Focus on your spouse’s best qualities

Wed, 31 Jul 2024

‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the LORD.’ Proverbs 18:22

The best marriages are built by couples who try to remember the qualities that initially attracted them to one another. If you want to build a happy marriage or improve a less-than-happy one, do these:

1) List your spouse’s best qualities. Write down the things you love most about him or her, and endeavour to keep those things in mind at all times. When stresses and strains surface in your relationship, as they inevitably will, go over the list in your mind, and if necessary, refer to the written copy as a reminder.

2) Focus on them. Think how your spouse’s great qualities enrich your life, and how much you would miss them if he or she was not around. When you change your focus, you change your feelings. And when you change your feelings, you change your perspective, your approach, and your reactions.

3) Verbalise them. ‘Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her’ (Proverbs 31:28 NKJV). Your children learn how to build a great marriage or a miserable one by watching you. That thought alone should put the brakes on criticism and bring out the compliments!

4) Nurture them. ‘Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows’ (Galatians 6:7 NIV). People wither under complaints, whereas they thrive and grow through praise and encouragement.

Seize any moment worth celebrating and magnify it! Paul bottom-lines it: ‘Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’ (1 Corinthians 13:6-7 NIV).