Odafe360:
you think I'm broke? Lolss... You're pathetic

Just read your previous thread. Guy you are crying over a woman that committed paternity fraud against you? Can you descend any lower??

Op come let’s hangout lol

I will advise you to focus on your life and find ways to improve your life. Go on self-development, find a way to go out and chill once a while. Eat good foods and enjoy your life. Look for ways to improve your finance also.

Develop a burning desire to improve your life in all aspects. That passion to improve your life will make you forget about the already crumbled marriage. Tell yourself that your peace of mind matters. Look after your happiness as a man and don't give rooms for self blames.

When you engage yourself in meaningful things, you won't have the time to still be thinking about marriage that had already folded up.

I hope you will heed to these little advice and let go of your past for a better tomorrow.

I will advise guys to develop that burning desire to live that soft good life.

If you have this desire, you won't even think of women at all. Cuz all your mind will be on how to live a comfortable life. If you already have children, brother focus on your children and be the best father you can to them.

Leave any woman that is giving you problems and seek your peace of mind. Make money and enjoy your life. Man must no live by pússy alone.

In the next 10 years to come, many marriages will fold up. But what do you do when that happens? Don't kill yourself. Look for ways to better your life and live your life.

samguru:
I have been in this situation and I know how it feels especially when you love the woman.

In my case,the woman disappeared with my boy and that added more pain to the pain of divorce.

I focused more on self development and all the projects that I have pending in my life.

I got married to another woman five years after the divorce, though still missing my boy but i thank God for my life now.

Use this time to scan your life and fix every area you need to fix before entering another marriage.

I want to guess the lady is from one of the states in the South South of Nigeria

South South abi na South East? This is common with south east not South South. South South women no dey run comot man house except if it involves physical abuse.

Pls do not listen to some judgement here claiming u were broke. Leave them, they can't understand. I've been in your very shoes before and so I know exactly how it feels.

People who love passionately go thru this. Unfortunately the people we tot we love as wife never loved in returns. They only understand the language of love but they don't know what love is.
Divorce may be hard on you but have reasons to thank God that she didn't kill u before she finally divorced you..

Whatever she has taken away from you be it properties or otherwise, let it be. I've had reason to let go of my own personal house that I built to give my children a balanced psych.

If you are working, try and apply for leave so you don't mess up your work due to absent mindedness and distractions. If you got good snd supportive siblings, pls hang around them. You need all the support structures to stay balanced mentally.

Never attempt to go into any relationships now, cos your decisions will only me emotionally based.

During my time, my solace was in God the ultimate. Holy spirit was my great comforter who comfort and encouraged me from within when I am lonely. Its not all that can understand the pain of divorce particularly for men who are sincere , but God does. Whenever u are disturbed, talk to God about it, he will console u from within.

Stay with God, pray more and study His word. He will forever be there for you .

I pray that the God who saw me through on my own terrible travail will also see you through at this point in your life in Jesus name.

You can reach out to me thru this mail. God bless u
batt.007@aol.com

Odafe360:
no work for now because I'm on my annual leave. Till the end of January. Except if i can plan a vacation.

in this short life, you are living like a perpetual Buffon. Guy, the mind makes a man not your biceps and chest. I'm currently going thru same thing and I have soldiered on for close to two years now. I have completely forgotten about her even after knowing her for 11 years. Yes I cried few months after she left, I had the thoughts of going to bring her back but I manned up, stiffened my upper lip and today, her replacement is out. Just seize this opportunity to become closer to Jesus Christ and hear what he will tell you concerning your future. That woman is not your wife, otherwise, she won't be stressing you like this. Move on without her for without scars, a man is not made. Disappoint her family forever this time around and have them invited to your upcoming wedding to your real wife. You didn't divorce her, she left just like my own did. Myself and my entire family are now good without her. See, no man is irreplaceable. If you make yourself a god to your fellow man, God will dethrone you because he is a jealous God. Move on!! Live like a man and be free. This time around, scan carefully and prayerfully for a woman called the bone of your bones and the flesh of your flesh. God will answer you. SHALOM!

Bro man up. You are too docile. Music, entertainment can help you or kuku ma go back to work

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.

I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

You seem a good guy but your goodness comes with naivety. I was like you once. Only that the lady was not my wife but someone I wanted to marry. She quickly identified my naivety, reflected in my passion for her and the desire to sustain a relationship with her, and she turned her discovery into a weapon. This is the problem with mankind, bro. When humans detect your goodness, they instantly start looking for points of weakness in your goodness and turn it into a weapon. In your case, your woman has seen that you are a good man and that you want the best for the marriage and she is leveraging this as a weapon.

Everybody, with the exception of a few, wants to rule over someone or something so that it gives them a sense of superiority. Sir, you have to turn your pain into a vaccine. Let the pain you feel work its way through you. Trust me you will survive it. I did. Remove her contact from your phone and make it a commitment never to call her. This is how you let her know that you are no longer under her control and that she cannot keep manipulating your emotions. After some weeks of doing this, the effect she has over you will start to wane and the pain will become internalized. Keep this up for a year and she will realize that you are no longer the naive dude she married.

I am not asking you to divorce her rather I am asking that you stop letting her, and anyone else for that matter, manipulate your goodness against you.

Anyone who can switch on and off your emotions is your master. Don't let anyone, other than GOD and you, have such power over you...It never ends well.

When a woman knows your weak point, she will use it against you as a man. And if you are that type of man that doesn't set boundaries, it will be a fair ride for her.

As a man, learn how to set boundaries and understand what you can't tolerate in a woman's behaviour.

Women are emotionally brutal when it comes to dealing with men. Don't tolerate stupid behaviours all in the name of emotional love.

What we call love are just mere lustful feelings. There should be a reason to love a woman. Love should be expressed to women that are of good behaviours. Don't reward stupid behaviours with love. A woman with bad character shouldn't be loved. As a man, only love a woman that give you peace of mind and respects you as head of the home.

Stop lottering around with your emotions while the said woman you claim to love is dealing with you mercilessly.

There should be things you shouldn't tolerate as a man and until you learn to let go of the emotional side of you for women, you will be walked on, spit on and disrespected by your wife and her family.

I thank God I used my 20th to simp over love, those exposures are what made me to be the better man that can cut the shot and say NO to unhealthy women's behaviours today.

As a man, you need to get those exposures and orientations on time, they will help you put your house in order when you finally settle down.

Majority of guys didn't get those exposures and orientations we had in our 20th, and today they are paying for it in their marriages where they tolerate all sorts of disrespectful behaviours from their wives and these wives don't even give a fvck. Can you see where the problem originated?

Lack of early exposure and orientations.

Odafe360:
no work for now because I'm on my annual leave. Till the end of January. Except if i can plan a vacation.

Plan a relocation to another state and if you relocate successfully, your past will be a bygone

Karleb:


Heartbreak is such a good thing.

It gave Adele 3 solid albums (or more) and it gave you a new skill.

Cheers to more heartbreaks. 🥂🍻

You're evil 😂 😂

That vacation will be very good for you , most especially this new year time .. if there's still parent or love ones in your village, go to the village, go enjoy village life small , drink better palm wine , bush meat , meet old friends .
It is when you're alone ,doing nothing, everywhere is quiet, that is when you keep thinking about her .. just use this time to do things maybe ones you've abandoned, procrastinated, something that can take your mind off those thoughts..

You know ,it is what we have on our minds that we executed...

Let me just say , you alone can take your mind off it ..

It is very difficult but it's a gradual process..

If like you have something you really want to learn , I might say this is the time to go learn it and it should be from someone that you can be both interactive..

Like Driving ( if you're yet to ) ( driving school )
Let me say vocational training

Something you will learn and the tutor will be there to guide you all through..

Sorry bro. You sound like a weak blue pilled beta.

You need to have sex with another woman. I don't know how you hope to achieve this. But you need to, especially a sexy lady. Your brain will reset.

"Kill the Beta before it kills you." - Rational Male

efficiencie:


You seem a good guy but your goodness comes with naivety. I was like you once. Only that the lady was not my wife but someone I wanted to marry. She quickly identified my naivety, reflected in my passion for her and the desire to sustain a relationship with her, and she turned her discovery into a weapon. This is the problem with mankind, bro. When humans detect your goodness, they instantly start looking for points of weakness in your goodness and turn it into a weapon. In your case, your woman has seen that you are a good man and that you want the best for the marriage and she is leveraging this as a weapon.

Everybody, with the exception of a few, wants to rule over someone or something so that it gives them a sense of superiority. Sir, you have to turn your pain into a vaccine. Let the pain you feel work its way through you. Trust me you will survive it. I did. Remove her contact from your phone and make it a commitment never to call her. This is how you let her know that you are no longer under her control and that she cannot keep manipulating your emotions. After some weeks of doing this, the effect she has over you will start to wane and the pain will become internalized. Keep this up for a year and she will realize that you are no longer the naive dude she married.

I am not asking you to divorce her rather I am asking that you stop letting her, and anyone else for that matter, manipulate your goodness against you.

Anyone who can switch on and off your emotions is your master. Don't let anyone, other than GOD and you, have such power over you...It never ends well.

There is a say that , nothing means anything but the meaning we gives to it ..

I want you to stay alive at all cost

You know ,you still have a lot of things to do..

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.

I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

You have not dealt with a big issue in your life.. Emotional Contentment in being yourself, be yourself for yourself. You dont need another’s person affirmation of love to feel loved. You have to love yourself, treat yourself.. yes, you need to socialize more.. drinking wine, palm wine aint that bad. Yes you have to get out of your comfort zone to meet other women.. stop categorizing them as sins/vices.
Killing yourself over a man/woman is too extreme. You have lived over 25/35 yrs without them.. yes1/2 of your life you had lived without wife, why do you think now that you cant do without her?? Unless her parents na ur survival plug🤦🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️😂

if you are without kids yet, then just call a friend or two (it can be male or female) and plan an outing.

Yeah you are an introvert, but atleast you should have a friend or two either online or offline.

Am sure if you do this once or twice, the thoughts of your wife will decrease significantly.

Odafe360:
no work for now because I'm on my annual leave. Till the end of January. Except if i can plan a vacation.

I read your other post, and I can say that you brought all these to yourself.

You allowed all these to happen to you.

Your monicker says odafe, I want to believe it's just monicker and not an Edo man.

The heart hardly forgets who it loved.
Pray about it.
Time settles everything

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.

I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

Good morning I have read positive and negative advices from people , as a victim and one of the oldest members here 50 years is not easy mostly when family members don't wanna hear u out assuming u are guilty cos their daughter painted u black. It di not easy even if you find another love mostly when kids are involved , mine left the kids for me similar to yours Everytime walks away till one day went for burial but decided to move to Abuja . People saying poverty is NO NO cos if I'm poor I'll say maybe is poverty , is all about her family bound and upbringing. I fought for my marriage still collapsed , so bros getting a new relation will help u but be careful cos at this stage every woman u see u think is the right one , be careful with another love u will forget but in lonely moments the good old times flood ur mind. Be strong as it traumatically and psychologically hurts we can private chat if u permit

Hi My parents , my family begged her come back. She no gree begged her broda gave me no room to talk they all believed her fake stories , I had many relationships but all fake looking for who to carry their load , tried single mothers their bills on me , luck smiled on me when I met a genuine Akwaibom lady who put smiles on my face she a divorcee too so after sharing our stories we felt we need complement each others happiness so after some months begged her move into my house , my kids love her happily call her mummy so I'm letting go old memories , so now I'm happy ex family calling my uncles , aunties but is too late as incant let go my present relationship and I'm scared as her second coming back is to ruin me or I assume but I can't . So I advice u if u have the money try a new relationship

OKOATA:

Your story is that of a weak man, before you met your wife you were alone. Imagine you are now alone and you never met her. Suckling and crying like a baby, calling family meeting here and there isn't what's called a Man. When you beg and cry for a woman then you are a simp and sissy. Learn to keep your emotions in check, you wanna commit suicide because of a woman. We still have about 3billion women around the world, get your sense together. There's nothing special about her others don't possess, stop being too emotional and attached to humans.

I just tire for that guy!

May be you are poor.
Because women no dey leave rich men's house.
Even if you dey beat am everyday. They will still manage to stay.

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.

I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

You say you sometimes cry when you think of the whole thing? It seems you still love her. Anyway, she's gone for good and that's honest truth. Apart from pinning another man's pregnancy on you there are one or two other lies she is trying to conceal from you. You will get over this with time. Just try and look for a casual lay with protection from time to time and you'll be fine.

Odafe360:
you think I'm broke? Lolss... You're pathetic

Ignore them boss.
They are small boys who have seen less of this world

Psychologist will hiddenly tell you get a woman that love you more than you do love her, and never beg any woman for love?.

Your problems started that very early times u were proving and begging heaven and earth to prove you love.

However am not concluding because I haven't heard from her too. But always try to study if a woman is ready to marry or settle down before you involve her.

Finally, she have created a vacuum and that vacuum can always be filled by another woman, develop a healthy relationship with another woman and in 3 days ur case is over.....

I reckoned u are an introvert as u claimed. U need to be a little extrovert and try to mix up and blend with people....

For me, am leaving ur house is the last thing I can hear from my wife, because before she say am leav....... The door is opened to her.

One more thing for men, always look for women within ur parameters, if you bring any idiot more than you, you will be a slave till the end of your day in this life.

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.

I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

I would tell you what helped me during my own heartbreak. Go no contact, don't let her see a trace of you. If you are seeing her whatsapp status, mute it or delete her number. Find a new hobby. Have lots of sex like alot don't spare any babe. F#ck your frustration out (even if this period would require you to spend money). Hang around friends alot.

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.

I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

brother please chat me on WhatsApp with this No 09154058590

All the well-intentioned but ultimately bad advise and the flood of horrible advise...

Na wa o!

I guess everyone is trying to help in their own ways, based on their own experiences in life.

Reality is that marriages and relationships are a lot more complicated than she's a witch or he's a bastard. I don't know enough to be able to tell you what's best to do.

If you can afford it, go and speak with a therapist. You have a lot to say, I can tell, so go and say it.

In the mean time, being in a different location, especially somewhere closer to the natural environment does wonders for the mind; allows you to think more clearly. Even something as simple as taking a walk in the morning and/or evenings isn't to be dismissed.

Locking yourself away may be harmful, especially with the suicidal thoughts already creeping in. If you can't be with friends, spend time around people. Eat in a restaurant, and just let yourself breathe again.

I cannot stress enough the importance of getting someone, professional or not, to speak with. Those thoughts swirling around in your head are good for your healing, but only as far as you have a healthy means of expressing them. Unexpressed, they will pretty much kill you.

Reading a book is good, if your mind can settle enough to focus on it

Finally, cast your mind back to a time when you never met her. There's a much younger you in there, buried under all these layers of hurt. This is mental work that is best done with the guidance of a therapist, but if you can try... why not. Sit, control your breathing, close your eyes and slowly cut through the noise till you've taken yourself back to an older, much happier you. Sit with it for a while, for as long as you can. It helps remind you of who you really are, beyond the you of today who is wrapped up in grief and unable to see past their shadow.

Good luck. Again. go and see a therapist if you can afford it

Odafe360:
no work for now because I'm on my annual leave. Till the end of January. Except if i can plan a vacation.

Of over 3b women in the world you choose to entangled yourself with your ex?

Men needs to start having abundance mindset. This simply means a man must have the mindset that any woman his is married to, or dating is replaceable! No woman is indispensable! Women have this abundance mindset this is exactly why you'll see a very broke girl from a poor family telling you that she can never date a broke guy, because she believes a rich man somewhere will suddenly show up and date. It's crazy! They have abundance mindset!

U too as a man should have abundance mindset! Go out and meet different women and you'll be shocked how easy it is to forget her

tommy589:
Are you leaving alone? Just wondering how you manage the sleepless nights.
You have made the right decision but it will take you awhile to get over it. The way I see it you won't succumb to her entrapment anymore. So if you know how to lure her for occasional sxx,it helps to ease and quickens the process of moving on

Nonsense.

Think like a real man bro. S3x is not the real deal bro

Don't worry brain!
Just ask Yul Edochie!