Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? - Romance - Nairaland
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| Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by jazzmin: 6:09am On Dec 13, 2011 |
I am 23 yrs, I recently got out of a relationship and I decided that the next relationship I go into would be with someone I can see myself settling with, not just to "see where it goes" or "casually dating" . So I put an age limit of 27 and up. Then I met a guy, 25yr old and I ruled him out before I got to know him cos of his age, but then he kept insisting that his age had nothing to do with anything, he has 25 yr old friends that have proposed to their girlfriends, blah blah blah. I gave it a shot, and we've been talking for a month now. We started out very hot, and now it has kinda cooled off. and it's annoying now cos I kinda like him now I've gotten to know him. I think now he knows I like him, he has lost interest or something (I didn't play hard to get, but I wasn't so easy as well). He's been sounding a bit distracted, and I know work has really been hectic for him though, but am I being to selfish by expecting him to give me the attention he wad giving me in the beginning? I mean it's been only 1month and he is already cooling off? Then last night, he made a comment about how his image as "Mr good times" cannot just go down like that. He's gonna be the last one standing when all his friends have fallen in love and married. It'll take a lot to get him to fall on his knees and propose(maybe he is trying to tell me something self). I just feel like I shouldn't even waste my time and his time. we have a very very good chemistry together, errbody does the "awws" and the "oohs" when they see us together, he is a very warm, and really nice person, funny and the life of the party type. I like errthing about him. I'm thinking, should I just enjoy this guy, this feeling and this moment and stop worrying about age, whether he'll be ready to settle in 2 yrs, or marriage. OR should I stand firm in what I think I want - "permanent and soon-to-settle" type? The young couple he talked about that just got engaged, obviously didn't have marriage in mind when they started dating in first year , but now they are engaged. So maybe I should just keep that out of my mind and just enjoy the relationship but at the same time, I don't want to be the girl who is caught up n a 5-8 yr relationship that isn't going anywhere Comments please, my apologies for the length. |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by MrsChima1(f): 6:13am On Dec 13, 2011 |
You would do better asking a heterosexual male.  |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by seedord247(m): 6:24am On Dec 13, 2011 |
Answer this question below before i start to dey yawn? For how long have you know this Guy? Do you really love this Guy Unconditionally or for one kinda interests? do you think he's a Guy you can spend the rest of your life with? plz answer this 3 question |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by slimyem: 6:25am On Dec 13, 2011 |
as much as people think its okay to define relationships at the start of it,it also doesnt makes sense to meet a guy and decide right on the spot he's a guy you would want to marry or not. My dear,you like this guy,go for him and live for the moment.however,make him understand you are not getting in the relationship to play away your time,emotions and all. You might end up finding out stuff that'd make him the undesirable suitor on the long run and he might end up finding out how you are the best thing ever and how much he'd lost if he doesnt marry you so you see it is not wise to get into a relationship with the sole intent of marriage. Go have fun,be yourself and enjoy the relationship while it lasts. |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Mynd44: 6:31am On Dec 13, 2011 |
what you need is a very potent Babalawo to cook up some real good jazz for you |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by jaybee3(m): 7:00am On Dec 13, 2011 |
Brb to give you my take on your dilemma In the mean time though, can you please help answer the following questions Career-wise, what level are you both on? Is your stance on early marriage based on peer pressure or family insistence? How much are you really into this dude? |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by freecocoa(f): 7:23am On Dec 13, 2011 |
Seems like jay bee is the one who's advice would really matter,so make I no stress myself. |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Mynd44: 7:32am On Dec 13, 2011 |
^^^ |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Nobody: 10:47am On Dec 13, 2011 |
jazzmin:Good! It's good when you realize that you've come of age, and therefore, some childish tendencies should be marginalized! Nothing wrong with dating with a view to marriage, but where i feel you made a mistake is in setting a limit! Pretty well, i'll advice someone older than you, but limiting it to 27 may not be they way to o! As you'll agree that age has nothing to do with mental maturity. And mental maturity is part of the qualities needed to qualify a man fit to be a husband! You surely dont need a man crying by your side when you start crying, simply because he is terribly confused, and doesn't know what to do! jazzmin:Another mistake! You dont start out very HOT with someone you plan on marrying! This would give him a wrong idea! one month is even tooo small a period of time, to determine if he is the one, and for him also to decide if you are the one! You are the one with the mindset of dating with a view to marriage, does he share the same sentiments? What if he sees it as just another date! If after just a month, and it has kinda cooled off, reassess your priorities, if it has no future, dont hesitate to end it! It's annoying quite alright, and you may think you've gotten to know him, but i dont really think so! Try knowing who he really is, his goals and how he acts under pressure. Remember you want someone you'll date with marriage in view! jazzmin:Give him a chance to miss you, and appreciate you. Expecting him to give you constant attention is really unrealistic! Beware of making your self sound or look too desperate. Men are egotistical, and they dont really like everything handed to them in a platter of gold. You may wanna digress a little. Dont be too clingy, dont call too much and make it look as if you are monitoring him! 1 month is still quite early to make final decisions about him, but with your mindset, you are expecting him to act in a manner befitting someone you want to marry! Are you sure he shares your ideology? jazzmin:He's trying to subtly tell you whats on his mind! I'll expect you to take a cue from that, and then decide wisely. It's still one month. What if after so long waiting for him, and he decides you are not the right one for him? You may like everything about him, but does he feel the same way? Does he like you to the extent of wanting to marry you? Love should not be one sided! Forget the "awws" and "oohs"! Is that all you want from a husband? Is "awws" and "oohs" a determinant to him being the husband, and subsequent father of your kids, you want him to become? Are you after impressing people with how perfect you two look as a couple, but deep down, all is not glittering? In life, you can NEVER have it all! There exists the perfect man NOT! jazzmin:All i'll say to you is keep him as a friend, but keep your eyes and ears open. Someone better could come along. You discussed a young couple that got engaged that did not have marriage in mind when they started dating in the first year, right? Was it first month? And in the first month, did the guy in the story make statements such as " He's gonna be the last one standing when all his friends have fallen in love and married."? No two relationship is the same! Study yours, and if it is not working to your favor, i believe you are old enough to know what you really want! |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by bekay911(f): 11:07am On Dec 13, 2011 |
Okay dats it. If u r pissed wit someone's comment y nt turn a blind eye rather dan displaying some childish acts here. A fight betwn gals is called catfight wat of fights betwn dudes @op slower is better. Keep him y u still make friends wit odas |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Nobody: 11:09am On Dec 13, 2011 |
smh  , Naija gurls are |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by bekay911(f): 11:10am On Dec 13, 2011 |
Abeg Sexkillz go change im name to PoSTKILLZ. I tnk dis suits his character here on NL Ijogz K:mr purple font ki lo de? |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by jaybee3(m): 11:22am On Dec 13, 2011 |
@OP Sexkillz have said it all. You have all the answers needed to make informed decision going forward. However, if still in doubt please do no not hesitate to come back so we can analyse further |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Adaeze003(f): 8:06pm On Dec 13, 2011 |
op i'm sorry to say this but i think you have served your purpose. You dont have to jump into a relationship anyhow.just chill till you find the right person since you are ready to settle down. Good luck! |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Nobody: 11:24pm On Dec 13, 2011 |
dis OP is selfish! All you care abt is wat u want! Jeez! U beta go and marry a robot bcoz guys are also on d look out for one or two qualities frm ladies b4 they can even tink of marriage! your just like d resy of ya sistas makin tins hard for bois! Go away pls! |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by tellwisdom: 11:29pm On Dec 13, 2011 |
Like i told u, i dont read long post  . My contribution wld ve been the bestest  |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by kelz88(f): 11:31pm On Dec 13, 2011 |
OP just go with the flow and see where it takes you. 1 month is too short to even decide you love the guy, unless you're just in love with the idea of marriage. Plus I doubt this guy is ready to settle down. You're 23. Isn't that a bit too young? What's the rush? What's with Nigerians and marriage? Na wa o! I tire for this issue. |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Chimezie198(m): 11:33pm On Dec 13, 2011 |
Boyloaf:op, he'd said it all. |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by tellwisdom: 11:40pm On Dec 13, 2011 |
keyz88, sweerie, any kiss and smooch fr me |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by kelz88(f): 11:51pm On Dec 13, 2011 |
Forgot 'bout you sef. Euurgghh! ^^ |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by jazzmin: 6:50am On Dec 14, 2011 |
sexkillz: Thankz a lo for your advice sexkillz and everyone. I'll take them all into consideration. |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Mynd44: 7:32am On Dec 14, 2011 |
When did Sexkillz change his name to MJB? |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Chimezie198(m): 8:56am On Dec 14, 2011 |
^ bro aint u gonna change urs?[/b] |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by tellwisdom: 11:58am On Dec 14, 2011 |
Forgot 'bout you sef. Euurgghh! ^^ C'mon, lets do sometin more romantic |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Nobody: 12:27pm On Dec 14, 2011 |
eating akpu with egusi soup and drinking my bottle of small stout |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by mashnino(m): 1:23pm On Dec 14, 2011 |
lefulefu: see d stupid combination |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Nobody: 2:09pm On Dec 14, 2011 |
But seriously, didn't you know that a 25yr old guy is not yet thining of marriage? Forget what they say but if you want a man who's serious about settling down you might want to stick with your 27-year rule. Not that it's any guarantee, but common sense will tell you that the older they are, the more serious they are about settling down. Besides, I always advise people to date someone who's at least 5 years older than they are . . . . Just so you don't get stranded. It's a proven fact that men would rather marry women who are much younger than they are. They may deny it or argue that 'age doesn't count' but we all know the truth. They may date, but marriage is a whole different thing entirely. I like it when women are objective about settling down . . . The less you get carried away with how 'hot it is', the safer you will be! |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Nobody: 2:16pm On Dec 14, 2011 |
kelz88: True . . . but like she has clearly stated in her post, she wont want to date someone who's not 'likely' to marry her. Yes, it may not work out, she might change her mind about him, he might even change his mind about her too . . . . but she doesn't want to bother with someone she has a little possiblity of spending the rest of her life with! 23 might be too young to get married, but it's NOT to young to decide on what you want from the man you want to spend your life with, and work towards getting it right! |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Nobody: 3:20pm On Dec 14, 2011 |
mashnino:Nah wetin concern u?  nah ur belly the food dey enter?  |
| Re: Mr Jaybee's Input Especially: Am I Being Too Objective? by Rocktation(f): 9:17am On Dec 17, 2011 |
I wondered why anyone would say that 23yrs iڪ too young an age τ̅☺ get married sef. . . |
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