Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

I carry God beg you leave the lady alone. you are already going there for the wrong reasons. Pls for ur own peace and hers don't marry her.

charlsecy:

Stop deceiving yourself.

That's the simple truth

She go enter menopause soon before you even settle down to dey fire down o....

I don tell you my own o

Klass99:
The other time you were concerned about finding a serious date/relationship with one of your own (a fellow Naija woman) overseas. You've found one now and you're back again with a different dilemma

You are in the obodo where there's far more advanced technology dealing with fertility matters and the ability for early detection of issues if any. Yet, here you are, asking jamb question, when an honest conversation with healthcare experts and medical tests will help you more than NL.

Some of you will migrate and still carry along your warped African mentality and prejudices that never served you well to your new location, how do you expect to build a new life and thrive if you don't let go of un-helpful beliefs?

Smile4me, I thought you had more sense than this. My post is not meant as an insult but you can do better than bringing this to NL. High five that woman for refusing to have a child out of wedlock, she has a good head on her shoulders, before she ends up being part of the single mother statistics.

Do things right if you mean business. I don't know why at your age you should be looking for more than one child sef. You should be glad if you are able to have even one healthy child, women are not the only ones with fertility issues.

Stop typing rubbish here! Age does not affect a man's fertility as much as it does women's! Ned Woko and other men I know are still fathering children even in their 60s. This is how some of you selfish and wicked ladies connive with unscrupulous doctors to accuse men of being the ones with fertility problems.

dealslip:

The guys worry is not whether she is elderly and be pregnant. He knows that already. His concern is if she will be able to conceive. Besides not every elderly primigravida turns out risky. Risk means it may happen and it may not happen. The risk here is not fertility but complications during pregnancy.

During my OnG posting few years back, while having the registrar's round, a senior registrar asked us what is the best test for fertility. He was teaching us infertility that day. After waiting for the other guys in my group to answer but didn't, I said pregnancy and he smiled. He actually didn't expect us to know the answer(because it's not a textbook stuff)..... The thing is this, your womb has been tested while hers hasn't. So the guy has every reason to be worried about if she could bore offspring and the quality of the offspring as well!!!

Things to consider a woman's fertility falls dramatically after age of 35, to the extent that hospitals do not offer subsidized or free infertility treatment for women over 35 in the UK.

You need to know whether she is healthy , fertile and ready to immediately fall pregnant.

Has she been pregnant before? Has she had abortion before?

Will she be open to surrogacy or allowing a second younger wife, if pregnancy does not happen within a year?

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!



PLUS at 40 years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's barren. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

OP,listen to this guy...

Op, don't settle for an evening newspaper just because you want to have Canadian green card. Most of these ladies, aside being in or near menopause, have destroyed their reproductive systems with series of abortions and infections due to multiple sexual partners. Many of them already have fibroids block their reproductive system, thus they have less chances of giving birth.

Don't say you were not warned!

Are you people not dating? why not score goal first before you say I do, pump her for like 3 months .

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40 years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's barren. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

💯, so accurate

Technology has solved child palava nah. Stop disturbing us. If u love her and she is fertile and she no fit carry the belle, pay for surrogate mum.

I don’t offer such counsels because most people’s minds are already made up even when they are crying out for help in matters of love. But I will tell you as a fellow man, with women, err on the side of carefulness. Even when you are married to them, you can’t fully know them. I see red flags everywhere….so that you won’t blame God later, on behalf of God😊, please be careful!

This is one way to increase longevity. People who give birth in their old age tend to live longer as they have kids that keep them on their toes. So they remain vibrant and youthful.

ednut1:
There is government funded IVF in Canada . At your age why do you still want more children One or two is ok. If you had your first born at 41 years, at 55-60 can you be doing school runs, extra curricular activities etc with them Guy you funny abeg

I have a simple question which is related to the dilemma you are in now if you can deduce my meaning. Two people, male and female, were kept in a garden with specific instructions. The woman ate the apple (and became wise), yet, she gave the apple to the man, so that he can be a culprit too. Have you asked yourself why her love for him did not prevent her from implicating her husband? Therein lies your answer! Be very very very careful with women. With them, nothing is really as it seems. Shalom!

PrinceofSarcasm:


You want to marry her because she is a citizen. That's the main motivation for you ...

So just know it won't be a marriage because this is purely transactional so don't go in there with warped expectations.

Don't go there looking for love because she is just desperate to have a family while you want documents

So don't call this what it is not. This is an arrangement

This is called HITTING THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!


****END OF DISCUSSION****

Bro, nothing remain there again o, next year, she don enter menopause

janeedema:
This is one way to increase longevity. People who give birth in their old age tend to live longer as they have kids that keep them on their toes. So they remain vibrant and youthful.

i don’t agree lol. At 50 most men are already battling one illness or the other. Strength no go dey

janeedema:
This is one way to increase longevity. People who give birth in their old age tend to live longer as they have kids that keep them on their toes. So they remain vibrant and youthful.

Nonsense talk!

My mom started giving birth at 15 and today she's healthier than you even in her 60s. You ladies would just come up with some fallacious claims in order to rope men into marrying old and worn out women.

ednut1:
i don’t agree lol. At 50 most men are already battling one illness or the other. Strength no go dey

In Nigeria, it is hypertension😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40 years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's barren. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

well articulated. I just dey laugh because me too don escape one at 40 sometimes ago!

07030771728
I would prefer a private discussion about this.

Aladdin1:
I Can tell you that at her age.it might be very difficult for her to have children for you and she would most likely want to control your life.if you do marry her,within 3months you would find out these things to be true. so marry her only if you do love her and you are ready to manage whatever you with her.

Pls shut up and stop saying what you don't know. People like you come here talking rubbish all the time. What's wrong with a 39 or 40 year old lady? Me wey be 43 years and got pregnant naturally without pills, never have I had an abortion nor being pregnant before nko( This one has always been my own choice).. No complication, no stress or unnecessary illness , Not even all those inconveniences that come with pregnancies for some ladies. Infact I went to work offshore while pregnant at 6 months and still worked without complaints in a 12 HR shift. Mind you my work is purely engineering. So keep your nonsense comment to yourself if you ve females around you that re already wasted at that age pls take note that every lady won't and cant be like yours.Naa so people like you go about causing confusion and talking rubbish here about ladies..

Op , if you like listen to these Irredeemably damaged men that keep spreading their bile around. That one is your business. What I LL advise you is just to do fertility test and get advice from a gynaecologist and you re good to go.. Simple... naa person wey no know himself go listen to stupid and senseless advice coming from some of you here

femi4:
Age is just a number
Women still give birth till 45

You can still have 3 kids with her

You guys can go for medical check up to clear your doubt

Thanks so much... When matured men speak ,you LL definitely know... I hope this OP, listens to this advise cos I m a clear example of this .. got pregnant naturally at 43 years without complications. Still went to work offshore with 6 month pregnancy and did my job without complaints from my supervisors. Infact, they didn't even know I was pregnant .. So what's the issue there ? I even know that I still ve time to give birth naturally. Well it depends on the ladies genes but I know mine

Yes because you will be prepared to pray long prayers before having children.

Aside fertility concerns be sure this woman will give you peace. It seems your life has been going in right direction please don't marry who will come and scatter it.

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40 years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's barren. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

So all single ladies at 40 has had abortions! Wow! I love ur reasoning, keep it up! U r going places.

Don't be jealous. Same you will hail a young Nigerian man marrying a sixty something year old oyibo woman a sharp boy looking to japa. Let him marry. I know a man in America who married a young village girl and too her to the states, they still separated. It's God that helps us keep our marriages.

Namaster:
Are you INSANE?

You want to marry a 40-year old Nigerian woman who'll have the upper hand in the marriage?

She's in a gynocentric society and has citizenship while you do NOT. She'll control and manipulate you however she wants and you'll just have to suck it up!

PLUS at 40 years old, this woman has had at least 3 home-made abortions. Her age plus abortions means her ability to carry a child to term is EXTREMELY low.

She knows this. That's why she has refused to try for a child when her biological clock is already DEAD and waiting to be buried.

Most women her age would be eager to get pregnant and have their own child. The fact that she's insisting on marriage FIRST is telling.

She wants a guarantee that she'll NOT die alone. That you'll NOT run away if she's barren. That's why she's insisting on marriage.

She wants your companionship and doesn't care about what YOU want.

In short:

Go ahead with the marriage if you don't mind being controlled, manipulated and NEVER having children.

By the way when people talk about marrying for green card, they are NOT talking about Nigerian women.

Jman06:
Op, don't settle for an evening newspaper just because you want to have Canadian green card. Most of these ladies, aside being in or near menopause, have destroyed their reproductive systems with series of abortions and infections due to multiple sexual partners. Many of them already have fibroids block their reproductive system, thus they have less chances of giving birth.

Don't say you were not warned!

One evening vanguard newspaper dey this thread dey give OP hope to marry evening punch paper.. forgetting say evening newspaper na evening newspaper whether na nation, vanguard or punch

stacyadams:




One evening vanguard newspaper dey this thread dey give OP hope to marry evening punch paper.. forgetting say evening newspaper na evening newspaper whether na nation, vanguard or punch

I dey tell you. Evening newspaper na evening newspaper

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

Never seek advice from strangers especially Nigerians.

They project their experiences on you.

Do you know the type of people on nairaland and the type of experiences they have had?

Bad idea!!.

Follow your guts.

Be EXTREMELY Careful, and Look B4 you JUMP. If I were in your shoes I will look for a lady around 30 or below. Don't marry your mate/boss.

Smile4mee01:
I'm a single 39yr old Nigeria guy in diaspora trying to settle down and going to Nigeria to marry is not an option.

I'm an introvert who has been through some childhood trauma in my family and really fear marriage because of what I have seen and how bad it can be sometimes.

However, an old female friend and colleague of mine who we worked together in Nigeria and now in canada recently contacted me and she is also single and not had children. She is doing well for herself and now a citizen there while I'm not. A part of me is concerned about

1. Fertility : I desire children. However, can she have me healthy children @ 39. How many can she have? I discussed us trying for a child , she appears to want a.marriage first. But what gurantees do I have to have children.


Should I be concerned? I dont want to enter one chance.



Please I use God beg you, no insults just advice. Abeg. God bless you.

My brother go ahead nothing will happen, my case is similar to yours