This may be long, so my apologies.

My eldest nephew is only six years younger than I am, my sister had him when she was still in high school and I was in primary school at the time. Fortunately, the father later married her and they're still together up until this day. The problem is that my brother in law and his son, my nephew have never had that father and son relationship. During the boy's early teens, my brother in law would constantly beat him up so bad that my nephew would sustain some bruises.

It wasn't until 2021 that my nephew started fighting back, that year they nearly killed each other because my nephew had started to overpower him. The nephew is not the most nicest boy, but because him and I were raised more like siblings rather than an aunt and nephew, I've learned to always forgive and forget all the hurtful things that he'd usually say to me because going back and forth with him is pointless.

My brother in law would always try to compare him with me because I was doing great at school, he pressured my nephew to study law when he completed high school just because I was also studying law. My nephew once did told me of how he wanted to study economics, but he decided to do law just to make his father proud. Unfortunately he failed last year and decided that he didn't want to continue with law anymore, this infuriated my brother in law and he has decided to not want to have anything to do with him anymore.

Now there's this online software program that my nephew has been doing since the beginning of January, but unfortunately, his laptop charger got damaged and he needed a new one, I was able to borrow him mine only for a particular period of time and I tried talking to his parents about him wanting a new charger, but it's like the both of them don't care... My brother in law even made it clear that he wants to punish him for 5 years by not giving him any financial assistance, he wants him to feel the pain of seeing his mates working while he wouldn't have achieved anything... My sister claimed that she doesn't have any money when she had just bought some expensive designer clothes and the charger is just R299.

Both of them are working and my fear is that my nephew may eventually turn to bad friends for comfort and the bad friends may end up introducing him to things like alcohol, or even worse, drugs. I'm afraid that he may end up feeling neglected and turning into a criminal... He may sometimes be stubborn and have a big mouth, but he's not a bad boy.

Ever since I took the charger back, my nephew has been moody towards me and I kinda feel guilty, it's like I'm the only one who cares about his feelings. I don't know what to do.

So, you can't leave ordinary charger for him but you're worried about him

Does he stay with you? If yes, then you both can use the charger. Then you might be fueling his behaviors. His step dad and mother abandoned him for a reason. As a man, nothing go do him.

Beating your children is very dangerous...

Once they are above 8 please only correct them as you would do a younger adult.

Let him get a job so he can sort himself.

Relying on people will get him hurt.

I still maintain the reason why a lot of youths go into prostitution and fraud is because of parents like this.

If you have good parents that care about you and your dreams, hold them tight.

Nothing dey street again.

A caring single mother/father is better than 100 idontcare couples.

Ahmed0336:
Let him get a job so he can sort himself.

Relying on people will get him hurt.

Brah! That's his parents! They are not just people, they birthed him!

He should rely on them!

My brother in law knows that I'm working, so there's no way he could've given me the money and I used to buy my nephew some things before, but my brother in law, his father started complaining that I was spoiling his child, that I was the reason his child started disrespecting him.

So I decided to stop and step back as I didn't want him to feel less of a father.

And in as much as I wish I could be always be there for my nephew because I'm the only person that he trusts and confides in, I stay far away and I only come around when I have time.

Richy4:
I guess there are forgivable lies... But u should have told your brother in law that your laptop charger have gone bad...If they gave you the money, u give it to him to buy a new charger... If u don't trust him with money, u buy the charger by yourself and hand it over to him...That would have saved lots of explanation and long talks...

As for father and son bond, there are lots of families that doesn't have that this days... All u have to do is to be there for him... Let him keep on confiding in u... Make him know that you will be always there for him...and give little advice here and there as u can..

The good book said that children should obey their parents but a whole lot of parents are seriously provoking their children to anger... U can't impose a career on a child because you as a parent were paying for it or because you want to brag your son being a lawyer... Who knows, assuming that he was given a chance,
He probably would have been the best Economics students in his department

I also have a laptop that needs a charger.

Zonefree:
So, you can't leave ordinary charger for him but you're worried about him

It's his biological father, not step father... And no, he's not staying with me.. He stays at home with his parents and little sister.

busybay:
Does he stay with you? If yes, then you both can use the charger. Then you might be fueling his behaviors. His step dad and mother abandoned him for a reason. As a man, nothing go do him.

Each time he tries to do something, his parents always discourage him instead of believing in him and supporting him.

And it does affects him in a very bad way because he has told me a few times of how his parents never say anything good about him no matter how hard he tries to make them proud.

They only have negative things to say about him.

Ahmed0336:
Let him get a job so he can sort himself.

Relying on people will get him hurt.

You're very right, because now my sister is no longer comfortable leaving them alone in the house, she's always afraid that they may start physically fighting each other again.

Now my nephew is much more stronger and he overpowers his father.

TheboyGhost:
Beating your children is very dangerous...

Once they are above 8 please only correct them as you would do a younger adult.

This is a very serious case I will recommend you buy him the charger if you can since he needs it for something useful.

It is not easy having parents who don't support your dreams I am a victim of that which was why it took me a long time to become financial independent.

Continue giving him help and encouragements I believe he will scale through same way I did and they are now depending on me.

Samantha124:
You're very right, because now my sister is no longer comfortable leaving them alone in the house, she's always afraid that they may start physically fighting each other again.

Now my nephew is much more stronger and he overpowers his father.

..
the father has failed that boy..

and your sister too.

Samantha124:
This may be long, so my apologies.

My eldest nephew is only six years younger than I am, my sister had him when she was still in high school and I was in primary school at the time. Fortunately, the father later married her and they're still together up until this day. The problem is that my brother in law and his son, my nephew have never had that father and son relationship. During the boy's early teens, my brother in law would constantly beat him up so bad that my nephew would sustain some bruises.

It wasn't until 2021 that my nephew started fighting back, that year they nearly killed each other because my nephew had started to overpower him. The nephew is not the most nicest boy, but because him and I were raised more like siblings rather than an aunt and nephew, I've learned to always forgive and forget all the hurtful things that he'd usually say to me because going back and forth with him is pointless.

My brother in law would always try to compare him with me because I was doing great at school, he pressured my nephew to study law when he completed high school just because I was also studying law. My nephew once did told me of how he wanted to study economics, but he decided to do law just to make his father proud. Unfortunately he failed last year and decided that he didn't want to continue with law anymore, this infuriated my brother in law and he has decided to not want to have anything to do with him anymore.

Now there's this online software program that my nephew has been doing since the beginning of January, but unfortunately, his laptop charger got damaged and he needed a new one, I was able to borrow him mine only for a particular period of time and I tried talking to his parents about him wanting a new charger, but it's like the both of them don't care... My brother in law even made it clear that he wants to punish him for 5 years by not giving him any financial assistance, he wants him to feel the pain of seeing his mates working while he wouldn't have achieved anything... My sister claimed that she doesn't have any money when she had just bought some expensive designer clothes and the charger is just R299.

Both of them are working and my fear is that my nephew may eventually turn to bad friends for comfort and the bad friends may end up introducing him to things like alcohol, or even worse, drugs. I'm afraid that he may end up feeling neglected and turning into a criminal... He may sometimes be stubborn and have a big mouth, but he's not a bad boy.

Ever since I took the charger back, my nephew has been moody towards me and I kinda feel guilty, it's like I'm the only one who cares about his feelings. I don't know what to do.

If you can sacrifice that charger for him, pls do
You are his only hope as both parents are frustrating him at the same time

But your sister is not helping matters because she is supposed to be the one bringing that guy closer anytime his dad does otherwise

A time will come, that guy will terrorise that family

Samantha124:
You're very right, because now my sister is no longer comfortable leaving them alone in the house, she's always afraid that they may start physically fighting each other again.

Now my nephew is much more stronger and he overpowers his father.

Well he deserves whatever comes his way cause he made the monster he is facing now.

What he needs is a job like you. Try to convince him to look for a job.
That way he can sponsor his dreams.
The lad is in a difficult situation because his parents do not support his dreams.


I know how hard that can be, so his best bet is to get himself employed for the meantime to cater for his ambitions.

He also has underlying emotional issues that need to be rectified. A grown man getting beat up by his father does emotional damage to him. I am not surprised he is fighting back.

It's repressing his masculinity. So, he would need time away from that environment to heal from all that, which leads back to finding a job.

Karleb:


Brah! That's his parents! They are not just people, they birthed him!

He should rely on them!

then his parents should behave like parents.
What if they are not alive?
Sometimes to make it in this life, just do your things like an orphan and you'd hardly experience disappointment.

You can say that again.

Uyi168:
..
the father has failed that boy..

and your sister too.

That's my fear, I'm afraid that one day he may end up killing his own father or even taking his own life.

He has admitted to me before about struggling with depression, I suggested he see a psychologist, but he's just not comfortable with the whole thing.

I really do want to buy him the charger, but I keep thinking of how his father complained the last time I bought him something, the man told me that I was spoiling his son and that I was part of the reason why he looked down on him.

frozen70:


If you can sacrifice that charger for him, pls do
You are his only hope as both parents are frustrating him at the same time

But your sister is not helping matters because she is supposed to be the one bringing that guy closer anytime his dad does otherwise

A time will come, that guy will terrorise that family

And as for my sister, she can be very selfish.

Even their last born has at one point confided in me of how their mother is always buying herself expensive clothes, but would claim to not have any money whenever they ask something from her.

frozen70:


If you can sacrifice that charger for him, pls do
You are his only hope as both parents are frustrating him at the same time

But your sister is not helping matters because she is supposed to be the one bringing that guy closer anytime his dad does otherwise

A time will come, that guy will terrorise that family

Samantha124:
And as for my sister, she can be very selfish.

Even their last born has at one point confided in me of how their mother is always buying herself expensive clothes, but would claim to not have any money whenever they ask something from her.

Don't worry about her
She will get her reward in old age

Samantha124:
That's my fear, I'm afraid that one day he may end up killing his own father or even taking his own life.

He has admitted to me before about struggling with depression, I suggested he see a psychologist, but he's just not comfortable with the whole thing.

I really do want to buy him the charger, but I keep thinking of how his father complained the last time I bought him something, the man told me that I was spoiling his son and that I was part of the reason why he looked down on him.

Because his father failed him, any one that wants to assist his child is a treath to him

Help him if you can and advise him to keep it secret

That nephew of yours will end up killing his father one day if he keeps sliding into depression. You have to step in and help him. Don't give a damn about what his parents say because they have failed woefully in raising their son.

What about your parents? What are they saying about the whole situation?

My parents are afraid to intervene because already they know the kind of a man my brother-in-law is, the last time they ever tried talking to him, it backfired.

So now they'd only complain about him in secret. They don't want to end up breaking my sister's marriage.

Beremx:
That nephew of yours will end up killing his father one day if he keeps sliding into depression. You have to step in and help him. Don't give a damn about what his parents say because they have failed woefully in raising their son.

What about your parents? What are they saying about the whole situation?

Your nephew is a spoilt brat. He is stubborn and rebellious. I know his likes because I have handle stubborn boys like him in the past


His father took too long to start disciplining him. Trust me if he had always been there to correct his wayward behavior right from when he was still a kid, He won't turn out this bad. ...
Your nephew will be fine he just need to learn some life lessons and it will be best if he learn the hard way. That is the only way his reset his brain.
The father should get him a job and place of his own.
The money earn from the job should go to his tuition account.
He should be made to work and study.
His father should allows him study any course he wants as long as he works and pays his tuitions fees.
I felt the father will support him in littles ways when he see he is serious, respectful and had learnt his lessons.

The first commenter have said it all

Ahmed0336:
Let him get a job so he can sort himself.

Relying on people will get him hurt.

Exactly, he should go get a job!

They way you're saying it is as if he'll go and find a job waiting for him... I mean he doesn't even have a single qualification.

A lot of youngsters end up getting involved in illegal dealings just because their loved ones would constantly tell them to go get a job without properly advising them how to get that job or without giving them proper direction.

Let's say we tell him to go get a job and out of pressure, he ends up doing robberies to make his money.. who would then be at fault?

Kobicove:


Exactly, he should go get a job!

Samantha124:
That's my fear, I'm afraid that one day he may end up killing his own father or even taking his own life.

He has admitted to me before about struggling with depression, I suggested he see a psychologist, but he's just not comfortable with the whole thing.

I really do want to buy him the charger, but I keep thinking of how his father complained the last time I bought him something, the man told me that I was spoiling his son and that I was part of the reason why he looked down on him.

You can leave your old charger with him and buy a new one for yourself since you have a job. If you can borrow him the charger without any hassle then you can definitely leave it with him. Warn him not to disclose this to his parents and I'm sure he will understand. There is little you can do in this situation than to render help to him in secret and keep praying for him.