I'm an American girl dating a Naija guy in the US and everything in our relationship is good. We get along well and our personalities mesh. I love him, he's all that I want in a partner and I try to be all that he wants as well. It's still a relatively new relationship.

He's definitely in the mode of settling down, career which he loves, finishing up advanced degrees and he wants to purchase a home soon. I believe he wants a future with me, but he's REALLY open to the idea of getting me pregnant, he is very much like if it happens it happens, but I think he is hoping it does.

I have never been pregnant and I don't want to have a child out of wedlock. I told him that if it does happen I'd have a hard choice to face because I'm 28 and certainly don't want to have any abortion at this age but I don't want a child out of wedlock so unless he's ready for marriage we shouldn't be taking the risks we do. To that he says that yes we would get married soon after if pregnancy occurred and that it doesn't take long to get married it wouldn't be a big deal. But he seems to be more interested in possibly having a child right now than getting married, he knows of married couples where the woman couldn't conceive so I guess he's wary of that? He knows I'm healthy and never had any abortions so hopefully he doesn't have any impotency issues either!

Is it normal for a guy in his early 30s to know so fast that he wants a woman to be the mother of his child? Do you guys just wake up one day and the fatherhood bug catches you, LOL.

Would it not be a shameful thing for him to tell his family (who I haven't met yet) but might they think "this fast American girl got pregnant." My family would be upset but issue mitigated if we got married.

Is it customary for a man to only meet his girl's parents when they are ready for engagement, and vice versa?

What bothers me with your post is the fact that you know you don't want a child out of wedlock but you continue to take the "risks" that you do. at your age you should know better by now that a baby doesn't garuntee a relationship or equal marriage. No matter what a man tells you, take precautions.

go now to you gyno and get them pills or patch which everone you feel comfy with and stand by your principles

You are right, it's definitely putting too much of the control over what happens in his hands. Never tried birth control because I have heard that it causes side effects, weight gain, etc. But probably the pill is the way to go though I think he'll be against it because he swears he knows what he is doing, but I need to be in control of what happens to my body.

green card

kpolli:

green card

[size=28pt]GREEN CARRD!!! [/size]

Says he has one (greencard) and that info can be verified if need be so,

smootheb:

You are right, it's definitely putting too much of the control over what happens in his hands. Never tried birth control because I have heard that it causes side effects, weight gain, etc. But probably the pill is the way to go though I think he'll be against it because he swears he knows what he is doing, but I need to be in control of what happens to my body.

why birth control? wateva happened to condoms . though it aint 100% sure, same goes for birth control pills.

i will advise u sit him down and make him understand wat u want from the relationship. if he wants u to have a baby/babies for him, then he should do the needful. there's no two-way abt it. dont make the mistake of getting pregnant witout taking the right steps, u might end up regretting it.

kpolli:

green card

190:



[size=28pt]GREEN CARRD!!! [/size]

Most guys who marry for such purposes DO NOT want to have a child involved. _{child support}

so . .wrong answer

kokoye:

Most guys who marry for such purposes DO NOT want to have a child involved. _{child support}

so . .wrong answer

They assumed because THEIR brothers suckered an American girl for sham marriage or pregnancy that all American girls can be suckered. \

Not all American girls are desperate and will date/marry someone that is not documented
Not all Scammers aren't prolific either. Sounds like we have a few scammer haters on this site too.

smootheb:

I'm an American girl dating a Naija guy in the US and everything in our relationship is good. We get along well and our personalities mesh. I love him, he's all that I want in a partner and I try to be all that he wants as well. It's still a relatively new relationship.

He's definitely in the mode of settling down, career which he loves, finishing up advanced degrees and he wants to purchase a home soon. I believe he wants a future with me, but he's REALLY open to the idea of getting me pregnant, he is very much like if it happens it happens, but I think he is hoping it does.

I have never been pregnant and I don't want to have a child out of wedlock. I told him that if it does happen I'd have a hard choice to face because I'm 28 and certainly don't want to have any abortion at this age but I don't want a child out of wedlock so unless he's ready for marriage we shouldn't be taking the risks we do. To that he says that yes we would get married soon after if pregnancy occurred and that it doesn't take long to get married it wouldn't be a big deal. But he seems to be more interested in possibly having a child right now than getting married, he knows of married couples where the woman couldn't conceive so I guess he's wary of that? He knows I'm healthy and never had any abortions so hopefully he doesn't have any impotency issues either!

Is it normal for a guy in his early 30s to know so fast that he wants a woman to be the mother of his child? Do you guys just wake up one day and the fatherhood bug catches you, LOL.

Would it not be a shameful thing for him to tell his family (who I haven't met yet) but might they think "this fast American girl got pregnant." My family would be upset but issue mitigated if we got married.

Is it customary for a man to only meet his girl's parents when they are ready for engagement, and vice versa?   

First of all, you stated the relationship is relatively new and you need to take some time to get to know this guy BEFORE YOU talks of having children PERIOD. You haven't met his family and he haven't met your family but you guys are taking about marriage and children? Sound a little bit fishy to me but slow down and if he doesn't respect you enough to consider your feelings and fears then you may want to shop around for another "dick".

All dicks aren't good dicks.

smootheb:

I'm an American girl dating a Naija guy in the US and everything in our relationship is good. We get along well and our personalities mesh. I love him, he's all that I want in a partner and I try to be all that he wants as well. It's still a relatively new relationship.

He's definitely in the mode of settling down, career which he loves, finishing up advanced degrees and he wants to purchase a home soon. I believe he wants a future with me, but he's REALLY open to the idea of getting me pregnant, he is very much like if it happens it happens, but I think he is hoping it does.

I have never been pregnant and I don't want to have a child out of wedlock. I told him that if it does happen I'd have a hard choice to face because I'm 28 and certainly don't want to have any abortion at this age but I don't want a child out of wedlock so unless he's ready for marriage we shouldn't be taking the risks we do. To that he says that yes we would get married soon after if pregnancy occurred and that it doesn't take long to get married it wouldn't be a big deal. But he seems to be more interested in possibly having a child right now than getting married, he knows of married couples where the woman couldn't conceive so I guess he's wary of that? He knows I'm healthy and never had any abortions so hopefully he doesn't have any impotency issues either!

Is it normal for a guy in his early 30s to know so fast that he wants a woman to be the mother of his child? Do you guys just wake up one day and the fatherhood bug catches you, LOL.

Would it not be a shameful thing for him to tell his family (who I haven't met yet) but might they think "this fast American girl got pregnant." My family would be upset but issue mitigated if we got married.

Is it customary for a man to only meet his girl's parents when they are ready for engagement, and vice versa?   

he wants to be sure he won't be spending the best part of his salary on ivf processes and stuffs. besides, he's 30, he probably has got mates/colleagues who are fathers at the moment and he's feeling left out in the fatherhood business. if you love him, get pregnant asap or another woman out there might do the deed for you thus condemning you to his second class citizen. as long as he's ready to marry you before the delivery of the child, you have not had a child out of wedlock.

coogar:

he wants to be sure he won't be spending the best part of his salary on ivf processes and stuffs. besides, he's 30, he probably has got mates/colleagues who are fathers at the moment and he's feeling left out in the fatherhood business. if you love him, get pregnant asap or another woman out there might do the deed for you thus condemning you to his second class citizen. as long as he's ready to marry you before the delivery of the child, you have not had a child out of wedlock.

OP do not fall for this bullshit. If he really loves you he will wait until you are ready. You seems like you are ready but wants to be married first and that is the smart WAY to go about it however wait until you both are ready and able to take care of a child or children.

You do not want to bring a child into the world still trying to figure out who is this man you are sleeping with. That's not a good way to live suga.

omega25red:

What bothers me with your post is the fact that you know you don't want a child out of wedlock but you continue to take the "risks" that you do. at your age you should know better by now that a baby doesn't garuntee a relationship or equal marriage. No matter what a man tells you, take precautions.

go now to you gyno and get them pills or patch which everone you feel comfy with and stand by your principles

@Poster follow the above advice, the way forward is all encased in the above post. Hmm a baby does not guarantee a relationship in anyway!!
Be careful!!

unfortunately, if it seems green card related, then it probably is.

sorry.

aka anchor baby which actually is a derogatory term.

I'm in agreement with my girl Mrs. Chima.  By this age, I'm sure fatherhood is clear in his mind.  But he is wrong for trying to "trick" and/or pressure you into having a child.  Children are no joke and that's a life changing experience.  And if you can help it, you should make sure to be well prepared in advance to take on such a responsibility.  Raising and taking care of children is more than just combing their hair, playing with them and kissing them.  There is alot more involved in that and needs mature responsible parents to raised them, to teach them and take care of them.  You barely know each other (from what you wrote) and he is riding your back already.  Why not take the time to get to know each other?  You nor he even know if you two are even capable of having children?  He wants you to have his child, but you two haven't even met each other's parents or nothing?  If you are a woman who wants to do things the right way, and get married FIRST before baring his children than you stick to your guns and do that.  Don't ever contridict who you are for no man!  You only setting yourself up for regret and failure down the line and all for what?  He is not the only man that walks this earth.  You need a man who will respect and honor your values and not always seek to fulfill his own selfish needs all the time.  You let him know the deal, stand your ground and if he decides to walk then let him walk.  Then that means he wasn't the one for you and keep it moving.

smootheb:

Says he has one (greencard) and that info can be verified if need be so,

yes, i'd verify that.

kokoye:

Most guys who marry for such purposes DO NOT want to have a child involved. _{child support}

child still gets involved anyway.

tpia@:

unfortunately, if it seems green card related, then it probably is.

sorry.

aka anchor baby which actually is a derogatory term.

I do agree.  It does sound a bit GREEN CARDISH.   I cannot stress this enough for the life of me!  CHECK BEFORE DIPPING AND DABBING LADIES! 

Check for them papers or TRUST THAT GOD has blessed you with a GOOD MAN.

livedit:

I'm in agreement with my girl Mrs. Chima.  By this age, I'm sure fatherhood is clear in his mind.  But he is wrong for trying to "trick" and/or pressure you into having a child.  Children are no joke and that's a life changing experience.  And if you can help it, you should make sure to be well prepared in advance to take on such a responsibility.  Raising and taking care of children is more than just combing their hair, playing with them and kissing them.  There is alot more involved in that and needs mature responsible parents to raised them, to teach them and take care of them.  You barely know each other (from what you wrote) and he is riding your back already.  Why not take the time to get to know each other?  You nor he even know if you two are even capable of having children?  He wants you to have his child, but you two haven't even met each other's parents or nothing?  If you are a woman who wants to do things the right way, and get married FIRST before baring his children than you stick to your guns and do that.  Don't ever contridict who you are for no man!  You only setting yourself up for regret and failure down the line and all for what?  He is not the only man that walks this earth.  You need a man who will respect and honor your values and not always seek to fulfill his own selfish needs all the time.  You let him know the deal, stand your ground and if he decides to walk then let him walk.  Then that means he wasn't the one for you and keep it moving.

Please tell her ooo. That the problem with too many women that they put other MEN first before their well being. I mean if she is not listening to the CREATOR for guidance then she will be duped and LEFT ALONE to raise the child. I am not saying the man PER SE is a dog but he is doggish. Why would he wants to impregnate a woman he is not putting a ring on her finger?

Maybe Lice is right he check for fertility and if she is pregnant she will marry her if he hasn't been verified for a green card. Then again he could be the "good" guy but I wouldn't be bringing no babies in the world UNTIL I AM CONFIRMED by the MOST HIGH.

That's just me though. How you be by the way sis?

Just tell him you are not ready to have kids out of wedlock. it is as simple as that, and if he really wants to have children, he should have them the proper way, because when it happens, it would be your cross, men can walk out on their children, but the women would forever stick to their kids. So let him marry you and have the kids he so much wants. Don't let him deceive you with " he wants to know how fertile you are or how fertile he is', if he has a problem, he should come out with it, and not doing"trial and error'.

Don't sell yourself short. You want the record to show that you two made the decision together to get married first.

When will the two of you get married? The day your pregnancy is discovered? The day the doctor confirms the pregnancy? The day the doctor performs the baby's in depth sonogram? The day you give birth to a healthy baby? The day that baby becomes old enough to prove that he/she isn't deaf or blind? The day the baby proves his/her intelligence by graduating high school?

A child isn't a chain that with bind the two of you together forever in a happy stable relationship. Your foundation needs to be deep enough to stand the test of time and adversity. If you both attempt to cement a new relationship this way then the child will suffer in the end. Parenting is stressful enough without the added pressure of trying to force a relationship between two virtual strangers.

If you are prepared for the possibility of ending up a single mum (which very few people have the resources to comfortably pull this off, especially these days when two-parent shared income/expense households are struggling to make ends meet) then I guess you can proceed without caution if you so desire.

smootheb:

It's still a relatively new relationship.

You don't know enough about him or his background to even think about this issue. Please take a step back. Slow down and get to know each other. You are still in the initial stages where everything is new and perfect. For all you know this 'if it happends it happends' attitude came about in the heat of a moment. He was probably not even being serious. If 'it happends' tomorrow he may run like the wind.

smootheb:

Says he has one (greencard) and that info can be verified if need be so,

probably his own is about to expire

kokoye:

Most guys who marry for such purposes DO NOT want to have a child involved. _{child support}

so . .wrong answer

am sure a wife n pikin can certify him citizenship

The power of [size=18pt]GREEN CARRRD!![/size] is the beginning of wisdom

Nekai:

Don't sell yourself short. You want the record to show that you two made the decision together to get married first.

When will the two of you get married? The day your pregnancy is discovered? The day the doctor confirms the pregnancy? The day the doctor performs the baby's in depth sonogram? The day you give birth to a healthy baby? The day that baby becomes old enough to prove that he/she isn't deaf or blind? The day the baby proves his/her intelligence by graduating high school?

All of you are right on that. Honestly I thought maybe it was just a cultural thing (Yoruba). But there is more investigating and getting to know each other that needs to take place. I just got caught up in the moment somewhat, started to make me have a little baby fever too I guess which I've never felt. I think I'm ready for a child but only in the right situation. And no way I want to walk down the aisle with some big protruding belly.

tpia@:

unfortunately, if it seems green card related, then it probably is.

sorry.

aka anchor baby which actually is a derogatory term.

LOL. You know, anything is possible and unfortunately I love him but can't rule any possibility out. I think the best thing is just time and patience.

‚‚Wetin GREEN CARD go cause, America no go fit solve am

smootheb:

You are right, it's definitely putting too much of the control over what happens in his hands. Never tried birth control because I have heard that it causes side effects, weight gain, etc. But probably the pill is the way to go though I think he'll be against it because he swears he knows what he is doing, [[size=20pt]but I need to be in control of what happens to my body.

[/size]

Smart girl there! I think you just said it all "you really need to be in control of what happens to your body". Most women have changed the course of their lives by giving out such control in mistakes and such always have one unhappy story or the other to go with it. Your side of the story is not enough for one to conclude that he is merely trying to validate your fertility before marrying you as some men seem to believe in. ^{(Now I don't want to agitate my naija brothers, abeg free me-o-o, I no put Naija-men for that statement)}
It could be that he is having baby blues, I have seen men that have baby blues like us women and yearn to have kids either from their heart or through pressures from his people. All in all the most important thing here is for you to get to know yourselves and your compatibility levels and if the two of you really want to marry, you can wed and have children if you both want that too.

Hissssss