How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family - Family - Nairaland
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| How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by JaySmart4422: 9:01am On Sep 18 |
Some time ago one of my elder brother did something very wrong to me , I was bitterly hurt beyond words I am the last child in the family so as at when this happened life was really dealing with me life was hard. But that my brother has so much much money, mind you he is not the first child or second but he has money So that makes his word a law in the family he is playing the role of the eldest. I got to know that money cover multitude of sins looking at how he has been getting special treatment in the family , no body is human being except him. He is treated like an only child No other person in the family matters. He hurts anybody with no one blaming him for his actions rather other members of the family will back him up with full support This has been going on for years So when I had issues with him I immediately reported him to every member of the family started from the older ones cos he is older than me I can't challenge him so I expected the elders to address the issue but it was transferred to him and interpreted as gossip. They all gang up against me They presented the issue to him like I gossip him to them. But It was never a gossip cos I told almost everybody about the issue myself and even told them that I will repeat same thing before him should incase they call for a family meeting or something All of them knows that the only way to obtain favour from him is by submitting a gossip this has always been like this in the family. This internal gossip has destroyed my family . Everyone is hunting gossip just to deliver to him so he can help them or have good spot In his heart. But in all this I stood my ground to be different , when this issue was transferred to him as gossip my name was a trending topic in the family but I closed my ears and I quickly gave them a long distance and cut of communication cos the entire circle is toxic I can't be with people whose only discussion is gossip about other siblings. Was I wrong for express my pains to my orders ones? Was I wrong for distancing myself from them? Is is a crime to complain? My brother offended me I would have died in the the process but because I have no money then like him They took side with him knowing the truth Today God has remembered me , he has blessed me them moment I distant myself from them God took over my situation . But this people are still dragging me All to gain my attention. Everyone of them knew I was right but they concealed the truth and painted me black just for some favours that will come from him. Some are telling me to resterblish communication but the issue there is they are not ready to quit internal gossip My brother has built his life around gossip and it is has destroyed the family. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Aleem26(m): 9:31am On Sep 18 |
Bless God for you…Baba I go see anything to eat today from you HUNGER deh oo |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by lexxwiz(m): 9:48am On Sep 18 |
Stand your grounds oh Men!!! Money has destroyed a lot of families.. I can relate to your story, I have a sister who is stinkingly rich. Na so dem Dey worship am for the whole kingdred. I love my sister don’t worry but she started letting it get to her head. She built a house in my hometown and inscribed her name on it (very big) lol. I mean, you didn’t have to embarrass the men like that. Mind you, she’s married and she didn’t do that in her own husbands village. I confronted her and that’s how the wahala started till this moment. I just kuku focus on my own hustle make e no come be like envy. My brother, just focus on yourself and work towards your own progress. Forget about honest opinions from your siblings, na money driven siblings you get. Find money my brother!!! 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by BlackfireX: 10:06am On Sep 18 |
You will be worst than your rich brother. You will be the bully in the family. You will dethrone your brother .  We always become what we hate |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by 10mobile: 10:17am On Sep 18 |
It's as if you are talking about me. If you are the one who stands for the truth when everyone else worships money, do the following: 1. Know that you are the PROPHET of the family. This is not about church-type prophet. A prophet is God's mouth-piece, someone God uses to speak his will. If you are such a prophet, you will notice that you cannot but stand with the truth all the time, even if you are dying. You can't understand why others are not like you and others can't understand why you are like this. 2. Don't change for the sake of convenience. If you do, you will regret it. Instead, continue to stand with the truth. If you do this, you will be the happiest person no matter how much they oppress you. 3. Try to be more understanding with them. They don't have the grace of vision that you have. So, instead of being angry with them, learn to pity them. 4. Learn to give all your attention to God instead of thinking about what people are doing to you. This is not easy but, if you can do it, you must be lifted to a point where they must come to submit to you. Remember the story of Joseph, the beloved son of Jacob in the Bible? 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by 10mobile: 10:22am On Sep 18 |
BlackfireX:You seem to be talking from experience. Any solution bro? I ask because, at a time, I was tempted to kill someone who threatened to kill me and was behaving like he was actually trying to. |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by BlackfireX: 10:29am On Sep 18 |
10mobile: I am glad you asked, if you have argued I will keep quiet. 1. Have nothing but love for your brother, forgive him in your heart ♥ so as not to attract his chi. 2. You see those your other brothers avoid them, don't allow them poison your mind, always re- verify anything they tell you. 3.never show off the wealth, goodness of your chi before them, before they complain, you should wail. 4.the problem that is happening is actually from your extended family, I am guessing your grandpa was polygamous 6.never present yourself as a leader in anything Let me stop here 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Zaheertyler(m): 10:32am On Sep 18 |
JaySmart4422:. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by presido11: 10:38am On Sep 18 |
Zaheertyler:Why love to mom only, did he say his dad is late? |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Zaheertyler(m): 11:06am On Sep 18 |
presido11:The dad is there and his family is this way? I doubt If he is then he should bring peace among them as the father Until then love your mother unconditionally and the the family that will come from you Most times the so called loved ones are the ones that cause us the most pain |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by chidekings(m): 11:09am On Sep 18 |
presido11:he has already assumed the man is dead...chai na man dey do man 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Zaheertyler(m): 11:11am On Sep 18 |
chidekings:If the father was there the family won’t be like this He would have called them to order op included I see the op still being the one to bring all of them together though But he needs his peace for now |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by AKWATGOLD1(m): 11:52am On Sep 18 |
Thank God that HE has finally answer your secret prayer of success. JaySmart4422: |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by pointblank247(m): 1:19pm On Sep 18 |
Op you should first of all know that you are not alone on this. That's how it is in many large families, but do the following. Always be polite and respectful. Maintain your lane and don't talk much. Mind who minds you. Trust in God and double your hustle. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by StillDtruth: 1:49pm On Sep 18 |
Zaheertyler: Block dey your head? Which kain devil.be dis? You go love mama wey troway you for soackaway because of money? 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Edojoma(m): 1:44am On Sep 19 |
Hmmmmm, so a lot of families are facing this issue as well. Bro, u are not alone, it's like a general problem here in naija. Be glad dat it's ur immediate family, not from ur inlaw's family. And be happy u were not even asked to apologize to ur brother in-law u r 10yrs older dan, when everyone knows u dat u were d one offended. My advise is for u to maintain ur distance, and cut of all those dat support him because of his cash. Anyone dat love's u because of money can betray u for same money. If there is a family celebration that u are expected by tradition to attend, pls do. But don't let d fine face and gossip others will tell u too abt other family members get to u. Don't ever take anything they say to heart or hate another cos of wat u were told. They will do dis , if they are not already doing it now, just to get favor from u too. Hold tight to ur principles, so everyone knows who u are and wat u stand for. And never attend any celebration/get 2geda unless invited. Nor involve ursef if dem nor involve u too |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Kobojunkie: 3:10am On Sep 19 |
JaySmart4422:1. You are an adult, right? If someone — regardless of how much older or younger the person may be— offends or hurts you, don't you think the common sense thing would be to approach the person directly and air your grievance right there? If the person does not like what you say or refuses to apologize, that shouldn't matter. The important thing is to get the grievance off your chest and onto the person who you believe rightly caused it. Why in the world would you think it would make sense to broadcast it first to everyone else but the one whom you in fact have a problem with?  I think you approached it very very wrong as an adult who is supposed to be both socially and emotionally intelligent enough to know there is no place in reporting an adult to another. It is just uncalled-for behavior. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Kobojunkie: 3:16am On Sep 19 |
JaySmart4422:Leave God and His mention out of this hogwash abeg! Yes, you are doing better financially but clearly, you continue to struggle emotionally because you have been carrying this thing around with you all of this while. It also does not help at all that you seem to come from what is a dysfunctional family background as well. Since you had a hand in igniting the furious flame — rather than approach your brother you decided to tell on him to everyone else thereby giving already hungry wolves something to feast on to your detriment —I suggest you instead work on forgiving your brother whatever it was that was his fault, accepting the part you played in all of this and move on. If you wish to ignore your brother at this point, that works too since there is no rule against ignoring those you cannot seem to work well with. Otherwise, if he committed a crime against you, then take the evidence and your grievances to the police or the courts. |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Kobojunkie: 3:18am On Sep 19 |
Edojoma:These are all signs of a severely dysfunctional family relationship for Pete's sake! |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Kobojunkie: 3:20am On Sep 19 |
Zaheertyler:This is very very nonsense advise! OP, avoid those who use the mention of God or Jesus Christ to try to make their ordinarily silly advice seem worth exploring abeg! Many of these people are probably living through the same silly situation you are living on only they mask their pain & probably shame too before the mention of the name of God. |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Baronthecelebri: 6:52am On Sep 19 |
Mind your business, I repeat |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Edojoma(m): 12:32pm On Sep 19 |
Kobojunkie: That's to tell u how petty those we consider to be elders can be. You can see dat age no longer come with wisdom. Imagine a father apologizing to a son cos he has money, even wen we all know d boy was wrong. Cos he gives him millions. Me I won't sell my right or prestige, it's d last thing I will ever do. I believe if I keep working hard and smart, God will answer my call too. All these shit I keep to myself, cos I don't want my family to know. I know my family, dey don't play with respect n traditions, it will lead to total breakdown of d relationship, even my marriage. Cos dey will force d father to provide his son, so he can apologize to me. And I don't also wanna put my wife in a position of chosing between her marriage and her family. The most painful part is dat, my wife brought dem up wen d father couldn't even afford admission fees and rent. I knew how much of my money she was diverting to dem to make sure things are good. She sacrificed her all, carried 3 siblings to d city, fed and accommodated dem, sacrificing her own life for dem, paid for d training dat made d eldest son who he is today. Den d father was respecting us, now dat d son is made, he now his son. Now dey want us or only my wife to beg b4 she is given peanuts. And dey even used d word ENTITLE MENTALITY. How I wish we used doz resources and money to improve our own lives. I'm already in tears right now. My advise to anyone reading dis, help ursef b4 any1, even b4 ur family and wife. Cos u will b called someone with ENTITLEMENT MENTALITY wen u need their help. People change, but never believed it would b family. |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Zaheertyler(m): 1:33pm On Sep 19 |
StillDtruth:I said what I said He should forgive them all but still keep contacts with only his mother Stop crying like a baby 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Zaheertyler(m): 5:27pm On Sep 19 |
Kobojunkie:.. |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Kobojunkie: 5:28pm On Sep 19 |
Zaheertyler:Please carry your brain-damage enter gutter somewhere. |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Zaheertyler(m): 5:32pm On Sep 19 |
Kobojunkie:Principality and power na you go first me enter gutter |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Kobojunkie: 5:35pm On Sep 19 |
Zaheertyler:Again, please carry your brand of brain-damage enter gutter somewhere.🤔 |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Kobojunkie: 5:39pm On Sep 19 |
Edojoma:Please train your children do better than you and those before you. Teach them social and emotional intelligence so they can grow to become better adults and realize that age is nothing but a number and respect should apply to all and not based on age. Tradition/culture only makes sense when it benefits those who abide by it. Like any standard or system, the moment it ceases to be of value, it should be thrown out completely; blindly adhering to practices and laws that instead clearly damage families and communal relationships makes no sense! |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Zaheertyler(m): 5:45pm On Sep 19 |
Kobojunkie:Principality and power Imagine you calling someone’s family dysfunctional when it is clear that they are just ignorant .. E be like say you be ajebo and you no sabi how this things Dey work Maybe I was wrong on the fathers aspect but your own advice is dead on arrival Calling someone’s family dysfunctional because he came here to ask for advice 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Zaheertyler(m): 5:46pm On Sep 19 |
Edojoma:Thank you jare |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Candidlady: 6:14pm On Sep 19 |
no body is human being except him A broke man can't be a human being He is treated like an only child No other person in the family matters A broke man can never matter in life |
| Re: How Do I Stop This From Destroying My Family by Edojoma(m): 6:40pm On Sep 19 |
Kobojunkie: Don't get u bro, don't know if u can make it clearer. Thanks |
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