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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) (1773 Views)
Romancelanders!! Matured Minds Pls / Can Age Be A Barrier In A Relationship???(matured Minds Pls) / I Need Ur Help Ooooo. Only Mature Minds Pls. U Just Have To Read This. (2) (3) (4)
Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by 4wardever(m): 9:40am On Aug 15, 2011 |
Hi guys. I really need your say on this matter cos it would actually steer the course of this relationship in the next few months. I have been dating her for about 4 years (right from school), we both are through with school and she is currently pursuing her PG while am working and hoping for a brighter and rewarding future. We love each other so dearly and look towards settling soon. I always try to please her and be there for her at all times but the ish is that when I do not have the strength to go on like I have been challenged emotionally/financially in the past 2 years, I rely on her love to lift us up but when it doesn't happen, it leaves me disheartened/distressed and even realize that it takes so much for her to sacrifice/compromise for the sake of our relationship (I don't mean sex - she's one of those girls who are tightly sheltered by her parents and it's not like I am asking her to disregard her folks too or want to sleep with her) All of this compounding over the time has been making me doubt our relationship because she recently called her not making the sacrifice of ever visiting me once since we we've been through with school, when I lost my mum recently and even suffered some trauma as a, LITTLE ISSUE. (I'm still living in my parents house though cos my mum is late and old man is lonely, but plan getting mine soon). Although we were always communicating through phone (especially when she was on service but is through now) coupled with the times I was sickly in love, swallowed my ego and still went to visit her after I had sworn never to but forgave her and went to visit her in her parents place. I can no longer bear it anymore and fed up cos it is as she does not know/understand my feelings seeing her around me. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by claremont(m): 10:02am On Aug 15, 2011 |
I simply don't have a clue what this poster is on about, were is the question?! 1 Like |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by MMM2(m): 10:06am On Aug 15, 2011 |
op what do u want us 2 do 4 u? ![]() |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by lindabon: 10:06am On Aug 15, 2011 |
OP, i don't get it ![]() ![]() |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by pendo89(f): 10:13am On Aug 15, 2011 |
4wardever: Op I have read your op 2 times and this is my deduction. You guys need to spend some time and talk about your feelings.I think you are [b]assuming [/b]a lot of things and expecting the other partner to know what's inside your mind without letting them into your mind. Do not conclude before you talk.You may be amazed by her response. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by obowunmi(m): 10:14am On Aug 15, 2011 |
@ OP: ure concerned ur gf doesn't come to visit u? And you only go visit her ? Have you xpressed ur concern to her ? |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Wislet(f): 10:26am On Aug 15, 2011 |
If she loves you, i don't see why she couldn't have visited you since u guys left school, plus service, especially when ur mum passed away(accept my condolences dear). Or is she too sheltered? Does her family know about you? If yes, then i dont think there's any excuse she did not pay her condolences to ''someone close to her heart''-that is if u are- personally, Or bothered to see you since leaving school. I mean, you guys are adults and through with school, plus service, so the r/ship can't still be ''children's play''. Besides, why call her absense at the burial a LITTLE ISSUE?? Hey! Are you sure u're not the one pursuing a r/ship that's heading for the rocks? Be careful before you hear (after many years), '' I'm sorry. But i'm engaged to be married to someone else''. Hmmmmmm. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Nobody: 10:28am On Aug 15, 2011 |
claremont: seconded |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Wislet(f): 10:31am On Aug 15, 2011 |
pendo89:My dear, let's be sincere here. A partner that acts like the death of his/her lover's parent is ''a little thing'' is to be viewed as wat? Not even a condolence visit, even if after the burial? |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Nobody: 10:43am On Aug 15, 2011 |
@ Backward-ever the poster, are u confuse? |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Nobody: 10:53am On Aug 15, 2011 |
The love is too much for your girl and you will eventually be the weak one in the relationship,she did not visit when you mother died,thats really bad if you have dated somebody for 4 years and she did not come to consule you,well i think you need to have the heart of a lion,if not you will be taken for a ride for so many years.Try and dont call her for 2months and remove your mind,she will come calling if she really likes you.Not having your own place is not an issue,because you still have a roof and she could manage till you get yours.dont concentrate on pleasing anyone. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by pendo89(f): 10:58am On Aug 15, 2011 |
Wislet: Thank you for highlighting that. I must admit this post was very difficult to understand so I only picked what I could understand. That's truly sad.But this girl seems to be soo sheltered to the point that she has lost touch with the emotional part. Its like she doesn't know how to express herself emotionally and acts tough and hard. I dont know whether her upbringing is to blame but she needs to soften up and be normal. I still think they need to really talk till that girl breaks down those walls that have made her soo insensitive. She could be having issues unsolved and they can help each other out. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by 4wardever(m): 11:13am On Aug 15, 2011 |
claremont: My Brother, let me put the question this way: IS SHE TAKING ME FOR A RIDE OR SHE'S JUST PLAINLY IMMATURE AND STILL A DADDY'S GIRL? M M M: Pls advice me on what you would do if you found your self in this state. pendo89: We have talked and I poured out the issue to her that her presence close to me now will do a lot of good but it's either we talk it over on the phone or I do the visiting. I doubt if she understands what my expectations are even after times spent together. obowunmi: My brother, I have expressed it and that's what she considers as a [b]LITTLE ISSUE. She claims she has a lot of restrictions on her movements and parents do not welcoming her friends (Now this has generated series of arguements as she only welcomes my visits when her folks are not around) Wislet: Thanks Wislet. U truly understand my pains ![]() ![]() I am confused on what to do dear. ![]() ![]() ![]() Wislet: NOW THAT'S THE PART THAT IS STILL BOILING IN MA VEINS!!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() odiaero: Pls read the title again and pause before typing anything. There is no room for name-calling here. pendo89: WHAT ISSUES? IS IT THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR SHE'S JUST MANAGING ME? TO TAKE ME FOR A RIDE IS ONE THING SHE WILL REGRET DOING!!!! |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Wislet(f): 12:15pm On Aug 15, 2011 |
Thanks Wislet. U truly understand my pains ![]() ![]() I am confused on what to do dear. ![]() ![]() ![]() NOW THAT'S THE PART THAT IS STILL BOILING IN MA VEINS!!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() WHAT ISSUES? IS IT THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR SHE'S JUST MANAGING ME? TO TAKE ME FOR A RIDE IS ONE THING SHE WILL REGRET DOING!!!! , ,,. Lol. Calm down. I think u should try and take it a bit easier with her, ok? If she wants to wait a bit more, indulge her. The main issues bothering you are her non visits and the statement. The visits you understand-she's probably avoiding risking anyone seeing her who might know her parents. So indulge her. But hey! She no be small girl again oo. As for the statement, instead of suffering in silence, talk to her about it ok? She might not hav put much thought to it like u are. And try to enquire from her if u're still ''the prince of her heart'' so u know where u stand. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Nobody: 12:32pm On Aug 15, 2011 |
There is no rship here you are in a dreamworld. Move on. If you decide to talk to her she may confuse you the more, its shall i say over and thank God you are fed up. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by kpolli(m): 4:43pm On Aug 15, 2011 |
understand ur pains dude. . . |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Seun(m): 5:43pm On Aug 15, 2011 |
andromida: Precisely. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Nobody: 8:23pm On Aug 15, 2011 |
neva u love a woman more than she loves u! Op u dey mad? |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by martin2699: 12:16am On Aug 16, 2011 |
@ poster who told u that you are im a relatiomship? from what I make of your post, This woman looks to have quit the 'relationship (if there was ever any) ages ago and hopes you'll figure that out. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by 4wardever(m): 11:53am On Aug 16, 2011 |
Posted on: Yesterday at 12:15:36 PM Posted by: Wislet Lol. Calm down. I think u should try and take it a bit easier with her, ok? If she wants to wait a bit more, indulge her. The main issues bothering you are her non visits and the statement. The visits you understand-she's probably avoiding risking anyone seeing her who might know her parents. So indulge her. But hey! She no be small girl again oo. As for the statement, instead of suffering in silence, talk to her about it ok? She might not hav put much thought to it like u are. [/b]And try to enquire from her if u're still ''the prince of her heart'' so u know where u stand. A bit more? Seriously, have u tried putting yourself in my place and see how it feels then u could even just ASK FOR MORE. [b]She might not hav put much thought to it like u are. >>> Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks! Try to enquire from her if u're still ''the prince of her heart' >>> Only her phone calls and SMS say that! andromida: Even though am fed up, I believe that it she can still make amends and early too before I let it out, The clock is ticking. kpolli: So what do u advice me to do my brother? Seun: Seun, have you ever been in love? Things of the heart are not like computers or cars (no pun intended), some can still be fixed too U know? Boyloaf: Someone gats to love more in a relationship. Besides, I think u shd go and soak ur name in water and see what happens. martin2699: Fortunately there was. Can u tell me ur idea of any PERFECT RELATIONSHIP? |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Nobody: 12:23pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
Op, you lost your mom and your gal called it a small issue? she could not be bothered to visit you. After graduation she has never visited you in your parents home. Is she 10 yrs old and cannot come out of her house? Is she chained to her house? her parents have a bodyguard watching her 24/7? or is she that slow and cannot comprehend the demands of a rship? or are you so unpresentable and must remain hidden from her family? When you go to her house does she walk with you to your car or to get a cab? have you ever set your eyes on her parents and when you did did they drive you out of the house or after you left you heard she was beaten and almost died. In the abscence of this events i believe ur sweetheart is not into you. Love makes sacrifices.she did not lift her leg to your house to comfort you, offer a shoulder to lean on during your trauma and YOU believe there is a r/ship. The writing is clear. This gal has since left you she is waiting for you to get the message yet you insist on holding on to her. Do not blame her for any pains you are going through you are entirely responsible for all this stress you are putting yourself through and yes the clock is ticking but its ticking for you. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by 4wardever(m): 12:56pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
andromida: All of what U wrote have just made me start feeling weak. I hope I can continue my jobs for the rest of today (I'm a web designer) How could I have been so blind to all of this? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Andromida, thank u. Can you understand why some guys choose to be players? And to think that she was one of THE FEW GOOD ONES left. MY MIND IS MADE UP!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Nobody: 1:31pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
There is no need to be bitter. what is happening to you is happening to millions around the world even as i type. She was trying to be gentle with you that is why she could not tell you and hoped you will understand. Tomorrow you may meet some girl who loves you but you may not love her does that mean she should go ahead and become a slut? Just mourn your loss and move on work on yourself financially, socially, morally and anyother way u know how to be a better person and next time dont be a fool in love. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by martin2699: 3:08pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
Poster, this is not an issue of PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. Like I said earlier, she's quit the relationship already but probably dont know how to tell u. I know u feel like giving her the benefit of doubt but its really pountless cos you will keep waiting, hoping and hurting. You need to move on girls jaburata everywhere(good, bad, ugly, fine, ) just tell yourself its over and please DON'T TELL HER ITS OVER she already knows that. Just stop calling and don't rush to find another girl. You'll meet a new one somehow. I wish i was as soft as some of u guys here when it comes to women |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by tenderheart1: 9:16pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
andromida:Omg! Adromina is thinking, M SO IMPRESSEd OP, U really shld not conclude shez so not into U yet, I think U shld do a face to face talk wd her nd ask her ryt there, it is most likely shez insensitive, Wait a minute! Is she a true Child of God, as in, a born again christian ![]() |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Nayah(f): 9:37pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
OP really sorry about what you're passing through, but seriously try to take a bit distance to think about what she really wants, even if it's hurtful Boyloaf, why it could'nt be the reverse? " never love a man more than he does" |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by 4wardever(m): 9:43pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
tenderheart!!!: Yes she is. But why be so insensitive? Guys have needs too. And I expect my lady to be able to figure that out. Nayah: That distance was what I took to be able to realise that she had become insensitive. "never love a man more than he does" Whichever way, someone has got to love more you know. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Nayah(f): 9:46pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
I know my brother, that someone has to love maybe more but that was an answer to Boyloaf, anyway I can't say just leave it because this thing has to come naturally, but what I can say is sometimes better being selfish and focus on our happiness, so are you happy with this situation? if not, you do what you have to do Hope I could help you a bit |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by tenderheart1: 11:36pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
4wardever:Seriously OP, m passing thru sth similar ryt now doe I think 'WE' ain't dt matured as U two, it myt b dt, Shez tryna avoid sex b4 marriage nd to think if she comes around, U myt ask 4 it but d aspect dt your Mum passed on nd she still couldn't come arnd is what I dnt just understnd, dt was too mean, we can't call dt insensitivity @ all, I want to biliv shez above 23, If yes, Den shez no mur a kid, A PG studnt 4 dt matter, mehn! u gats talk to her face to face, all doz I LOVE U 4 phn no do joo, I QUITE UNDERSTND OW U FEEL, ND I THINK U SHLD FIND OUT IF SHEZ SEEING SUM1 ELSE OR NOT, DER'RE WAYS U CAN GET TO KNOE, FIGURE IT OUT URSELF!!! I hope ds helps, btw, sorry, ok ![]() |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by dammytex: 12:06am On Aug 17, 2011 |
I really wish I could say something but don't know what to say. Okay isn't there a possibility that she's really scared of her parents' reaction as much as you are almost feeling insecure. something tells me we don't have enough information to condemn her actions or her sacrifices for the relationship. I believe this did not start today. --But where she doesn't score any point is her not coming around for at least comfort, when you lost your dearest mom. Maybe what you can do is to let her know her attitude towards the relationship is beginning to threaten the relationship and she might lose you if she doesn't gear towards her relationship success. |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by Mynd44: 5:59am On Aug 17, 2011 |
^^^ Last paragraph |
Re: Why Does It Take So Much For Her To Be With Me? (Matured Minds Pls) by 4wardever(m): 11:28am On Aug 17, 2011 |
Nayah: Yes you can my dear. I am not my sister cos I just told her that it's over if she is not ready to make amends (by paying the visit) and guess what? she's ok with calling the relationship off! Some girls sef, Anyways, @ ANDROMIDA, U R A DARLING!!! tenderheart!!!: That can't be cos we have both agreed that's a No-go area TILL marriage. Says she aint with nobody but has lots of suitors. I pray they get to see this post! ![]() ![]() ![]() dammytex: I JUST DID THAT! (of course with the labels that she was Proud, Selfish, Insensitive and been deceiving me) and guess what she only got angry that I called her those names but is okay to call the "relationship" of on that condition. BTW, we have had arguements in the past but did not warrant all this drama. What info do u need? |
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