| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by AfonjaConehead: 8:44am On Nov 16, 2021 |
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| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Munzy14(m): 8:45am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
No case here at all... Simply see how marriage works, when a man marries you, he is introducing another sibling in his father's house, just like you are introducing another sibling to your own father's house. You said he is very close with your family, he is expecting you to be same to his.. A lot of simple ways to win the hearts of your prospective in-laws...It is very easy for men.. But quite difficult for some women... Marriage is a place of steady sacrifice, if you give him a vibe of not willing to sacrifice, you will lose him...As simple as that.. If he bothers about you not relating to his family, some other men might careless about that. If he is the first son, sorry that marriage might not work if you remain cold and hide under introverted mindset. Just improve your self a bit, since you have identified your flaws...Two must agree to work better. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Hilena(m): 8:45am On Nov 16, 2021 |
E get why....
Nigeria woman never marry man yet them go de give the attitude or the form for no reason... What do you expect?? Were you planning of relating to the family after the wedding or what..
He might have seen something you don't feel is wrong about how you treat others...
None of us can visit our uncle today because of the wife.. highest na to talk for phone..
A lot of girls will just change over night the moment you engage them and want to marry.. you go begin see new attitude. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by KosiGee(m): 8:46am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Starting all over again will not be an easy task, we'll both be losing friendship and relationship at the same time.
I'm so weak right now. You are not in a relationship. You are in prison. You can only make effort to free yourself from such bondage when you are ready to. He is selfish. He has neglected all your good qualities to nag over little issues that he should’ve sorted with his family. They are expecting too much from you. They are expecting you to be who you are not and to give what you don’t have. Sometimes you have to be assertive. Sometimes you have to reject and throw off any extra weight on your back otherwise you’ll be turned into a donkey. He is not the only man out there. Here is your answer and possibly solution…What if you were the one complaining about his relationship with your family? What if you were the one that getting grumpy about him and his family?? How do you think he would react? 10 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Sivou1(m): 8:46am On Nov 16, 2021 |
I think your guy needs to understand the fact that he is the one to marry you and not his siblings, secondly he can't change your nature, that is who you are. I need to ask if the so call siblings call you often and check on you as well? There are good qualities he needs to look out for in you than all these minor things he is talking about. What if you are relating with them now and after marriage you started showing them attitude whenever they visit? He should man up and be in charge of his relationship and not his siblings controlling his relationship with you. They are secondary in the relationship while you guys are the primary focus. Shalom 4 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by AbuAeesha: 8:46am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Sonnobax15:
Mennnnnnnn, it's well like seriously......
Personally cha,such things dey look funny to me.... Because how can someone say he love you and the same time try to compare the love he has for you with the relationship you've with his family?  . E be like say that your boo na the type of nigha wey go sabi listen to him family well well
Not that I'm saying it's wrong to have a relationship with your bf's family,but such things can easily be worked out,with time...No be wetin person dey rush....So long say una dey flow well,no probs.....
My immediate elder bro gf just be like you....But guess what, whenever she's around,me and my immediate younger bro dey always dey ginger her to be lively and free with us.......you no kill person,na introvert you be do u came from a very big family? just curious noticed severally u have ways of relating stories here with ur family members |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by lomprico(m): 8:47am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
you have tried my dear! if this is the reason for his attitude then he and his sisters should getat! yeah it will be very hard for you to but this is kinda a red flag for me. If he cannot stand for you in front of his siblings then they will be controlling him in your marriage if you guys tie the knot. 4 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by treatise: 8:49am On Nov 16, 2021 |
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| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by funsho75(m): 8:50am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
I try to read most of the comments and i realize that a lot of people talk as if the next relationship will not come with it own ish... And Alot blaming your bf... Let's me start by saying... Your both family is important in your relationship and your bf is a family person... Am an introvert but i can be a talkative when am with people i like So back to the ish... You can't expect your bf to take you over his family and i don't expect u too to take him over your family with this fact you have only one option... Create a talking relationship So, how can it work... Let's me tell you a simple way you can start. Be intentional, no pretending Have a discussion with him and tell him you want to work on your relationship with the family and also let him know how difficult it is for you but you are doing it for him and d relationship So. The fastest way is... Tell him anything he is on call with them gisting (not too private talk) and u are around, you will like to be part of the gist.. If 2 of u is talking to them at the same time it will help you to build the relationship |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by petite626: 8:51am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
EXCUSE RELOADED.............
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
|
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by xangerar: 8:51am On Nov 16, 2021 |
I understand personally what the struggle with being an introvert in this case is. Most families are bonded than others. Do not listen to those "are you getting married to the man or his family?". If you intend getting married to someone from a close tied family, you will have to take up the burden of strangling your weakness to a point you are able to show beyond your thoughts you can work within that environment. You heart intent won't do it, your weaknesses won't be a good excuse. Just try, otherwise you may never get along with that family.
Assuming the family is like the kind I come from where no one looks out for the other, it is easy for an introvert to strive but I know families where members are all into the other. E dey surprise me, but it is part of life.
You can't chose honey without the sweet taste. Try taking deliberate measures against your weakpoints otherwise stick only to certain environments where it is not an issue. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by lereinter(m): 8:54am On Nov 16, 2021 |
He should tell you the truth why he wants to quit
Have you done formal introduction?
How many of your siblings is he relating to at now
When you marry una go relate, pikin go don enter etc 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Arieljay(f): 8:55am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
I am sorry that you feel so heartbroken but that guy doesn't love you,he should look for his fellow ambivert ,extrovert or what not!!it's he's loss,the misconceptions about introverts are Soo pathetic,but guess what babe let them think what they want,your happiness first,you can't be what you are not to please someone,he's trying to mould you into what you are not and you will never be able to keep up,he's the kind of guy that he's family will always dictate to,you don't know what God is saving you from,rejoice and be glad!! 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Nobody: 8:56am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
Well he's a man with strong family values and wants to make sure you're on the same page with him. Some people have been unfortunate to marry people who ended up cutting them away from their families.
Ever heard of an "extroverted introvert"? You either become that and go out of your way to maintain and reciprocate the communicative relationship he's maintaining with your loved ones, to his own loved ones. Or you remain introverted and very single.
There's nothing like "take me as i am" in marriage. You'd have to start adjusting from now. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by blaise26abj(m): 8:56am On Nov 16, 2021 |
frozen70:
It's obvious you do t just like relating with people and you don't see why you have to, but let me put somethings right to you
As a matter of fact, that you and your guy loves yourselves is not enough reason to carry on, family or no family
As it is now, your guy could get another lady that is head over heals I've his family and the family may advise him to drop you that you don't relate the wah this babe does. No matter your bond, he will follow his family, do you know why ?
Non of his family members can fight for you because you don't relate with them so they don't connect with you
If for example you have issues with your guy in this marriage, they will never stand with you because you didn't come close to them for them to understand you
Lastly they have concluded that you are not friendly and it's possible you will teach your children same way and those children may grow up not relating with their cousin's simply because you don't interact with their parents
Make sure your read the above post again and again and use it to guide yourself
Family is everything and no sensible one jokes their's I disagree respectfully with this . Any family that will not be objective in any disagreement or fight between you and your fiancée or husband because you are not close to them is a bad family. you shouldn’t be a part of such a family . The Yoruba says , a bad wife/husband can still be managed but bad in-laws are a no-no . It is wrong to only fight for people you are close to or family . You should always fight for what is Right irrespective of who the person is . 9 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Lekmanz87(m): 8:56am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
Well he’s actually the linked bridge between you and his siblings…he should be able to defend you at all times too, however because you and him easily flow with each other doesn’t mean you will be so free wit other people and he really need to understand that… I suggest he should be the one painting a better picture of you to his siblings pls don’t think yourself out, you are just an introvert you no kill person Now this is what you need to do try and have a heart to heart talk with him and let him know how much you love and respect his family and you being an introvert too maybe with that he can help you overcome the challenges…#shalom 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Bukkieadek: 8:57am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Sorry about your predicament. Truly, your BF's family is not yours and don't expect the same understanding as you would receive from yours. Also, don't assume they love you like one of theirs, treat them with as much love as you can from a distance. I suggest you also improve on your communication with them, perhaps, set an alarm on your phone to call them on a particular day weekly, just to check up, this is very important to them, don't check up only on special occassions. Also pray for them that God would change their mindset towards loving and accepting you. Know your position among the siblings and relate with wisdom, don't be too friendly neither be too closed up in relating. It's unfortunate your BF was unable to defend you before them now, cos he would still be doing much of that in the future. But also learn your place, don't jump the communication link to them (learnt that lesson the hard way), your fiancee is the link, always let him pass the important messages to them himself, your task is just to call and check up which you can easily do once a week. Wish you the best 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by LordReed(m): 8:58am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
There are practical things you can do. I suggest anytime he is making a call to anybof his family members you chip in and speak to the person even if its just to exchange pleasantries. My dear you have to make the effort, falling back on the excuse that you are an introvert is not good enough. He obviously values his family a lot and as his wife you are gonna have to be there too. Unless you don't think you are up to the task. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Nobody: 8:58am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Arieljay:
I am sorry that you feel so heartbroken but that guy doesn't love you,he should look for his fellow ambivert ,extrovert or what not!!it's he's loss,the misconceptions about introverts are Soo pathetic,but guess what babe let them think what they want,your happiness first,you can't be what you are not to please someone,he's trying to mould you into what you are not and you will never be able to keep up,he's the kind of guy that he's family will always dictate to,you don't know what God is saving you from,rejoice and be glad!! if he doesn't love her, why on earth will he keep up with treating her loved ones like his own relatives? |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by advanceDNA: 8:59am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
This is what is called compromise in relationships... He’s afraid you will be the “me and husband alone type of wife” men like that look at future scenarios... what if his mother or one of his siblings end up living with you.... it may be a problem for you becos you don’t know how to get along..... Some people are naturals when it comes to fraternizing...but it’s learnable for introverts.. Just consciously create time, like a reminder on your phone to call and text... mothers like sending what’sapp stories and prayers up and down.. do it once a week... it’s no big deal.... Don’t you call your own folks..?? Don’t you relate with them?? If you can’t crate reminders on your phone, simply do same to his own family when you call yours.... You are in another state...no one expect you will leave your job and go to their house and sit down to play...relating with them physically will be when once in a while when there is a party or other social engagement.... the bulk of what he’s asking from you is remote/via calls or text That’s not hard if you want to.. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by ufotty2001: 8:59am On Nov 16, 2021 |
That is how my fiance told me that her mother is around...!!! |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Hayee(f): 9:00am On Nov 16, 2021 |
bigpicture001:
Babe I can say from my inner most experience: he is not seeing anyone else, but is drunk of entitlement... Such happens wen someone becms too sure for u.. just watch him.. if he continues unabated.. giv him space..
If it still doesn't work, den still be there but change language like start to talk about a guy disturbing for marriage... Make it real. If he sees competition, he will sit up..
People don't value things without fighting for it so true I don't know why op is disturbing herself  |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by wallrichy: 9:00am On Nov 16, 2021 |
I reserve my comment at this junction because Favfables has just written the most sensible thing I could have written. Most people on Nairaland are kids or immature. You can't fight a family or relegate them and stay alone with your hubby or fiance alone. Family to a man is everything especially if they are very close..... remember some family aren't close......it's your job, a challenge to you the woman to try all your scheme and get them attracted to you....you can start and open up to a younger person in the family that would take you and maneuvre you through the other siblings....must be somebody in that family that you flow with atleast....penetrate that advantage and get it round the others.....take it as a labour and sacrifice of your love for your man....I tell you.....it's to your benefit at the long run.....I am talking from personal experience, Favfables1:
It's obvious your boyfriend has a very close relationship with his family and i can say that his opinion is largely influenced by what his family thinks ((thus that's why he's acting withdrawn because his family has reservations about you))...
The solution is quite simple...
Work things out with his family, try and get close to them....
There's nothing like "that's how I am", that mentality is BULLSHIT!!!!!! If it's important to you, you'll look for a way to make it work...
If you can't compromise, then walk away and date someone who's family you flow well with...chikina!!
On the other hand, your boyfriend should cut you some slack as regards you and his family...you can't become besties with people you barely spend time with...so tell the alaye make him rest small...
And please forget those childish people asking you "whether you're getting married to your boyfriend and his family?" With the closeness of your boyfriend to his family, if then no like you ...forget am... Them go table your matter for family meeting and you go see the results of the matter, whether e favour you or not...
Lastly...
Never expect that guy to choose you over his family ...you're just his girlfriend or fiancee and thus you're easily replaceable, but his family are not so... Like them elders go talk, "blood thick pass water"
|
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by henryadex(m): 9:00am On Nov 16, 2021 |
In Yoruba Palance it's said 'Ile oko ile eko ni' meaning marriage is a school. You weren't speaking this you learn it so you should take the corriculm of marital relationships |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by MorningStar233: 9:00am On Nov 16, 2021 |
.. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by pocohantas(f): 9:02am On Nov 16, 2021 |
You call,
You remember and send text on their birthdays,
You travel to different states for their occasions.
My dear, you are doing better than 70% of in-laws and I mean, MALE and FEMALE. Anyone that says otherwise is lying.
If they have jobs, they should focus on it and stop waiting for you to be at their beck and call. I haven’t spoken to my sister in-law in almost a month, but any day we see, chat or talk, we are cool. Sometimes she posts on her WhatsApp and I comment. Sometimes I send her cash. I have things to do with my time, not monitoring how many times she calls me in a month. I will do my best to meet her halfway.
This is 2021, y’all should get busy and quit the eye service. If the relationship is seamless, fine. If it isn’t and you smell trouble, please RUN. Women do better in handling their family. If man family no like you, just know he would bend with time. It is up to you. 18 Likes 4 Shares |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Pathfinder121: 9:02am On Nov 16, 2021 |
I am in a similar situation myself, I am introvert while my wife and in-laws are extrovert. You will have to make genuine effort that you care about them. Inconvenient yourself to be an extrovert at this stage after marriage you can revert to your introvert nature gradually, they will understand.
Do make sure you are convinced about this guy before going all the way unless the atmosphere in your home will be determined by your sister in-laws. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by isaiah4life(m): 9:03am On Nov 16, 2021 |
You beta get sense and start flowing because if you and your boo quarrel na siblings dey help you beg behind the scenes ooo!
If you no treat dem well, dem go ginger their brother to leave you.
A word is a enough for the wise. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by lomprico(m): 9:03am On Nov 16, 2021 |
MarketDispatch:
Seems you are not ready yet...warm your heart into his family...and they will all be on your side...do not pretend. Travel to see his parents and get used to them, not just calls or chat.
ogbeni! they are not married yet. why will she be travelling up and down just to get approval by his family? he knows her n her family and likes her (I guess) so why is he seeking his family approval? the first time my parents saw my sis in law was when my bro brought her to show them who he wants to marry. there is nothing wrong if she does not flow well with her siblings for now. 7 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by donforeign: 9:03am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Davash222:
Do you plan getting married to him or his siblings?
I think another fresh banny is sharing your gbola with you and there's nothing you can do. Don't be selfish else you lose the gbola. no single sense |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by lomprico(m): 9:04am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Newyorkitis:
Madam, forget about being an introvert. Th opposite of Love is laziness. The Bible says Open rebuke is better than hidden love.... If you love them avoid that introvered laziness and make genuine efforts by extending yourself to show that you love his family (not necessarily about traveling to meet them) by calling.
In Nigeria, you marry the family too and not their son alone.
The are scared of you because they feel they won't be welcome to your home when you eventually get married to their son/brother. (Their own perspective)
Don't miss this time around, because very, very few men will want to marry who is not close to his family in Nigeria. you lie! 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by advanceDNA: 9:05am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Arieljay:
I am sorry that you feel so heartbroken but that guy doesn't love you,he should look for his fellow ambivert ,extrovert or what not!!it's he's loss,the misconceptions about introverts are Soo pathetic,but guess what babe let them think what they want,your happiness first,you can't be what you are not to please someone,he's trying to mould you into what you are not and you will never be able to keep up,he's the kind of guy that he's family will always dictate to,you don't know what God is saving you from,rejoice and be glad!! I’ve never seen a wicked advice like this before Which one is your happiness first in this matter? Is the man asking her to do something that will kill her or take her joy away...?? How is this impairing her happiness?...u are just asking her to be selfish, nonchalant, and think about herself alone in a relationship that is meant to be steered by two people.. 1 Like |
