He's 68 years old.

Retired pensioner.

Worked all his life to raise his kids.

Deprived himself of life's pleasures to pay expensive school fees and living expenses for his kids abroad.

They are now well-off in Europe and America.

His wife, 60, has relocated to live with her kids.

He's alone back in Kenya.

His kids barely call him.

He now has to start life all over as a bachelor.

He struggles with high blood pressure and other old age ailments.

How long more would he survive alone?

This is the reality for most working class monogamous men. Their old age is usually lonely and in many cases, sad.

Try as you may, women love their kids more than their husbands, no matter how good the man is. The older he gets, the less use they have for him.

Tell me then, what do men benefit from marriage?

They sacrifice so much but get little recognition for the hard work. The woman reaps all the benefits as the kids are often closer and more affectionate towards her when she becomes old.

As a man, know this. Your kids are your wife's children. You are only helping her raise them.

When last did you speak with your father? But a week wouldn't go by without hearing from your mom.

What is a man's gain when he sacrifices so much but gets little or nothing in return?

Well, that's patriarchy. It demands the man literally gives up his happiness, pleasures, resources and life for women and children.

Just make enough for your old age, just in case.

Men are you ready for this discussion?

Why will his children only focus on taking care of their mum if their dad was this responsible and caring? Is there anything you are not telling us?

Was he a good husband and a good father to his kids(aka his retirement plans) ?

Some women endure loveless and abusive Marriages,just to make sure the kids grow up "well" . Do you now expect her to continue enduring the probably sick and tired man ?

No woman/children will totally abandon a good husband and father if he played his roles well.

For his kids not to check on him tells a lot.
There's definitely more to this story.

litigator:
He's 68 years old. Retired pensioner. Worked all his life to raise his kids. Deprived himself of life's pleasures to pay expensive school fees and living expenses for his kids abroad. They are now well-off in Europe and America.

His wife, 60, has relocated to live with her kids.He's alone back in Kenya. His kids barely call him. He now has to start life all over as a bachelor. He struggles with high blood pressure and other old age ailments. How long more would he survive alone? This is the reality for most working class monogamous men. Their old age is usually lonely and in many cases, sad.

Try as you may, women love their kids more than their husbands, no matter how good the man is. The older he gets, the less use they have for him. Tell me then, what do men benefit from marriage? They sacrifice so much but get little recognition for the hard work. The woman reaps all the benefits as the kids are often closer and more affectionate towards her when she becomes old.

As a man, know this. Your kids are your wife's children. You are only helping her raise them.When last did you speak with your father? But a week wouldn't go by without hearing from your mom.What is a man's gain when he sacrifices so much but gets little or nothing in return? Well, that's patriarchy. It demands the man literally gives up his happiness, pleasures, resources and life for women and children.Just make enough for your old age, just in case. Men are you ready for this discussion?

Please stop copy-pasting this half-baked story all over the place. Go find the missing parts of the story abeg. Something tells me that even if the man in your story had been married to a 3 women, all children from all 3 would have ended up doing the same these did.

Kobojunkie:
Please stop copy-pasting this half-baked story all over the place. Go find the missing parts of the story abeg. Something tells me that even if the man in your story had married to a 3 women, all his children would have ended up doing the same these did.

There are several practical examples around you. Open you eye and your kind to see. How many fathers go for vacation at their kid's?

A wife fan spend a year away from her husband jumping from the home of one kid to another. Intimacy in most marriages starts dying once rhe couples starts having kids. The attention of the woman shifts a whole lot from the husband to the kids. Attention only comes when he is needed to provide.

We all didn't fall from the sky. Look at the older men around you and think deep and hard.

Well! Except you are as guilt as sin and just trying to deflect using the usual excuse.

Read the book "married but lonely" . And do research on the statistics of lonely married men.

That large proportion of lonely married men in their late 60 and above couldn't have treated their family bad na. The Kenyan man was just an example.

Don't you think so?

litigator:
■ There are several practical examples around you. Open you eye and your kind to see.
■ How many fathers go for vacation at their kid's? A wife fan spend a year away from her husband jumping from the home of one kid to another. Intimacy in most marriages starts dying once rhe couples starts having kids. The attention of the woman shifts a whole lot from the husband to the kids. Attention only comes when he is needed to provide. We all didn't fall from the sky. Look at the older men around you and think deep and hard.
■Well! Except you are as guilt as sin and just trying to deflect using the usual excuse. Read the book "married but lonely" . And do research on the statistics of lonely married men. That large proportion of lonely married men in their late 60 and above couldn't have treated their family bad na. The Kenyan man was just an example. Don't you think so?

1. There are none of those around me since I am not easily swayed by half-baked stories such as the one in your OP. If you did a bit of digging, you would likely find that the man was no saint at all.

2. You are asking the wrong question here. How many fathers are closely bonded to their kids that the kids would think to spend a vacation with said father? You can't live like a stranger to your own kids only to then expect the same kids to, when grown, treat you like a friend. They are Humans. We are mostly able to give what we get. So, if a father wants affection from his kids, he has to invest the same in them.

3. Did it ever occur to you that the reason why many women end up turning all of their affection towards their kids in marriage has to do with exactly the same..loneliness in marriage? Men aren't the only ones who experience loneliness in marriage. I would say a majority of women latch on to their kids because they find marriage quite lonely. Maybe men who also find themselves lonely in marriage should do the same.

Avoid polygamy same way you avoid rattlesnakes and scorpions. It will never end well .

Most times we men are at fault, when all we do is yell,scream and terrorize the home. Go and do ur work, go and sit down, go and read ur book, off the TV, this n that... When I was growing up, hearing my father has returned home gave us high blood pressure, even though what he was doing then was for our best o.
Now that we've all grown up, it feels weird to call and start gisting, u must go straight to the point. It's more of a duty now. But it feels normal to call Mom even when we don't have any thing to say.

So you're saying marrying 2 wives is the solution for this?

Litigator there is no need wasting energy with that frustrated non binary user.


The fact still remains, men need to take care of themselves. No woman likes a man who wants to take care of himself.

Kobojunkie:
Please stop copy-pasting this half-baked story all over the place. Go find the missing parts of the story abeg. Something tells me that even if the man in your story had been married to a 3 women, all children from all 3 would have ended up doing the same these did.

They would have even left faster to escape that mess called polygamy

Cutehector:
Litigator there is no need wasting energy with that frustrated non binary user.


The fact still remains, men need to take care of themselves. No woman likes a man who wants to take care of himself.

I agree with you. Any man that is not at their mercy is a bad market. They want to be master manipulators and also play the victim. All at the same time. Who does that?

litigator:


When last did you speak with your father? But a week wouldn't go by without hearing from your mom.

I speak with my father every 2-3 days.

Some people go all out for their mother because the woman is all they know (Great). Then you'll see another guy with a great dad and mom using the template of a single-parent family just to belong (F0.0lisness).

Life is a seed.
I say this as a personal experience. Yes, my dad wasn't exactly treating my mom right. My mom also had her own issues. Initially I was siding my mom but thank God for wisdom. My mom was actively trying to turn me against my dad. My dad been a man, never bothered defending himself. Men go through a lot in silence.
Few years before he died, i made it a duty to sow my first income at the beginning of the year to him as a seed. He prayed his heart out in blessings.
That is what sustains me today. Those prayers. I'm a graphic designer. I have never bothered to have an office because i can't even cope with the online international and Nigerian clients I have. I have done business with all of them for over 12 years. So even the buhari/tinubu tsunami has not really affected me.

Be kind to your father even if he was a devil. You are doing yourself a favor for the later days.

litigator:
He's 68 years old.

Retired pensioner.

Worked all his life to raise his kids.

Deprived himself of life's pleasures to pay expensive school fees and living expenses for his kids abroad.

They are now well-off in Europe and America.

His wife, 60, has relocated to live with her kids.

He's alone back in Kenya.

His kids barely call him.

He now has to start life all over as a bachelor.

He struggles with high blood pressure and other old age ailments.

How long more would he survive alone?

This is the reality for most working class monogamous men. Their old age is usually lonely and in many cases, sad.

Try as you may, women love their kids more than their husbands, no matter how good the man is. The older he gets, the less use they have for him.

Tell me then, what do men benefit from marriage?

They sacrifice so much but get little recognition for the hard work. The woman reaps all the benefits as the kids are often closer and more affectionate towards her when she becomes old.

As a man, know this. Your kids are your wife's children. You are only helping her raise them.

When last did you speak with your father? But a week wouldn't go by without hearing from your mom.

What is a man's gain when he sacrifices so much but gets little or nothing in return?

Well, that's patriarchy. It demands the man literally gives up his happiness, pleasures, resources and life for women and children.

Just make enough for your old age, just in case.

Men are you ready for this discussion?

Try to address this situation the way you will address the situation of a man walking out of his family. What always comes out of your lips are "do you know what he saw that made him leave".

Do you think children will willingly neglect their father? Not just one,but all children?

We grow up aware of the number of side chicks they have. We have to lie and sweat to squeeze out money for jamb form off his hands but his side chicks is on steady credit alert. We watch our mothers cry day in and day out.

You think you can torment a woman and/ or neglect your kids then in your old age she nurses you or the kids care for you?

The truth will set you free but you hide from it,which is that men need to act better. You blame women, feminism,system,woke culture and if possible a goat for your failures. Your wives in Nigeria divorces you,even wife abroad divorces you. Any country you flock to en masse,closes their borders. Whichever country you step your foot,you send children pictures of your private parts,to the extent that police now disguise as children online and you still fall for it and send them your private parts pictures.

You are only delaying your redemption by not knowing the truth. If you want a fufiling old age,with a wife beside you(nursing you and cleaning your poop incase you are ill), children posting your pictures on father day,and inviting you abroad not just sending you belts and sandals, then act right. Drop that caveman ego of yours that make you cheat or become a cross your family bears.

Go to general and national hospital and see women doing vigil for their husbands and packing their poo,do those men have two heads? What of kids that live their entire lives plotting revenge for their dads death?it shows the men were loving and caring,hence the kids will do anything to avenge their dad death.

Dogalmighty17:
Life is a seed.

May God bless you for this.May you live to see your great great great grand children and may all you lay your hand on prosper for this post you made

Kobojunkie:
1. There are none of those around me since I am not easily swayed by half-baked stories such as the one in your OP. If you did a bit of digging, you would likely find that the man was no saint at all.

2. You are asking the wrong question here. How many fathers are closely bonded to their kids that the kids would think to spend a vacation with said father? You can't live like a stranger to your own kids only to then expect the same kids to, when grown, treat you like a friend. They are Humans. We are mostly able to give what we get. So, if a father wants affection from his kids, he has to invest the same in them.

3. Did it ever occur to you that the reason why many women end up turning all of their affection towards their kids in marriage has to do with exactly the same..loneliness in marriage? Men aren't the only ones who experience loneliness in marriage. I would say a majority of women latch on to their kids because they find marriage quite lonely. Maybe men who also find themselves lonely in marriage should do the same.

They know the truth.
Funny thing is that if a woman makes this post she is accused of victimhood.

Are children fools? Don't they notice things? How can all children be against a man? Not just one?

Can you see a woman go to a peppersoup joint or eat nkwobi or isi-ewu if her kids are starving?
But you see men splashing money at bars on their side chicks when school fees are yet to be paid

My mum is always eager to go back to dad anytime she comes to visit the three of us that are married, and during those period, we make arrangements for my dad to be well taken care of, because he took care of the 6 of us and sent us to the best schools, he was physically present in our daily lives when growing up, doing school runs, telling us folk tale stories, always available when we needed him etc.

So zip it with the monogamous is not good for men, it's bullshit, a man that is dead beat to his nuclear family, how exactly do you expect him to be avaliable for multiple families? You all love to shift blames and fault mothers for abandonment without looking within to find out what these men did wrong, how is it possible for a wife and all the children to abandon their father if he was a good man to them, how?

I know of an old man that left his wife for side chicks, this woman took care of her three girls till university, today they are all married abroad, she visits them every year enjoying her life, this man came back trying to manipulate the kids, they didn't even look at his side, the gist was he had so many side chicks who had children for him yet he also abandoned them, now he lives alone with no help from them.

litigator:


I agree with you. Any man that is not at their mercy is a bad market. They want to be master manipulators and also play the victim. All at the same time. Who does that?

You guys are very horrible. U can't eat your cake and have it.
Financial provision is not fatherhood.

Go and learn what fatherhood entails.
The day you become a father to your kid, you will have a buddy for life especially your son.
Your wife will be so envious of the comradeship between you too.

I'm so happy some of our guys are changing their mentality towards raising kids. It's not a woman's duty and prerogative but both parents. The kids don't care about your money. They want their dad!
One who will do homework with them, one who will mess up in the kitchen with them trying to make jollof rice.
One who will take them out without mum's knowledge for those forbidden treats and look guilty when caught. One who will play street football with them.
These are what kids want.
One who go for pta meeting and school run.
Yes, the tides have changed. Kids want more. The consequences are u complaining.
More complaint if you don't buckle up.

As if to say mothers don't make money too.
Nonsense.

Cutehector:
Litigator there is no need wasting energy with that frustrated non binary user.


The fact still remains, men need to take care of themselves. No woman likes a man who wants to take care of himself.

Can you share how men can take care of themselves?

Today's monogamous marriage demands men to be more intentional with their parenting. As children come into the mix, join your wife in "shifting attention to the kids" and be companions in the "shifting".

We have fathers who provide for their child/children but have remote father-child interactions, when such children become adult they find it awkward when their now elderly father tries to be emotionally expressive.

There are adults who grew up relating with their fathers along the lines of "Yes sir" "No sir" where their fathers dwelt exclusively on one-way communication, the children didn't get to hear their own voices growing up.....as adults who have left home, what would they look forward to discuss with their fathers?

Life is a seed, if it grows healthy or wither depends on how you germinate and nurture it

I see threads and comments of young guys on here validating cheating and expecting wives to be fine with it at their own detriment not the wife and i shake my head, know this today that any wife that accepts the cheating habit of her husband is bidding her time, you do not know the end result except for the ones that have the fear of God and even at that, God has a way easing the pain of such wives, we have emotions, deep emotions and we feel intense hurt when being cheated on, any woman that try to cope with a cheat has deaden her heart towards him and the pain, she is emotionally dead, she is in that marriage because of the kids and most times cheating to ease her sexual urges, do unto others what you want them to do to you, stop hurting women then brag that it is your right, you will pay for it as far as God is on the throne, stop cheating, stop hurting good loyal women.

poshestmina:
Was he a good husband and a good father to his kids(aka his retirement plans) ?

Some women endure loveless and abusive Marriages,just to make sure the kids grow up "well" . Do you now expect her to continue enduring the probably sick and tired man ?

No woman/children will totally abandon a good husband and father if he played his roles well.

For his kids not to check on him tells a lot.
There's definitely more to this story.

See your justification, omo!
I tell men to always have money and time to travel and flex yourself when you Dey make money and save well for old age
Sweetness of marriage is best known to an African woman!
Tueh

CuriousStudent:

They know the truth.
Funny thing is that if a woman makes this post she is accused of victimhood.

Are children fools? Don't they notice things? How can all children be against a man? Not just one?

Can you see a woman go to a peppersoup joint or eat nkwobi or isi-ewu if her kids are starving?
But you see men splashing money at bars on their side chicks when school fees are yet to be paid

Na you know the kind man you’re talking about, Men don’t do that.. I know this thread will draw lots of attention

.

Biglittlelois:
Life is a seed, if it grows healthy or wither depends on how you germinate and nurture it

I see threads and comments of young guys on here validating cheating and expecting wives to be fine with it at their own detriment not the wife and i shake my head, know this today that any wife that accepts the cheating habit of her husband is bidding her time, . you do not know the end result except for the ones that have the fear of God and even at that, God has a way easing the pain of such wives, we have emotions, deep emotions and we feel intense hurt when being cheated on. any woman that try to cope with a cheat has deaden her heart towards him and the pain, she is emotionally dead, she is in that marriage because of the kids and most times cheating to ease her sexual urges, do unto others what you want them to do to you, stop hurting women then brag that it is your right, you will pay for it as far as God is on the throne, stop cheating, stop hurting good loyal women.

You are right with the bolded.


@ topic this matter is very simple be a good husband and a good father and all will be well. Shikena.

Polygamy is the worst thing anyone can mess with.

I always try to learn from people around me. As a man, as you're trying to do the best for your family, also try to do the best for yourself. And most importantly, make investments for your future. The story of my Grandfather who died late last year at 96. My grandmother died about 14 years earlier.

My Grandparents had something similar. My grandpa moved to Lagos Island while I was small. My Grandma used the excuse of her business and staying closer to her kids to stay in their previous apartment. She stayed about 20 minutes away from us so we do see her quite often. As a child, we were given all the brainwashing about how Grandma was the best thing since jollof rice so we were not that close with my grandfather. We do go to visit him maybe once in a year except when he comes visiting and he rarely stays the night. It was after growing up that I learnt the whole truth. I mean, I couldn't believe it when I learnt that he married my grandma after she was thrown out of her previous marriage for infertility and the reason that she had children and grandchildren were even because of him and his knowledge in traditional medicine. Women will selfishly do anything to corner the love of their children.

They employed housekeepers for my grandfather to take care of him. At a point, I started noticing physical changes in the man. He was becoming fresh, strong and very healthy like someone ageing backwards. It was not until 2015 that I discovered my old man had gotten married to a fresh succulent young woman and even had a son. While there may be speculations and rumors about the reason for their relationship, I'm very sure he does not care and neither do I. He has had the best old age of any person I know. All of which will not have been possible if he was a poor old man. And he was anything but lonely. Eyesight was perfect, strength was good, walks good unaided.

So as a man, rather than struggling to pay 1m for each kid in this economy, let them go to a school of 500k while you invest the remaining 500k in your future. Do not make the mistake of becoming a pauper or relying on pension in your old age. Your children will hiss many times before they pick your calls.

Na the children go settle dis matter.

If the man provided for them growing up, it is their duty to make his old age comfortable.

My advice to the kids:

Send your mama back to her husband’s house. Or you support him if he wants a young wife.

I don’t think that monogamy is biologically programmed into humans, in general, though some people are more inclined to monogamy than others, for various reasons, due to combinations of other traits.

But all humans are capable of making ethical decisions on how they behave. If a man or woman, with introspection and experience, admits that they really want to be free to pursue romantic relationships as opportunity arises, they should be honest about this with prospective partners. This is an ethical way to be.

Some men have chosen to commit to being monogamous and make the ethical decision to keep that promise. It works for enough people that I think it proves we are capable of doing it.

Being honest with ourselves about whether we will choose to is the tough part.

Biologically, women do MUCH better if they’re in a monogamous relationship. The first four years post-conception are the most dangerous years in her life. An evolutionary trade-off we made for intelligence was that unlike most mammals, human babies are completely helpless until about three. They can’t be silenced, they can’t hold on, they can’t run, they can’t hide, and they aren’t really useful as alarms. Any predator can easily overwhelm them and they cry loudly and often, so if the mother has to carry it while searching for food, hunting, bathing… you get the point.

Imagine trying to fight for your life while holding a child that will literally die if you shake it too hard. Likewise, imagine hunting with a screaming child or a child that soiled itself and is warning away potential kills with its smell. Imagine having morning sickness for a straight month and having to hunt and gather. Imagine being attacked by a rival band of humans or a predator while 9 month’s pregnant.

Yes, family members can help, but they’d be helping out even if the male was there so his absence is a clear disadvantage. It’s also worth noting that there was no baby formula and babies eat fairly often. Even today, single parenting is hard.

Ever wonder why psychologists tell us that women are mostly likely to orgasm and report the greatest levels of sexual satisfaction YEARS into a relationship and when they have the utmost trust in their partner? These stable, long-term partners are the ones most likely to take care of her and provide for her during and after pregnancy. That’s the same reason that only around a third of women usually orgasm during one night-stands. Why would evolution reward them for an action that risks ending their life, or that of their off-spring?

The idea of universally polyamorous people is not supported by archaeological evidence; the overwhelming majority of archeological evidence supports long term or permanent relationships that we would refer to today as marriage. Thus far I’ve discussed it in terms female benefits, but there are male benefits as well.

Monogamy is in the male’s best interests if partners are scarce and cuckoldry can be prevented. Monogamy also limits your exposure to STDs - you can imagine how devastating a virus comparable to HIV in humans would be to a polyamorous primate like bonobos. As groups become larger, STDs become endemic (think herpes).

Infanticide is an evolutionary strategy used by males who have recently acquired a mate (possibly by killing the female’s previous mate). Since breast feeding and taking care of newborns makes it difficult (if not impossible) to impregnate a female, killing the infants is an evolutionarily practical decision. This is seen in many primates, lions, and in some other species. In a polyamorous society where infanticide was occurring, evolution would strongly favor the fathers that stuck around and cared for their off-spring long enough for off-spring to stop being as burdensome and for the woman to become fertile again. Of course, if she’s fertile again and you’re already there… you get the point.

Men who say “men are not designed for monogamy and that's why I cheat” are dishonest and lack integrity, and everything they say can be disregarded.