[b]I never knew my heart could be shattered like this. I never knew I could be betrayed by someone I loved so much. But somehow I wonder if I am part to blame for what I find myself in now.

It all started some years ago (2006 to be precise). I met a girl where I served in one of the states in the eastern parts of the country. We both started a relationship, and coincidentally, we both came from the same town.

At the end of our service year, we both went back home. By then we had both fallen in love with each other deeply and we both introduced each other to our respective parents.  As it is evident in some cultures, I think once a woman has reached a certain stage in her life, the pressure to “bring home her husband” begins and it was not a surprise when her mum called me one afternoon to see her in her office. She said she had seen that I had been with her daughter for sometime and what were my plans for her. I mentioned it to her that indeed I did love her daughter, but the thing was I had planned to go for my masters degree in order to further my studies and with that, I’ll be able to get a good job and be able to get married to her daughter and we’ll be able to raise a family. She was like she didn’t want her child to grow too old before then and I told her that everything will be perfect, by God’s grace.

To show my seriousness in the whole thing, my parents and I went to visit her parents about 4 days before I travelled out of the country. We made our intentions known and we promised that when I’m through, everything will come to play. I thought it was going to be that easy.[/b]

[b]I finally flew to Canada and started my course. I called her everyday after I got here. I had planned that come June 2010, I would take a few weeks off and fly down home to Naija to see everyone, but on the day I planned towards I had an internship interview which then led to me getting a job in an insurance company. I had to push my travels to Xmas time. all the while, I had been discussing things with my baby back home and it soon developed into her family asking her when I was coming back home. Come xmas time, the day I booked my flight, all flights were cancelled due to a snow storm which lasted a week, and I couldn’t travel anymore. Definitely she was not happy, and it soon led to us having arguments about my not coming back home. All that while I was looking for a permanent job as what I had planned and told her was that I wanted to get a job too and once everything worked out, I will come home and we will get married.

Very soon, she said things were getting hard for her back home, that all her folks and friends were putting a lot of pressure on her on this issue. A few of her friends got married. I pleaded with her to be patient, and that if she really loved me, she would wait for me and damn all those who were on her neck to get married. At least it’s not as if I’m just lounging around in another country doing nothing.

I forgot to mention that one of the things that caused all this was that when my mum flew home for holidays, she had planned to go talk to her mum about us, but due to some other issues that came up, she couldn’t make it till she left. When she got back here, I asked her to call my babe’s mum and she did, apologizing for not coming as she planned. I had also told her (my babe) that if I didn’t get a job, I will go ahead and apply for a Phd study. All these seemed to get to her head and she mentioned that no one seemed to see her as being important in my family that if she was everyone will be like what plans I have for her, and some other blah. I knew it was her emotions that were doing the talking for her so I let that fly. I therefore promised that no matter what happened and no matter what came up, before the end of this year, we will have been married.[/b]

[b]This then brought the next shock for me. I got a call from her sometimes in January that she had decided that she could not wait any longer for me. I was very surprised. I asked her what she meant and she said that because I couldn’t make up my mind, she was going ahead to get married to someone else. She said this person (a manager in one of the top generation banks and the son of one of the high-placed political leaders in the country from what I heard) had been bothering her for marriage for quite sometime but she had been putting him off because of me, but since it seems as if I don’t want to make up my mind, she was going ahead to his proposal. I had to call her mum to ask what was going on. Her mum was like she doesn’t know what I’m doing over there, that all this while they had been patient and that she doesn’t want her daughter growing old in her house and being a disappointment to her and bringing her name to shame. I almost started crying right there on the phone.

Ever since then, life to me has been meaningless. I mean, is it a crime to try make an effort to make myself a better man? Everything is just like a dream to me. My brother called me on Monday and told me that he heard the wedding was the talk of the town, that so many dignitaries and crème – de – la – crème of the society attended the weeding. It was even televised on several TV stations.

I feel so empty and all my desires to succeed in life just left me. I even wonder – am I to blame for all this? Is it partially my fault to have let it drag on for this long?[/b]

i think the fault is yours, all yours what do u expect her do? wait all her life for you, I am sure if u ask ur folks, they do not really like the girl, if she were ur sister would u ask her to keep waiting for a man abroad?

Get real , love is important but its not the only ingredient for a successful marriage, let her go or go home and do the needful. She has tried .

^^^all this started within the past year. I got here about 3 years ago.

I think you should move on since the girl has already done so. Perhaps it wasnt meant to be, cos if it was things wouldnt be this complicated.

the fault is all yours and its common with u guys abroad. U keep shifting the goal post. Masters then job then good job then phd then this then that. Get a gal based over there.

This is a tough one. I can see this from both your points of view. Three years is a long time to be away from each other. Timing was not your side either. I think some people have an idea that things must be a certain way before they get married, and there is nothing wrong with that but things will never be perfect.

My husband vowed he would finish medical school before he got married. We got married a month ago and he has three years of school left. I was willing to wait but he wasn't. I said that to say that maybe you all could have gone ahead and gotten married and she could have gone abroad with you. Instead if it being all "you" it could have been "us." Your plans did not match the reality of the situation and now she's gone.

I'm sorry but all you can do is chalk it up to experience and move on.

My guy, the fault is not your's at all. If she was meant for you,she would have stayed. We tend to over celeberate cosmetics at the expense of reality.If you had married this girl earlier and things aren't going the way she wanted the marriage would have ended abruptly.This is becos neither her or her family is patient and love and marriage is all about endurance and tolerance.
Remember this about love; if I have all faith so as to remove mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.

And if I dole out all my goods, and
if I deliver my body that I may boast
but have not love, nothing I am profited.

Love is long suffering,
love is kind,
it is not jealous,
love does not boast,
it is not inflated.

It is not discourteous,
it is not selfish,
it is not irritable,
it does not enumerate the evil.
It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth


It covers all things,
it has faith for all things,
it hopes in all things,
it endures in all things.

Love never falls in ruins;

Thank God you had a broken relationship and not a failed marriage.A girl that could be entertaining other guys in ur absence is not good enough for u. I know she'll realise her mistake very soon. Please move on, plenty fish in the ocean. Is this ur first relationship? If yes , never mind, many of the first relationships hardly lead to marriages, most times first relationship is a learning process.Now ur a man.

Wishing u the very best, as u put this story behind u, there's that lovely, beautiful and tolerant lady there waiting for you and when u meet her u'll realise how lucky u were that the other girl and her family went their way.

Cheer up!

thank you all for your replies. i'm really unhappy about the whole situation, thinking that trying to be a better man to be able to bring bread to the table and a roof over our heads was a bad thing to her and her family.

otokx:

the fault is all yours and its common with u guys abroad. U keep shifting the goal post. Masters then job then good job then phd then this then that. Get a gal based over there.

i really thot that making use of all my opportunities was a good thing. i thot getting a job here will be better cos how will it sound if i got married and not have a job? with the situationn of things back in Nigeria? you know that it is much harder these days from what i read in the news everyday.

she wasn't my first girlfriend, but the first girl i would love so deeply to decide that we'll one day be married. she was the very first and only girl i'll ever introduce to my parents as well.

oh well.

stuff happens.

did you not date anyone in those 3 years? rather hard to believe.

I cant just stop saying ha ha ha endlesly. U r at fault, i dnt pray dat such tin shud apen 2 me cos i cant even w8 as long as dat. Anyway, u can go ahead n get ursef serious wit anoda decent girl n stop dis posting stuf dat i tink its atachd 2 u

Guy, abeg nor kill urself. She wasn't really in2 u. If she was she wouldn't have left u. Anyways look on the bright side, piece your self 2gether (better your lot) and take time 2 find that special one baba God has set aside 4 u.

Guy, be focused man! Dats by-gone. Cant believe some people are actualy telling you that you should have goten married 'with your father,s money'. To dem gurls that think marriage is an achievement, cant wait and expect it to happen sharply, go ahead and rush into d arms of the 'ready stranger' dat wuld help u fulfil that dream.

@franktolk Thanks for your Encouragement words.But honestly you should be advising the poster not to commit suicide because love matter no be small thing if e dan happen to you before,

@poster Take Heart , Please, don't do anything funny

Time waits for nobody