@High Chief, you have spoken well. They are advicing him not to leave his wife but the day he will lose his temper and stab her several times in pent up rage, these same useless hypocrites will be the first to say "marriage no be by force" or "why remain in an abusive relationship?". When he attacks her and decapitates her, they will call him an animal. It isn't surprising that the people urging him to continue suffering in that bondage called marriage are mostly women. If it was a woman going through to this, you'd be hearing words like "abusive,monster,insecure,kick him to the curb,take him to the cleaners,call the cops,kick his balls. . .". Bloody hypocrites.

If the poster likes, let him follow the advice of these maggotheads who can never dare try what they suggest. The ones who have, live in regret each day and are desperately seeking to break the homes of others to increase their numbers. Most of these men are out there eating from buka to buka and coming home to an empty house because they decided not to stick it out with their wives. You see some of them coming online to spew their frustrations and hyperventilating over other people's issues.

OP I ask you. . .is not better to have a wife that is sometimes violent but cooks you three healthy square meals a day than no wife at all? At least she's not cheating on you, you should be grateful for that.

Hakari, why re u getting hypertension? If a woman had come with the same problem is it not d advice pple her will give her? They will try to push the blame on d woman. Oh she nags too much, oh she denies sex, she must be doing something to set him off. A lot of women have come with worse cases of abuse dan dis and d same advice goes diborce is not an option, being divorced is worse dan being scared. Who even shocks me the most is chaircover advising that the man should slap her back, same woman who asked a woman whose husband beat her while she was pregnanat and she had a deformed baby, cc waa still telling the woman that the beating couldn't have caused that and was still telling the woman dat she may have done something to get the man dat angry. Really I think I ve done enuf and said enuf here, I really had so much respect for her, so sad how pples mind works. People who have never been abused by a spouse someone you love and trust can never understand how it feels, words cannot describe it. Is it the physical pain or the emotional one? I sometimes dream about Titilayos last moments when she realised dat he finally killed her, I remember when I used to be beaten, when he will choke me, and I start losing consciousness, I will alsways think is this angry hurting face am looking at going to be my last vision on earth? I then blank out and think about plesant things preparing to die, I would ve died there and maybe it would ve been settled as a famoly matter because pple like madam and d rest of d crew we ve on nairaland are a reflection of the pple we ve in Nigeria who believe there is a set of rules for women and a different set for men. Oh woman stay and be beaten, be cheated on and while he is doing that be subservant, men how dare she touch u slap her back infact divorce her. I thamk God that my father was strong enuf to save me from horrible pple with their horrible advice. I am out of here, Madam CC I am terribly disappointed, you are not a good person

@debrief, sometimes I wonder if you people bother for ONCE to think before you talk. You say divorce is not part of "our culture"? Really? How about signing dotted lines at the registry,church wedding/reception? Are those part of our "culture"? If you are married, would you be happy if your husband only wanted a "CULTURAL" marriage? Of course not, you would want him to sign the legal documents with witnesses that can testify in court against. You would want some leverage/advantage and the only way is through the bondage of court marriage/church marriage. By the way, divorce also happens in "our culture" e.g via returning bride price amongst other things. Abeg, make una dey think before talking.

@debrief08
Don't bother bantering with these men. In their world, the woman is ALWAYS at fault. If they trip over a stone, can't get it up, the food gets cold, his clothes don't fit because of his grotesque potbelly he got from big stouting and peppersouping with his buddies, a bird pooed on his car, he has body odor, his lazyass didn't get promoted at work, he dumps everything on her head forcing her to lash back. . . IT'S ALWAYS THE WOMAN'S FAULT. She is to blame for everything that has gone wrong in their lives. It's her fault she messed up etc Don't bother yourself abeg

arrangee:


My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think [size=14pt]I Want Out[/size]

We have just finished a serious fight and I think it has gone too far now. Today's own was the worst yet. We've been married two years and we live in the U. She tries all kinds of control methods. I'm not even allowed to get angry or the heavens will come down. She will start shouting and cursing until the neighbours come out or call police.[size=14pt] I feel trapped.[/size] She was not like this when we dated. Now, trouble is not far from the surface, we simply can't disagree amicable. The cursing and shouting is bad enough but the problem is that it gets physical with pushing and shoving and in her case she adds slaps, punches hitting me with objects etc. In all this I have never done this things to her because [size=18pt]I know that I might kill her with one touch.[/size] I know, I should walk away, but today I tried but she locked us in and hid the key. I also know you shouldn't get involved in any physicality with a woman but sometimes you just get sucked in by the provocation and antagonism - I really tried to leave today.

This is a terrible habit in our relationship. I'm worried [/b]that one day, one slap too many, and [b]I'll end up injuring her in a bad way and maybe jail.[/b]I have spoken to her people, they have advised her before. She is sorry and quiet for a month and next thing, one small thing and boom. [b][size=16pt]I don't know what else to do, I have exhausted every avenue[/size] - I hate to be a failure but divorce might just [size=14pt]save our lives.[/size]

OP,

You better run!  Surely, life's too short to be so miserable.  

Unless you already have children together.  Then it's gonna be misery for the rest of both your lives. 

@sisi_kill, I should sue you for "copy catting" my previous post. It's infringement, lol.

The men I can attempt to understand madam CC I can't, take it from one who has been abused, no one wants to be abused, expect does who willingly and knowingly marry an abuser, I married my best friend, my brother someone who never used to even drink who hated drinking, the change suprised and shocked everyone especially me. Nothing was ever good enough if I talk I talked too much if I was quiet I was too quiet it was suspicious. People like CC who I tot were older and wiser and I would confide in will always make me feel I was not doing enough. Till today I still flinch and try to cover my face if someone raises his arm. Been divorced almost 6 yrs been remarried almost 3 yrs and I still ve nightmares, am still afraid and insecure. I know what sbuse does believe me, for all d wicked men here who push women to death, may you have daughters, may they marry abusers

Poster please listen to sisikill and myself. We have been there, done it. Hold unto your wife please. Don't listen to Johndoe and co telling you to leave her, they are just internet kids. Follow the advise of we mature ones.


Divorce is not an option. Men don't kick women to the curbs in our culture.

Sisi_Kill:

If the poster likes, let him follow the advice of these maggotheads who can never dare try what they suggest. The ones who have, live in regret each day and are desperately seeking to break the homes of others to increase their numbers. Most of these men are out there eating from buka to buka and coming home to an empty house because they decided not to stick it out with their wives. You see some of them coming online to spew their frustrations and hyperventilating over other people's issues.

OP I ask you. . .is not better to have a wife that is sometimes but violent but cooks you three healthy square meals a day than no wife at all? At least she's not cheating on you, you should be grateful for that.

Thank you. Some of them are not even married, never been married and never being in a relationship,so how dare they tell him to leave his wife?

The man has refused to leave his wife , why are they taking panadol for another person's headache?

To all the women urging the poster to continue suffering in bondage, may your sons end up like the poster with wives who beat them on a daily basis. Maybe your loved brodas and male cousins also "enjoy" the same time of marriage. What's good for the goose should be good for the gander. All these useless people talking rubbish would have dragged demons from hell if it was their own loved one going through this. Rubbish!

isale_gan2:

OP,

You better run!  Surely, life's too short to be so miserable.  

Unless you already have children together.  Then it's gonna be misery for the rest of both your lives.  

Please don't listen to this poster, he or she wants to ruin your life. Take it from me.

@Debrief

Just married less than 3 years? oh girl I envy you. Enjoy the honeymoon phase jare.


@OP

Home wreckers are on the loose, Don't listen to them.

LOL

This thread sef.Where is the OP ? Gone on his knees praying for his wife's change of heart or kneeling,hands up,eyez shut as the wife instructed?

Seriously OP,do the right thing.Do not hit back at her,do not wait for her to hit you again.Remove urself from the abusive relationship/environment,plan on a permanent solution.

Haba ify ogini zi? Please don't advise him to leave his wife. It's not good ooooo

@poster, can't you see these women are making fun of you? It always gives them extasy to see a man drowning in suffering and sorrow. Perhaps it's because of the "down with men syndrome".

@poster, these women are mis-advicing you to protect the selfish interest of their fellow woman. They don't care if you next comment on this thread comes while you are in a hospital bed recovering from multiple stabbings from your wife! These women DON'T CARE! Trust me on that. They would rather re-advice you to "sit her down,hold her hand and talk things over", as if you haven't been doing that before. One of them (madam chaircover who happens to be one of the top ranking female NL knights) went as far as telling you to slap her back (knowing fully well that the action would be your auto ticket to a lengthy jail term). That's just how vile,wicked and twisted the heart of a woman really is. THEY DON'T CARE! Don't let them threaten you with fairy tales of "unhappy" divorced men who are lonely and live in regret. They are merely playing on your insecurities and if you understand female shaming/manipulations very well, you can literally force a yam tuber down their throats before they utter their usual nonsensical garbage called "conversation". How long can you hold out? One thing I know with women is that once they form a habit, it takes serious drastic action for them to stop. She will continue yelling,slapping,punching,kicking and stabbing you till your old age (if heart failure doesn't kill you before then). She will do it in front of family members,friends and your kids! How long will it take before you cave in and either maim or kill her? Talking will not change the habit (you have tried and witnessed this). Do away with this woman now before you do the unthinkable. Don't let your insecurities or the female shaming tactics get to you. they donty give a $hit about you. That's the truth Bruva! ! !

harakiri:

@poster, these women are mis-advicing you to protect the selfish interest of their fellow woman. . . . 

. . .That's just how vile,wicked and twisted the heart of a woman really is. THEY DON'T CARE! Don't let them threaten you with fairy tales of "unhappy" divorced men who are lonely and live in regret. They are merely playing on your insecurities and if you understand female shaming/manipulations very well, you can literally force a yam tuber down their throats before they utter their usual nonsensical garbage called "conversation". How long can you hold out? One thing I know with women is that once they form a habit, it takes serious drastic action for them to stop. . . .

Harakiri,
Is something very wrong with you, old boy?

@harakiri,
Please slow down.
Brother man slow down and think.
First of all check the original posters name-Arangee.-4 posts.
This is a clear case of multiple identities.
The feminists on the forum ganged up to create this story in order to make fools of brothers.
This story is as fake as a Million Naira bill.
Reading through the posts I have noticed someone called sisi kill twisting some of my older posts and relating them to this post-

Sisi_Kill:

I'm sorry but I can't accept this, I think you are just making excuses because you are listening to Internet Nigerians

My dear, this is the last place you should have come to for advice, cos most of the men on this forum are in self denial. If you trace them to their homes they have bigger issues with their wives/partners, than you do but they will come onto cyberspace and pretend all is well in their households, and then they will give you advise to leave your wives/partner. Okay-you decide to leave your wife? Are you gonna remain celibate for the rest of your life? If you leave your wife today, and meet a new woman-do you think this new woman will not beat you even worse? Is this new woman coming from Mars

Look, my brother women beat men all the time-you can not understand this but that's the way it is. You may not even commit any offense against your woman or she's is just on her period and she hits you- It happens all the time(Although not as blatantly as your wife's case)

Listen to me cos am only gonna say this once- DO NOT LEAVE YOUR WIFE!

What you need to do is sit down with her, when she is in a good mood and have a heart to heart talk with her. Ask her what she detests about you and try to make amend, if not for yourself but for your unborn children.

Pamper your woman-Women love this but would not tell you cos they want to appear weak.

Cook good food for her once in awhile.

Give her a manicure/Pedicure treatment and facials,

Put her favorite beverage in the fridge and have an intimate moment alone. 

Run her bath for her.

Give her good s.ex.(Be inventive)

She is your woman-fight to keep her!!!

A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE!

I feel you need to step up your love game, cos from your post it appears your wife is sexually frustrated and that frustration has taken the form of violence against you. You can turn that raw violent sexxxual energy into something positive because It appears she's into S & M. Dude, you just need to up your game.

Finally I am gonna tell you something- Every woman wants a gentleman in public but a beast in the bedroom. Remember there is nothing indecent about how you make love to your woman- so step up your game.

This is PLAGIARISM of the highest order.
What I am simply saying is this is a case that shows that people on this forum have multiple identities.
The story is fake.
It was dreamed up by the fertile imagination of the feminists on this forum.

@isale_gan2, why not state what is FALSE in what I have said so far to begin with? That way, we can uncover what is "wrong" with me. Hmmm?

@richvkunt, what's up Bruva! I suspected it could be a phoney tale from the get-go but I also know there are bruvas out there going through this mess and reading this. These bruvas could be getting wrong ideas from all the garbage these women are putting up here. I took the poster's thread with a pinch of salt. In between, that "sisi_kill" character has a knack for manipulating the comments of other posters (I'm also a "victim)

@Harakiri,
Am cool,brother.
Jenny kadry and chaircover are behind this false story.
You can see that debrief08 who is one of their members is not in on the joke that is why she is questioning cc's posts.
It is a set up.
IGNORE THIS THREAD.

@Richvkunt, Points noted!

The MOD should ban all this silly ladies from Nairaland, enough of this rubbish.

...

@OP

The ball is in your court, if I were you I swear by God who made me that I'll not last one more day with a woman that abuse me physically at every available opportunity. I know why harakiri is advising you to leave this woman and to be honest if truly this woman is battering you this way if you continue in this relationship one day I am very sure you'll snap.

Most of the advise being offered to you here by women are impractical, imagine someone asking you to give her menicure and pedicure blah blah balh does he knows what you already do for her before and how much effort you've have made? how is cooking for your wife and all these jargons stop an abusive wife and FOR HOW LONG?

Let me be honest with you I have personally witness at least 3 relationship involving Nigerian in this UK where the woman rule the house like a dictator. there is nothing and i mean nothing these men have not done to make their wives reason all to no avail. There is a Yoruba proverb  that says "Bi a gu ata lodo bi a lo ata lolo ata o ni pa wa da" This means if you like grind you pepper in a blender   of even if you like grind am for inside pestle and mortal it won't stop the pepper from being hot. Many of these women will never change because the spirit that is ruling their minds is the sprit of pride and the spirit of pride will normally lead to destruction. Igeyin lo ma dun oloku ada

To make matters worst many of these women are leaders in the Church and when you see them on sundays in church you'll believe they are angels that descended from heaven. One of the women in the 3 relationship I mentioned above can go from being an angel in the church now (we attend the same church so I know and we shared flat together years ago before my wife joined me here) to a devil as soonas she get home, she has absolutely no regard for her husband, these has been going on for more than 6 years now and despite all the efforts of the man as advised by many the story is still the same.

SO OP the choice is your is either you continue with your suffering probably for life (as i am sure such women never change) or channel a new life for yourself. Marriage no be by force. i don talk my own. goodluck

^^Op don't listen to this poster. All women are natural men beaters and panelbeaters, some haven't discovered their hidden beating talent yet, whilst some like your wife already have. You should be happy that your wife is showing you her true colour and not pretending.

Please don't listen to the Internet Nigerian kids. They will ruin your life. Look at them drinking panadol for your headache.

The Op does not want to leave his wife, na by force?

@Op
Take your wife to Santa Barbara on a vacation, that is what spouses do. Been there, done it.

@sisi_kill

If you are going to qoute me have the  common decency to attribute the words to me. I am sure that that is not to hard to do, is it.
If this is a fake story from the d.ildo acrobats like JK & co, it would not surprise me. What do you expect from internet Nigerians.

The hypocrisy on this forum is sometimes very preposterous!
If a woman said her husband was slapping her around; I reckon a lot of people here will have something different to say?
Physical abuse is WRONG! I reckon he hasn't tried to do anything because he's a good man + doesn't want to go to jail
I'm not taking sides and I ain't saying he should leave her or stay but at least let's be realistic and honest that a man is being
abused.

jennykadry:

^^Op don't listen to this poster. All women are natural men beaters and panelbeaters, some haven't discovered their hidden beating talent yet, whilst some like your wife already have. You should be happy that your wife is showing you her true colour and not pretending.

Please don't listen to the Internet Nigerian kids. They will ruin your life. Look at them drinking panadol for your headache.

The Op does not want to leave his wife, na by force?


Take your wife to Santa Barbara on a vacation, that is what spouses do. Been there, done it.

Santa Barbara ko Santa Marmara ni.

OP, have you noticed that wives in the African region don't tend to abuse their husbands cos they know the beatings they would get in return won't get number 2. They only do this in the west to provoke you to act and then get you arrested of domestic violence.

Your best bet is to leave her for a while and get a small apt and get on with your business, she will come back and beg, they always do.

^^^ Them send you? Please don't come hiaaaaa and scatter someone's marriage abeg.

Divorce is not an option here, neither is separation.

Op has to stick with his wife and be grateful that she is not cheating.

...

jennykadry:

^^^ Them send you? Please don't come hiaaaaa and scatter someone's marriage abeg.

Divorce is not an option here, neither is separation.

Op has to stick with his wife and be grateful that she is not cheating.

Jennykadry, this is coming from you? On these boards, you advice women to divorce their abusive husbands regularly. Why is this different?

I'm not even advising him to divorce, just to let her be on her own for about a month.