Mai-suya:

B4 I start my wife just gave birth to a bouncing baby boy

I am the only male child in my family, we have a massive house, all my sisters are all married and my dad is late, only my youngest sis and my mum live in that big house. When I got married last year I lived at the family house with my wife for close to 8 months not because my mum asked for it but she liked it nonetheless, I SEE NOTHING WRONG IN THAT.

Although I now live in my own house now with my wife, she didnt complain then. And u r not proving a thing living alone, they r your parents. It's not about being weak coz I studied and stayed abroad alone for some years before returning to the nija.

Bottom line, they r your parents they just have some few years left to live (even if it's 20 yrs more) if living with them makes them happy, why not. After they pass on u have the rest of your life for urself, u can go live on Pluto for all anyone cares. And those girls complaining, the essence of marriage is sacrifice and if u can't sacrifice to share those few years with your mother inlaw, then u r starting your marriage life on the wrong footing. Just my thout

I dont agree with this . . . especially if the in-laws are the nosy type who still want to have a major say in their sons life. If i chose to live with my parents when i get married . . . it wont be a prob because i know for the most part my folks would just mind their business and give us our space. Many in-laws are not like that. If there is need to spare your wife the pain of living with folks who want to monitor her, find fault all the time and expect her to be the family maid then that is not a sacrifice she should be forced to make IMO. She left her father to be with you to start a new family . . . there is nothing like being free to express yourself in your husband's house. She doesnt need the extra headache of having to struggle to please your folks all day + you.

yes it is good to have a choice but the majority of people on this small planet do not

Mai-Suya just because she didnt complain to your face doesnt mean she was happy.

Nigerians are so simpleminded.

MARK-REN:

I also know of rich families where the sons still live with their parents after marriage in different houses but in the same compound. I wonder if the wife will object knowing fully well what paying rent in Lagos means.

How is the family "rich" if the son cant afford his own home? and who says a person MUST live in Lagos? If you cant afford such things, you might wanna forgo the marriage thing until you can.


Quite obvious the guys approving such abnormal thinking are those who have been babied to death by mummy.

you will find most guys think like that and as such it is not abnormal. clearly many women see mother in laws as rivals and threats but have no problem with their own  mothers dropping anchor permanently.
one thing many guys do not realize is that women are even more competitive than they are

cantell:

Dis one na bad cook! Love has nothing to do with it.Right on point bro!

Even the best of cooks sometimes have 'bad days' . . . .  How would you know anyways?  
Ehen and even if the woman is a bad cook, the hubby should 'understand'!  

Marriage is all about sacrifice cos a lot depends on it. An educated man can marry an illiterate woman and they can still live together happily. It depends on what the two can bear.
Secondly, living with one's parents doesn't necessarily mean sharing the same room or flat with them.
It could be a family house with several other buildings in it.
I don't live with my parents, hell i don't even live in the same city with them! But if there's need to stay with them even if i'm married, i'll do just that.
My hubby should be able to understand.

Some sacrifices and just not necessary . . .  The comment 'your hubby/wife should understand' is quite selfish IMO. What is he/she has her own reasons why he/she doesnt want what you want, will you understand?

'Understanding' is relative my friend!

Besides you guys are missing Rokiatu's point. Her question is, what if the man wants to live to with his family because he wants to be close to home

That sounds wrong!

One could do it for financial reasons, for comfort, for safety . . .  but only is it is agreed b/w husband and wife. To say he wants to be close to home is just wrong!

it is NOT wrong it is our culture. do not mistake this NEW western model as the norm it is not.
we can debate about culture but that is the status quo in the majority of Nigerian lives

Wrong move by the man. A man should consider himself matured and independent enough to own a family. Living with your parents after marriage negates the privacy a man ever craved for.

aribisala0:

you will find most guys think like that and as such it is not abnormal. clearly many women see mother in laws as rivals and threats but have no problem with their own  mothers dropping anchor permanently.
one thing many guys do not realize is that women are even more competitive than they are

most guys where? you can only speak for yourself.

and if you dont care enough about your SO that you rather put her out to the wolves to be all up in your business then maybe you should forgo the marriage thing or better yet get with a man. It's quite simple.

It doesnt even have anything to do with MILs, it has to do with the fact that you refuse to let go of your mother's breast. In other words, Grow up and move on.

why are you in Birhamington, go live with mama now.

aribisala0:

it is NOT wrong it is our culture. do not mistake this NEW western model as the norm it is not.
we can debate about culture but that is the status quo in the majority of Nigerian lives

Our culture ke? I must have grown up in mars because i was never aware of this part of our culture. I was kicked out the day i finished college . . .   If i decided to move home now with a wife i'm sure my mother would be looking for the nearest psychologist to help me out. A man living with his parents as a married man is absurd where i come from.

Koolking:

Wrong move by the man. A man should consider himself matured and independent enough to own a family. Living with your parents after marriage negates the privacy a man ever craved for.

Exactly. Let the mentally unstable continue to project their psychosis on others.

there are separate issues to be seen here;
living in your parents home with them and living in your own home with parents are similar but different situations as far as independence is concerned.
privacy is a different issue. the age of the parents is another and
these 3 combine in many ways
how many homes in nigeria do NOT have family members.
Nigerians seem to be aspiring to live like westerners but largely this is driven by women

davidylan:

Our culture ke? I must have grown up in mars because i was never aware of this part of our culture. I was kicked out the day i finished college . . .   If i decided to move home now with a wife i'm sure my mother would be looking for the nearest psychologist to help me out. A man living with his parents as a married man is absurd where i come from.

how representative of Nigerians do you think you are.
Most Urban Nigerian families live in one room and in many cases less than one room

For someone who is so against the West, you should probably deport yourself but you wont. Hypocrite.

and since women are so evil and changing your imaginary culture, you should look into homosexuality.

Also maybe you should take reading comprehension courses as well. The OP states GOING BACK TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE TO LIVE AFTER MARRIAGE

How are you confusing that to bringing parents into YOUR OWN HOME.

Overjay.

is there a problem why the personal attacks?
please research my posts i never attack anyone personally but always repay bad with worse

ThiefOfHearts:

For someone who is so against the West, you should probably deport yourself but you wont. Hypocrite.

and since women are so evil and changing your imaginary culture, you should look into homosexuality.

Also maybe you should take reading comprehension courses as well. The OP states GOING BACK TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE TO LIVE AFTER MARRIAGE

How are you confusing that to bringing parents into YOUR OWN HOME.

Overjay.

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." - Gen 2:24

aribisala0:

Thief of hearts or whatever your cancerous father and epileptic mother call you make a note of my name and NEVER call me out again .
Hopefully both your demented parents will fail to hear a trailer coming and get crushed before the year runs out.
Anu ofia!

was this necessary?

aribisala0:

how representative of Nigerians do you think you are.
Most Urban Nigerian families live in one room and in many cases less than one room

that has more to do with poverty and not culture.

culture derives from poverty or affluence there is no separation.
the culture of Britain/America in 2010 is very differnt from 1810

most of our people are poor and so our culture is a poverty based one. if you call it poverty. i do not the material situation of a people changes with time and technology and so does culture.


Take the practice of eating with hands,eating jointly from the same plate, giving out your children as labourers these are all culture. so

mobile phones and computers  are all parts of culture as much as the mortar and pestle or the condom and contraception or even street begging

Quote from: jay bee on Today at 01:26:56 PM
Why marry if that's the case

Brings us to a related topic. . . . . .some folks here were very critical of a fella who was vehemently kicking against marriages by 'financially incapable' people.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-822169.96.html


@ Topic,
such a proposal most often than not comes up in situations where the man and his wife in question cannot afford a place of their own. I have personally seen such arrangement in a family; not comfy by any means, but, bar not get married at all, what else could they have done!?

what is that dirty photo on your profile
what are you selling?
how market?
did you lose your way?
i am not one of your tricks
or of the many Joysticks
you have to suck
for your fake hair
omo ashewo
= ashewo you and your mother
e lo kpo soda muu
your friends no like you dem for don tell you to comot am
simian photo
wild pig
go and wash your yansh before your next customer
go and tamba
eran ko.

e be like when God dey share mouth na you first for the queue on Monday morning
You think you are doing gbajumo throwing abuse around
Sango ma kpa iya e
wen trailer crush ya mama na teeth dem go take recognize am

ThiefOfHearts:

LOL  


oloirbusaba or whatever you call yourself. Kibi pada si onibi. Koni dafun e ati family oloshi e.


Very foolish son of a kunt. I merely said you got the OP's meaning incorrect and there you are foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog cursing your shameless family. Embarrassing troll

You call yourself a dude yet you are running your mouth at a woman, like a PHAGGOT. No wonder are complaining about women and "the west", bloody demented homo-seckual like you

Come and beat me na. Olofo  

HISchild:

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." - Gen 2:24

Problem with the bible and a lot of the other holy books you can never quite tell if the statement is literal or otherwise. . . . . . .I mean when they say 'leave his father and mother'; does it necessarily translate to physical distance measured in mileages!!?

LOL Very typical of a phaggot. You think yarning dust about pic will do anything? Ehen I look like this and then. So? What happens after that? COME AND BEAT ME I say!   My friend Ive been here longer than you! Old school tactics. Look at your life. throwing around bush curses that will only affect your wretched family.
Luckily you live in NY albeit in the area that is filled with ghetto and white trash like yourself. Same sex marriage is now legal here, go and get it done instead of spewing your frustrations for here. Phaggot!!  

RuuDie:




Brings us to a related topic. . . . . .some folks here were very critical of a fella who was vehemently kicking against marriages by 'financially incapable' people.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-822169.96.html

If you cant afford it, dont bother with marriage.

I just dont understand how a person can leave the church/mosque wherever the wedding took place then take their heads back to the parents' home. Are you going forward or backwards? ::

Interesting! All i want to say is for all the single ladies, that there r times when u cannot explain how u got into a situation as this. I hope u'll remember this topic. The most important thing is knowing the man u r getting married to.

Also for the men screaming 'no big deal' everything is 0k if its t0 their advantage, saving their pockets or seeing their family e.t.c wear the woman's shoes for once and see where it hurts.

RuuDie:




Brings us to a related topic. . . . . .some folks here were very critical of a fella who was vehemently kicking against marriages by 'financially incapable' people.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-822169.96.html


@ Topic,
such a proposal most often than not comes up in situations where the man and his wife in question cannot afford a place of their own. I have personally seen such arrangement in a family; not comfy by any means, but, bar not get married at all, what else could they have done!?

I don't get the rationale behind getting married then off to live with the fam or in-laws whichever one suits.
You are getting married to only your wife and the union should start with you alone especially if both of you have never lived together in the same house before.
It's already a challenge letting someone else occupy your space then why attract an unnecessary crowd?

^^^^
Egbon, stop exchanging words with a woman nau
haba

jay bee:

I don't get the rationale behind getting married then off to live with the fam or in-laws whichever one suits.
You are getting married to only your wife and the union should start with you alone especially if both of you have never lived together in the same house before.
It's already a challenge letting someone else occupy your space then why attract an unnecessary crowd?

ThiefOfHearts:

If you cant afford it, dont bother with marriage.

I just dont understand how a person can leave the church/mosque wherever the wedding took place then take their heads back to the parents' home. Are you going forward or backwards? ::

I get your points; fully understand and even agree with 'em. . . . .but the reason why I put out the link to that other thread was because Orikinla was on there kicking against such 'poor people' unions and a lot of folks were very critical of him and his assessment of things - saying stuffs like "are poor people not supposed to marry" etc.
What am just trying to say as regards the topic at hand is that, poverty would probably be the major reason why a newly-wed family would resort to this (residing in their parents place). . . . .now here we are again, full circle, 'the poverty in marriage' thing has reared its head and potentially, some of the folks who were back there saying different are now singing another completely new tune here!

Awwwwwwwwwshhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!i see this script here apparently gives readers something to think about, but i can only suggest one thing here in general, with my experience Asian's keep to their communities etc, so the only people i can understand and excuse them for living with their parent even after marriage is , one rich families with only son,but perhaps if the whole family will not be nosing around, because if you are in their shoe you wouldn't let your empire to go somewhere else, another set of people is the bread winner in the family, if your own mother got neglated by the other family member of yours, when things are a little bit shakeeeeeee in your life and somehow you gotten back on your feet and got married i suppose cos maybe age got involved and that, and all along you have been managing with you mother/or father, and your mrs came along, provided there is a source of revenue i believe that person can handle it, by keeping a separate pots if you guys get me>>>>>
i know is so hard to have two women under one roof,is just like someone waiting for a firework to start lol>>>>>>>>>.so ladies to note!!!!!!!1

RuuDie:

I get your points; fully understand and even agree with 'em. . . . .but the reason why I put out the link to that other thread was because Orikinla was on there kicking against such 'poor people' unions and a lot of folks were very critical of him and his assessment of things - saying stuffs like "are poor people not supposed to marry" etc.
What am just trying to say as regards the topic at hand is that, poverty would probably be the major reason why a newly-wed family would resort to this (residing in their parents place). . . . .now here we are again, full circle, 'the poverty in marriage' thing has reared its head and potentially, some of the folks who were back there saying different are now singing another completely new tune here!

Only newbies would take Orikinla's posts seriously.

and I get your point about poverty being the reason but I'd expect the guy to take the wife's comfort into consideration. aka Do whatever he can to avoid such a situation.

It all depends on d circumstances of each case. I got married beginnin of this year.my wife is 20 this December.her own mother insisted that my wife stay wit my own mother to enable her mature.I stay on my own anyway.she has a bouncing baby boy and is still wit my ma.I stay 12 mins away from the family house if I walk.I see notin wrong if there is understandin.my wife herself insists she will stay out next year even wen I hv told her March 2012 is my tolerance limit.
But it sure helps cos she is learning the finer points of marriage from my mum.and they hv got on so well.I foot all her bills down to the her toothbrush cos she is still a student so its not like her stayin there means I abdicated my responsibilities. In retrospect, my own mum stayed wit her mum-in-law for some yrs n I tink that's d reason for their closeness till today.
I see notin wrong there.when my elder bro's wife had a baby,my father directed that the omu-gwor shd be done in his house cos that was his first grandchild. Just that gals of dis days want to separate d guy frm his parents at all cost.n most of them hv this 'alone' tendency so its difficult to see another face in d house. Old marriages used to work that way.
Anyway, all man to him own.

Nothing and everything!

ndahbros1:

It all depends on d circumstances of each case. I got married beginnin of this year.my wife is 20 this December.

How old are you?

anyway she's still somewhat a baby herself so your circumstance isnt that weird. Congrats with the child

ThiefOfHearts:

Only newbies would take Orikinla's posts seriously.

and I get your point about poverty being the reason but I'd expect the guy to take the wife's comfort into consideration. aka Do whatever he can to avoid such a situation.

Bottomline, the man had a point. . . . . .what has being a newbie got to do with seeing reason in what a person posts!!?

While not saying it is right or wrong for that matter; but if there is no money and no other viable option, the only thing to consider at that point is not getting married - no two ways about it!