its not the end of the world, she should make the best of her situation.

@Damilolami

Let me ask you, who does not want a beautiful partner as a husband or a wife? There are 2 sides to the deceit. the first side is that your friend should be annoyed that he lied in the first place. Secondly, she should be happy that he actually lied to get her into marriage because he saw her as a wife material. The issue of deceit should not be the priority of your friend or yourself. The main priority now is how to sustain the marriage, educate and provide for the kids, and maintain the home.
Judging from what you posted, you said the husband sits all day watching movies. I guess her ignorance as just push her into the wrong marriage. The husband has virtually become lazy and now depends on the wife to be the breadwinner. Your friend is in a real mess. Even if she sets up a business for him, he would not be successful with it because he has found pleasure in being lazy. She can still give it a try and see what happens but I doubt if he would be happy about that.
My advice is that your friend should start praying to God for a miracle and to drive away the spirit of laziness in him. Then, she should also talk to his parents and people that can intervene on her behalf because the only place this marriage is heading to is hell. If she is trying to avoid that, then she will have to work real hard to provide for the family and her husband inclusive. She will also have to submit to maltreatment because it is certain that this will become his third skin after laziness.
Outlining the solutions
1. Pray to God for a miracle and ask for counsel from his parents, her parents, and her pastor.
2. Divorce and take custody of the kids
3. Work so hard to feed him and the kids and also face al kinds of torture and maltreatment in the course of the marriage.

I do not believe the issue is in the guy being a drop out but the fact that he lied and personally I detest a pathologic liar. I suggest the woman finds help fast as get someone to speak to this man because he is now turning into a lazy man and because he lied on simple things I am not sure whether is a demotivated or just plain lazyness which will is not healthy for the relationship. For a young man to sit down all day and watch telly is very irritating. I pity your friend oh and she should stop blaming herself because men lie for so many reasons even their names if you are not careful.

realcele:

I do not believe the issue is in the guy being a drop out but the fact that he lied and personally I detest a pathologic liar. I suggest the woman finds help fast as get someone to speak to this man because he is now turning into a lazy man and because he lied on simple things I am not sure whether is a demotivated or just plain lazyness which will is not healthy for the relationship. For a young man to sit down all day and watch telly is very irritating. I pity your friend oh and she should stop blaming herself because men lie for so many reasons even their names if you are not careful.

Women lie too for so many reasons. Don't make it looks as if lying is only a man thing!

Cipriani:

@Damilolami

Let me ask you, who does not want a beautiful partner as a husband or a wife? There are 2 sides to the deceit. the first side is that your friend should be annoyed that he lied in the first place. Secondly, she should be happy that he actually lied to get her into marriage because he saw her as a wife material. The issue of deceit should not be the priority of your friend or yourself. The main priority now is how to sustain the marriage, educate and provide for the kids, and maintain the home.
Judging from what you posted, you said the husband sits all day watching movies. I guess her ignorance as just push her into the wrong marriage. The husband has virtually become lazy and now depends on the wife to be the breadwinner. Your friend is in a real mess. Even if she sets up a business for him, he would not be successful with it because he has found pleasure in being lazy. She can still give it a try and see what happens but I doubt if he would be happy about that.
My advice is that your friend should start praying to God for a miracle and to drive away the spirit of laziness in him. Then, she should also talk to his parents and people that can intervene on her behalf because the only place this marriage is heading to is hell. If she is trying to avoid that, then she will have to work real hard to provide for the family and her husband inclusive. She will also have to submit to maltreatment because it is certain that this will become his third skin after laziness.
Outlining the solutions
1. Pray to God for a miracle and ask for counsel from his parents, her parents, and her pastor.
2. Divorce and take custody of the kids
3. Work so hard to feed him and the kids and also face al kinds of torture and maltreatment in the course of the marriage.

Actually I do not see divorce as an option. I rather believe she should stop any form of support for the man personally but should do her best to keep their child comfortable. If she stops supporting the man financially when the issue is still fresh, she can force the man to rethink and become more serious after which she can then support in setting up a business or assisting him to college if that's what he wants. Let me know your view cos I like your reasoning.

damilolami:

Actually I do not see divorce as an option. I rather believe she should stop any form of support for the man personally but should do her best to keep their child comfortable. If she stops supporting the man financially when the issue is still fresh, she can force the man to rethink and become more serious after which she can then support in setting up a business or assisting him to college if that's what he wants. Let me know your view cos I like your reasoning.

Thanks for the compliments.

Now, the fact there is that if she does not want a divorce, then not supporting him should also not be an alternative or an objective. Speaking from a man's perspective, supporting should only come in giving of food, treating him nicely and being cautious of asking him what direction does he want to face. To achieve anything tangible, she must get the husband to be counseled or else he will fly off the handle at any attempt not to be supported especially when it comes to food. She must know him very well, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Some men are very irrational when it comes to situations like this, so, she must be careful on her manner of approach to tackle the problem. If he is not the egocentric type, not supporting him might work but if he is, then it can spell doom for her. The best solution is to get someone elderly in the family to report to, who will then counsel the husband to take the next right step to amend the situation. But not forgetting a lot of prayers and church counseling is also necessary for both parties, only they are atheists.
Serious counseling is needed because if she stops supporting, that means trouble. If she also overly supports him, he feels relaxed and that is also trouble. This is the reason someone from the outside needs to wade in. All the best.

A lot of pple here don't seem to understand the koko of the matter. The issue is not being a drop out but the deception. There are key things in relationship pple should be open about. For pete's sake, we are not talking abt beans being his favourite food only to find out it's actually foofoo  , we are talking abt a crucial aspectof d rship.

Agreed, education doesn't necessary make a person though in most cases, it lays the foundation. The crucial aspect is the guys attitude & what exactly are his long term plans esp. as it concerns earning money and catering for d family. In Nigeria, we are always quick to go spiritual; PRAY. Yes, I concur but faith without good works is nothing. The right step is changing the man's attitude as well as pray.

The wife should show understanding & support but shouldn't take it upon herself to shoulder the responsibility alone. It will make the guy relent the more.

All the best

cutiebabe: A lot of pple here don't seem to understand the koko of the matter. The issue is not being a drop out but the deception. There are key things in relationship pple should be open about.
All the best

I'm really curious about what "the key things in a relationship" are If we should be honest with ourselves, not even the OP can claim to be 100% open about her past life/affairs whilst going into the relationship. So the issue here is that couples in courtship should shine their eyes and bear it in mind that no partner in courtship will be 100% truthful. Courtship is about packaging and packaging is about deceit! Shikena

MP007: Your friend should blame her self for not knowing this very important detail. Who dates an individual to the extent of getting married to him/her without talking about education, field of study and course work. what were you two discussing during your courtship??

How did your friend find out?
Did she confront him?
Is the poster the "reliable" source?

My dear, don't say that o. When human beings don't want u to find something out about them, it's really hard. Case in point: a very good friend of mine met this guy who is based in Port-Harcourt and they started dating. They dated for 3 years, during which she would often visit him in PH. He told her he works with Dangote and his house was full of Dangote stuff (notepads, pens, calendars), u know stuff that would be normal for an employee to have. He would leave her at home and go to 'work', oftentimes coming home with cartons of Dangote noodles, sugar etc. Of course she believed him and when she wanted to bring him a birthday cake to his office, he said unofficial visitors are not welcome there(very probable). So she relaxed and they got married. The first warning sign, to her, was that at their wedding, she didn't notice any staff from Dangote (when it was time to take pictures). 2 months into the marriage, she noticed he had stopped going to the office regularly. When she took him up on it, he laughed and walked away. To cut a very very very long story short, it turns out that he never worked at Dangote, it was a friend of his who did, and he the office he used to go to everyday was the friend's house where he would go and watch movies all day and when it was time to come home, he would help himself to his friend's stuff(which actually caused the problem that exposed him). She also found out that his elder brother who isn't in Nigeria was practically fending totally for him, also carried some of the wedding expense, along with my friend's parents. It wasn't funny!
So what do we do? Maybe make photocopies of certificates and do checks, follow them in the morning to make sure they r going to work? Ask their family members 'did ur brother/son really graduate?'??

Very strange! Can this be happening?
How long was the courtship?
How come this lady did not know the man's educational background before the wedding?
If she didnt know this,what then did she spend the period of the courtship knowing?
Is courtship all about visiting fast food joints and eateries?
Is courtship all about picnicking?
Bachelor and Spinster yet to marry,please open your eyes wide before you venture into marriage.
Look for the book titled 'Mystery of Marriage' by Dr Funso Omowo.
One of its chapters talks about Discovery and Acceptance.
It is sad,very sad to hear that in the 21st century a woman will go as far as marriage with a man without knowing his educational background before the wedding? Unbelievable!Preposterously Unbelievable!How can this be? There is no excuse for this!
Spinsters,if you think that marriage is the type of fantasy experience you read about in Mills & Boons,please have a rethink and start facing reality.If you are African, you need to open your eyes and ears even wider than the European.

To the affected woman
You are now married.Stay married and face the situation.
No backing out(Romans 7:1-3)(1 Corinthians 7:1-16)(Malachi 2:14-16)
Cry unto God in prayer.With God,nothing is impossible (Luke 1:37)
Do not write him off and dont condemn him.
God can change anyone.The thief on the cross,who was condemned by men was pardoned by Christ.The thief got to heaven ahead of his accusers who probably went to Hell at the end of their days.
You are his helpmeet in marriage.You have to play your role as a helpmeet or dont you know what helpmate roles & functions are?
Take it as a storm and if you cry unto God,He will calm the storm for you.