Hi guys. I really need your say on this matter cos it would actually steer the course of this relationship in the next few months.

I have been dating her for about 4 years (right from school), we both are through with school and she is currently pursuing her PG while am working and hoping for a brighter and rewarding future. We love each other so dearly and look towards settling soon. I always try to please her and be there for her at all times but the ish is that when I do not have the strength to go on like I have been challenged emotionally/financially in the past 2 years, I rely on her love to lift us up but when it doesn't happen, it leaves me disheartened/distressed and even realize that it takes so much for her to sacrifice/compromise for the sake of our relationship (I don't mean sex - she's one of those girls who are tightly sheltered by her parents and it's not like I am asking her to disregard her folks too or want to sleep with her)

All of this compounding over the time has been making me doubt our relationship because she recently called her not making the sacrifice of ever visiting me once since we we've been through with school, when I lost my mum recently and even suffered some trauma as a,   LITTLE ISSUE. (I'm still living in my parents house though cos my mum is late and old man is lonely, but plan getting mine soon).

Although we were always communicating through phone (especially when she was on service but is through now) coupled with the times I was sickly in love, swallowed my ego and still went to visit her after I had sworn never to but forgave her and went to visit her in her parents place.

I can no longer bear it anymore and fed up cos it is as she does not know/understand my feelings seeing her around me.

I simply don't have a clue what this poster is on about, were is the question?!

op
what do u want us 2 do 4 u?  

OP, i don't get it  

4wardever:


I always try to please her and be there for her at all times but the ish is that when I do not have the strength to go on like I have been challenged emotionally/financially in the past 2 years, I rely on her love to lift us up but when it doesn't happen, it leaves me disheartened/distressed
All of this compounding over the time has been making me doubt our relationship because she recently called her not
I can no longer bear it anymore and fed up cos it is as she does not know/understand my feelings

Op I have read your op 2 times and this is my deduction.

You guys need to spend some time and talk about your feelings.I think you are [b]assuming [/b]a lot of things and expecting the other partner to know what's inside your mind without letting them into your mind.
Do not conclude before you talk.You may be amazed by her response.

@ OP: ure concerned ur gf doesn't come to visit u? And you only go visit her ? Have you xpressed ur concern to her ?

If she loves you, i don't see why she couldn't have visited you since u guys left school, plus service, especially when ur mum passed away(accept my condolences dear). Or is she too sheltered? Does her family know about you? If yes, then i dont think there's any excuse she did not pay her condolences to ''someone close to her heart''-that is if u are- personally, Or bothered to see you since leaving school. I mean, you guys are adults and through with school, plus service, so the r/ship can't still be ''children's play''. Besides, why call her absense at the burial a LITTLE ISSUE?? Hey! Are you sure u're not the one pursuing a r/ship that's heading for the rocks? Be careful before you hear (after many years), '' I'm sorry. But i'm engaged to be married to someone else''. Hmmmmmm.

claremont:

I simply don't have a clue what this poster is on about, were is the question?!

seconded

pendo89:

Op I have read your op 2 times and this is my deduction.

You guys need to spend some time and talk about your feelings.I think you are [b]assuming [/b]a lot of things and expecting the other partner to know what's inside your mind without letting them into your mind.
Do not conclude before you talk.You may be amazed by her response.

My dear, let's be sincere here. A partner that acts like the death of his/her lover's parent is ''a little thing'' is to be viewed as wat? Not even a condolence visit, even if after the burial?

The love is too much for your girl and you will eventually be the weak one in the relationship,she did not visit when you mother died,thats really bad if you have dated somebody for 4 years and she did not come to consule you,well i think you need to have the heart of a lion,if not you will be taken for a ride for so many years.Try and dont call her for 2months and remove your mind,she will come calling if she really likes you.Not having your own place is not an issue,because you still have a roof and she could manage till you get yours.dont concentrate on pleasing anyone.

Wislet:

My dear, let's be sincere here. A partner that acts like the death of his/her lover's parent is ''a little thing'' is to be viewed as wat? Not even a condolence visit, even if after the burial?

Thank you for highlighting that.
I must admit this post was very difficult to understand so I only picked what I could understand.
That's truly sad.But this girl seems to be soo sheltered to the point that she has lost touch with the emotional part.
Its like she doesn't know how to express herself emotionally and acts tough and hard.
I dont know whether her upbringing is to blame but she needs to soften up and be normal.

I still think they need to really talk till that girl breaks down those walls that have made her soo insensitive.
She could be having issues unsolved and they can help each other out.

claremont:

I simply don't have a clue what this poster is on about, were is the question?!

My Brother, let me put the question this way: IS SHE TAKING ME FOR A RIDE OR SHE'S JUST PLAINLY IMMATURE AND STILL A DADDY'S GIRL?

M M M:

op
what do u want us 2 do 4 u?  

Pls advice me on what you would do if you found your self in this state.

pendo89:

Op I have read your op 2 times and this is my deduction.

You guys need to spend some time and talk about your feelings.I think you are assuming [/b]a lot of things and expecting the other partner to know what's inside your mind without letting them into your mind.
Do not conclude before you talk.You may be amazed by her response.

We have talked and I poured out the issue to her that her presence close to me now will do a lot of good but it's either we talk it over on the phone or I do the visiting. I doubt if she understands what my expectations are even after times spent together.

obowunmi:

@ OP: ure concerned your gf doesn't come to visit u? And you only go visit her ? Have you xpressed your concern to her ?

My brother, I have expressed it and that's what she considers as a [b]LITTLE ISSUE. She claims she has a  lot of restrictions on her movements and parents do not welcoming her friends (Now this has generated series of arguements as she only welcomes my visits when her folks are not around)

Wislet:

If she loves you, i don't see why she couldn't have visited you since u guys left school, plus service, especially when your mum passed away(accept my condolences dear). Or is she too sheltered? Does her family know about you? If yes, then i dont think there's any excuse she did not pay her condolences to ''someone close to her heart''-that is if u are- personally, Or bothered to see you since leaving school. I mean, you guys are adults and through with school, plus service, so the r/ship can't still be ''children's play''. Besides, why call her absense at the burial a LITTLE ISSUE?? Hey! Are you sure u're not the one pursuing a r/ship that's heading for the rocks? Be careful before you hear (after many years), '' I'm sorry. But i'm engaged to be married to someone else''. Hmmmmmm.

Thanks Wislet. U truly understand my pains     It's amazing that she is always scared to talk about me to her family cos according to her, "they will not welcome any suitor until after her PG studies". Now, this gets me thinking, can't a guy be even introduced as a friend just to cover her tracks and avoid their drama? or do I have to wait until the INTRODUCTION before meeting my girl's Family? Is she just being immature or does not consider me fit to meet her parents (mind you, I am familiar with all her siblings and they call me BROS)
I am confused on what to do dear.  

Wislet:

My dear, let's be sincere here. A partner that acts like the death of his/her lover's parent is ''a little thing'' is to be viewed as wat? Not even a condolence visit, even if after the burial?

NOW THAT'S THE PART THAT IS STILL BOILING IN MA VEINS!!!!  

odiaero:

@ Backward-ever the poster, are u confuse?

Pls read the title again and pause before typing anything. There is no room for name-calling here.

pendo89:

Thank you for highlighting that.
I must admit this post was very difficult to understand so I only picked what I could understand.
That's truly sad.But this girl seems to be soo sheltered to the point that she has lost touch with the emotional part.
Its like she doesn't know how to express herself emotionally and acts tough and hard.
I dont know whether her upbringing is to blame but she needs to soften up and be normal.

I still think they need to really talk till that girl breaks down those walls that have made her soo insensitive.
She could be having issues unsolved and they can help each other out.

WHAT ISSUES? IS IT THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR SHE'S JUST MANAGING ME? TO TAKE ME  FOR A RIDE IS ONE THING SHE WILL REGRET DOING!!!!

Thanks Wislet. U truly understand my pains     It's amazing that she is always scared to talk about me to her family cos according to her, "they will not welcome any suitor until after her PG studies". Now, this gets me thinking, can't a guy be even introduced as a friend just to cover her tracks and avoid their drama? or do I have to wait until the INTRODUCTION before meeting my girl's Family? Is she just being immature or does not consider me fit to meet her parents (mind you, I am familiar with all her siblings and they call me BROS)
I am confused on what to do dear.   , ,,, SHE IS STILL VERY MUCH SCARED OF HER PARENTS. And why does she think her parents will not hear of you? She's no longer a small girl (and they do know that).

NOW THAT'S THE PART THAT IS STILL BOILING IN MA VEINS!!!!   , ,,, I KNOW DEAR. DAT WAS TACTLESS.

WHAT ISSUES? IS IT THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR SHE'S JUST MANAGING ME? TO TAKE ME  FOR A RIDE IS ONE THING SHE WILL REGRET DOING!!!! , ,,. Lol. Calm down. I think u should try and take it a bit easier with her, ok? If she wants to wait a bit more, indulge her. The main issues bothering you are her non visits and the statement. The visits you understand-she's probably avoiding risking anyone seeing her who might know her parents. So indulge her. But hey! She no be small girl again oo. As for the statement, instead of suffering in silence, talk to her about it ok? She might not hav put much thought to it like u are. And try to enquire from her if u're still ''the prince of her heart'' so u know where u stand.

There is no rship here you are in a dreamworld. Move on. If you decide to talk to her she may confuse you the more, its shall i say over and thank God you are fed up.

understand ur pains dude. . .

andromida:

There is no rship here you are in a dreamworld. Move on. If you decide to talk to her she may confuse you the more, its shall i say over and thank God you are fed up.

Precisely.

neva u love a woman more than she loves u! Op u dey mad?

@ poster who told u that you are im a relatiomship? from what I make of your post, This woman looks to have quit the 'relationship (if there was ever any) ages ago and hopes you'll figure that out.

Posted on: Yesterday at 12:15:36 PM
Posted by: Wislet
Lol. Calm down. I think u should try and take it a bit easier with her, ok? If she wants to wait a bit more, indulge her. The main issues bothering you are her non visits and the  statement. The visits you understand-she's probably avoiding risking anyone seeing her who might know her parents. So indulge her. But hey! She no be small girl again oo. As for the statement, instead of suffering in silence, talk to her about it ok? She might not hav put much thought to it like u are. [/b]And try to enquire from her if u're still ''the prince of her heart'' so u know where u stand.

A bit more? Seriously, have u tried putting yourself in my place and see how it feels then u could even just ASK FOR MORE.
[b]She might not hav put much thought to it like u are. >>> Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks!
Try to enquire from her if u're still ''the prince of her heart' >>> Only her phone calls and SMS say that!

andromida:

There is no rship here you are in a dreamworld. Move on. If you decide to  talk to her she may confuse you the more, its shall i say over and thank God you are fed up.

Even though am fed up, I believe that it she can still make amends and early too before I let it out,   The clock is ticking.

kpolli:

understand your pains dude. . .

So what do u advice me to do my brother?

Seun:

Precisely.

Seun, have you ever been in love? Things of the heart are not like computers or cars (no pun intended),  some can still be fixed too U know?

Boyloaf:

neva u love a woman more than she loves u! Op u dey mad?

Someone gats to love more in a relationship. Besides, I think u shd go and soak ur name in water and see what happens.

martin2699:

@ poster who told u that you are im a relatiomship? from what I make of your post, This woman looks to have quit the 'relationship (if there was ever any) ages ago and hopes you'll figure that out.

Fortunately there was. Can u tell me ur idea of any PERFECT RELATIONSHIP?

Op, you lost your mom and your gal called it a small issue? she could not be bothered to visit you. After graduation she has never visited you in your parents home. Is she 10 yrs old and cannot come out of her house? Is she chained to her house? her parents have a bodyguard watching her 24/7? or is she that slow and cannot comprehend the demands of a rship? or are you so unpresentable and must remain hidden from her family? When you go to her house does she walk with you to your car or to get a cab? have you ever set your eyes on her parents and when you did did they drive you out of the house or after you left you heard she was beaten and almost died. In the abscence of this events i believe ur sweetheart is not into you. Love makes sacrifices.she did not lift her leg to your house to comfort you, offer a shoulder to lean on during your trauma and YOU believe there is a r/ship.

The writing is clear. This gal has since left you she is waiting for you to get the message yet you insist on holding on to her. Do not blame her for any pains you are going through you are entirely responsible for all this stress you are putting yourself through and yes the clock is ticking but its ticking for you.

andromida:

Op, you lost your mom and your gal called it a small issue? she could not be bothered to visit you. After graduation she has never visited you in your parents home. Is she 10 yrs old and cannot come out of her house? Is she chained to her house? her parents have a bodyguard watching her 24/7? or is she that slow and cannot comprehend the demands of a rship? or are you so unpresentable and must remain hidden from her family? When you go to her house does she walk with you to your car or to get a cab? have you ever set your eyes on her parents and when you did did they drive you out of the house or after you left you heard she was beaten and almost died. In the abscence of this events i believe your sweetheart is not into you. Love makes sacrifices.she did not lift her leg to your house to comfort you, offer a shoulder to lean on during your trauma and YOU believe there is a r/ship.

The writing is clear. This gal has since left you she is waiting for you to get the message yet you insist on holding on to her.  Do not blame her for any pains you are going through you are entirely responsible for all this stress you are putting yourself through and yes the clock is ticking but its ticking for you.

All of what U wrote have just made me start feeling weak. I hope I can continue my jobs for the rest of today (I'm a web designer) How could I have been so blind to all of this?    In love, why should one person suffer all this pain? Why are some girls so cruel? I used to accept and mentally excuse her for not being able to meet up & not to sound demanding, I indulge her but,  THIS IS THE LAST STRAW! 
Andromida, thank u. Can you understand why some guys choose to be players? And to think that she was one of THE FEW GOOD ONES left.
MY MIND IS MADE UP!!! 

There is no need to be bitter. what is happening to you is happening to millions around the world even as i type. She was trying to be gentle with you that is why she could not tell you and hoped you will understand. Tomorrow you may meet some girl who loves you but you may not love her does that mean she should go ahead and become a slut? Just mourn your loss and move on work on yourself financially, socially, morally and anyother way u know how to be a better person and next time dont be a fool in love.

Poster, this is not an issue of PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. Like I said earlier, she's quit the relationship already but probably dont know how to tell u. I know u feel like giving her the benefit of doubt but its really pountless cos you will keep waiting, hoping and hurting. You need to move on girls jaburata everywhere(good, bad, ugly, fine, ) just tell yourself its over and please DON'T TELL HER ITS OVER she already knows that. Just stop calling and don't rush to find another girl. You'll meet a new one somehow.
I wish i was as soft as some of u guys here when it comes to women

andromida:

Op, you lost your mom and your gal called it a small issue? she could not be bothered to visit you. After graduation she has never visited you in your parents home. Is she 10 yrs old and cannot come out of her house? Is she chained to her house? her parents have a bodyguard watching her 24/7? or is she that slow and cannot comprehend the demands of a rship? or are you so unpresentable and must remain hidden from her family? When you go to her house does she walk with you to your car or to get a cab? have you ever set your eyes on her parents and when you did did they drive you out of the house or after you left you heard she was beaten and almost died. In the abscence of this events i believe your sweetheart is not into you. Love makes sacrifices.she did not lift her leg to your house to comfort you, offer a shoulder to lean on during your trauma and YOU believe there is a r/ship.

The writing is clear. This gal has since left you she is waiting for you to get the message yet you insist on holding on to her. Do not blame her for any pains you are going through you are entirely responsible for all this stress you are putting yourself through and yes the clock is ticking but its ticking for you.

Omg! Adromina is thinking, M SO IMPRESSEd
OP, U really shld not conclude shez so not into U yet, I think U shld do a face to face talk wd her nd ask her ryt there, it is most likely shez insensitive, Wait a minute! Is she a true Child of God, as in, a born again christian

OP really sorry about what you're passing through, but seriously try to take a bit distance to think about what she really wants, even if it's hurtful
Boyloaf, why it could'nt be the reverse? " never love a man more than he does"

tenderheart!!!:

Omg! Adromina is thinking, M SO IMPRESSEd
OP, U really shld not conclude shez so not into U yet, I think U shld do a face to face talk wd her nd ask her ryt there, it is most likely shez insensitive, Wait a minute! Is she a true Child of God, as in, a born again christian

Yes she is. But why be so insensitive? Guys have needs too. And I expect my lady to be able to figure that out.

Nayah:

OP really sorry about what you're passing through, but seriously try to take a bit distance to think about what she really wants, even if it's hurtful
Boyloaf, why it could'nt be the reverse? " never love a man more than he does"

That distance was what I took to be able to realise that she had become insensitive.  "never love a man more than he does"  Whichever way, someone has got to love more you know.

I know my brother, that someone has to love maybe more but that was an answer to Boyloaf, anyway I can't say just leave it because this thing has to come naturally, but what I can say is sometimes better being selfish and focus on our happiness, so are you happy with this situation? if not, you do what you have to do

Hope I could help you a bit

4wardever:

Yes she is. But why be so insensitive? Guys have needs too. And I expect my lady to be able to figure that out.

Seriously OP, m passing thru sth similar ryt now doe I think 'WE' ain't dt matured as U two, it myt b dt, Shez tryna avoid sex b4 marriage nd to think if she comes around,  U myt ask 4 it but d aspect dt your Mum passed on nd she still couldn't come arnd is what I dnt just understnd, dt was too mean, we can't call dt insensitivity @ all, I want to biliv shez above 23, If yes, Den shez no mur a kid, A PG studnt 4 dt matter, mehn! u gats talk to her face to face, all doz I LOVE U 4 phn no do joo, I QUITE UNDERSTND OW U FEEL, ND I THINK U SHLD FIND OUT IF SHEZ SEEING SUM1 ELSE OR NOT, DER'RE WAYS U CAN GET TO KNOE, FIGURE IT OUT URSELF!!!
I hope ds helps, btw, sorry, ok Seriously, I feel 4 U nd hope things get better, LADIES SHLD NOT BE INSENSITIVE TO GUD GUYS, IT KILLZ US @ TYMS, because WE CHOSE NOT TO SLEEP WT DEM, RESPECT THEM DOESN'T MEAN, DEY SHLD BE INSENSITIVE, I'M DEAD SURE, NO REASONABLE LADY WOULD TAKE HER MAN 4 GRANTED IF HE HAD ONE TYM OR D ODA SLEPT WT HER, ESPECIALLY D GODLY ONES, LADIES ND THEIR WAHALA, SMH!!!

I really wish I could say something but don't know what to say.

Okay isn't there a possibility that she's really scared of her parents' reaction as much as you are almost feeling insecure.

something tells me we don't have enough information to condemn her actions or her sacrifices for the relationship. I believe this did not start today.
--But where she doesn't score any point is her not coming around for at least comfort, when you lost your dearest mom.

Maybe what you can do is to let her know her attitude towards the relationship is beginning to threaten the relationship and she might lose you if she doesn't gear towards her relationship success.

^^^
Last paragraph

Nayah:

I know my brother, that someone has to love maybe more but that was an answer to Boyloaf, anyway I can't say just leave it because this thing has to come naturally, but what I can say is sometimes better being selfish and focus on our happiness, so are you happy with this situation? if not, you do what you have to do

Hope I could help  you a bit

Yes you can my dear. I am not my sister cos I just told her that it's over if she is not ready to make amends (by paying the visit) and guess what? she's ok with calling the relationship off!

Some girls sef,  Anyways, @ ANDROMIDA, U R A DARLING!!!

tenderheart!!!:

Seriously OP, m passing thru sth similar ryt now doe I think 'WE' ain't dt matured as U two, [b]it myt b dt, Shez tryna avoid sex b4 marriage nd to think if she comes around,  U myt ask 4 it [/b]but d aspect dt your Mum passed on nd she still couldn't come arnd is what I dnt just understnd, dt was too mean, we can't call dt insensitivity @ all, I want to biliv shez above 23, If yes, Den shez no mur a kid, A PG studnt 4 dt matter, mehn! u gats talk to her face to face, all doz I LOVE U 4 phn no do joo, I QUITE UNDERSTND OW U FEEL, ND I THINK U SHLD FIND OUT IF SHEZ SEEING SUM1 ELSE OR NOT, DER'RE WAYS U CAN GET TO KNOE, FIGURE IT OUT URSELF!!!
I hope ds helps, btw, sorry, ok Seriously, I feel 4 U nd hope things get better, LADIES SHLD NOT BE INSENSITIVE TO GUD GUYS, IT KILLZ US @ TYMS, because WE CHOSE NOT TO SLEEP WT DEM, RESPECT THEM DOESN'T MEAN, DEY SHLD BE INSENSITIVE, I'M DEAD SURE, NO REASONABLE LADY WOULD TAKE HER MAN 4 GRANTED IF HE HAD ONE TYM OR D ODA SLEPT WT HER, ESPECIALLY D GODLY ONES, LADIES ND THEIR WAHALA, SMH!!!

That can't be cos we have both agreed that's a No-go area TILL marriage.
Says she aint with nobody but has lots of suitors. I pray they get to see this post!

dammytex:

I really wish I could say something but don't know what to say.

Okay isn't there a possibility that she's really scared of her parents' reaction as much as you are almost feeling insecure.

something tells me we don't have enough information to condemn her actions or her sacrifices for the relationship. I believe this did not start today.
--But where she doesn't score any point is her not coming around for at least comfort, when you lost your dearest mom.

Maybe what you can do is to let her know her attitude towards the relationship is beginning to threaten the relationship and she might lose you if she doesn't  gear towards her relationship success.

I JUST DID THAT! (of course with the labels that she was Proud, Selfish, Insensitive and been deceiving me) and guess what she only got angry that I called her those names but is okay to call the "relationship" of on that condition.

BTW, we have had arguements in the past but did not warrant all this drama. What info do u need?