A friend of mine is about to marry a single mother of one. My friend doesn't have any issues with the lady. But he wants to adopt the baby legally before he can spend on him, but it seems the lady doesn't want that and is not taking the adoption seriously.
 
So this friend of mine is insisting on not allowing the boy to his house or supporting her on anything about him if he won't have any legal authority over the boy.
 
This guy loves the lady, as we all know, but he's considering letting her go if they can't come to terms with the baby.
 
My friend is also a single father of one boy and is doing all his responsibilities.

We all also like this lady, and we don't want them to part as it seems they're perfect for each other.
 
Please, how can he handle the situation and how can we helped them.

But he wants to adopt the baby legally before he can spend on him, but it seems the lady doesn't want that and is not taking the adoption seriously.

The lady got hidden agenda.


Is your friend aware the father of that boy still has 98.897% access to the woman's kpekus?

He can't adopt the boy if his biological father is still alive. Moreover, people train and raise kids who are not related to them by blood. Why must he insist on legally adopting the kid before assuming responsibilities for him?

We4all:
He can't adopt the boy if his biological father is still alive.

Should he let the lady go or not having anything to do with the boy?

We4all:
Why must he insist on legally adopting the kid before assuming responsibilities for him?

Because he doesn't want to wash hand and grind kernel for fowl.

Zonefree:

The lady got hidden agenda.


Is your friend aware the father of that boy still has 98.897% access to the woman's kpekus?

I don't want to think about that... It's none of my business, but she seems like a good girl.

Abbeytoy:


I don't want to think about that... It's none of my business, but she seems like a good girl.

She's a Nigerian?

Zonefree:

She's a Nigerian?

Yes

Abbeytoy:


Yes

If she's a Nigerian, she's not good.

There's no good Nigerian girl again. Na manage we dey manage them now.

Zonefree:

If she's a Nigerian, she's not good.

There's no good Nigerian girl again. Na manage we dey manage them now.

Hmmm, Among those damage is where some are better than the rest.

You know se Tokunbo get grades.

Abbeytoy:
A friend of mine is about to marry a single mother of one. My friend doesn't have any issues with the lady. But he wants to adopt the baby legally before he can spend on him, but it seems the lady doesn't want that and is not taking the adoption seriously.
So this friend of mine is insisting on not allowing the boy to his house or supporting her on anything about him if he won't have any legal authority over the boy. This guy loves the lady, as we all know, but he's considering letting her go if they can't come to terms with the baby. My friend is also a single father of one boy and is doing all his responsibilities. We all also like this lady, and we don't want them to part as it seems they're perfect for each other. Please, how can he handle the situation and how can we helped them.

This is a no-brainer though! The adoption thing seems to be a deal breaker. Commonsense is your friend should quit the relationship and move on.

Abbeytoy:
■ Should he let the lady go or not having anything to do with the boy?

Duh!

Kobojunkie:
This is a no-brainer though! The adoption thing seems to be a deal breaker. Commonsense is your friend should quit the relationship and move on.

Hmmmm, be like something o

Abbeytoy:
■ Hmmmm, be like something o

Since your friend has already considered leaving, there is no point in him remaining with her.

Kobojunkie:
Since your friend has already considered leaving, there is no point in him remaining with her.

Not because there was no love, but because they can't reach a compromise about the child.

Still optimistic there'll be a way out and the reason I brought it here for more people to help

Abbeytoy:
■ Not because there was no love, but because they can't reach a compromise about the child. Still optimistic there'll be a way out and the reason I brought it here for more people to help

Love is not enough to make a relationship work. Your friend felt strongly enough about the adoption thing and her stance against it seems equally strong. Even if she eventually bends on her part to accommodate him, there will always be the fact that he considered leaving her because of the disagreement. I think that amounts to a relationship red flag.

Kobojunkie:
Love is not enough to make a relationship work. Your friend felt strongly enough about the adoption thing and her stance against it seems equally strong. Even if she eventually bends on her part to accommodate him, there will always be the fact that he considered leaving her because of the disagreement. I think that amounts to a relationship red flag.

Hmmm

Your friend or you? Talk true

Does the father of the child also agree to the adoption? If she agrees now and the father of the child come later for the child, don't you think there will be kasala?? 🤔😏

[quote author=fyzaila post=129156681]Your friend or you? Talk true

Does the father of the child also agree to the adoption? If she agrees now and the father of the child come later for the child, don't you think there will be kasala?? 🤔😏[/quote]

I am married with 2 lovely daughter's. Though no marriage is perfect, but I am okay with my choice at the moment. So it's not me please 🥺

I know that your friend is you.

Why would you want to adopt someone's child? It's not as if his father is dead.

Your insistence on having legal authority over the boy before he can come see his mother is a dangerous red flag.

My advise to you is that you leave the lady peacefully. Don't ruin her. Being after one is already hard enough.

Abbeytoy:
A friend of mine is about to marry a single mother of one. My friend doesn't have any issues with the lady. But he wants to adopt the baby legally before he can spend on him, but it seems the lady doesn't want that and is not taking the adoption seriously.
 
So this friend of mine is insisting on not allowing the boy to his house or supporting her on anything about him if he won't have any legal authority over the boy.
 This guy loves the lady, as we all know, but he's considering letting her go if they can't come to terms with the baby.
 My friend is also a single father of one boy and is doing all his responsibilities.
We all also like this lady, and we don't want them to part as it seems they're perfect for each other.
 Please, how can he handle the situation and how can we helped them.

i fully understand and agree with what this man wants to do, but sadly, unless that child's biological father is dead OR give consent to adopt his son, how can you adopt such child? just because you marry a woman doesnt automatically give you the right to adopt this child who probably already have a loving father. your friend needs to sit down with the is woman AND the biological father of this child before thinking of adopting this child.

ultimately, you are (your friend is) right in not spending any money on another man's child, unless it is legally YOUR child.

Abbeytoy:
A friend of mine is about to marry a single mother of one. My friend doesn't have any issues with the lady. But he wants to adopt the baby legally before he can spend on him, but it seems the lady doesn't want that and is not taking the adoption seriously.
 
So this friend of mine is insisting on not allowing the boy to his house or supporting her on anything about him if he won't have any legal authority over the boy.
 
This guy loves the lady, as we all know, but he's considering letting her go if they can't come to terms with the baby.
 
My friend is also a single father of one boy and is doing all his responsibilities.

We all also like this lady, and we don't want them to part as it seems they're perfect for each other.
 
Please, how can he handle the situation and how can we helped them.

Who told you they are perfect for each other. If they are, what is her excuse for not cooperating with him on the adoption issue?

I guess she might still have connections with the child's father or still getting quality upkeep from him.

He should just let her be, otherwise he will find himself in a love triangle!

MrBrownJay1:


i fully understand and agree with what this man wants to do, but sadly, unless that child's biological father is dead OR give consent to adopt his son, how can you adopt such child? just because you marry a woman doesnt automatically give you the right to adopt this child who probably already have a loving father. your friend needs to sit down with the is woman AND the biological father of this child before thinking of adopting this child.

ultimately, you are (your friend is) right in not spending any money on another man's child, unless it is legally YOUR child.

Can he have a good home if he marries the lady and not contributing anything to the child or forbids him in his house?

Stevenbright:


Who told you they are perfect for each other. If they are, what is her excuse for not cooperating with him on the adoption issue?


I guess she might still have connections with the child's father or still getting quality upkeep from him.

He should just let her be, otherwise he will find himself in a love triangle!

I know much about them as this is my best friend.

On the upkeep, there's probability on that.

Abbeytoy:


I know much about them as this is my best friend.

On the upkeep, there's probability on that.

Alright, but you didn't say anything about my main question: What is her excuse for not cooperating with the adoption (what did she tell your friend is the reason)?

Abbeytoy:
Can he have a good home if he marries the lady and not contributing anything to the child or forbids him in his house?

i dont have the answer to the above question but i do know that, he certainly shouldnt do anything that he isnt ok with... thus why he stated that he is NOT ok with paying for a child that aint his (legally) NOR having such child living in his house. pretty straight forward to me (aka i either adopt this child or there will be no marriage nor any "living together" with that child under my roof).

we all know how some of these bastard pikin (eating your food and living under your roof) will now get up one day (after many years of raising/educating them), and if you want to discipline them they will now tell you:"you are not my dad, you have no authority over me bla bla bla"

raising a child (whether yours or not) is not a small thing, so you better make sure you do it right.

MrBrownJay1:


i dont have the answer to the above question but i do know that, he certainly shouldnt do anything that he isnt ok with... thus why he stated that he is NOT ok with paying for a child that aint his (legally) NOR having such child living in house. pretty straight forward to me (aka i either adopt this child or there will be no marriage nor any "living together" with that child under my roof).

we all know how some of these bastard pikin (eating your food and living under your roof) will now get up one day (after many years of raising/educating them), and if you want to discipline them they will now tell you:"you are not my dad, you have no authority over me bla bla bla"

Agreed

Stevenbright:


Alright, but you didn't say anything about my main question: What is her excuse for not cooperating with the adoption (what did she tell your friend is the reason)?

No excuse, she just wave it and act like nothing happened.

I heard she's still thinking about it

Abbeytoy:
No excuse, she just wave it and act like nothing happened.
I heard she's still thinking about it

is the child's biological father still alive?

Abbeytoy:


No excuse, she just wave it and act like nothing happened.

I heard she's still thinking about it

Ok.

She is expecting your friend to overlook it and go ahead with the marriage but he must ensure the issue is settled before the final conclusion of the marriage.

We4all:
He can't adopt the boy if his biological father is still alive. Moreover, people train and raise kids who are not related to them by blood. Why must he insist on legally adopting the kid before assuming responsibilities for him?

because raising a child is no joke, and men should make sure that they do it "right". raising/educating and spending "god know" how much money on a child that aint legally yours, is wrong IMHO. even if that child just lives with them (and she takes care of all this child's needs) is wrong in my book. that child would be an unruly guest in your home, with no respect nor duty towards you (Aka the home owner or OGA AT THE TOP).

the minute a man marries a woman with a child, he automatically marries her child too (its like a 2 for 1 deal)... so if that child is not gonna treat you as his father nor respect/listen to you, then whats the point of having that person in your home OR spending all that money on such child?

We4all:
He can't adopt the boy if his biological father is still alive. Moreover, people train and raise kids who are not related to them by blood. Why must he insist on legally adopting the kid before assuming responsibilities for him?

He can adopt the boy on the basis of abandonment by the biological father. If the biological father has not been responsible for the feeding, schooling and fending for the child in anyway, it is considered that he has abandoned the child.

It is wisdom for the man to insist on legally adopting the child before becoming financially responsible for the child. By that action no other man can come years later to start asking for his abandoned son after someone else has spent time, money and efforts raising and taking care of the child. That would also signify the woman breaking completely with the child's father instead of entertaining the possibility of the man coming back.

The adoption would also help the boy integrate with the new family because the man will now see him as his own without any discrimination and he will also see the other children in the family as his siblings. In fact the boy would be entitled to any future inheritance from the man just like his biological children.

The woman's resistance to the adoption may either be out of ignorance and misinformation or a hidden agenda to keep her options open with the father of the child.