home. Not in pubs with friends.


I pray your next thread will be a testimony of how God used you for miraculous turnaround in your family.

Which kind of rubbish advice is that?

Pending when he stops,

You can help his health with honey in place of raw sugar.
Honey will boost his health, while praying for a change in attitude.
Show him love, let him know how much you love him, after that let him know how much he hurts you and his health.
Let him understand that you want to grow old with him.



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@virtuouswoman77, talk to him and also make sure he drinks only at home.
Start by buying him drinks so he doesn't buy himself nor allow anyone else to buy it for him. Use carrot and stick approach, I believe he is going to love sex or food or the way you dress, so use that, tell him anytime he drinks alcohol outside or without your permission (drunk or not), he won't get those things he enjoy for certain period.
Also, you too should give him the best of it so he can crave for it by avoiding alcohol most times just to get it

virtuouswoman77:
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

call his elders to sit him down and talk to him maybe he will listen.

Adopt this method, I promise you the problem will be solved before you say JACK.

THANK ME LATER

virtuouswoman77:
I believe it has been in him cos when I complained to his brother he told me that that is one habit that everybody in the family keep complainibg about him that the thought he would change after getting married to someone he loves so it has nothing to do with me which he knows is just that he hid that side of him when we were dating

message me

If he doesn't go violent on you whenever he comes back drunk...thank your star.

Drunks are very hard to handle and only a few woman can put up with that shit for a long time before leaving the man.

I pray God uphold you, your marriage and bring you the solution you desire

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To an average Nigerian lady, if you are 30+ with a job, you're husband material.

I don't empathize with all these women.

Men are not good at pretending.
If it was a man complaining of a particular habit by his wife, I will understand cos women are excellent pretenders. They put up their best pretentious lifestyle during courtship, only for them to come and frustrate the gentleman later. If you were observant enough, you would have known he's a heavy drinker. But nope, you were more interested in how the wedding day was going to be.
I cannot be with someone for a month and not know something as serious as this, except I don't enter his bedroom.

My advice is whatever you decide to do concerning this problem, make sure you achieve results asap. Cos once he clocks 40, forget it!
You know what they say about that age right?

Toh

WELL IF YOU HAVE NO KIDS DUMP HIS ASS AND FIND ANOTHER MAN, IF YOU HAVE KIDS AND CAN RAISE THEM WITHOUT HIM DUMP HIS ASS IF YOU FEEL HIS ACTIONS MIGHT LEAD TO HIM BEATING YOU AND THE KIDS AND POSE A THREAT TO YOUR LIFE IN THE NEAR FUTURE DUMP HIS ASS IF YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS AND YOU WISH YOU COULD START ALL OVER WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE...YOU DONT NEED TO SAY MORE YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO..........................DUMP HIS MOTHERFUCKING ASS

virtuouswoman77:
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

Well for me, I'd say, monitor when he's about to go out for drinks just join him to his drinking so you can monitor his drinking and tell him it's enough when he's gone past 3 bottles.

Normally, it all depends on his current number of bottles. If he's used to take like 7 bottles, try to ENCOURAGE him lovingly to start reducing it from 5 after about 2 weeks to 3 ans pleas leave at that level of 3 bottles.
If man no drink, oe smoke, no womanize what other joy dey life for an adult man?

The point is for a spouse that u want to help quit or reduce addiction, only love could be deployed with wisdom.

Then lovingly sit him down and explain the cost implications of his drinking spree and of course the various things he should ha e achieved with the saved money.

Also, try to make him see how much his absence is affecting the children who truly deserve his attention and fatherly discipline and love.

Abeg lemme allow other wise NLders contribute.

NOTE : U can never force anyone to stop an addiction abruptly, but you can make visible progress by showering him with understanding and less nagging.

Men adjust when showed true understanding by their women.

Wish u the best dear wifey.

Peace

Ishilove:
Even the bible says 'faith without works is dead', yet a fanatical Christian like Righteousness89 goes around prescribing faith alone as the only solution to problems, and when his error is pointed out he says one should not allow the devil to use us.

Mscheeeeeeeew. What he fails to see is he is already falling to the sin of pride and haughtiness. Shior. It is his kind that gives Christians a bad name.

Don't mind the fanatic.He sees himself as all knowing.

Endure or divorce

virtuouswoman77:
if he buys drink fr himself he goes fr his gauge 3 bottles but when he goes to an event where there is excess drink, my God he will be feeling like getting all the drinks into his mouth that's where the lack of self control comes in

damn! That means free drinks is the one that mess him Up! That's the author of his problem, he should try by all means to avoid free alcohol.

I drink too, the highest I go is 5,thats my guage either free or buy.

virtuouswoman77:
if he buys drink fr himself he goes fr his gauge 3 bottles but when he goes to an event where there is excess drink, my God he will be feeling like getting all the drinks into his mouth that's where the lack of self control comes in

Don't take this personal but from what u wrote there u married a fvcked up man.. greedy, uncontrolled and childish. I knew those types while growing up. Its all about the booze to them. No matter the occasion their primary concern is getting more booze. You never knew about this because u never stayed over with him while dating. There is nothing u can do to save him other than serious prayers. I really pity u tho. Watch his circle of close friends they're not much different from him just maybe they can at least control theirs.

Ignore him totally ,stop cleaning his mess try get yourself a new bed and leave him in his pool of urine.

Just focus on your mental health, dress nicely do what makes you happy and focus on your kids.
He will change when he sees you don't give a shit about him but just move on with your life if he doesn't change

aguiyi2:
It is nowhere in the bible.Quote what you know please.Not in support of the religious fanatic though.

You really need to spend less time on the internet and study the Bible more so you don't embarrass yourself with statements like this.

James 2: 14-17, 26.

What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead... For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also

HabaHaba:


Well for me, I'd say, monitor when he's about to go out for drinks just join him to his drinking so you can monitor his drinking and tell him it's enough when he's gone past 3 bottles.

Normally, it all depends on his current number of bottles. If he's used to take like 7 bottles, try to ENCOURAGE him lovingly to start reducing it from 5 after about 2 weeks to 3 ans pleas leave at that level of 3 bottles.
If man no drink, oe smoke, no womanize what other joy dey life for an adult man?

The point is for a spouse that u want to help quit or reduce addiction, only love could be deployed with wisdom.

Then lovingly sit him down and explain the cost implications of his drinking spree and of course the various things he should ha e achieved with the saved money.

Also, try to make him see how much his absence is affecting the children who truly deserve his attention and fatherly discipline and love.

Abeg lemme allow other wise NLders contribute.

NOTE : U can never force anyone to stop an addiction abruptly, but you can make visible progress by showering him with understanding and less nagging.

Men adjust when showed true understanding by their women.

Wish u the best dear wifey.

Peace

it has happened many times I will just text him right there I am with him to stop drinking that he is over reacting, he will just disregard my message and still drink the amount he wants

tripplephi:


1) find the root cause of the problem.... he may have other deep issues that you have not cared to consider and his only escape is alcohol

2) be very prayerful (so he does not loose his life in such debauchery, and also so he changes his bad association or friends)

3) you both need COUNSELING.... a happy home will not be like this.... obviously he does not COMMUNICATE with you, he only TALKS TO YOU. So you are not his confidant.

4) MAKE THE FIRST MOVE, talk with him and let him open up to you... it won't be easy but it would help

5) HONOR AND RESPECT HIM, no matter what happens, do not loose respect for your man, he is all you've got

6) PROTECT his image the best way you can, and you can also ask his family for help.

7) Read Books, Blogs and attend conferences on FAMILY, HOME, RELATIONSHIPS


Heed these 7 instructions and things will begin to change

Bro, all you wrote are perfectly okay but that number 6 get K-leg. She should never involve his family. It may backfire and he begins to see her as insulting him even to his family members level.

She should simply show him love and wifely understanding.

MhisTahrah:
I have never seen any of your posts actually make sense.

Desist from hate, it kills faster than alcohol..

lilmax:
Start cheating, coming home late, stop cooking


Just lose yourself and see your husband start focusing again

Your husband lacks self control because you tolerate it


My opinion

Eti pada ya were

dorin27:
follow this advice at your own peril. What were you thinking when you typed all of these? She's asking for advice not more trouble

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Righteousness89:


Madam Hope there is no Problem?
why do u have to quote me?
Why not Give her your PRATICAL Solution

Did I Hinder you from Giving Her your PRATICAL SOLUTION??

Don't allow the Devil to Begin to make use of u..

So you are God that cannot be questioned. Fraud!