If having children is your priority in marriage, 39 comes with a lot of risks.

In conception and childbearing, age is not a number.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Love should be the bedding ground of any marriage not what you need and what you want.

Both of you are the main characters in this context, your children are secondary. So, if both of you cannot love yourself and dwell together, your children will pick their favorites and your family will be like Brazil and Argentina march (fight for supremacy).

So my dear friend, disguise and go to Nigeria and marry someone from your hometown, with that you will find it easy to communicate all that you desire with her.

No marry oyinbo, because no be you go get the children.

1. Is she submissive?
2. Is she cooperative/agreeable?

These are by far the most important thing a sensible man will look for in a woman he finds attractive.

On d issue of children, na God dey give pikin.
Age is not necessarily a factor so long as you've gone for test to determine her fertility.
Some teenagers don abort plenty pregnancies,.making their chances of conception slimmer whereas a 40+ year old woman who has kept herself chaste has a better chance of conception.

It's not the age of a car that matters but it's mileage! A 2020 toyota can have a greater mileage than it's 1999 counterpart.

Weknowbetter:
You have baggage as you haven't married or had kids already. You do not even have citizenship yet. You are the problem, just stay friends with the woman. YOU are not a match for her

Trash... she's 39yo.
What is citizenship. Do women have class.

If you’re concerned now, don’t.

Marriage should not be age dependent. But the patriarch all married younger wifes, I mean Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

They also married submissive and hospitable wifes. Abraham could rush to Sarah and say "prepare a meal for visitors" in the evening, and she did not grumble or ask him to do it himself.

Marriage is not primarily about what the woman wants, every kind human will be interested in make the next person comfortable anyway. Marriage is actually about the woman who is now bearing your name, bending to your way of life, being submissive and finding out what the husband likes and wants. In the absence of this, this so-called marriages become legalized cohabitation or partnership where one person wants the comfort of Marriage, yet the freedom of being single. You cannot have it both ways.

It's easy for women to decide as they obviously see what they can put up with and what they cannot, but many ladies go ahead hoping they can either bend the guys rules, or even impose their ways on the man.

I am reminded of a guy who smokes and took his girl friend to clubs. The girl never brought up not smoking and not clubbing if they get married, yet after they had kids, she is nagging him to death about his smoking . She obviously assumed she can control him when she gets married.

Most importantly, one of the most important times when you need to be closest to God is when making a marriage decision. It is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. It can make you the happiest man on earth or leave you broken beyond human repair. Hold on to God pray, don't make any decision based on your human situation or circumstances. Introverted guys still marry young, kind, submissive and beautiful wifes.

If you read the above and follow through, you can come up with a decision.

God bless you.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

If you have the funds, IVF is a path you can take.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Life is all about risks. Marrying her is risky.

Life is risky but with God it isn't. Miracles occur with God.

Don't forget the God factor in your marriage relationship, it's critically very important.

However, love is the most important factor in any marital relationship, do you truly love this woman?

gaby:
This already bears all the hallmarks of a relationship that won't end well.

Not once in your submission did you ever imply that "true love/feelings" from both sides were the rationale behind your quest.

It was either her immigration status or her ability or lack thereof to procreate.

This is a recipe for disaster, and the earlier you disembark from this journey, the better for you.

I'd also advise that you seek out help for your past trauma so you don't bring that into your future relationship.

You aren't ready for a union in the right sense of it, you are just trying to find someone as desperate as you to hitch on and use.

At this stage of their lives, it's probably about convenience and not love. Marriage never used to be about love. Love ain't enough.

Each of them have something that the other wants. So he should just go ahead. His concerns for children are valid, but he can just do medical tests.

My brother marry her if you are sincere to have a home. Matured ladies are better in most cases.
Be the man in your new home from the beginning and don't compromise your position regardless of your location.
Test her maturity within the next 3-6months. Throw some silly behaviors and watch her reactions. Be sure she really love & want you.
Behave like an African man; let her cook, wash plate, wash cloth & lay your bed. To test her seriousness. If she wants you she we want to keep you. Surprise her by doing everything sometimes.
Be honest & genuine with your care for her. Surprise her with gift and watch her reaction.
@39 she's good to go. Just plan the number of babies you desire & start producing babies as fast as possible before she clocks 45years and pray about it.
If you have mutual love & respect for each other.

MARRY HER

Tell to start taking folic acid tablets. It will augment her fertility

My brother you're no longer young to experiment with marriage. Being in western world doesn't immune you against trials and challenges of life and marriage.

With your fears, I would suggest you look elsewhere not because anything is wrong with the lady. Just because of your fear. People had married at 22 and had to wait for the next 20 years before conception.
And funny enough, people had married at 50 and conceive immediately.

In order to prevent future crisis and protect the sanity of the lady, in case there are challenges which are common to all, though in different forms, I'll suggest you look elsewhere. Marriage has no straight formula for success.

Leave the young lady, whatever she believes will work for her at the end. You go for what you want.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

if she wants marriage b4 kids which is the right way to do things then do a fertility test to confirm she can have kids @39. This is simple.

APCNig:
Body count really matters.

If she has not been sleeping around, then you are lucky to have her. This is because she would have gone to several mountains to pray for husband, so she will treat anyone she gets like a King and will never join the bitter miserable feminists.

You are right.....on d condition that she's still looking for the ring.
The moment that ring enter her finger, she go display her true color.

Some people are just not so lucky to get things easily. Someone like Funke Akindele is just unlucky meeting cursed idiots as husbands. Two useless vagabonds which she married at different times almost spoiled her life.

Any marriage in which the woman is not submissive (ie a 'boss bitch') will not succeed except the man is the type that swallows any rubbish displayed by the woman.
The majority of today's women are modern, and as such will find it difficult remaining under d roof of a traditional man

As per having children, some 20 years old are unable to have children, while some 50 years old are still having children

Na so.
Nor be the age of the car matter, na the mileage be d koko.

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40-years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's bareen. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

or maybe not. She may turn out opposite of what u think.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Pray and follow your mind. Too many advice may confuse u.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Science has really improved that things like this are no longer cause for concern. Except there spiritual dimension to it she should be able to give birth

You can marry her for papers na. Some people even marry grand mothers . In your case you get to have free food free accommodation and free sex. The lady has alot to offer you. Perform a fertility test on her or count how many eggs she has left at her age. Mariam Abacha gave birth at Age of 48yrs.
If Canada is important to your destiny I think you have a golden offer Infront of you.

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40-years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's bareen. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

You are right but don't be swift in conclusions she can't give out a child at 40..

Ynix:


Not really if you do fertility test and if needed take fertility booster

Please, where can one get this Fertility booster??

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Convert to Islam, hence you can marry more wives if one proves infertile

Modern problems require Islamic solutions

Let's see your picture fisrt

I find the statement below as one from a person with inferiority complex. In your "warped" view, your African mentality is inferior to that of the West. How can we make progress if we bad mouth our ways as a people because we have been brainwashed to believe anything western(oyibo) is superior.

I think it's your mentality that is warped and you have a trailer load of prejudices against our African way of life.

Get some maturity and understand that your standard of measurement is not the only acceptable one.
Peace🕊️✌️


"Some of you will migrate and still carry along your warped African mentality and prejudices that never served you well to your new location, how do you expect to build a new life and thrive if you don't let go of un-helpful beliefs?"

Klass99:
The other time you were concerned about finding a serious date/relationship with one of your own (a fellow Naija woman) overseas. You've found one now and you're back again with a different dilemma


You are in the obodo where there's far more advanced technology dealing with fertility matters and the ability for early detection of issues if any. Yet, here you are, asking jamb question, when an honest conversation with healthcare experts and medical tests will help you more than NL.

Some of you will migrate and still carry along your warped African mentality and prejudices that never served you well to your new location, how do you expect to build a new life and thrive if you don't let go of un-helpful beliefs?

Smile4me, I thought you had more sense than this. My post is not meant as an insult but you can do better than bringing this to NL. High five that woman for refusing to have a child out of wedlock, she has a good head on her shoulders, before she ends up being part of the single mother statistics.

Do things right if you mean business. I don't know why at your age you should be looking for more than one child sef. You should be glad if you are able to have even one healthy child, women are not the only ones with fertility issues.

gaby:
This already bears all the hallmarks of a relationship that won't end well.

Not once in your submission did you ever imply that "true love/feelings" from both sides were the rationale behind your quest.

It was either her immigration status or her ability or lack thereof to procreate.

This is a recipe for disaster, and the earlier you disembark from this journey, the better for you.

I'd also advise that you seek out help for your past trauma so you don't bring that into your future relationship.

You aren't ready for a union in the right sense of it, you are just trying to find someone as desperate as you to hitch on and use.

It's one or two things that make someone to build relationship with another, it could be money, beauty, good character, vision, etc
In this guy case, he wants have marital relationship with the lady because of immigration status.
Just like how many people consider some things before they agree to marry another person, This man is in order

PrinceofSarcasm:


You want to marry her because she is a citizen. That's the main motivation for you ...

So just know it won't be a marriage because this is purely transactional so don't go in there with warped expectations.

Don't go there looking for love because she is just desperate to have a family while you want documents

So don't call this what it is not. This is an arrangement

You nail it
Transaction in disguise
Las las both OP and the lady's eye go soon open

YOU are 39 and you find 39 you want to go in before marriage and the lady get sense plus fear of God and respect for her age pass you.
I have seen women in their 50's still giving birth. This age barrier for child bearing is just a human sentiment but never from God.
If you find love and sense that the lady is an helpmate suitable for you, why not go ahead and marry her before you hear that a young man in his 20's has engaged her.
It's not everyone that must be older than a lady before they settle down o if they match each other.
If you find your match, match am welli.
Meanwhile, check yourself as well because sometimes men are the problem why the woman cannot conceived but because of the phrase 'man is the head we always make the woman the skept goat🐐

These days I’ve seen 27yrs olds having fertility issue. Gone are those days when age was the only factor, our diet has also been messed up too.

Do a fertility test to see where you both are, and take it from there.

39 year old woman, Guy you are a Mumu, and you will learn the hard way. Better come back to Nigeria and get a lady, in her early twenties.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

what makes you sundenly desire a child if at 39 you don't have one, if you want peace of mind, marry her, child is not for everyone, you can always adopt one, you can't eat your cake and still have it, you can't be galavanting around till such age without a child and you are here claiming you desire a child, at that age, I've had 3boys when I see them I feel successful in life

If u love her just go for her but make sure u people courted very well before marriage...

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Never be emotional when it comes to woman.
The woman goes for a man with a better future. You should go for a woman with a better past.
Find out the best for you and go for it.

But for me I can't marry her abroad based on her age and for any reason that have kept her unmarried.

Yes, except you are done with child bearing