Keep your children with yourself, let her move on to anywhere ,I wish the one I live with can do the same ,I will be the happiest person on earth, my children can never suffer in my hand..
Is up to you but have it in mind that she has gotten someone out there

Don't be deluded. Your wife can't grow in that job with SSCE. I think you are very possessive and not interested in her growth and that's what's giving you insecurities.

She's not your property... She's human being like you with dreams and aspirations. If you had been more encouraging and supportive, some issues would not have arose. Do you ask about her job? Do you try to encourage her to further her education so she can actually grow? Or you want everything to be about you. We men can be very funny at ties in marriage because we believe the woman belongs to is and she's a our slave. No. Please, treat her like a human being. Be her friend and confidant. If she were your daughter, how would you want her husband to treat her? Do same and know peace and love that passes understanding.

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

Sir in all my years of experience as a man dat is still single, I would advise you to let her go and look for a fresh puna to bang, if the children are two girls better because u need a brand new tear rubber woman to give you an heir dat will carry on your name, but if she has given you a son den my advice still stand, allow her to go and smash some fresh juice puna... Oga life is too short for woman to come and give you wahala.. Oga u need fresh puna in ur life... Comprende?
Don't worry about thanking me for the advice...

You and your wife don settle the one wey she dey cheat with Abi? Na work wahala case remain. U never see anything

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

If you are capable of providing for your family without financial assistance from your wife both now and the future

Let her resign so that you can have peace

Cheating everywhere as well as divorce stories and marital wahala is all I read these days

@ Poster, I’m a married man so I will advice you like I’ll advice myself if I’m in your shoe.

1. Your wife is using the excuse of having to reduce expenses to stay far away from you so that she can do whatever she likes without you finding out. Your wife has a tendency of cheating on you (sorry to say). She will most likely cheat on you when she moves to the barracks.

2. You shouldn’t allow your children to go to the barracks with your wife. Apart from taking them away from the school they’re currently going, they will be exposed to vices in the barracks that are not going to their growth and moral wellbeing.

3. Husband and wife should always try to be together if they want to secure their love. Once your wife leaves you to the barracks, her love for you will begin to dwindle, same as yours for her. You will most likely look for another woman since your wife isn’t always around. This will create a room for separation or even divorce.

In conclusion, since you said the job is not lucrative and it’s even more like a curse, I’ll strongly advise that you tell your wife to resign. I’m sure she will resist you telling her to resign. If she’s adamant, then you will know for sure that she has an ulterior motive of wanting to move out. Take a strong stand and ensure she leaves that job. Let her look for a job that will give her time to perform her motherly and wifely duties at home.

Afodot0022:
When i told her to resign at first, she said it will take 3months for them to approve it and she will need to be going to her station for another 3 months even if she tender her resignation that it doesn't take effect immediately.Pls anyone in the FORCE, How true is this and any one that works with the correctional service to help me clear that.

i have a colleague wife who worked with same agency last year , the work is actually demanding for her bècause she joined as a very junior cedre .her husband have to get another job for her at civil defence same year and she left immediately she tendered her resignation though they keep paying her for almost another six months b4 the finalize the whole process. At a point she was receiving salary from both agencies. If you want her to resign tell her to do that and take her leave but make sure you have copies of every documents needed for her resignation. Just to be on a safer side in the event of legal issues that may arise later. Jail may got break by others and they will claimed she is the one that ought to be on duty on that day , so she can claim she has resigned prior to the day of incident. Just be smart abt the whole process bro. Prison is one of the worse place to work i swear. Jailer are prisoner too

ogify1:
This same man said his wife refused to block the guy she cheated with… All this r*bbish story

Thanks for researching and posting an important part of the op's posting history. He's either one of the biggest, weakest simps on this forum or just another aspiring Nollywood script writer.

If she leaves with the kids, who will look after them when she's on night shift? or when she comes home late?

And how come you expect her to still have time to look after the kids after long hours at work, but you don't want to do the same thing as their father?

What's wrong with looking after your own kids?

Is your mother over the age of 60 that she can't help look after the kids as their grandmother?

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

Kollins11:
OP after reading your previous and current real life stories, I'm still asking myself what are you still doing with that useless wh0re. Infact by now I expect you to have bring in another fresh kpekus into your house.

All your stories state that your wife dey always show you better Shege and yet you dey SIMPly accept her back. U be mumu? 70 years old man

My Verdict: you're irredeemable SIMP, I have no advice for you becus you no dey hear word.
And anybody wey go advice you na also typical BASTARD.

Joke's on you!

Be constructive, or be silent

Woman don cheat… everywhere don catch fire…. Whose husbands are all the sugar daddies chasing girls up and down. You said you have forgiven her yet you can’t get over it… and letting her have the kids now will make it easier if eventually divorce comes in…. Pls let the poor woman go , stop wasting her time .. she will learn from her mistakes. All the guys commenting they can never forgive a cheating wife wait till you all get married :-. . You expose her out there and now complaining… even allowed her live outside home…on top job that can’t take care of her needs.. . . Oga shift.

Justkatty:
First of all, I'll commend you for forgiving your wife because in this part of the world, a man can overlook any other thing but when it comes to cheating 99% won't even want to think twice before sending her out.
May God continue to strengthen your marriage and also bless Mama for helping out.


Back to your question

I'll advise you to let her work for few months or a year, for her to be able to gather herself and think of a business she can do atleast for now, till when the kids comes of age. But I wouldn't want the kids to go live with her because of expenses, I believe you both can come up with a target and when that is achieved, you can now consider her quitting the job.
I know for sure you'll be having this double mind of her messing around, since you won't be together again, just don't let that bother you
If she chooses to respect her body fine
If she chooses to misbehave fine, when it's time, she'll bear the consequences
Peace.

Hope you don reason am wella. If she carry infection come give the man. Shey na only her go bear am

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

Truth be told. Once a woman started doing Government job, she no longer belongs to the husband

Afodot0022:
Brother with your mindset,better you dont marry cos if you marry and want to have peace, women will frustrate you no matter what. Just stay single and be happy

God bless you for this warning.

Afodot0022:
I appreciate you input. You see some things are easier said than done, maybe if you are married you will understand better. A marriage of 6 years and with kids, you cant just take any drastic decision or actions hense you will regret it, better if there is no kids involved, but u see when kids are involved, it will be difficult to navigate. DIVORCE is not that easy as people claim and if you think i am a simp, you are mistaken cos before i got married i know how i dont take bullshit but you see martiage it have a way of humbling you expecially ehen you start having kids snd having their interest at heart. Anyway still thanks for you feedback

baba i understand u perfectly here..u can let her do whatever she wants then..if she wont stop her infidelity let her be..keep working hard and have good money..marry another wife this life no hard..ur own is to ensure those kids are urs and take good care of them

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

Oga why are u so insecure? You want your wife to depend on you when u don't have money? Y is Nigerian men always scared of their wife working?

Kollins11:
OP after reading your previous and current real life stories, I'm still asking myself what are you still doing with that useless wh0re. Infact by now I expect you to have bring in another fresh kpekus into your house.

All your stories state that your wife dey always show you better Shege and yet you dey SIMPly accept her back. U be mumu? 70 years old man

My Verdict: you're irredeemable SIMP, I have no advice for you becus you no dey hear word.
And anybody wey go advice you na also typical BASTARD.

Who’s the bastard here? You can’t give any advice nor suggestions than typing insults to someone who might even be better than you. Spits

Op just tell her to resign that yeye work and face her family's that's the plain truth because at the end you'll cry... Boldly tell her to drop down from that job period

My advice, Let the kids go with her. This will be after she's back from the six months training. From time to time you can visit. Don't always bothered if she will cheat again. There's consequences to every actions . Just do your part, time will justify.

Afodot0022:
Thanks for the input, you see women, you cant just predict them, this is the person that have not been beneficial in financing any thing at home. I basically do everything for her and the kids and instead of her to look for a way to support and lessen my financial stress, it was cheating that comes straight to her mind. Honestly i was devastated and betrayed by what she did, thank God i survived those period i discovered but you see, i have wise up and know how to run through things now, reason why i wanted the kids to go with her so she will bear the brunt and also the stress of what she has caused. Though she has apologize but you see forgiven a cheating wife is the difficult thing a man can do in this life.. you just cant let go as a man. ,

Afodot0022

A woman that cheated when she got a job,
Rented an apartment without you knowing,
Suggested she wants to stay away from her family for the sake of her job.

You'd have known she cares more about her job than the family

Pls don't be the one to save the marriage,you have less to gain from it

If you make her resign,you're in trouble because she'll see you as an insecure man,will blame you for not wanting her growth and all the financial burden will be on your head

If she continues the work,and lives alone she'll definitely or eventually cheat on you

Having rented an apartment and suggest to live alone
For your wife
Verdict:: let her go and do what she wants, she'll soon realize 32k na beans money to loose ones family for
She'd resign out of her volition not yours

For the kids: don't let the girls go with her
They'll be exposed to barrack's life and sheneganian
If you can afford a nice boarding school or take care of them yourself (if your wife had died will you send your kids away?)
And if you can't due to your busy schedule,let them join her after her 6 months course) and be responsible to the best of your power

For your own:: stop worrying about the woman,she knows what she's doing.
Worry about yourself
Find happiness even if it's in another woman

Big brother you are the head if the house and u have the final say , don't demolished the beautiful house u have built urself, pls allow that good woman to resign from that job pls, if not the worsted delimer is awaiting, you have being a very good father taking good care of her tlll u both have two kids, never get
tried becos of the country situation, order her to resign to be taking care of those kids , becos they are the reason why we are working, but if u mistakenly allow her relocate or go with the kids into d barrack, I promised that u should be waiting for the worsted side of the story as soon as she relocate, we barrack guy know how back life look like, but tell her to resign as she never disagreed with u to resign pls, then u can get her another job closer to you or petty business for her , our families are our future and happiness.

Since there's already trust issues, then no point torturing yourself. If you feel that the job is more of a curse to the family than blessing then let her resign. Learning a trade or starting a business would not be bad. But, would that change the suspicion of infidelity? That needs to be dealt with first

mr OP, civil service is so corrupt to some extent that your wife needs that corruption too to survive in the game.
since all her negativity started when started working, terminate the job.
According to your story if 100 real, allowing her continued this job will ruin the whole game, afterall nothing Dey comot for the job.
Plus and minus the gain is little, very little that you’ll need to clear some of her debts so what’s the point? Is it going to gather with people with negativity ??
Your kids needed care and attention.
End all this unnecessary stress you’re giving yourself and open a shop for her to manage close to the house.
Ask for my bank details too

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

It's a pity bro, I honestly feel your pain. Part of the problem here is your finances is unable to adequately cater for your small family hence, her job is still succor, however, I will categorically tell you that half of the women will misbehave like this, trust me, in your current situation. If you can go past this phase, handling and managing it well, she will eventually realize she is all wrong. Once they begin to get some kind of financial freedom, they normally act like that. Trust me, it may not have metamorphosed into real dating or cheating (though talking to another man is already cheating - judging by how a woman will think in the same situation if it were to be a reverse case).

She needs her space as they all would do, she wants a sort of freedom where she is not accountable to any man, at least every day. She will soon realize nothing is outside there different that she is rushing to, but the experience cannot be forethought unless experienced. I have 2 similar cases that we have been on (1 for 2 years now) and the other, she has been good even with a job, but she recently got a doubled-salary of over 5m per annum, and in the same month, she starts to misbehave.
God will help you through it all o,

Truth is a cheating wife is a cheating wife. Even if you lock her inside a room all day she'll still find a way to meet her lover(s).

That said, let her continue in her job. Your concern should be the children. What's her opinion about where the children will stay? For me, unless she's abusive to the children, let them stay with her. They can stay with you for the 6 months training and get back to her.

Stay strong. Marriage is not for the fainthearted.

all your posts are on your wife. divorce this woman and move on. thank God you have 2 kids...

According to the OP, he has been seeing signs of disrespect from his wife before marriage, which is a red flag to me, I believe anyone that wants to keep you won't hurt you, some might be hiding their attitude for a very long time and u may never know it. A woman that flirts with another man without even having sex is disrespectful to her husband.

This days I think it's sucidal for one to get into marriage with ordinary hand without spiritual interference.

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

OP, your case is pathetic because you might not have the gut to deal with the problem confronting you.

First, you have to understand that the highest number of sexual abuses occur in Uniform jobs like Police, Army, Prison service, custom, Immigration etc.

Many male senior officers from the north in these professions in Lagos do not have their families in Lagos. Most of their families are in the north where they started their carrier. They don't relocate with their family because they can be transfer at anytime.

Hence they use the female junior staffs to satisfy their sexual urges. Any junior female staffs who refuse to satisfy them will never be recommended for promotion.

Hence I can assure you that it was a male senior officer( probably an aboki) that paid for your wife accomodation in the barrack. Never you allow your kids to move to the apartment with her.

If you have the fund, change your accomodation hence cutting her off from her kids. Then tell her to choose btw the job and her marriage. If she refused to resign, divorce her and look for a woman that will be loyal to you.

If she resigns, she can search for the job of a primary school teacher in a private school.

If you don't have the gut to take these measures, then be ready to father another man's child.

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

Tell her to resign. Find a business for her to do.

Op good day to you over there. I was in your shoes. If you don't want your family to scatter, please let her resign that government work. Open a business for her. What I did for my wife was to send her to computer training school. Today, she is the owner of the business center and printing shop. She is contributing financially to the house pocket. I wish you the best decision to be taken . Shalom. uote author=Afodot0022 post=119692966]Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.[/quote]

Just be a man, you have no advice at all if you can’t stop her from working and then gather money and open a shop for her close to the house then you are not serious to be call a married man, stop her from working OGA