Good afternoon my good people of nairaland. It is with utmost sadness that I write and pour out my mind on this hot sunny noon! I had to create this account just for this purpose so that I don't get trolled unnecessarily (I can't handle it, I could eventually commit the suicide).

Here is the story of my life

I am a graduate and a mother of two lovely children, legally married to my husband who travelled to seek greener pastures in Canada in early 2020! We were eagerly willing and trying to relocate together as family (we had only one child then) but because it was tough and we didn't have much money, I suggested he goes alone and bring us in, in no time. We both agreed to do this, and we focus on sending him alone. To God be the glory, he left in January 2020. I was nursing a 2year old toddler and also pregnant at that time.

We were communicating on phone real good and I was also dreaming of joining him with the children as agreed but anytime I talk about this, he tell me abroad is not always as easy as we think, things are rough and tough blah blah blah. Eventually we stopped reaching out to us, not sending upkeep money to me and the children. Anytime we ask, he'd say things are tight for him that he will sort us when he have the money. Though I also work here but I don't earn enough to sustain two children and myself. As a matter of fact, I had to wean my baby earlier than necessary because I couldn't afford to eat good meal to lactate well, I started feeding him family meals at seven months

I had to borrow money to sustain and survive. My monthly pay is 52k but monthly expenses is more than enough to gulp all and run me into debts. For instance, I had to buy diaper, feed the kids, pay school fees and even house rent! I don't even want to talk about how I've been wearing shoes that disgraces me all about or how my wardrobe had malfunction several times, those are least among my actual problems.

Right now, I'm in so much debt that I don't even know how I can get out of it. I just borrowed money to renew house rent in February and I also owe a lot of loan apps that I consult for emergency bailout. As I am now, I am owing nothing less than 700k and I practically have nowhere to sort my self. I cried like a baby yesterday knowing that I have failed as a mother! No food in the house, yet I can't get help because I've not paid people that borrowed me some money in the past.

My mother in-law called me early this month that she wanted to see her grandchildren so I promised her that I will bring the children during the Easter break but she says I shouldn't worry, she will come and check on us. When she came, she went round the house and even check my bedroom then she burst into tears that I should stop hindering her son from performing his duties to her, she started accusing me of many things and called me a lot of unprintable names, I told her I was experiencing the same thing but she held unto her belief. She really frustrated me that day, she took foodstuffs from my kitchen and did all sort of this that made me feel really bad. I am frustrated, I have ran into so many debts just to fend for my children, I have become a shadow of myself due to depression, I have failed my children!! I do have suicidal thoughts lots of times, I have thought of ending life but what would be the fate of my children?

Sorry for my long post but I need some words of encouragement as I'm going through a lot right now, including things I can't pen down!!!

Hmmmmmm, it may be tough and rough, but trust me, suicide is not an option at all

You end your life just because your husband who traveled just in 2020 is yet to change your life? Madam wake up from your foolish dream; pray for God to give you strength. If the man dies (God forbid) would that be the end of your life? I say wake up.

I will say this my sister, u can find solace in God, no matter how tough it may look like, please get out of depression, if it possible to do a side hustle with the job u have, I will advise you do it such as laundry, cleaning and so all. It is better than killing oneself.
If u think suicide is the option, please think about the little children u are going to leave behind, you are not a coward for shouldering this enormous responsibilities, so don't think you have failed. Having two loving children should be a source of inspiration, please continue fighting hard and it shall be well at the end.

U have not failed as a mother.. The only thing that will make u fail is if u carry out that suicide thought in ur mind... U have been doing it without him.. Don't worry God will strengthen u more. Forget about him cos some men don't deserve to be even called a boy... Just Keep pushing before u know it, u will be reaping the fruit of ur labour... U don't know he may come around to receive his disgrace. Only God know

I may be accused of being too logical but whenever people start their story with threat of suicide, I take it with a pinch of salt.

If you need help, be straight about it, what you need is money not advice, stop going through the corners.

This is how it works here; tell your story, bring proof, if it checks out, there are many kind hearts on this forum that will reach out to you.

It will be well with you. Don't give up the struggle please and check well you will see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Make a friend with Jesus and trust me He will bear your sins and grief, He will console and settle your case if only you can call on Him and ask.

He is the greatest companion.

Dont take your life. Press harder and further, an helper will show face.


in other news, Naija I hail thee.
A ponzi scheme called eighty six w has crashed since few days to Easter when withdrawals outnumbered deposits. However the Admins are still working hard to swindle people more and more. Jamie their mentor @jamie0000 on telegram is still giving them hope. The latest announcement is for their customers to deposit 30% of their Ponzi account balance and get paid within 72 hours. My guy still want to go and deposit the money but I talk sense into his head, 30% of his money in it is about 45k. This is crazy indeed!

Help would come...

You need to do more than you are currently doing?

Take heart and don't lose hope everything is going to be fine.... ..i believe this are temporal pains, the lord would will comfort and help you at the end.

Depressionkill:
Good afternoon my good people of nairaland. It is with utmost sadness that I write and pour out my mind on this hot sunny noon! I had to create this account just for this purpose so that I don't get trolled unnecessarily (I can't handle it, I could eventually commit the suicide).

Here is the story of my life

I am a graduate and a mother of two lovely children, legally married to my husband who travelled to seek greener pastures in Canada in early 2020! We were eagerly willing and trying to relocate together as family (we had only one child then) but because it was tough and we didn't have much money, I suggested he goes alone and bring us in, in no time. We both agreed to do this, and we focus on sending him alone. To God be the glory, he left in January 2020. I was nursing a 2year old toddler and also pregnant at that time.

We were communicating on phone real good and I was also dreaming of joining him with the children as agreed but anytime I talk about this, he tell me abroad is not always as easy as we think, things are rough and tough blah blah blah. Eventually we stopped reaching out to us, not sending upkeep money to me and the children. Anytime we ask, he'd say things are tight for him that he will sort us when he have the money. Though I also work here but I don't earn enough to sustain two children and myself. As a matter of fact, I had to wean my baby earlier than necessary because I couldn't afford to eat good meal to lactate well, I started feeding him family meals at seven months

I had to borrow money to sustain and survive. My monthly pay is 52k but monthly expenses is more than enough to gulp all and run me into debts. For instance, I had to buy diaper, feed the kids, pay school fees and even house rent! I don't even want to talk about how I've been wearing shoes that disgraces me all about or how my wardrobe had malfunction several times, those are least among my actual problems.

Right now, I'm in so much debt that I don't even know how I can get out of it. I just borrowed money to renew house rent in February and I also owe a lot of loan apps that I consult for emergency bailout. As I am now, I am owing nothing less than 700k and I practically have nowhere to sort my self. I cried like a baby yesterday knowing that I have failed as a mother! No food in the house, yet I can't get help because I've not paid people that borrowed me some money in the past.

My mother in-law called me early this month that she wanted to see her grandchildren so I promised her that I will bring the children during the Easter break but she says I shouldn't worry, she will come and check on us. When she came, she went round the house and even check my bedroom then she burst into tears that I should stop hindering her son from performing his duties to her, she started accusing me of many things and called me a lot of unprintable names, I told her I was experiencing the same thing but she held unto her belief. She really frustrated me that day, she took foodstuffs from my kitchen and did all sort of this that made me feel really bad. I am frustrated, I have ran into so many debts just to fend for my children, I have become a shadow of myself due to depression, I have failed my children!! I do have suicidal thoughts lots of times, I have thought of ending life but what would be the fate of my children?

Sorry for my long post but I need some words of encouragement as I'm going through a lot right now, including things I can't pen down!!!

i feel for u sister, but if i were u

1) i cant allow my mother inlaw to enter my kitchen and pack food wey never reach me and my children chop, food wey be say no be her child buy for me, if that will cause a discord btw us a no care
2) dont u have a family member who are well to do?? Am not saying u should be begging up and down ooh but sometimes these families members are useful more than we think, dey can even provide a better job
3) u and ur man shouldn't have rushed to go to Canada in an hurry, see anty everybody want to go to a better place but before u go make sure u have prepared something behind to lean on in case tins dont turn out well, u dont just gather 5million naira and the next tin in ur mind is to travel out, many people do this but me i cant do it.
Even me as i am typing i want to jakpa and a don get woman already, but before i jakpa i am planning to make sure i set up a business for my woman to oversee here, i wil even make sure the business is growing before i emback on my journey, this is cus i dont know how abroad may treat me, if tins go well, thank God, and if it go the other way na to come back face my business.



This is my advice to u, take ur eldest child to ur parent, go out and hustle like a man, buckle ur shoe sister, yoruba would say ko ki n de bani kayeri. Wetin u wan kill ursef for sef, na only u go find ursef in this kain situation ni??

If u give up and die today, ur children and family will move on...

Thank you all for ur comments, I didn't take any for granted! I have learnt one or two lessons from everything said so far. Truth is, I don't care about him coming back/fulling his promises or not, if he comes back, he should go to his mother I don't want trouble in my life. I'm just pained that he put me through so many pains and I got into this massive debts because he wasn't "alive" to his responsibilities....... No be man matter be my problem now, even my side hustle which greatly relieves my meagre salary has crumbled!! I just hope God helps me out of this mess as I have no hope of sorting myself. I had already thought of taking my kids to my elder brother but since he didn't approve of the relationship from onset.....I don't know how to! I'm a very emotional person, easily triggered and I don't call for help easily......I can't believe I wrote this much sha! Wow!!

complexBoss12:
I may be accused of being too logical but whenever people start their story with threat of suicide, I take it with a pinch of salt.

If you need help, be straight about it, what you need is money not advice, stop going through the corners.

This is how it works here; tell your story, bring proof, if it checks out, there are many kind hearts on this forum that will reach out to you.

Trust me bro, it took me lots of courage to do this! I pondered on it for a very long time before I finally decided to bring it online. I'm not usually like this but then, desperate times deserve desperate measures!

And yes, I need help!!!!!!! I will give all evidence required including my office address and my social media pages! I will as well reveal my real NL moniker if need be!

When your husband told you that abroad isn't as easy as people think,he was right,have you tried to find out why your husband stopped communicating with you for a while?,for all I know,the man might be facing some real difficulties there ranging from immigration problem,work permit issues,and many others.....few years ago, someone close to me travelled abroad, communication with the mother and siblings was constant and good,till around 3 weeks after he travelled and he got into trouble,he spent around 9 months in jail and throughout all those period he was in jail,there was no communication with the mother who was almost dieing gradually thinking that his son has abandoned her not knowing what the guy was going through all those period, it's not easy out there my dear,be strong for your kids,seek help from your relatives if you have the option and most importantly,pray fervently for your husband.

You're obviously spending beyond your means, that's the chief pressure here. Cut down on spendings. Live and survive on 52k per month, it is possible. Live joyfully and take that weight off your shoulders.

Image123:
You're obviously spending beyond your means, that's the chief pressure here. Cut down on spendings. Live and survive on 52k per month, it is possible. Live joyfully and take that weight off your shoulders.

Well 52k with 2 kids - feeding, paying houserent, school fees and all other things is not a joke, it's not enough simple. She will barely get by.

Just food stuff for the kids will gulp a substantial amount of that money. Food is astronomically expensive now. So what should she cut down, food for the family, house rent or school fees?

Just saying anyway, I hope OP gets help.

Anyway OP it's expected your MIL will think you are the one not allowing their son to live up to his responsibilities to them, if you ask me that's least of your worries, that's how some I laws are. if you explain to her and she doesn't listen just ignore her when she starts.

Your major aim now is to ensure you and your children get by and a bit comfortable at least till your husband's feet is stable enough to send chop money.

Later they will say marry, marriage brings blessings . Op sorry o.

Image123:
You're obviously spending beyond your means, that's the chief pressure here. Cut down on spendings. Live and survive on 52k per month, it is possible. Live joyfully and take that weight off your shoulders.

Eskiss ooh, are u a Nigeria based Nigerian wo/man? Do u work and earn in naira? Do u pay ur own bills? I doubt d answer to these questions are yes bcoz how do u expect a single mother of 2 to survive on 52k monthly? Didn't u read d parts where she mentioned feeding, paying house rent, school fees and d rest? And she's also in huge debt too, shey 700k wa kere ni?

Madam, I pray ur angel locates u ooh bcoz it's damn hard everywhere but I will implore u to go with @toobusy advice, she actually sum it up. And I think ur mother in-law acted dat way bcoz she's not hearing from her son too, u think it would be easy for a man to abandon his mother and wife? No, I doubt it! Pls pray fervently for God's intervention, I wish u d best

Klass99:


You have started o!

Op's case is even small compared to the ones I see around me everyday. I still don't know why people have kids in Nigeria, a country with absolutely no working social contract. Even if we give her money, what happens after the money finishes.

The worst part is that to Japada is shameful.

Hope your hubby is not the type that has flooded Whatsapp status with snow pictures.

Klass99:


Which one exactly is your concern? People getting married or having children? The comment I quoted was you talking about marriage, now you have shifted goal post to children.

I feel for her because of the 700k debt. Financial debt can be like the hang man's noose around your neck. Her entire predicament is the kind of suffer head I don't like or want in this life.

But she has no choice. 52k is too low for two kids. Too fucking low. It is a really bad situation. I hope OP gets help.

Depressionkill:



Trust me bro, it took me lots of courage to do this! I pondered on it for a very long time before I finally decided to bring it online. I'm not usually like this but then, desperate times deserve desperate measures!

And yes, I need help!!!!!!! I will give all evidence required including my office address and my social media pages! I will as well reveal my real NL moniker if need be!

Go to Twitter. You'll find help

Also, go to your brother with your kids. I pray he also help you but if you don't go, you won't know if he'll help.

toobusy:
When your husband told you that abroad isn't as easy as people think,he was right,have you tried to find out why your husband stopped communicating with you for a while?,for all I know,the man might be facing some real difficulties there ranging from immigration problem,work permit issues,and many others.....few years ago, someone close to me travelled abroad, communication with the mother and siblings was constant and good,till around 3 weeks after he travelled and he got into trouble,he spent around 9 months in jail and throughout all those period he was in jail,there was no communication with the mother who was almost dieing gradually thinking that his son has abandoned her not knowing what the guy was going through all those period, it's not easy out there my dear,be strong for your kids,seek help from your relatives if you have the option and most importantly,pray fervently for your husband.

My guy travelled to Yankee as a coder, some years back. He went completely offline

Someone was telling the missus the guy was offline because he was doing top secret work for Google. I pooh poohed this, did some Google fu

I found he got arrested by police, accused of resisting arrest and jailed for over 12 months or so. I think trump had initiated some no bail law for immigrants, and he may have had no one to bail him.
Guy developed an infection and died in prison.

So i basically found through Google that my guy was dead. A real fked up story

GloriousGbola:


My guy travelled to Yankee as a coder, some years back. He went completely offline

Someone was telling the missus the guy was offline because he was doing top secret work for Google. I pooh poohed this, did some Google fu

I found he got arrested by police, accused of resisting arrest and jailed for over 12 months or so. I think trump had initiated some no bail law for immigrants, and he may have had no one to bail him.
Guy developed an infection and died in prison.

So i basically found through Google that my guy was dead. A real fked up story

What!

Many years ago, my sis and her husband also japaed. Her husband was in pwc and he travelled as a pwc staff
Sis was a doctor doing cert exams. My guy was laid off and things changed immediately. He could not get a job with his naija degree. He had to do a Yankee masters. For like two years plus everyone was providing support before they found their feet again.
Saving grace was everyone was doing reasonably well and could chip in.

Obodo oyibo can flip on you fast. And unlike Indians, Nigerians do not do the community support thing.

Na wa o. We can arrange something for you. I'm quite worried about this your case.