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Critique These: My Sonnets - Poems For Review - Nairaland

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Sonnets From The Portuguese XLIII / A Critique Of Poems Featured In Nairaland's "The Poets" Competition Season 2 (2) / Pls Critique This Poem (2) (3) (4)

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Critique These: My Sonnets by Basic(m): 10:34am On Jul 19, 2007
MY SONNETS


SHAME ON THE STARS
I once beheld the sky one starry night
And saw the stars continuous as the sky,
For most, or all of them did came to sight
And so adorned with lights the space up high

In spite of this the earth was clad in gloom,
Likle as the inside of a coastal cave
Then curious thoughts arose in me like plume.
And made me from myself the reason crave.

I then discerned the moon did not emerge
But couldn't the stars coalesce and light the earth
Despite that they abound in space at large?
So useless they're we ne'er perceive their dearth!

The moon alone on what's a starless night,
Shames a zillion stars on a moonless night.


CONSCIENCE
My fleeing self, conscience apprehended
And then gripped my mind like as a sword's hilt
With pictures I'm shown, I'm being reminded
By him of all I'd done of acts of guilt.

I escaped the men of truncheons and guns
And shamed the probing tentacles of law.
But this unseen cop caught me on the run
And melancholy, I'm being fed with, raw.

His captive I'll remain till my last day
For none but death could help rid him of me.
E'en though Heaven had forgiven me, nay!
This cop won't leave, but wait, my end to see.

A cop more effective there had ne'er been
Than this one, wielding no weapon, unseen.


TO MY LOVE
Oh! How shall I describe our first meeting?
It was like that between death and a soul.
Then came thy love to my heart (then waiting)
Naturally as leaves to a tree's bole.

My heart and thine are now but Siamese twins
And our love keeps waxing like the new moon.
Stuck to thee my mind hath always been since
I ne'er thought love could come my way so soon.

Please let us water our love, oh my love
For it is still but a tender seedling,
Which if nurtured becomes that none can move
But if not, dies of lack after wilting.

May this wax stronger till our hairs go grey
And so last as long as our lives, I pray.


STIFF-NECKED FOOLS
Many could enter man's oral or'fice:
From birds and beasts, his source of milk and meat,
To verdant plants, his fruits and herbs sources.
But some chose none save clouds of smoke to eat.

They'd turned their lungs to bio-chimney pots
And stick to th' act like paper does to glue.
And when urged to stop blackening their own guts,
They stiffen their necks in pride like turkeys do.

Know them not that they, by their own hands are
Gradually multiplying the number
Of holes punched in that standing barrier
Shielding them from death, (who's ever in hunger)?

Reflect now and love thy life more dearly
For thou art digging thy grave so early.
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by RuuDie(m): 2:09pm On Jul 19, 2007
man . . . i just love your word-play!
your cipher's real deep bro but you just make it so easy for the "lay-eye" to dig . . . you're tha man!
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by iice(f): 3:25pm On Jul 20, 2007
Love them especially the first one. . .brings back memories (i used to sit on this rock at night and stare @ the heavens grin)
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by RuuDie(m): 8:51am On Jul 21, 2007
@iicey,
D more i read of u, d more IICIER u seem. . . Lol
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by iice(f): 9:14am On Jul 21, 2007
Really? Thought i'd seem warmer undecided grin
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by RuuDie(m): 5:02pm On Jul 21, 2007
@iicey,
yeah, that 2. . . And more like evry brodaz dream dame 2!
U use specs/glasses?
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by iice(f): 5:30am On Jul 23, 2007
Ahahahaha i surely hope not. . .not for those of faint hearts and weaker brains tongue

Yeah i do. . . undecided
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by RuuDie(m): 1:13pm On Jul 23, 2007
iice:

Ahahahaha i surely hope not. . .not for those of faint hearts and weaker brains tongue

even the faint hearted and weak brains have a right to dream wink wink


iice:

Yeah i do. . . undecided

guessed as much. . . got a picture of u in my head!
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by iice(f): 1:21pm On Jul 23, 2007
RuuDie:

even the faint hearted and weak brains have a right to dream wink wink

Very true grin

RuuDie:

guessed as much. . . got a picture of u in my head!

Aha! you think? grin Maybe we should take this to your own thread lol tongue
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by RuuDie(m): 2:19pm On Jul 24, 2007
Lol
ok. . . Read d nxt post there. lol
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by Basic(m): 6:19pm On Jul 28, 2007
Critique my sonnets is what I say. I didn't open this thread for all these trash you people are talking! angry
Re: Critique These: My Sonnets by Basic(m): 7:50pm On Aug 03, 2007
Please check them out and tell me which you like best.Also criticise.

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