Of course, we all want that. But because women are well known for trying to change men, they go into a relationship on guard. Their experience has mostly been that a woman is nice in the beginning, then they start trying to change the man once he gets comfortable.

If you want a man to love you like you've never been loved before, he needs to feel accepted and appreciated for what he has to offer you. When you learn how to give that to him, you will become a treasure to him, someone he would never, ever want to lose, it's that important to him.

Well I agree with you. I definitely need to feel understood. No, I need to be understood.

Great input, Igwe. I hope the ladies are reading. That simple observation can reduce the rate of conflicts in relationships.

igwe2006:

Of course, we all want that. But because women are well known for trying to change men, they go into a relationship on guard. Their experience has mostly been that a woman is nice in the beginning, then they start trying to change the man once he gets comfortable.

If you want a man to love you like you've never been loved before, he needs to feel accepted and appreciated for what he has to offer you. When you learn how to give that to him, you will become a treasure to him, someone he would never, ever want to lose, it's that important to him.

you are very right

And some guys go to extreme limits to gain acceptance when his girl wants some serious change.
I had a friend once who left his old ways, he changed everything - including us - his pals! simply cos he got a half caste girlfriend.
At the end of the day, it dawned on him that this particular girl was just too demanding and he couldnt change any more than he already did. He came back asking for forgiveness.

A few things he changed were his dress mode from casual to always corporate or cultural, his eating habits, stopped eating outside or eating with his hands, he had to start using fork and knife to eat eba
His music also changed to disco, he stopped taking lager, it had to be brandy

There was no more football on TV oh, and his friends were no longer welcome to his place, he also was not allowed to visit us in our own places although he was welcome.

This girl always threatened him with statements like: Are u gonna do stuff to make ur friends happy, or is it me that should be sad?

But, as envisaged, it didnt work cos the guy had lost everything that made sense of life for him. He had to come back to fun!

That is indeed an extreme case. The guy have personality. I had once a lady who wanted to have her ways and styles. From music to food and then how you walk etc I was like she need a programmable robot and I am stubborn type. I had to lied to her that I was engaged to another lady. Well she left and I was relieved of a big burden.

While we can never be perfect, we must be willing to understand other person before we try to effect a change. I love ladies that can tell you that you are wrong without offending you. I always look out for what to learn and not a programmer.

The questions to be asked in this topic are:

1. What is/are the best way to effect a change in a man/woman without offending his/her sensibility?

2. Can there be compromised? How do you achieve that without losing your own identity?

3. What are the things to look for and how do you handle a stubborn partner?

Methink, many relationships had broken down or never get to a start because of the inabilities of partners to understand one another and make sensible compromise where necessary.

Let set the ball rolling and see if we can bridge the gap. I know many people would benefit from this thread.

@Poster

Just to point out, its not just the need to feel understood, its the need to be understood!


Thank you very much!

guys u r right but it doesnt work in only one direction. for a girl to undastand a guy he has to understand her to. it works both ways. see i have tried this with my boyfriend. at first he says "why dont u try to understand me?" and i say "okay" so i start this understanding thing. when he is supposed to show up he stands me up and says "Sorry, i 4got. i went 4 rehearssls. u understand now" i wld say "Yes dear" so he continues to misbehave and he keeps saying "u undastand now" and i say "yes dear" so after a while i begin to think that if i ve to undastand him then he also has to undastnd my feelings abt something or else he will just keep hurting me and i will keep mum unda the guise of understanding. talk abt killing me softly.

Atleast one good point out of Nairaland ,,, Thanks bro and well noted on behalf of ladies in the house

what else I wish for? But no two people are same. We need to respect the identity of each other and come to a middle point to push the relationship froward.