Miracood2:
Afodot0022

For your wife to suggest that she will be coming back home only during the weekends, is enough evidence for you to know that she no longer have much interest in the marriage again.

This is harsh and sad but it's the plain truth.

Afodot0022:
Forgiven her wasnt easy, to be honest with you have not 100% forgiven her cos am still shocked and heartbroken. But you see those kids they are girls and i know they will be massively affected if i act irrationally, they should not suffer for their mom crimes . The major thing now is trust and the way this union is going its very sketchy if it will last the test of time. The kids cant live with me cause am also a busy person and even though we end up DIVORCING, the court will still grant her cos they are still very young.

Kollins11:
OP after reading your previous and current real life stories, I'm still asking myself what are you still doing with that useless wh0re. Infact by now I expect you to have bring in another fresh kpekus into your house.

All your stories state that your wife dey always show you better Shege and yet you dey SIMPly accept her back. U be mumu? 70 years old man

My Verdict: you're irredeemable SIMP, I have no advice for you becus you no dey hear word.
And anybody wey go advice you na also typical BASTARD.

Justkatty:
First of all, I'll commend you for forgiving your wife because in this part of the world, a man can overlook any other thing but when it comes to cheating 99% won't even want to think twice before sending her out.
May God continue to strengthen your marriage and also bless Mama for helping out.


Back to your question

I'll advise you to let her work for few months or a year, for her to be able to gather herself and think of a business she can do atleast for now, till when the kids comes of age. But I wouldn't want the kids to go live with her because of expenses, I believe you both can come up with a target and when that is achieved, you can now consider her quitting the job.
I know for sure you'll be having this double mind of her messing around, since you won't be together again, just don't let that bother you
If she chooses to respect her body fine
If she chooses to misbehave fine, when it's time, she'll bear the consequences.
Peace.

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

Ifakiland:

Oga why are u so insecure? You want your wife to depend on you when u don't have money? Y is Nigerian men always scared of their wife working?

belcom10:
My advice, Let the kids go with her. This will be after she's back from the six months training. From time to time you can visit. Don't always bothered if she will cheat again. There's consequences to every actions . Just do your part, time will justify.

Afodot0022:
Honestly brother, that job has been a curse rather than blessings to the family. It has been one issue to another ever since she got the job. Nothing to show and the way they use her as a wardress is bad. Her pay is 32k and she spend close to 2k for transport daily which even exceed the salary each month. Attimes its the money i give her for housekeep she uses to transport herself. So whats the gain. I have gotten through enough pain in this marriage honestly and am on the verge of DIVORCING and opting out cos things seem not to get better and its worst if you marry a woman that should make things worst and difficult for you. Ever since i got married to her, it has always been one issue or the other. I am just tired honestly.

Afodot0022:
Yes the infidelity is my concern and this has really deaded the trust i have for her, if not that, i can still navigate this myself but you see trust is very big in marriage, i have thought about it that if she can have the mind and bold to talk to another man under my roof, ehat cant she do when she is distance when there will be little monitoring. Though it have been addressed and she apologize bitterly and promised she wont venture into such but you see once bitten is twice shy. Reason taking decision is difficult expecially the one that will favor the kids. Now there is a loophole in the marriage and seperation now will just destroy everything cos the union is weak now.

Afodot0022:
I appreciate you input. You see some things are easier said than done, maybe if you are married you will understand better. A marriage of 6 years and with kids, you cant just take any drastic decision or actions hense you will regret it, better if there is no kids involved, but u see when kids are involved, it will be difficult to navigate. DIVORCE is not that easy as people claim and if you think i am a simp, you are mistaken cos before i got married i know how i dont take bullshit but you see martiage it have a way of humbling you expecially ehen you start having kids snd having their interest at heart. Anyway still thanks for you feedback

Afodot0022:
Well the cheating wasnt already sexual but still emotional. How do u feel your wife telling a guy she loves him and misses him so much and remember every emotional affairs have tendencies to lead to sexual. If not that i came and disrupt what they were doing then, that guy might have had his way with my wife. U know woman can be vulnerable when they are emotionally attached to something.

Kollins11:
OP after reading your previous and current real life stories, I'm still asking myself what are you still doing with that useless wh0re. Infact by now I expect you to have bring in another fresh kpekus into your house.

All your stories state that your wife dey always show you better Shege and yet you dey SIMPly accept her back. U be mumu? 70 years old man u made my day!

My Verdict: you're irredeemable SIMP, I have no advice for you becus you no dey hear word.
And anybody wey go advice you na also typical BASTARD.

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

Afodot0022:
I appreciate you input. You see some things are easier said than done, maybe if you are married you will understand better. A marriage of 6 years and with kids, you cant just take any drastic decision or actions hense you will regret it, better if there is no kids involved, but u see when kids are involved, it will be difficult to navigate. DIVORCE is not that easy as people claim and if you think i am a simp, you are mistaken cos before i got married i know how i dont take bullshit but you see martiage it have a way of humbling you expecially ehen you start having kids snd having their interest at heart. Anyway still thanks for you feedback

MikeofAfrica:



OP, your case is pathetic because you might not have the gut to deal with the problem confronting you.

First, you have to understand that the highest number of sexual abuses occur in Uniform jobs like Police, Army, Prison service, custom, Immigration etc.

Many male senior officers from the north in these professions in Lagos do not have their families in Lagos. Most of their families are in the north where they started their carrier. They don't relocate with their family because they can be transfer at anytime.

Hence they use the female junior staffs to satisfy their sexual urges. Any junior female staffs who refuse to satisfy them will never be recommended for promotion.

Hence I can assure you that it was a male senior officer( probably an aboki) that paid for your wife accomodation in the barrack. Never you allow your kids to move to the apartment with her.

If you have the fund, change your accomodation hence cutting her off from her kids. Then tell her to choose btw the job and her marriage. If she refused to resign, divorce her and look for a woman that will be loyal to you.

If she resigns, she can search for the job of a primary school teacher in a private school.

If you don't have the gut to take these measures, then be ready to father another man's child.

[b]
First, you have to understand that the highest number of sexual abuses occur in Uniform jobs like Police, Army, Prison service, custom, Immigration etc.

Many male senior officers from the north in these professions in Lagos do not have their families in Lagos. Most of their families are in the north where they started their carrier. They don't relocate with their family because they can be transfer at anytime.

Hence they use the female junior staffs to satisfy their sexual urges. Any junior female staffs who refuse to satisfy them will never be recommended for promotion.

Hence I can assure you that it was a male senior officer( probably an aboki) that paid for your wife accomodation in the barrack.

Levels1:




Ops, i'm responding to your text as an insider.


You said she's concerned or worried as the rent has started counting?

If I got it right then, I will suggest you allow her quit the job as she will never stop manipulating you.


Getting barracks apartment is not a day job my brother.


You will have to apply longer before you can get one.

And if by chance you get it fast,meaning the occupants is moving out and even at that you still can't get it unless you have a very long leg and know someone that knows someone within your organization, meaning that she's probably connected within....

Note

You don't pay barracks rent like normal house rent.

Barracks payments Is more or less free as she will be paying less than 5k for 2bedroom apartment

Barracks apartment is inputted during the period you are filling your emoments forms as such form is filled once in a year.

She is not paying kobo on the apartment till something close to September this year

And to be SURE or prove me wrong, kindly ask her when they will be filling the Emoments form for this year.

Alternatively , kindly visit their Provost Marsh and do your findings as they are the ones who gives apartment out.


She got the apartment with the aid of her male boss and probably the person who's breaking down your family.