My friend,
Relax. All dis gra gra na because u no get money.
Were you giving them notification when you were going to see their daughter?

Your hand don reach wetin e dey look for now na to dey give law wey no make sense.

Person give you her daughter wey she train from baby till grown up, you want her to be begging you to see the child?

You better grow up and be more tolerating or else you will not go far.

Very soon u go complain say she too dey call her daughter.

You are a mean fellow u think we are in a western environment ur mother in law, supposed to be ur best friend.
Pride goes before a fall.The very day u will offend her u will be de most shameful person on earth. Its easier to offend ur own mother and apologise dan ur mother inlaw.

densiks:
If I were in your shoes,this is totally a non issue.

If she was a rich mother -in law, will you seek for advise because she visited your place unannounced? besides wisdom and dialogue can easily alter her visit routine if you don’t want to see her at your place.

This one is a slave to Money, no doubt.

Goldenklassy:
I wonder what this generation is turning into....u mean u cant tolerate the visit of a woman that nurture that girl till she became a full grown woman and a wife.,that means her siblings cant even plan for stay in your house....thats too harsh man.pls readjust that attitude of yours, a visit wont make u less of a married man.

Comprehension is the problem of many people on this thread!

@Op DID NOT say Mother-inlaw should not visit, that would be wrong. Read the post again, please.

His complaint was that she should INFORM THEM BEFOREHAND, of her Visits How difficult is that? Carry your Mobile phone and say: I will be coming to your House tomorrow. next Tomorrow, carry phone again and say: I will be sleeping over tomorrow. After that, carry phone again and say: I will be spending the next two weeks in your House, as from tomorrow.

And the "Visit" should not be everyday, so to speak.
Once, in three or four Months is okay or does Mother-inlaw want to turn to second wife nii?

You are over reacting. She didn't visit you to sleep over from your write up. Its just a visit and more so 35mins journey. You are new in your marriage and you are already trying to create an impression, its not good. There is nothing really bad as you painted it marriage is not same as having girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. I am married for 12yrs and I must tell you, its not everything you must react to. You have to have shock absorber most time.

CHoccolaTE:
Nigerian marriages are so unfair to women

Just imagine if a wife went to sit inside room and refused to talk to her husbands mother because mama visited without notice.

Insults for yapa for this thread

Let's just pretend that Nigerian women are accommodative .
The same Nigerian women that will refuse to live in the same neighborhood as their mother-in-laws
The same Nigerian women that drag car front seats with their mother-in-laws
The same Nigerian women that always complain about "invasion of privacy" when their mother-in-laws visit.
The ones that always talk about how they don't want their mother-in-laws when they newly wed.
Was it not on this same nairaland that a woman refused to accommodate her physically disabled mother in-law.

Ammishaddai:
Bros to me o, it's not ideal for you to live close to your in-laws and the reason I say so is because of things like unexpected visits, amebo, and backbiting.

That is general societal beliefs. I do not subscribe to succumbing to other people's experiences or societal status quo. Inasmuch as the couple keep their affairs private, there won't be any cause for alarm.

Trouble is looming, as long as your wife is on your side,you can keep her at bay.
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again. [/quote]

dam4sam:

This one is a slave to Money, no doubt.



Comprehension is the problem of many people on this thread!

@Op DID NOT say Mother-inlaw should not visit, that would be wrong. Read the post again, please.

His complaint was that she should INFORM THEM BEFOREHAND, of her Visits How difficult is that? Carry your Mobile phone and say: I will be coming to your House tomorrow. next Tomorrow, carry phone again and say: I will be sleeping over tomorrow. After that, carry phone again and say: I will be spending the next two weeks in your House, as from tomorrow.

And the "Visit" should not be everyday, so to speak.
Once, in three or four Months is okay or does Mother-inlaw want to turn to second wife nii?

Exactly , OP is not saying she shouldn't visit at all , he's saying she should call him first before coming.

Deathisfree:


I see no sense in this. Even if it’s 1mins drive. There should be a notice. It’s obvious you visit people without a pre ? If so stop it ,it’s a bad habit

This is Africa. Deal with it. You got married to her family too
Be tolerant and use discreet means. Like someone said, in time, move away from your parents

Juliearth:



That is general societal beliefs. I do not subscribe to succumbing to other people's experiences or societal status quo. Inasmuch as the couple keep their affairs private, there won't be any cause for alarm.

That's an assumption you can never guarantee. And secondly, staying away from in-laws tends to help couples develop and solve their marital problem on their own... It also helps them raise their kids according to their own standards.

forestwilda:
You are a mean fellow u think we are in a western environment ur mother in law, supposed to be ur best friend.
Pride goes before a fall.The very day u will offend her u will be de most shameful person on earth. Its easier to offend ur own mother and apologise dan ur mother inlaw.

There's nothing AFRICAN about your mother-in-law coming to your house without notice

donbachi:
If ur mother inlaw na president wife or the 1st lady of her state..u for dey celebrate her.and be jumping like akpamu because she visit u.

No mind the sack of beans yarning nonsense

E tink say this na still boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.

This is grown men shit. Op should deal with it

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

Your story is incomplete and you can't get any good advice with this.
What does your mother in-law come to do in your house? Know that once you're married, you have two families. All these you people's rules that no one visits my house without my consent is rubbish. If you have a mother in-law who is very rich, can you have the gut to mandate her that she must inform you before coming to your house? When you were growing up, how many people gave you rules that you must not come to their houses except they ask you. What do you think you have or you are that people will be buying tickets before visiting your home?
Except your mother in-law is bad and influences your wife badly which you did not say here. From your post, she has not done anything wrong, the only thing is that you don't like her frequent visit. My brother, you need to grow up.
The woman has taken you people as her children and she can visit her children quite often. Your Parents might not care but she cares. People are different.
Don't worry, you will grow old and your own children will give you condition before you visit their house. If you're not mature enough to get married, remain single little boy.

You're the one that want to scatter your family, you're dividing your family yourself and at the end, people will say it's your wife.
That thing or money you think you have today that's making you feel you're comfortable and does not need anybody can vanish tomorrow. Don't be selfish.
When a man marries, he automatically have two parents, same with the woman. Treat both equally until they start giving you issues then you find another way to deal with them. Do not let that issue come from you first.

Ammishaddai:
That's an assumption you can never guarantee. And secondly, staying away from in-laws tends to help couples develop and solve their marital problem on their own... It also helps them raise their kids according to their own standards.

You can attain all these feet even when you under your parents'/in-laws' roof. Likewise, you can fail to achieve them when you are living thousands of kilometres away from them. It takes two to make a marriage work and not the geographical location of in-laws/parents.

Aforxzy:
Just endure this moment but let the daughter know you are displeased and won't appreciate any unwanted/uninvited visitor in future into your home.

It is not advisable to keep visiting young couples and your mother in-law should know this.

Maybe it's time to set some rules about People visiting your home. But your rules should be fair to both families, friends and relatives.

Thank you jare, your head dey there.

The Mother-inlaw does not need to be told that Young Couples need time alone and she should not only iform them before she comes but should limit her kurukere visits to once in three Months.riving 35mins, just to go and know what is happening in her daughter's Home, she should be going to work or attending to her own Husband and home but some MIL are so jobless, they cant stay in their own home again.

A busy or working MIL does not have time to be visiting at 7:30am in the Morning.
Some see their daughters husband as the Passport to all the goodies they missed in their own husbands house.
Every Woman should stay in their own home, with their own husband or does MIL want to become second wife of the Son-inlaw nii?

Informing them before you Visit and limiting your Visits, is a matter of Courtesy, Privacy, Discipline and Common Sense.
Dont wait till "see-finish" enters your relationship with your Son-Inlaw before you do the right thing

Reading the responses here, l can see that a lot of Nigerians lack these Virtues and need re-orientation.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

This must be fake story, if not you really look like a bad man, or one with a mental issue or a psychopath, or a disturbed man. I dont know how to even describe this rubbish.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

It sounds awkward to me when people ask their parents or friends to inform or seek permission before coming to visit.

Except where it is a group visit, that could cause me embarrassment, of you visit and I don't have entertainment, I will tell you I don't have Kola. But it should not be an issue to me.

You can move farther away from them but please don't confront your mother in-law or even you mother. It will affect your young marriage.

donbachi:
If ur mother inlaw na president wife or the 1st lady of her state..u for dey celebrate her.and be jumping like akpamu because she visit u.

I pity people like you, whose idea of Right or Wrong, is determined by MONEY. That is really sad
.
And FYI, the Wife of a President does not have the FREE TIME to be visiting her Son-Inlaw's house everyday, she has Pet-Projects and other important things to do.
When was the last time Aisha, Patience or Turai visited their Son-Inlaws house? Go and find out and come back here'
These Wives of Presidents, stay in their own Husband's House, that is how sensible MIL do.

If we look well, it is broke, idle and possessive MIL that run to their Son-inlaws house regularly, forgetting they too have a Home and a husband.

Deathisfree:


I just hope she won’t be expecting some token when she’s leaving cox. Chichi I no go drop.
She’s not poor o but it’s a duty to force it on her.

look at the way you're talking down at your mother inlaw. It shows you don't have regards for her at all. She hasn't even asked you for money now and you're already complaining.

[s]

Juliearth:




You can attain all these feet even when you under your parents'/in-laws' roof. Likewise, you can fail to achieve them when you are living thousands of kilometres away from them. It takes two to make a marriage work and not the geographical location of in-laws/parents.

[/s] Keep your foolishness off my mentions

Ammishaddai:
Bros endure her visit for today. After that, try and relocate to a place that's far. So even if she wants to visit, she will think twice or latest call to know if you're at home

World people and their ways.

This is Africa with values. You married her family, go take care of responsibility mehn.

Ammishaddai:
[s][/s] Keep your foolishness off my mentions

It takes a bigger fool to know a fool. Since you are used to calling your mother a fool, I am not surprised that you are calling me one.

PrimadonnaO:
Aren't you overreacting? You sound so angry and irritated.

I know it's courtesy to inform people before you visit. But this is family, and she's not even coming to stay over. Is it such a big deal that she just popped in to say hello?

Your tone is even disrespectful. If you talk to your wife about it while you're in this mood, you'll say a lot of wrong things.

Why are you even talking about money. Is it that you give your in-laws money whenever they visit? Did they ask you to? Do you think she came to get money from you?

Abeg, your post is just so wrong.

As in, very irritating. The op is actually not ready for married life, especially in African setting.

mutter:
Some men are mean!
Why don't you allow them to get used to the fact that the daughter is now married!
It's not easy to break a bond like mother daughter.
Anyway personally I could. Never be married to a man with your expectations!
My family remains my family irrespective of marriage. Same goes for my husband's family.
This is why it is important for couple to agree about such things before marriage.
Very sad...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkQ2a_3mB4g

I

forestwilda:
You are a mean fellow u think we are in a western environment ur mother in law, supposed to be ur best friend.
Pride goes before a fall.The very day u will offend her u will be de most shameful person on earth. Its easier to offend ur own mother and apologise dan ur mother inlaw.

You guys are just speaking out of emotion, most of you are not even reading the story! Once you see "tell me before you visit", you'all just go gaaga

If you want something to work and always work out well, you set "boundaries".

When l am going out, l tell my wife and children where l am going because that is what my own parents did while we are growing up and l know it is the right thing to do.
Does it mean my parents are afraid of their children or that l am afraid of my wife and children or that l am responsible to them?

When l want to visit my in-laws, we call them about three days earlier and tell them we are coming on so-so day.
Is it because they dont like us or we hate them or just to make sure they are very comfortable with that date and are ready to receive us on that date? Does it also not show that we respect their RIGHT to chose the day they want to be visited?

When they are coming, they call us too and we are happy to receive them and spoil them as much as we can.
It is a system of mutual respect and courtesy we have developed for each other.

Except on emergency, even my wife will dare not go to her parents home without informing them first, her Dad will ask: Is there a problem or why are you here unannounced. It happened once, a long time ago and she jokingly told me about it, saying "my Dad does not see me as an occupant of his house again"! I just smiled and told her: "I will always admire your Dad".

Anyway, it all depends on the Parent, a Mother-Inlaw that respects herself will not be hobbbling into her Son-inlaws house every now and then, unannounced. You dont wait until they tell you to do the right thing, before you know, that is why you are older and supposed to be self-respecting.

Fxwarrior:



World people and their ways.

This is Africa with values. You married her family, go take care of responsibility mehn.

There's limit to everything, and that includes values. When your traditional values become a burden to another person's home, it infringes on their right to be happy. And to me, that is wrong

Juliearth:




It takes a bigger fool to know a fool. Since you are used to calling your mother a fool, I am not surprised that you are calling me one.

You need not mention his/her Mother,The insult was directed to you, not your Mother.

Caveat: This does not excuse his use of foul language on you, it is wrong.

Deathisfree:


If I move to a 1000miles and she has a business in my town. She will still do the same thing

As long as she's not staying, there is no need to inform you and there is no need to be hostile, complain or raise dust. I wouldn't.

Deathisfree:


I just hope she won’t be expecting some token when she’s leaving cox. Chichi I no go drop.
She’s not poor o but it’s a duty to force it on her.

Totally unnecessary comment. Your MIL deserves whatever the gift you give her.

RMoneyInTheBank:
..hhhahahahahhah...you missed the part where I said "all the time"


Secondly, you mean I can't just show up at my uncles house or my sister's house that is 35 minutes away from mine.. Not as if I want to spend the night or something ?

The problem here is "how you were brought up"... You were brought up in an hostile environment I guess...

In as much as it is good to inform someone before visiting them, i don't see anything bad if my mother in-law who lives 35 minutes away show up at my place without notice.... Informing relations before visiting them shouldn't be ALL THE TIME especially when they are not there to spend the night and when it is as little as 35 minutes distance... Like I said, you were brought up in an hostile environment .....i know the problem... MY BROTHER HUSTLE ooooo.. E get why..na when man no get money this kind annoyance they come out....


You brough an issue to the public, seeking what to do, and you are busy opposing People's opinion.... You are to read and filter comments and not countering people's opinion or idea

God bless you sir or ma. Some comments don dey vex me already.

you just start to complain without knowing the reason for her visitation. It seems you somehow showing some atoms of haterade to your mother inlaw, .maybe the list of bride price was too much, and she insisted you must pay it all before taken her daughter dispite all your tearful pleadings as such always be the case

Ammishaddai:
There's limit to everything, and that includes values. When your traditional values become a burden to another person's home, it infringes on their right to be happy. And to me, that is wrong

It has nothing to do with being African.
To be 'African', is not to lack mannerisms and Courtesy, to others.
What is Right is Right.
Respecting people's boundaries, timelines, Home, etc are just Courtesies and Respect for ourselves and the people we are visiting.
These are Universal values though it is not everyone that imbibes them.
Some dont even know they are "worthwhile values", as we can see from this thread.

PrimadonnaO:
Aren't you overreacting? You sound so angry and irritated.

I know it's courtesy to inform people before you visit. But this is family, and she's not even coming to stay over. Is it such a big deal that she just popped in to say hello?

Your tone is even disrespectful. If you talk to your wife about it while you're in this mood, you'll say a lot of wrong things.

Why are you even talking about money. Is it that you give your in-laws money whenever they visit? Did they ask you to? Do you think she came to get money from you?

Abeg, your post is just so wrong.

So wrong! If tables were turned, I'm sure most men wouldn't be happy with this sort of reaction. So my in-law can't give me a surprise visit, it must be for money. Who raised these kinds of people sef!