This is someone you want to marry. Let’s even say she afford to pay the fees which would not be less than $50k as an international student. Don’t you think that money could be used for something else in the future in you guys family if saved, that is if she travels and go to school as resident?
You know resident fees could be like half of that of international students. She could even get student loan and you guy would save or invest the lump sum.

Don't take her.
let her find her way.
Most times they will use your hand to slap you

What every man needs is a cooperative, respectful and (most esp) submissive woman; a woman who will recognize her man as d lord of d manor!

Feminism has scattered a lot of tables.
If she can't see reason with u now dt u r just dating, izit when u r married and both living in a heavily matriarchal country like America (where d law favors d woman over the man) that she will submit to/cooperate with u? With just a phone call to d authorities, u risk losing all u've worked hard for - u know d parole already.

You already know what to do bruv.
Have a nice day!

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Oga mk u stand ur ground oooo
If she no gree mk you end the relationship.. after all she might even b fucking someone else sef..
That kind of girl will surely turn into a hard nut when she eventually enter Yankee....
Better woman go come ur way ESP when u visit Naija...
I'd suggest u wife a woman in Naija...
When she don get belle or born for u atleast,she go fit join u over there

pocohantas:
Naso. Them done run create alternate to drag the arguments of yesterday.

Don’t stress yourself, Sir. There are many girls in the diaspora, find one there and marry. There is really no need for this thread considering you know what you want and the answer is simple.

Marry someone there.

Can you pls share The link to the arguments of yesterday??

Bola146:
Its means you don't love her Three years?!! better you let her know her fate.

As expected. There is a path for her to come over study, and transition into a job seamlessly and she thinks it's stressful? And you are here saying he doesn't love her? You are silly ma'am. In fact you had to win an award of the most dumbest person in the world if your ward hadn't conceived you.

...and many ladies are blamed for marrying late, some are even insulted as evening newspapers. Dear God in your steadfast love and mercy, please save every single ladies from time wasters like op. Amen.

Roseey0:
She is seeing herself as your wife already while you just see her as an option.


I wish someone will speak sense into her head to stop building her life around you.

It's not her fault . Most women do that alot.
She need advice not you

This is the pure truth. I wish she knows this sha.

chinonyinye:


So, you have been 'dating' someone for 3 years now and you're still not sure if it will lead to marriage ehn? And you're still using 'could'. Nawaa o. Pls break up and stop wasting her time nna.

Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed, how would you feel?

Just imagine ooo, some men can be selfish and will still be the one to insult women that are still single at 30 years and above. Should women now be blamed for keeping their options opened in a relationship? The poor gf in question might have chased away serious suitors while this man keeps wasting her time. Jeez, men should stop doing this!

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Oga you are not serious! This is a lady you want to marry for crying out loud, don't you know when it comes to marriage, man is the provider while the lady supports with what she has. Oga if you are still interested in marrying her, marry her that bring some money as the husband and she brings the one she has and support you then you use that to take her over to the country where you are and you enjoy your marriage over there with her. Cut out this selfishness mentality. This is someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. So I don't see the big deal here

canttedra:

I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.

. I don't know the appropriate words to justify all you have said oh! If a woman marries a man and decide to keep "her" money or salaries, men would call her names and say that she is wicked. Dear, it is the responsibility of a man to provide for a woman (his wife), you are just being childish and immature. When you are ready to marry, all this things will stop, thank you.

ruffhandu:


Oga, leave that girl, what sort of nonesense is that? She simply wants to push you into marriage when you are not ready. Such people will ditch you when she comes over there.
You have agreed to sponsor her to do a PG studies stick to that. In fact, let that offer have a life span, and let her know, if she comes back after the lifespan, tell her the chapter is closed

It beats me to know she even knows because of some of these your principles you lost some relationships and now she wants it the other way.

Why doesn't she want to make efforts? She is in the category of shes that believe marriage is a ticket to perpetual luxury on top another person head. Such people are not ready to work hard.

Wetin I dey even talk plenty for another person matter? Abeg, make I continue my work and continue to find my own way jare.

Which offer ? Didn't you read the post

Read the opening post again and see where he stated categorically as one of his principles

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

I believe his principles extends to his wife, can she afford the graduate studies abroad? I doubt it so why push that.

Crunchyg2:

Oga you are not serious! This is a lady you want to marry for crying out loud, don't you know when it comes to marriage, man is the provider while the lady supports with what she has. Oga if you are still interested in marrying her, marry her that bring some money as the husband and she brings the one she has and support you then you use that to take her over to the country where you are and you enjoy your marriage over there with her. Cut out this selfishness mentality. This is someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life
with. So I don't see the big deal here

That only happens in Africa . When it's it's time to pay bills women will remember that the man is the head , I hope she'll also be submissive and not start asking for equality when they get over there.

NoToPile:


Which offer ? Didn't you read the post

Read the opening post again and see where he stated categorically as one of his principles





I believe his principles extends to his wife, can she afford the graduate studies abroad? I doubt it.

She's not making any effort to even show that she's eager to migrate , she's just hoping to use the marriage as a way to migrate.

notok:

She's not making any effort to even show that she's eager to migrate , she's just hoping to use the marriage as a way to migrate.

Not everyone is eager to migrate, some peeps would migrate only if they have a tangible reason to, maybe they got a full scholarship, they got a job or their spouse is abroad and they don't want to be separate from their spouse. Some single ladies will tell you they prefer being married before they relocate abroad, even when they had the opportunity while being single. Everybody with their own preferences .

He should start dating a Nigerian abroad that has finished from graduate school, the problem is solved, that way he won't pay school fees, sponsor or furnish an apartment for a woman.

ImaIma1:


When you love you give. It is something we do even unintentionally. It sometimes makes us look like fools but it is just because we can't afford to see the one we love in need when we can help.

At the bolded, then it should be stated clearly that "I cannot help someone who is not related to me", and not that "I prefer people to grow by themselves".

"Some" men like this will also be this way with their wives, even if at that point she comes before his sisters.

Yes i believe when u love u give and I believe the op has been doing that, he said he’s taken her on dates and gifts so he’s definitely spent on her. He loves her surely bt the big question and what I expect u to worry about more is “does she love him??”

I see no sign of that in his story nothing significant she has done to show she loves him. No sacrifice nothing, U see loving a Nigerian gal is the most selfish game where one person most times the guy loves the gal and this other self entitled person the gal sits back and relax to enjoy the love without showing same reciprocity.

This is not love especially on the gals side it is convenience. So the word “love”is in question and in grave danger here

Where is the love

NoToPile:


Not everyone is eager to migrate, some peeps would migrate only if they have a tangible reason to, maybe they got a full scholarship, they got a job or their spouse is abroad and they don't want to be separate from their spouse. Some single ladies will tell you they prefer being married before they relocate abroad, even when they had the opportunity while being single. Everybody with their own preferences .

He should start dating a Nigerian abroad that has finished from graduate school, the problem is solved, that way he won't pay school fees, sponsor or furnish an apartment for a woman.

That's the only solution . But the way she's talking to the OP makes it seem like OP is her only hope of migrating.

I can't date a guy like you
With a lot of principles...
If you truly love someone, you'll let go of somethings....
Now you have to ask for our permission before doing something profitable for the person you love,wow....

Idonije8:
I prefer a white to take everything than to see a woman I brought from Nigeria to kill me!! There are too much stories about Nigerian ladies showing their true color when they arrive abroad!! Abeg he should even find a baby mama lol

Which further confirms what we say when we talk about Nigerian men feeling inferior to white girls. Una go open eye for una women but when una see white girls una go turn houseboys. Like the time one of my colleagues who is dating an African was telling me how he is wonderful and "does all the house chores". If you see the babe sef......

SamNaijaboy:
LOL.
All you guys talking about pre-nup are un-informed. A Nigerian pre-nup will be invalidated with the wave of a hand by a US judge.
I. It was under foreign laws
2. She will claim duress when signing and he will agree with her just because....
3. White men and women like to Bleep up black men
4. Any document from Nigeria is typically viewed with suspicion.


Any reason she uses, and your pre-nup will be tossed out especially if not done in that state or a state of the US.

Only marry her after she meets you by her own efforts in USA and after she gets an H1-B visa after proving herself. She will value the green card you are giving her.

a quick research will enlighten you my friend.
there is something called international prenuptial agreement that can even be drafted by international lawyers that are expert in that field . it would hold in any US court.
also know that there is international enforcement of prenuptial agreement if the parties involved can prove that it was freely entered into.
Besides, if you had taken time to read what i wrote you would now that i didn't say that they should get married in Nigeria.
as 'informed as you are trying to let us believe you are, you should know that it goes without saying that the prenup agreement and the wedding may be in the US that is after assisting her get into the US by other legal means. we are not exactly ignorant..thank you.

englois:
Really it's a tricky situation.
I had a Nigerian guy in the UK that wants to come down to Nigeria to marry me around February of this year. In my chats with him, I discovered he felt he was doing me a huge FAVOUR. I was working as a teacher in an international school then but I already had plans to further my studies abroad. We later broke up I was not going to be in a relationship where the guy will be telling me 'if not for me'. Personally, I can't allow a guy to set me up, I'll prefer he draws a loan contract for me and I'll pay up. Then, he can contribute whatever he wants and I'll will consider collecting it or not. Love is like a transaction joor.
Just thinking that by January 2021 if the guy sees me in UK, he will really be deflated and surprised.
What I'm trying to say is that the OP is rightly entitled to his opinion but don't see yourself as her only salvation. Things do happen. See my story for example.
Finally, pray about it. When I'm confused and confounded by a big challenge, I pray about it. Most times, I get my answer in dreams. When I was in the university, I dreamt of one guy that had been disturbing me. I saw myself carrying a stack of books. The guy was walking beside me. Suddenly, I tripped and the books toppled over. The guy left me to pick the plenty books, rearrange them while he sat down and watched. I got my meaning from the dream that he I should have any problem at all, he won't be by my side, he'll abandon me. So, pray.
Sorry for the long post.

'if not for me' mentality is truly bad, but the truth is relocation is so expensive. For example you are moving to the Uk in January, I am sure either you or your parents are sponsoring your Studies.

1. Your tuition should be around 16,000 pounds (9,600,000) 9.6M Naira @ N600 / 1 Pound
2. Your accommodation + feeding cost is around $1000 pounds per month, just an estimate. (Multiply it by 12).

Imagine how much you or your parents are burning just to relocate abroad?
So Yes, it seems like a Favour when you use all your life savings to move a lady abroad.

It will take you 2 years or less to actually save 16K pounds in the UK, let no one deceive you.
Imagine you save $1000 dollars per month after taxes, It takes more than a year to save definitely.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

DR Obigbo abi Okigbo comes to mind again



The MAN is the HEAD of the FAMILY


Feminists hear it ooooooooo


The WOMAN is the NECK


If the man seizes to be the head, what will continue to go down is knacker and knackee relationship


CIVILIZATION CAN NEVER KILL THE TRUTH

TRUTH IS TIMELESS and AGELESS

THERE IS NO ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE, INVENTION OR CLOUD COMPUTING THAT CAN CHANGE THE TRUTH


Bye

nonut:

Yeah, 95% of Nigerian women who travel abroad through a man would end up ungrateful.
Entitle' mentality is in their blood, they can't cheat nature.

95% of men cheat? And are wife beaters?

Chrisbella24:


95% of men cheat? And are wife beaters?

Lol. It would be best marriage is cancelled, women stay on their own, men stay own their own too

BigJoe19:
Lol. It would be best marriage is cancelled, women stay on their own, men stay own their own too

Period!

Chrisbella24:



Period!

Too good. No probs

jaxxy:


Yes i believe when u love u give and I believe the op has been doing that, he said he’s taken her on dates and gifts so he’s definitely spent on her. He loves her surely bt the big question and what I expect u to worry about more is “does she love him??”

I see no sign of that in his story nothing significant she has done to show she loves him. No sacrifice nothing, U see loving a Nigerian gal is the most selfish game where one person most times the guy loves the gal and this other self entitled person the gal sits back and relax to enjoy the love without showing same reciprocity.

This is not love especially on the gals side it is convenience. So the word “love”is in question and in grave danger here

Where is the love

You think loving a Nigerian guy isn't as bad or even worse. If we keep playing this cat and mouse and blame games, we will all lose. Guys are ao quick to shout "Nigerian girls" and girls shout "Nigerian guys".

Is taking someone on dates and buying gifts a true test of love? So if my husband doesn't buy me a gift on my birthday and someone else does, it means the person loves me more?

Helping someone achieve their dreams is a greater test of love. If it is something you are capable of and cannot do it for the one you claim to love, that love is questionable. Women are making sacrifices daily to to help their men. It's not a guy thing

How do you know his history to know that she doesn't love him?

thorpido:
Do you want to marry her?

If you desire her as a partner and you are old enough and ready to settle down,why is marrying her and bringing her abroad an issue? Isn't she going to be a part of you and you grow together?

Simple, most 9ja men in the US end up choking or shooting them down. Most of which the women are to blame.
Google why most 9ja men kill their wives abroad.

toye440:
Simple, most 9ja men end up choking or shooting them down. Most of which the women are to blame.
Google why most 9ja men kill their wives abroad.

Statistics from Buhari university.

It is 1 thing to have suitors, it is another thing to have suitors with which there is a mutual desire to be together.

Chii59:

It's not. But then it depends on what you want. That's why it's best to define what you want from the start. In one year, a lady could have from 1-20 or even more suitors. Turning them all down for someone who's not even sure she's the one is too costly.

Open a dictionary and learn the meaning of the word most.

toye440:
Simple, most 9ja men end up choking or shooting them down. Most of which the women are to blame.
Google why most 9ja men kill their wives abroad.

Hathor5:


Statistics from Buhari university.

We know ur kind. Am not concerned about what he feels, am just worried that most 9ja girls are ingrates. Taking them abroad is risky cos the moment they bcom familiar with the law, this is at the danger of loosing all he has laboured for. This is why most 9ja men kill their wives.