As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding. After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.

After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down. I get easily content with what I have and I spend prudently. Then I met my husband. It happened that I was his crush back then in school, in fact, he even approached me as a student then, but I turned him down because I knew where I was coming from and I never wanted to gamble with my studies, it was my only hope to leave my father's house and fend for myself.

Fast forward to when I met my husband after school. He didn't even have a good job. But I could tell I meant a great deal to him, we'll speak for hours on the phone. I fell hopelessly in love with him, I could already picture a happy home with him and our kids. Then he proposed, and I accepted. I met his family, they were nice on the first visit.

After the introduction ceremony with my family, I started noticing certain things. I was taking pictures with his phone when I saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them. I was surprised and wondered where all this was coming from, I asked him and he reassured me that it was nothing.

Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids. I kept pondering this statement. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone and why he needs to make money first and allow his family to enjoy his money, before getting married. She said I was old, and just forcing him to marry me. I was just 26 then, but my education was very fast.

I had to speak to her dad about this and he cautioned her. I tried speaking to her myself but she rained insults again on me. I called off the wedding at a point but my then-fiance begged and involved my brother and so we went on with the wedding preparations. The wedding went well and his entire family stayed with us for a week before leaving.

My husband got a good job, I was working, we were fine and money wasn't our problem. A few months later, my father-in-law died. I sent messages and called hubby's siblings to comfort them. I couldn't travel with him immediately due to the nature of my job. I kept calling to check on him and inquire about the traditional rites I might need to be a part of. Hubby said his father was a pastor so he won't need to do anything, while we were yet speaking, his sister who hates me snatched the phone from him and said I have to do this and that or I should pack my things and leave the house and then she shouted at me.

I was so pissed and acted in a way that wasn't right considering that we were all mourning. I sent a message to her, telling her to be nice considering that we are all mourning but if she chooses to continue insulting and humiliating me for no reason, I won't take it. She forwarded the message to the entire family, including uncles, aunts, and grandchildren. On the day of the burial, I was treated as an outcast by the entire family, she told them not to give my birth family food, even though they came bearing gifts and comforting everyone. Hubby had to step in and ask the caterers to serve them.

She kept fighting and shouting at my hubby throughout the burial and tried denying him of things he was supposed to do as the first son and child. I was humiliated and she kept castigating my name and insulting me to hearings of everyone. I wasn't even allowed to eat. I was quiet all through, when family members were asked to sit behind the corpse, she asked me to excuse them.

For fear of my life after the burial, I had to go lodge in a hotel outside. The next morning she and her brother kept shouting and complaining that why did hubby allow me to lodge and that I should have been with their mom. They continued the humiliation, I couldn't take it anymore or hold back my tears so I left.

Hubby later told me that she held a meeting in my absence with the entire family and told them I'm a bad wife and needs to leave her brother. This was when hubby stood up for me and said I wasn't going anywhere.

Our marriage was never the same. Even when we had our daughter, no one called, hubby was ostracized from his own family and he blamed me sometimes. I couldn't concentrate at work, and my job is performance-based. I was scared that I'll be fired, so I resigned.

Hubby's income wasn't enough to sustain us, so we started facing financial difficulties. He had to even go meet the same sister to borrow money, even though I discouraged it. She always mocked him for it and I had to pay off the loan at a point.


When she saw that we are now broke, she stopped fighting with him and they are on talking terms now, of course, she still wants nothing to do with me. I know that they are family by blood and nothing is too hard to forgive, but each time she calls and they are happily discussing, Ican't help but feel angry for all she has caused us. I'm sometimes tempted to leave this marriage because this is not what I envisaged at all.

My brother is also married and I have never felt the need to interfere in his marriage or fight his wife.

I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

It's better to be single and happy than married and unhappy

BrighterThanDay:
As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding. After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.
After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down. I get easily content with what I have and I spend prudently. Then I met my husband. It happened that I was his crush back then in school, in fact, he even approached me as a student then, but I turned him down because I knew where I was coming from and I never wanted to gamble with my studies, it was my only hope to leave my father's house and fend for myself.
Fast forward to when I met my husband after school. He didn't even have a good job. But I could tell I meant a great deal to him, we'll speak for hours on the phone. I fell hopelessly in love with him, I could already picture a happy home with him and our kids. Then he proposed, and I accepted. I met his family, they were nice on the first visit. After the introduction ceremony with my family, I started noticing certain things. I was taking pictures with his phone when I saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them. I was surprised and wondered where all this was coming from, I asked him and he reassured me that it was nothing. Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids. I kept pondering this statement. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone and why he needs to make money first and allow his family to enjoy his money, before getting married. She said I was old, and just forcing him to marry me. I was just 26 then, but my education was very fast. I had to speak to her dad about this and he cautioned her. I tried speaking to her myself but she rained insults again on me. I called off the wedding at a point but my then-fiance begged and involved my brother and so we went on with the wedding preparations. The wedding went well and his entire family stayed with us for a week before leaving. My husband got a good job, I was working, we were fine and money wasn't our problem. A few months later, my father-in-law died. I sent messages and called hubby's siblings to comfort them. I couldn't travel with him immediately due to the nature of my job. I kept calling to check on him and inquire about the traditional rites I might need to be a part of. Hubby said his father was a pastor so he won't need to do anything, while we were yet speaking, his sister who hates me snatched the phone from him and said I have to do this and that or I should pack my things and leave the house and then she shouted at me.
I was so pissed and acted in a way that wasn't right considering that we were all mourning. I sent a message to her, telling her to be nice considering that we are all mourning but if she chooses to continue insulting and humiliating me for no reason, I won't take it. She forwarded the message to the entire family, including uncles, aunts, and grandchildren. On the day of the burial, I was treated as an outcast by the entire family, she told them not to give my birth family food, even though they came bearing gifts and comforting everyone. Hubby had to step in and ask the caterers to serve them. She kept fighting and shouting at my hubby throughout the burial and tried denying him of things he was supposed to do as the first son and child. I was humiliated and she kept castigating my name and insulting me to hearings of everyone. I wasn't even allowed to eat. I was quiet all through, when family members were asked to sit behind the corpse, she asked me to excuse them. For fear of my life after the burial, I had to go lodge in a hotel outside. The next morning she and her brother kept shouting and complaining that why did hubby allow me to lodge and that I should have been with their mom. They continued the humiliation, I couldn't take it anymore or hold back my tears so I left.
Hubby later told me that she held a meeting in my absence with the entire family and told them I'm a bad wife and needs to leave her brother. This was when hubby stood up for me and said I wasn't going anywhere.
Our marriage was never the same. Even when we had our daughter, no one called, hubby was ostracized from his own family and he blamed me sometimes. I couldn't concentrate at work, and my job is performance-based. I was scared that I'll be fired, so I resigned. Hubby's income wasn't enough to sustain us, so we started facing financial difficulties. He had to even go meet the same sister to borrow money, even though I discouraged it. She always mocked him for it and I had to pay off the loan at a point. When she saw that we are now broke, she stopped fighting with him and they are on talking terms now, of course, she still wants nothing to do with me. I know that they are family by blood and nothing is too hard to forgive, but each time she calls and they are happily discussing, I can't help but feel angry for all she has caused us. I'm sometimes tempted to leave this marriage because this is not what I envisaged at all. My brother is also married and I have never felt the need to interfere in his marriage or fight his wife.
I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

Having read what you posted, I feel the emotional pains you are going through

The only place am going to blame you was the in ability to tolerate them your in laws from day one

They gave you heat and you returned the heat without thinking twice if really you can face them all

You dont really understand their family settings and why all of them are interested in their son

As it is now, you are not a threat to them but they are all a threat to you and your peace in the marriage

You have already prove to them that you are equally as crazy as they are

I think at this point, you have to drop the war weapons and start calming down for them

Talk to your husband if you can, so that he will reconcile you and them, by organizing a good reconciliation meeting for that peace to reign in your marriage, in laws and your life

Once that is done, you will experience absolute peace of mind and you will now be free to relate with them and see them as your own family

Pls look into it so that you too can have peace of mind and your child will have a good sense of feelings with them

If they all decides to gang against you and send you out, your husband will just be confused but will still stand with them because he alone can't marry you

frozen70:


Having read what you posted, I feel the emotional pains you are going through

The only place am going to blame you was the in ability to tolerate them your in laws from day one

They gave you heat and you returned the heat without thinking twice if really you can face them all

You dont really understand their family settings and why all of them are interested in their son

As it is now, you are not a threat to them but they are all a threat to you and your peace in the marriage

You have already prove to them that you are equally as crazy as they are

I think at this point, you have to drop the war weapons and start calming down for them

Talk to your husband if you can, so that he will reconcile you and them, by organizing a good reconciliation meeting for that peace to reign in your marriage, in laws and your life

Once that is done, you will experience absolute peace of mind and you will now be free to relate with them and see them as your own family

Pls look into it so that you too can have peace of mind and your child will have a good sense of feelings with them

If they all decides to gang against you and send you out, your husband will just be confused but will still stand with them because he alone can't marry you

Sincerely I think I over-tolerated them from day one, I saw a family who never wanted their son to get married, because in their terms, they want to enjoy his money first. I wasn't the first he introduced to them, the first girl wasn't working and from all indications she'll be relying solely on him, so she was out rightly rejected. I later found out I was accepted by them due to my status, but they dreaded the fact that he was extremely in love with me and that's where the whole jealousy and envy started.
It doesn't make sense to me that I should be insulted by you consistently without provocation just because I'm getting married to your brother. My closest brother, my mom had just the 2 of us before she died and we're very close is also married. It has never crossed my mind to hate or disrespect his wife. I do call her to check on her and she does same. Why is my own case different?
Marriage from my side is very expensive but I pleaded with my dad to be considerate with them since my hubby wasn't gainfully employed then, my dad got angry and kept asking me why him?
I have supported him with all I've got. I never said my money is my money. So what exactly is their problem?
For a Christian family, I never expected this. I just wish I wasn't blinded by love from the onset. I sincerely regret my decision.

hope you wrote everything about what happened? because what you wrote now, I didn't notice a single fault from your side.. I just hope you're telling the truth and you're not trying to portray yourself good and his family bad... because how come almost all his family have the same impression about you??

if I will advice you BASED ON WHAT YOU WROTE... from your write-up, I didn't see a single fault from your side, his family probably didn't like you and I always advice women against settling down into a family where they are not welcomed, and same for men. it is like living in hell... but it is much worse for the women...

and I also use to tell women that chasing their career shouldn't stop them from having a serious relationship... you don't need to be in a sexual relationship, I'm not saying you should keep sleeping around with men, pls note the difference, but have a serious relationship and keep your options open... a time is coming where career won't mean anything to you again, there are so many important things in life than that... you should set your priorities straight... your job can sack you anytime...

you ignored the red flags in your relationship and it came back to haunt you... this is why you shouldn't let love blind you from taking the right decisions... the men you rejected in the past might have been the right men for you but because of your feelings that ain't temporary, you let it override your logicality... Now you only have yourself to blame... you can either endure your marriage and try to get things right because there's a kid involved already and starting all over might prove very difficult for you or divorce which might also not lead to a happy ending for you... pick your poison carefully.

Do not fight with his family members, but avoid those that wants to fight with you... respect who respects you and ignore those who wants to quarrel with you like they don't exist and this shouldn't stop you from doing what you still have to do in your marriage... face your husband, na the man you marry nor be her sister... let your home be your major concern... talk to him, and I'm sure he's also willing to make things work... so you guys should work through it together... you're not the first person this would happen to and you won't be the last person as well... many marriages even faced issues greater than this and they survived.. you can make it work also.. divorce isn't everything, don't let what you see on social media decieve you... unless domestic violence is involved or threat to life, divorce is not an option... most divorcees regretted their actions later on... all problems have solution.. you and your husband should make things work and God be with you both...

Eyah they never liked you ( a lot of inlaws don't like their sons/brothers wife anyway) the only consolation was that you were financially okay.

The sister was not comfortable with the fact that you guys (especially you) were okay financially, now that you are broke and your husband goes to her for help she feels fulfilled.

The good thing about the story is your hubby stood up for you so you will still cope.

You are married you are married, try to get another job then keep your mind of inlaw wahala.

They hate your daughter? Don't let your daughter go to their place. Just do what is necessary, Ignore them mostly you should be fine.

You should never have resigned from your job .

I hope you get another well paying source of income as soon as possible. I won't advise you to go any extra length to try to please your sister in-law. Give her her due respect but don't try to overdo. Pesin wey no like you no go like you even if you risk your life to please them. Just try to be financially independent of them as much as possible and face your family.

frozen70:


Having read what you posted, I feel the emotional pains you are going through

The only place am going to blame you was the in ability to tolerate them your in laws from day one

They gave you heat and you returned the heat without thinking twice if really you can face them all

You dont really understand their family settings and why all of them are interested in their son

As it is now, you are not a threat to them but they are all a threat to you and your peace in the marriage

You have already prove to them that you are equally as crazy as they are

I think at this point, you have to drop the war weapons and start calming down for them

Talk to your husband if you can, so that he will reconcile you and them, by organizing a good reconciliation meeting for that peace to reign in your marriage, in laws and your life

Once that is done, you will experience absolute peace of mind and you will now be free to relate with them and see them as your own family

Pls look into it so that you too can have peace of mind and your child will have a good sense of feelings with them

If they all decides to gang against you and send you out, your husband will just be confused but will still stand with them because he alone can't marry you

You seem to be giving excuses for this evidently weak husband.

How's it possible for your family members to send your wife out, and ''you will just be confused'' Nawaoo

If the guy had stood up like a man from the beginning when every family member was testing his/her 'superpower' status on his wife, things wouldn't have reached this ugly stage.

The guy didn't protect his wife/nuclear family enough and i must say that.

1. Number one rule before getting married: check if your in-laws are also "in love" with you. If they are, you'll experience peace from them in that union, if not, trouble galore - don't get married.

2. No matter the degree of love you and your partner share, if it doesn't extend to both families, either of you will be used to fight a proxy war.

Many intending couples do think they are the exceptions, hence, they go ahead with the marriage rites even though the main family members are not at peace with the union.

3. Love conquers. But you see family, they are the foundation of every person you see out there. They share blood. They share a bond. They share secrets. If they perceive you aren't worthy to become one of them, just leave. There are many other men/women you can have a good and sweet relationship with, and that have lovely families.

4. Your husband isn't bold enough to put a period in many absurd sentences in the family. As the eldest and as a married man he ought to be your protector. Although, a contributing reason is that he isn't wealthy. Only poor husbands or men are being tossed like a table tennis ball in every family.

5. If your in-laws are not threatening your life, you must encourage boldness in your husband. Open yourself before him and let him see your vulnerabilities and how frightened you're in the marriage. He must defend and protect his family. Even if he's not a millionaire, there are masculine virtues he must imbue himself. He must call the shot in his family and let them accord you your respect.

6. You must also build your confidence. Be brave and bold. Don't allow any family member to treat you as a doormat. Stand firm. You have a home to keep and a beautiful daughter to protect. Be strong for yourself and your family. Know when to apply peace. Know how to deliver violence. This will make obstinate and troublesome people stay aloof from you.

7. Nigeria's economy/world economy is as useless and hopeless as ever before, however, both of you should hold each other tight and walk through the storm together. Look for possible trades to do.
It doesn't get easy as you move further. It gets tougher, but more strength, experience, wisdom, and liberation.

8. If your marriage becomes life-threatening and unable for you to catch little molecules of oxygen after you must have tried all notable things to aid the marriage, please, divorce.
A divorce is never a good option. But at least it will save your life rather than allowing that life to grow weaker and eventually die in the end with no peace and joy.

Thanks.

Nawa o. The red flags were there, starring boldly at you. Your husband is in no capacity to protect you. His sister lord's over him. It's now a huge cross which you will either carry or reject. Your life, your choice.

I keep telling people that 'your instinct dont lie'.

The financial part will makes things keep getting worse.

One day your hubby might succumb and u will never get to see him again.

You want to leave the marriage because of inlaws and not because your husband is the problem? Is that the way it works now?

You need to grow up and grow a thick skin. Many people have it far worse. Some have to live with the husband's family and are maltreated from dusk to dawn. You live alone with your family and you're talking about divorce.

Life is hard, these are some of the challenges of life. As long as your man has your back, you don't have issues. Ignore the family, they'll get tired and come to their senses someday. If we had to run away from every challenge, then we're worse than cowards.

You need to get working again and not be financially dependent on anyone.

When you start earning, there will be more clarity on which direction to take going forward in your marriage but in all, always remind yourself that no human being has the right to diminish you.

You had a life before marriage and do not let the marriage depersonalize you.

I will certainly encourage you not to have another baby soonest as firstly, you need to sort out your finances and most importantly, where you stand in your marriage.

ChybuzzDD:


You seem to be giving excuses for this evidently weak husband.

How's it possible for your family members to send your wife out, and ''you will just be confused'' Nawaoo

If the guy had stood up like a man from the beginning when every family member was testing his/her 'superpower' status on his wife, things wouldn't have reached this ugly stage.

The guy didn't protect his wife/nuclear family enough and i must say that.

Exactly, the husband is a weak man. How could he allow his mother tell him the future mother of his kids is a stranger? And the audacity of his sister to insult his wife to be!

Marriage itself could be challenging especially in the early stage. All these drama from his family is totally avoidable.

ChybuzzDD:


You seem to be giving excuses for this evidently weak husband.

How's it possible for your family members to send your wife out, and ''you will just be confused'' Nawaoo

If the guy had stood up like a man from the beginning when every family member was testing his/her 'superpower' status on his wife, things wouldn't have reached this ugly stage.

The guy didn't protect his wife/nuclear family enough and i must say that.

If you read my post again, you will see where I wrote that the man is confused

Secondly I also wrote that she doesn't know the family settings before she cane to the family and she doesn't know why all the family members are dragging her husband

That man has so much affection with his parents and siblings

It will take the grace of God to make him face his wife and daughter not by fighting or quarreling

I did not support her husband for his attitude but I read where she said that her husband protected her when the sister said she has to go

She should just cool down to gain her husband not by gragra

What exactly would happen if your husband takes you and live far apart from his family? Why can't your husband cut off or reduce his visits to his family members? As long as your husband continues to behave like he can't live without his sister and mother, then you both will continue to be treated with disrespect. The worst decision you did was quitting your job, get a job asap.

BrighterThanDay:


Sincerely I think I over-tolerated them from day one, I saw a family who never wanted their son to get married, because in their terms, they want to enjoy his money first. I wasn't the first he introduced to them, the first girl wasn't working and from all indications she'll be relying solely on him, so she was out rightly rejected. I later found out I was accepted by them due to my status, but they dreaded the fact that he was extremely in love with me and that's where the whole jealousy and envy started.
It doesn't make sense to me that I should be insulted by you consistently without provocation just because I'm getting married to your brother. My closest brother, my mom had just the 2 of us before she died and we're very close is also married. It has never crossed my mind to hate or disrespect his wife. I do call her to check on her and she does same. Why is my own case different?
Marriage from my side is very expensive but I pleaded with my dad to be considerate with them since my hubby wasn't gainfully employed then, my dad got angry and kept asking me why him?
I have supported him with all I've got. I never said my money is my money. So what exactly is their problem?
For a Christian family, I never expected this. I just wish I wasn't blinded by love from the onset. I sincerely regret my decision.

My dear sister, don't regret anything because every marriages goes through teething problem

Assuming your husband have to strength to fight for you he will shut them up and you will gain your ground

But he is just confused I won't call him a weakly

But pls be calm the storm will soon be over

Just focus on your child and if possible become pregnant for the second child and pray to God to calm the storm

Your husband family may not be exposed enough to know that they should stay away from intruding into your home

frozen70:


If you read my post again, you will see where I wrote that the man is confused

Secondly I also wrote that she doesn't know the family settings before she cane to the family and she doesn't know why all the family members are dragging her husband

That man has so much affection with his parents and siblings

It will take the grace of God to make him face his wife and daughter not by fighting or quarreling

I did not support her husband for his attitude but I read where she said that her husband protected her when the sister said she has to go

She should just cool down to gain her husband not by gragra

The truth is my husband is a good man. He chose me, I chose him, and we are happy together. Aside from the current financial issues and law problems we don't have any other problem.
He stood up for me countless times against his sister and asked her to leave me alone. But whenever he does this, the sister gets so mad and says I've come to scatter their family and she begins to report to elders, who now turn on my husband and ask him to draw his sister close as the father of the house after the demise of his father. If he doesn't oblige, he'll be totally isolated from the family, even if his mother is sick or God forbid dies, he won't be informed, nobody picks up his calls or when they answer they sound so cold. The worse part was when my daughter was born, aside my family, none of them congratulated him. This is what they use to get to him and it hurts him so bad, and he ends up blaming me. I hate seeing him in this mood and I'll always encourage him to go back to them. I'm sincerely tired of this vicious cycle, I don't know how long I can continue living like this. This his sister is married, but she doesn't want any of her brothers to be.

BrighterThanDay:


Sincerely I think I over-tolerated them from day one, I saw a family who never wanted their son to get married, because in their terms, they want to enjoy his money first. I wasn't the first he introduced to them, the first girl wasn't working and from all indications she'll be relying solely on him, so she was out rightly rejected. I later found out I was accepted by them due to my status, but they dreaded the fact that he was extremely in love with me and that's where the whole jealousy and envy started.
It doesn't make sense to me that I should be insulted by you consistently without provocation just because I'm getting married to your brother. My closest brother, my mom had just the 2 of us before she died and we're very close is also married. It has never crossed my mind to hate or disrespect his wife. I do call her to check on her and she does same. Why is my own case different?
Marriage from my side is very expensive but I pleaded with my dad to be considerate with them since my hubby wasn't gainfully employed then, my dad got angry and kept asking me why him?
I have supported him with all I've got. I never said my money is my money. So what exactly is their problem?
For a Christian family, I never expected this. I just wish I wasn't blinded by love from the onset. I sincerely regret my decision.

My dear, it is very common. Even my dad's aunt hated my mother. It is always like that with the man's family. Just get closer to God and please don't allow this to weigh you down. Get a job and work extra hard for the same of your daughter. Forget your inlaw, you can never please them.

Yoruba people will say, you can marry a bad spouse but never have a bad in-law.

BrighterThanDay:


The truth is my husband is a good man. He chose me, I chose him, and we are happy together. Aside from the current financial issues and law problems we don't have any other problem.
He stood up for me countless times against his sister and asked her to leave me alone. But whenever he does this, the sister gets so mad and says I've come to scatter their family and she begins to report to elders, who now turn on my husband and ask him to draw his sister close as the father of the house after the demise of his father. If he doesn't oblige, he'll be totally isolated from the family, even if his mother is sick or God forbid dies, he won't be informed, nobody picks up his calls or when they answer they sound so cold. The worse part was when my daughter was born, aside my family, none of them congratulated him. This is what they use to get to him and it hurts him so bad, and he ends up blaming me. I hate seeing him in this mood and I'll always encourage him to go back to them. I'm sincerely tired of this vicious cycle, I don't know how long I can continue living like this. This his sister is married, but she doesn't want any of her brothers to be.

My dear, sorry for all these nonsense drama
Pray to God

You saw the red flags before the marriage: his family members didn't like you. How your potential in-laws treat you before the marriage is how they'll treat you after. You knew what you were walking into and chose to walk into it.

What you should do:
1. Seek marital counseling together with your husband. He has no business blaming you for his family's ostracism of him. You're the recipient of their continuous bad treatment, thus, you're not at fault in any way. As your husband, his duty is to protect you from it|them and if that means them longer talking to him, he should have no problem with that nor should he blame you for that.

2. Get another job. You shouldn't have quit your job. A jobless married woman in a situation like this, or in an unhappy marriage is a powerless woman (and I don't mean that in a bad way). With money, you'll be empowered and can decide on the best course of action to take, especially if things don't improve.

3. Move your family away from them, that is, if you live close to them now. That said, your husband sounds like someone who cares about his siblings and mom's support & closeness, so I doubt he'd want to be further removed from them. Secondly, his sister who seems to have much influence on him can still influence him, whether you're near or far. She hadn't yet met you when she started her troubles, so again, I doubt moving away would make any difference. Still, it's something you and him would have to decide together.

Exodus15v11:
You saw the red flags before the marriage: his family members didn't like you. How your potential in-laws treat you before the marriage is how they'll treat you after. You knew what you were walking into and chose to walk into it.

What you should do:
1. Seek marital counseling together with your husband. He has no business blaming you for his family's ostracism of him. You're the recipient of their continuous bad treatment, thus, you're not at fault in any way. As your husband, his duty is to protect you from it|them and if that means them longer talking to them, he should have no problem with that nor should he blame you for that.

2. Get another job. You shouldn't have quit your job. A jobless married woman in a situation like this, or in an abusive, unhappy marriage is a powerless woman (and I don't mean that in a bad way). With money, you'll be empowered and can decide on the best course of action to take, especially if things don't improve.

3. Move your family away from them, that is, if you live close to them now. That said, your husband sounds like someone who cares about his siblings and mom's support & closeness to them, so I doubt he'd want to be further removed from them. Secondly, his sister who seems to have much influence on him can still influence him, whether you're near or far. She hadn't yet met you when she started her troubles, so again, I doubt moving away would make any difference. Still, it's something you and him would have to decide together.

Thank you for the advice. I'm in the process of getting another job, though not as high paying as the previous one.
You are right, I saw the red flags from the onset, I have never really been in a lot of relationships, and just as someone pointed out here, I think I'm also suffering from inexperience and the lack of a mother to guide me.
I really wanted to have a happy home, void of pretense and undue tension. Just pure honesty and true love. But I guess not everyone gets what they wish for. I'm smart and hardworking. I'll build my career again and console myself with my daughter. I'll let him do whatever he chooses with his family and not let it get to me. But I won't take any of their insults because I don't deserve them. I don't want my daughter to grow up without both parents. I'll try to stay for her sake, but for my sanity and happiness, I won't give it my all.

BrighterThanDay:
As a child from a broken home, I saw marriage as my happy ending of finally having a home filled with love and mutual understanding. After the death of my mom, growing up with my dad and stepmom was hell. I was treated as a stranger in my own home, so I thought starting my own family will be a lot better.
After I completed my education and got a good job. I had a lot of suitors willing to settle down with me. Most of them were rich and accomplished men, but there was no spark, I felt they weren't genuinely in love with me, and since I was never a materialistic person, I turned them down. I get easily content with what I have and I spend prudently. Then I met my husband. It happened that I was his crush back then in school, in fact, he even approached me as a student then, but I turned him down because I knew where I was coming from and I never wanted to gamble with my studies, it was my only hope to leave my father's house and fend for myself.
Fast forward to when I met my husband after school. He didn't even have a good job. But I could tell I meant a great deal to him, we'll speak for hours on the phone. I fell hopelessly in love with him, I could already picture a happy home with him and our kids. Then he proposed, and I accepted. I met his family, they were nice on the first visit. After the introduction ceremony with my family, I started noticing certain things. I was taking pictures with his phone when I saw a message from his mom telling him I'm a stranger and he shouldn't allow me to come between them. I was surprised and wondered where all this was coming from, I asked him and he reassured me that it was nothing. Then his father told me that hope I know that a son should love and care for his parents more than his kids. I kept pondering this statement. Then the worse of it all was his married sister, she hasn't even met me, but she rained insults and abuses on me on his phone and why he needs to make money first and allow his family to enjoy his money, before getting married. She said I was old, and just forcing him to marry me. I was just 26 then, but my education was very fast. I had to speak to her dad about this and he cautioned her. I tried speaking to her myself but she rained insults again on me. I called off the wedding at a point but my then-fiance begged and involved my brother and so we went on with the wedding preparations. The wedding went well and his entire family stayed with us for a week before leaving. My husband got a good job, I was working, we were fine and money wasn't our problem. A few months later, my father-in-law died. I sent messages and called hubby's siblings to comfort them. I couldn't travel with him immediately due to the nature of my job. I kept calling to check on him and inquire about the traditional rites I might need to be a part of. Hubby said his father was a pastor so he won't need to do anything, while we were yet speaking, his sister who hates me snatched the phone from him and said I have to do this and that or I should pack my things and leave the house and then she shouted at me.
I was so pissed and acted in a way that wasn't right considering that we were all mourning. I sent a message to her, telling her to be nice considering that we are all mourning but if she chooses to continue insulting and humiliating me for no reason, I won't take it. She forwarded the message to the entire family, including uncles, aunts, and grandchildren. On the day of the burial, I was treated as an outcast by the entire family, she told them not to give my birth family food, even though they came bearing gifts and comforting everyone. Hubby had to step in and ask the caterers to serve them. She kept fighting and shouting at my hubby throughout the burial and tried denying him of things he was supposed to do as the first son and child. I was humiliated and she kept castigating my name and insulting me to hearings of everyone. I wasn't even allowed to eat. I was quiet all through, when family members were asked to sit behind the corpse, she asked me to excuse them. For fear of my life after the burial, I had to go lodge in a hotel outside. The next morning she and her brother kept shouting and complaining that why did hubby allow me to lodge and that I should have been with their mom. They continued the humiliation, I couldn't take it anymore or hold back my tears so I left.
Hubby later told me that she held a meeting in my absence with the entire family and told them I'm a bad wife and needs to leave her brother. This was when hubby stood up for me and said I wasn't going anywhere.
Our marriage was never the same. Even when we had our daughter, no one called, hubby was ostracized from his own family and he blamed me sometimes. I couldn't concentrate at work, and my job is performance-based. I was scared that I'll be fired, so I resigned. Hubby's income wasn't enough to sustain us, so we started facing financial difficulties. He had to even go meet the same sister to borrow money, even though I discouraged it. She always mocked him for it and I had to pay off the loan at a point. When she saw that we are now broke, she stopped fighting with him and they are on talking terms now, of course, she still wants nothing to do with me. I know that they are family by blood and nothing is too hard to forgive, but each time she calls and they are happily discussing, I can't help but feel angry for all she has caused us. I'm sometimes tempted to leave this marriage because this is not what I envisaged at all. My brother is also married and I have never felt the need to interfere in his marriage or fight his wife.
I don't know how long I can continue in this union, even my innocent beautiful daughter is hated by them.

leave the marriage

If all you wrote here is nothing but the truth, then I'll only blame you for one big mistake you made and that is quitting your job. Why?
Don't you know if anything happens now, your job is the only security you have? That was not necessary.

Well since your husband is not taking sides with his family or mounting pressure on you, I'll advise you still hang in there and put your mind at rest. Focus on your own immediate family and try to get another job. Your sister in-law should be the least of your worries, after all she's not living with you guys, so her barking and tantrums can only be heard from afar.

Don't let their phone convo bother you. They are siblings and will always contact each other and there's nothing you can do about it otherwise you'll give your hubby the impression you're a bad wife.

Lastly, commit everything to God in prayers and ask Him to silent every tongue rising up against you in judgment.

EriMma1:
If all you wrote here is nothing but the truth, then I'll only blame you for one big mistake you made and that is quitting your job. Why?
Don't you know if anything happens now, your job is the only security you have? That was not necessary.

Well since your husband is not taking sides with his family or mounting pressure on you, I'll advise you still hang in there and put your mind at rest. Focus on your own immediate family and try to get another job. Your sister in-law should be the least of your worries, after all she's not living with you guys, so her barking and tantrums can only be heard from afar.

Don't let their phone convo bother you. They are siblings and will always contact each other and there's nothing you can do about it otherwise you'll give your hubby the impression you're a bad wife.

Lastly, commit everything to God in prayers and ask Him to silent every tongue rising up against you in judgment.

Thank you. On God, all I wrote is what transpired between I and my in laws, in fact I haven't even gone into details on the humiliation I faced. I also mentioned my fault in sending her a warning message when she insulted me and asked me to pack out of her brothers during the burial of my father in law. I shouldn't have done that considering we were all mourning, that I accept but I was pushed to the wall. I am working on a new job already. Thank you once more for the advice

BrighterThanDay:


Thank you. On God, all I wrote is what transpired between I and my in laws, in fact I haven't even gone into details on the humiliation I faced. I also mentioned my fault in sending her a warning message when she insulted me and asked me to pack out of her brothers during the burial of my father in law. I shouldn't have done that considering we were all mourning, that I accept but I was pushed to the wall. I am working on a new job already. Thank you once more for the advice

You're welcome dear.
May your search for a new job be fruitful.

EriMma1:


You're welcome dear.
May your search for a new job be fruitful.

Amen.

In other words, na winch or shes a hater

NoToPile:
Eyah they never liked you ( a lot of inlaws don't like their sons/brothers wife anyway) the only consolation was that you were financially okay.

The sister was not comfortable with the fact that you guys (especially you) were okay financially, now that you are broke and your husband goes to her for help she feels fulfilled.

The good thing about the story is your hubby stood up for you so you will still cope.

You are married you are married, try to get another job then keep your mind of inlaw wahala.

They hate your daughter? Don't let your daughter go to their place. Just do what is necessary, Ignore them mostly you should be fine.

Baronthecelebri:
leave the marriage

She needs to be financially stable first by getting a job and if things detoriate further, she would be in a better position to make hard decisions as being humiliated by in-laws is not part of a healthy marriage.