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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out (11406 Views)
My Marriage Is Crashing, I Think I Hate Him...Help / Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? / I Think I Am Pregnant (2) (3) (4)
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Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by ariblaze(m): 4:54pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
funkybaby: meaning i choose not to ever get married |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by Nobody: 4:55pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
@Topic Stay away from that woman. Do not see or talk to her until she tells her family what exactly she wants out of this marriage. BTW FunKybaby, how is that your relationship going? |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by funkybaby(f): 4:57pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
ariblaze: oh ok. but you will have babymamas? |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by funkybaby(f): 5:00pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
jennykadry: Very well, thank you. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by duno: 5:04pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
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Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by olapluto(m): 5:13pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Bottom line of story: Take a decent woman from Nigeria and bring her to UK (London especially), then you will see a transformation within months. You just have to pray my brother. So many times men have had to call their friends in the night so they dont sleep on the streets. As for me, I believe you need to work twice as hard to re-establish control. You lost it right at the beginning by not stamping it out right from day 1. I believe if you had refused violence and perhaps ignored her for a month after the first incidence, she will think twice before the second. I think you need to stay more around men in south London to learn how to keep a wife. You're not alone my brother, but you need to man up this time. Its her choice now: either she calms down and remains married, or she stays on her high horses and joins the club of single ladies in London. And if she had been here for sometime, she knows she becomes a toy in the hands of London men if she chooses to stay single. She is very lucky indeed and she's only doing this because you spoilt her. There are many ways to deal with women without raising a hand. For Nigerian women, it is even easier. You need to be nasty at times too. Your nastiness is not to hurt her, but to make her realise how lucky she is. Again, remember: to keep a London wife, you must be ready to behave like a London husband. Simple |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by blank(f): 5:13pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Now, I have read through and i understand. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by SisiKill1: 5:13pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Rotflmao @ Feminist Cabal! So what did we do? We used our secret telephone to call arrange's wife, instructed her to beat the royal crap out of him then we used our special powers to psychically suggest to OP to come and post his story here so we can use it to promote our dastardly goals? Bwahahahahaha!! Oh! Guys. . .as much as I loooooove the idea of a Feminist Cabal with the power to control unsuspecting persons (I swear, I'm hitting Seun up to discuss that) this is not the case. Sadly, Arrange's story is real, unfortunately for him, it came at the right time. . .let's call it providence!! Every day on the family section women come here to pour their hearts out (Just like the OP) and what do they get in return? Ridiculous, impractical advice. Sometimes these women get more tongue lashing than they get at home from some NL men. Now the situation is reversed all the men are huffing and puffing, ranting and raving and kicking a storm. . .like someone said, it's is amazing how things look from the other side. High_ Chief
Whoa! High_Chief. . . are you dissimising prayers? And did you just say if a union is not working and gets physical, the best option is to parts ways? Nooooooo! Really?!! Well, I hope you remember this when the next abused wife comes here with her story. Harakiri (there are so many nuggets of wisdom to pick from this one’s post. . .I don’t even know where to start from) @High Chief, you have spoken well. They are advicing him not to leave his wife but the day he will lose his temper and stab her several times in pent up rage, these same useless hypocrites will be the first to say "marriage no be by force" or "why remain in an abusive relationship?". When he attacks her and decapitates her, they will call him an animal. It isn't surprising that the people urging him to continue suffering in that bondage called marriage are mostly women, . I found this comment particularly funny because the poster went a long way to tell the OP there’s no such thing as “unhappily divorced”. . . but. . .but. . .how can that be? Isn’t this the myth they peddle to women who want to leave their abusive relationship. “Where do you wanna go? Do you think the next man won’t beat you too? You want to be miserable? The devil you know is better than the one you don’t know oh. . .blah blah blah!” now, all of a sudden there’s no such thing as being “Unhappily Divorced” Before that, he rubbishes the idea that a violent beast can be tamed by mere c[i]uddles, love, hugs, kisses and talking things over[/i] yet these are the very same things these misogynist tell a woman to do when her husband is beating the living daylight out of her. Double Standard much? From tunnytox @OP Uncle Tunny! Impractical ke? Giving a spouse who disrespects you a Manicure and Pedicure is now impractical advice? Cooking for an abusive spouse will not stop the abuses? Ah! Since when ooooh because it seems some of ya fellow men did not get that memo, so you might wanna send one to Richvkunt Now If y'all excuse me, I got business to "discuss" with Seun. Where's that Aunty Jenny sef, I need her to coach me in the Art of Seduction. . . errr. . . I mean Discussion. .The Art of Discussion. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by SisiKill1: 5:21pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Meristem:Do you suppose it's only women who have the right voice to talk gently to their abusive husbands or do you think they've been wired differently to remain calm in the middle of ceaseless rains of blows? I'm just asking because this is the same advice given to women come here with their own abuse stories. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by colouring: 5:22pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Whether the story is true or not, there are important lessons to learn by all aspiring bachelors and spinsters. Although, I do not know the circumstances surrounding your getting together as admirers before you got married, I think it is important to pray and fast ceaselessly before going into marriage so that you don’t end up with a wrong pick. Albeit though, a woman slapping a man is not acceptable by any standard (this does not mean a man has the license to slap a man). Since, you have persuaded the woman severally, put the two families in the picture and have also taken a temporary leave out of your house. I think the next step is a permanent solution. Pray to God for guidance, fast (if you can) for God to guide your decision and be bold with whatever decision you take. Within me, I suggest you divorce the woman and report to the police (or appropriate authorities). If she realizes that the slap is not as painful as she thinks, she may introduce knives, forks and even gun. This is a possibility going by your narrations, I pray you don’t end up your life prematurely so that you can enjoy more of egusi and pounded yam. This combination is very sweet. Once you divorce her, run away for your dear life, you may require the support of the police to relocate your properties, get another apartment and she will soon realize that she is a big fool. I really don’t think joblessness and infertility should degenerate within 2 years into insanity. Please, my guy, RUN… |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by RickyRoss1(m): 5:33pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Sorry but i will not take it lightly with an abusive wife? I will beat the hell out of her and face the consequences, I think maybe this woman makes more money than you, and so she feels she needs to run you like a company? Go ahead and divorce her, and make sure you panel beam her well well A.R: |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by N101: 5:35pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Sisi_Kill: I think since last year that word "cabal" has become very popular. Is "feminist cabal" a new Nollywood film like Blackberry Babes? |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by Johndoe100(m): 5:36pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
@Harakiri we have told the OP the truth, let us see if he will be bold and do what he needs to do. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by funkybaby(f): 5:37pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
ola_pluto: Mschewwwwwwww ! Total crap ! Shameless stereotyping. So its naija wifeys in Switzerland or Taiwan that are better behaved, abi Did you read the thread properly at all?? The poster met the lady IN uk while she was studying for her postgraduate. They dated WHILE they were BOTH in the uk TOGETHER [/b]and only travelled down to Nigeria to get married. arrangee: |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by funkybaby(f): 5:39pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Ricky_Ross: No hun, that is not the case. The poster said the lady is jobless |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by titsqueez(m): 5:53pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
it is actually better to take a stubborn woman from Naija to the uk than to take a supposed angel. At least with the stubborn one u know what to expect, no surprises there but with the well mannered well behaved ones, u may die b4 ur time. Anyway poster i wish u the best sha |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by sleekman(m): 5:54pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
My guy don't mind some people here O because diamond is not that lustrous in d wild. It must be refined for it to be a diamond. My advice is modern and straight to the point. You must show that you're are tactically and spiritually a man. What do I mean by this? Please don't hit her or something like that because you'll only regret it. I can only recommend the following to you. [list] [li]Some ladies like arguments like this to get their juices up. So after a very heated argument make sure it ends in some marathon mumbo jumbo. If you try this and it doesn't work then[/li] [li]Get in touch with a friend who can squat you for 2weeks to a month and make sure ur friend has a girlfriend she doesn't know.[/li] [li]Call up her family members and tell them you have moved out and ure assessing ur options, never tell them you want a divorce. They'll know how to handle her. Make a police report in your favour before you end up on the losing end, since you reside in the UK. If it was Naija that would't be necessary.[/li] [li]Don't pick her calls, don't make any effort to contact her directly. Only know about her welfare through close confidants that check up on regularly.[/li] [li]If she turns physical again on perceiving ur friends girlfriend around , this time do not attempt to opt out of the argument, get a rope you must have bought and knotted on one end prior to moving into ur friends place temporarily. Tie her hands and legs up, place a taper over her mouth. When you're through explain to her who the lady is and also you intend to separate from her. Once you're done get the taper of her mouth and untie her and ask her to leave[/li] [li]Make sure she doesn't know where ure putting up. If she starts displaying real remorse then let a close friend of hers get the info on where you're and then let her slowly come and win you back. When she starts coming let ur friends girlfriend flash around the vicinity thereby she'll start suspecting something is amiss with you guys. If she suspects and she is still trying to win you over, then sit her down and get a verbal assurance between the both of you with no one in the vicinity that she'll never hit you or even insult you no matter the circumstance otherwise you've made up your mind on what you intend to do if it happens again but never tell her your intentions.[/li] [li]Move out with some clothing's u'll need. Don't tell her you need a divorce just ignore her and make sure you don't call her. Only get in touch with a married female church member to check up on her. Let her do the inter-mediation, preferably d wife of your pastor. She needs to be really sorry for you to comeback and it has to be seen that you're prepared to walkout on the marriage but never say so.[/li] [li]Make sure your friend is aware of your plans so that there is no backlash. Did I say this ur friends babe has to be really hot? Just in case I didn't say it. [/list] |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by chines4(m): 6:03pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Try silent treatment for a while, even temporal relocation. and if unrepentant, try separation then go all the way. life is too short to live unhappily. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by ShyOne(f): 6:08pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
See - this makes me angry reading it. Obviously the wife is not developed - has not developed herself - the wife needs to focus on self-development - this isn't just a case of "sexual frustration" - that is laughable - very laughable. The wife needs to focus on working on herself - I read the poster's attempts to assist the wife so she isn't "feeling insecure and paranoid" - I can appreciate exactly what he is saying - because I have done THE EXACT SAME as well. @ poster - don't divorce her - but "stop helping - take the opposite stance." She has to help herself and focus on her own self-development - CHURCH activities that SHE INITIATES on her own would help with self-development. You should sit her down and really have a conversation and if she won't allow a conversation because of her lack of "anger-management" - DON'T TALK - instead write what you would have said to her. Many times when you are dealing with a person who won't "shut up" and are constantly preparing to talk while you are talking - it means they aren't listening to you because they are residing in a "Constant state of preparing a response" Write what you want to say to her and leave it with her while you are at work. Tell her that you will stay away from her physically until you are sure that her physical responses will be harmonious enough for the two of you to dialogue on sensitive subjects where that dialogue doesn't end in physical altercations. Counseling is also a very, very good place for you two as well. Pastors also really help with "couple counseling" if you don't want to pay the big bucks to go to professional counseling. Also there are Couple/Marriage Counseling with churches as well. My guy is involved in marriage counseling sessions at his church and those sessions are very popular - many couples go to those sessions. There must be a church in the UK that you can join or start attending regularly if you are members. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by joe4christ(m): 6:08pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
I cant even immagine a woman attempting to slap me, much more slaping me. Thank God for the grace God had bestowed on you to persivere that bull Poo but not for me mehn! |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by Ikedonn(m): 6:32pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
@ poster Your wife must be possessed.She needs a deliverance and after that if she persist on her bad attitude then divorce her.How can a woman slap and hits a man.So bad. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by dayokanu(m): 6:36pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
I would leave that house and never look back, Thank God no child binds us together |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by seyibrown(f): 6:56pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
[b]You've done well so far, OP! I think your wife is just VERY UNHAPPY and depressed! She may need medical/psychiatric help! This does not however give her the right to assault you. No spouse has the right to assault the other. Those saying UK laws are set up in support of wives: A violent spouse is a violent spouse, and she will go to jail if she doesn't stop being abusive! A week in jail might teach her not to raise her hand against you again! I hope she comes back to her senses when a member of her family comes over! If she doesn't, a recording of her beating you up and a trip to Nigeria for her to spend some time alone with her family might help sort her out! I mean go home together, and ask her parents to try and encourage her not to throw her marriage away, and you come back! Let her come back of her own volition when she has calmed down and has decided she wants the marriage to work! Explain to her in clear terms you will report her to the police if she dares being violent again. Temporary separation before she stabs you, please! You love her . . . . pray for her![/b] |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by AR1: 7:05pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
@ Mr Ricky Ross. , and when the red mist clears and I am banged up doing a two year bid for aggravated assault,I suppose one should be cheered by the memory of her broken jaws and whatnots?!damning the consequences is a tempting prospect but ultimately why should I join the ranks of other disenfranchised black males caught up in the justice system.The system is skewered to favour women anyways so the child custody hearings in the event the 'male'is banged up will rule in favour of the woman in most instances.I would hope that you do not belong to the school of thought that says financial wherewithal is equal to total subjugation of ones partner since that is one of the favourite reasons given by our male counterparts to beat their partners silly,i.e i sent her to nursing school,I hold the lease on her car,I brought her to America/UK etc that wont wash brov,whats wrong is wrong.Incidentally my very restraint has often been my get out of jail card:Officer:Madam you claim so and so but the gentleman is bleeding and dishevelled and you on the other hand,appear not to have a scratch on you! I dont know if this is good or bad and I am definitely not gloating but eventually like the OP,after I was forced to report to her folks and we went to visit mediating family members in Nigeria,she thought it was London and had started going ballistic again over a very trivial inane matter,unknown to us both some , hmmm suffice to say the exchange was being watched,when an iron bar eventually found its way on my body,she was almost lynched,she left that scene by the skin of her teeth,yes i admit things have changed somewhat,the OP's marriage can be salvaged,heck anythings possible but its going to get worse way more before it gets better.The upside for me-a terrific kid,top of his class,well mannered and softspoken exactly like his dad,and for him No,I cannot damn the consequences.The OP has a different set of options within almost the same circumstances. PS:Family members from both sides(and a consortium of G.O's) will beg,beseech,persuade,reason,preach,threaten and bribe you not to be a party to sending her to jail,you will get the maverick aunty or uncle that will say,'nonsense,testify and let the heavens fall!'but thats like 5%-95% in favour.Again,no kid simplifies matters A LOT. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by Nobody: 7:09pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Its d uk women right dats shacking her, pele! Do this-Plan a holiday to nigeria with your 'lovely' wife, go to obudu cattle ranch, yankari game reserve and silverbird galleria, then visit her family house, excuse urself, go out and buy recharge card, then flag a taxi to MM2 intl airport. Fly back to uk, then call her after a week. U havent divorced her. Pls do this, so we dont get to see ur face on d internet as d nigerian who hacked his wife to death. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by kosoro: 7:13pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
My guy, you know the situation better than anyone else. I'll just advise that you keep all options on the table including divorce. Meanwhile, don't ever attempt to strike her back or else you will be in real trouble. I think you should go and report the domestic violence to the police so it is at least on record. you cant continue to live that - something has to change. I have had a woman slap me before so i know what the experience is like. If it is not working, move on! |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by emmatok(m): 7:30pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
OP, from a legal point of view. I will advise you to get a restraining order in other to cob the violence. Because if you don't, she will push you to the wall and the story will be different . And you will become the culprit. |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by harakiri(m): 7:32pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
ariblaze: Not to digress the topic but there are times when i look at my age,status,accomplishments and the army of people trying to talk me into "getting married" and i wonder : WHAT'S THE POINT? I mean, it could be good during the dating period and a few years after marriage and then what? Hmmm? I start getting nagged to death all because of how "she feels". I can't get a good night's sleep all because i am "insensitive" to her needs a.k.a i refuse to allow her manipulate me. Everything secret about me becomes open conversation to her family and friends. I have to do unreasonable and unthinkable things just to make her "happy". My entire life MUST revolve all around her all because i was stoopid enough to sign the dotted lines. I look 10 years older than my real age in 3 years all because of unnecessary stress. Is that a life worth living? Hmmm? |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by ariblaze(m): 8:01pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
no be the yeye laws in UK that shackled the parents, teachers and even police created the past riots ? well the rate of marital violence hasn't escalated just yet. . . trip is this bros you can never win. . .never and we humans are a very funny bunch. . .we went from extreme(denying women their rights) to another extreme (giving them all the rights in the world) how do we hope to function in such a society? i don't believe any gender is prone to violence , it is more of a personality thing. . . , . . . . .the honest truth is this free the woman, you will end up doing both of you a world of good . . .if she misses marriage she would ensure not to treat the next guy that comes her way like a dishwasher and you my good sir will get to have your life back. . . .i never would imagine there would be a good time to ever say this but BOY AM I GLAD YOU GUYS DONT HAVE KIDS TOGETHER. . .should make it easier for you |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by ariblaze(m): 8:03pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
harakiri: omo i tire oooo single is the new fad now i turn a deaf ear when anyone talks to me about marriage |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by marcus1234: 8:12pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
Re: My Wife And I Have Fought Again And I Think I Want Out by nnabuike1(m): 8:24pm On Aug 22, 2011 |
If situations have devolved to the point that a woman is slapping/beating you and you come here to complain then you are not a real man!! Women are like children, they need to be taught how to behave. If you remove discipline from the rearing of children, then those children will grow up to be animals. If you remove discipline from the training of women, then those women will destroy your family. Sometimes a man must be physical and you will be surprised at how far a swift backhand to the face can cure belligerence. When I am confronted by people who insist that a man must not raise his hand at a woman, I often reply that we do not live in the garden of Eden and sometimes one must do what is necessary for the greater good. |
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