Klass99:
Does invasion of privacy count in light of what you've discovered? If I were you I will boldly mention what I saw and truthfully own up to checking her phone, then watch her reaction and hear what she has to say, before firmly deciding my next steps forward. The attitude you see during and after that conversation matters so pay attention to it.

you just told him my mind

Kanixt:
"I recently snooped in my wife’s phone and discovered dozens of texts to her co-workers and some of our mutual friends — all saying awful things about me and airing petty grievances from our personal life. Among the topics of the texts was my unemployment. I recently gave up my nearly 10-year successful career in real estate to move to a new city and state so our daughter can go to a better school. I haven’t figured out my next move yet, but I’ve been actively applying and interviewing for jobs. I’ve received multiple offers, but none have been the right fit. My wife’s texts portray me as a deadbeat loser, and she questions why she’s stayed with me, lamenting what a burden it has been for her. I’ll note that our mortgage and our mutual bills have been paid for the last six months from the proceeds of selling our house when we moved, so my unemployment has caused her zero financial burden. I can’t get past the things she said and the betrayal I feel, and I am considering asking for a separation. But I am scared to bring it up because of the invasion of her privacy that led to me discovering the text messages. What is the ethical path forward?"

I don't think separation is what you need now

Just find your bearing while she keeps talk silly things

One day you will get yourself to the level that she will shut up her tales

Then you take full charge

Money corrects nonsense

Cocoon8:
Invading your spouses privacy is a HUGE deal. If you need to do that, where's the trust? You're violating trust in the relationship. Just like cheating. Can't have a relationship without trust, so what's the point? May as well just end it before you stoop to snooping. My advice would be not to tell the wife that he went through her phone and just end it. There's no respect or trust there and you gotta have both for a healthy marriage.

is this the best you could think of?

this is your first post with this account and you couldn't make good use of it.

Foodqueen:
What a move ....

Sold your house to settle some months bills.....

Left your striving business cos u wanted to change ur daughter's school.

While u were busy thinking of others, u forgot about yourself.

Better days ahead oo

He could have sold the house at a profit, bought another house from the proceeds and the left over to cater for other bills.

Don't you think?

Zyxsc:


Feminine men just plenty for this generation sha. What's this @bolded? He's even asking for ethical solution. No be everything gentleman-liness fit solve

I think he lives abroad where nothing is taken for granted.

purples25:
Ah, when you won't let her open her mouth and tell you how she feels honestly. Every time a woman tries to say her mind it is tagged as disrespect, she's a bad woman etc.

Enjoy your self made hypocrite. Shebi you want only respect and never truth.

So calling your husband a failure and loser even to his face should be acceptable? I hope you'll be happy
To find such derogatory words about you on your husband's phone, you can equally applaud him while at it

MadarasBlade:


So calling your husband a failure and loser even to his face should be acceptable? I hope you'll be happy
To find such derogatory words about you on your husband's phone, you can equally applaud him while at it

I'll take it as my fault if I am the one that did not allow him to express himself. For example, if I always threaten divorce whenever he gets angry and wants to express his anger.

Yes, face to face is better. Better than your wife dying in silent detestation of you and then blowing up to strangers. Men have that right to say however they feel, and show it, and they should let their wives exercise that right too.

Kanixt:
"I recently snooped in my wife’s phone and discovered dozens of texts to her co-workers and some of our mutual friends — all saying awful things about me and airing petty grievances from our personal life. Among the topics of the texts was my unemployment. I recently gave up my nearly 10-year successful career in real estate to move to a new city and state so our daughter can go to a better school. I haven’t figured out my next move yet, but I’ve been actively applying and interviewing for jobs. I’ve received multiple offers, but none have been the right fit. My wife’s texts portray me as a deadbeat loser, and she questions why she’s stayed with me, lamenting what a burden it has been for her. I’ll note that our mortgage and our mutual bills have been paid for the last six months from the proceeds of selling our house when we moved, so my unemployment has caused her zero financial burden. I can’t get past the things she said and the betrayal I feel, and I am considering asking for a separation. But I am scared to bring it up because of the invasion of her privacy that led to me discovering the text messages. What is the ethical path forward?"

Many men don't know that they are single. Wait until you lose your job.

Men, take your one month leave from work and pretend to your wife that you were fired. Watch how she will treat you for that one month.

I don't feel sorry for men like you. May God help you sha.

Kanixt:
"I recently snooped in my wife’s phone and discovered dozens of texts to her co-workers and some of our mutual friends — all saying awful things about me and airing petty grievances from our personal life. Among the topics of the texts was my unemployment. I recently gave up my nearly 10-year successful career in real estate to move to a new city and state so our daughter can go to a better school. I haven’t figured out my next move yet, but I’ve been actively applying and interviewing for jobs. I’ve received multiple offers, but none have been the right fit. My wife’s texts portray me as a deadbeat loser, and she questions why she’s stayed with me, lamenting what a burden it has been for her. I’ll note that our mortgage and our mutual bills have been paid for the last six months from the proceeds of selling our house when we moved, so my unemployment has caused her zero financial burden. I can’t get past the things she said and the betrayal I feel, and I am considering asking for a separation. But I am scared to bring it up because of the invasion of her privacy that led to me discovering the text messages. What is the ethical path forward?"

She doesn't have to know how you know. You have to start looking into your finances and start decoupling from her. Start a trust fund or any financial move that provides you money that she cannot access even under the guise of divorce.

Don't be in a hurry to tell her about what you now know. Secure yourself financially. She will one day start cheating and be bold enough to bring up the matter herself and you will not need to tell her anything but when this happens you need to be prepared for the fallout.

Next time marry a lady for her loyalty, piety, purpose, submission and character and not good looks.

Kanixt:
"I recently snooped in my wife’s phone and discovered dozens of texts to her co-workers and some of our mutual friends — all saying awful things about me and airing petty grievances from our personal life. Among the topics of the texts was my unemployment. I recently gave up my nearly 10-year successful career in real estate to move to a new city and state so our daughter can go to a better school. I haven’t figured out my next move yet, but I’ve been actively applying and interviewing for jobs. I’ve received multiple offers, but none have been the right fit. My wife’s texts portray me as a deadbeat loser, and she questions why she’s stayed with me, lamenting what a burden it has been for her. I’ll note that our mortgage and our mutual bills have been paid for the last six months from the proceeds of selling our house when we moved, so my unemployment has caused her zero financial burden. I can’t get past the things she said and the betrayal I feel, and I am considering asking for a separation. But I am scared to bring it up because of the invasion of her privacy that led to me discovering the text messages. What is the ethical path forward?"

so you left your better paying job just because you want your daughter to go to a better school in another state!

U didn't marry a wife...
U married a golddigger

Its a pity you discovered the demon you married as a wife, what does a man need if not a submissive and loyal woman to be called a wife but when you dont have that, you are wasting your time cos that women will end up ending you. I have been in such situations too but thank God i send her away cos i dont see her need in my life again. My mistake was that i was thinking i could carry all the home responsibility and not involved her and despite all this, i couldnt get her loyalty. The day i snitch through her phone, i was shocked to see what see has said to her family, friends, colleagues about me. She damage and tarnished my reputation to the lowest. I married a stupid woman that doesn't have any sense. She doesn't protect her home but rather tell tom dick and harry everything going on in her home. What kinda of woman is that. I was enduring all those not until she grew up to having an affair under my nose. See you either curb that nonsense attitude she is portraying now cos that woman will cheat on you cos at this moment, you meant nothing to her and she doesn't value you. She is a snitch and can never be loyal or be a wife that will be with you to the end of time. A word is enough for the wise.