Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:




WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.
 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





"Gray hair is God's graffiti."
-Bill Cosby.

"Old age is no place for sissies."
-Bette Davis

"Age is a question of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
-Satchel Paige.





"Just remember, once you're over the hill,
you begin to pick up speed."
-Charles Schulz.

"Don't worry about senility,
my grandfather used to say.
'When it hits you, you won't know it'."
-Bill Cosby.



"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."
-Mark Twain.

"Inside every seventy year old is a thirty five year old
asking, 'What happened?' "
-Ann Landers.

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly,
eat slowly, and lie about your age. "
-Lucille Ball.



"My parents didn't want to move to Florida,
but they turned sixty, and it was the law."
-Jerry Seinfeld.

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy.
It's a question of finding a sickness you like."
-Jackie Mason.

"Put cotton in your ears and pebbles in your shoes.
Pull on rubber gloves. Smear Vaseline over your glasses,
and there you have it: instant old age."
-Malcolm Cowley.

Men and Women
~Some Interesting Facts~




A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want




A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.




A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.




Married men live longer than single men.
But married men are a lot more willing to die.




Any married man should forget his mistakes.

No sense two people remembering the same thing




Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.




A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.




A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Questions about love and marriage were presented to
children between five-ten years old. Some of their
more enlightening answers are listed below.


HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep t
he chips and dip coming."
--Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they Grow up who they're going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out
later who you're stuck with.quot;
--Kirsten, age 10



WHAT IS THE RIGHT TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know
the person FOREVER by then."
--Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got
to be a fool to get married."
--Freddie, age 6



WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want more kids."
--Lori, age 8



HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to
other people."
--Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess, based on whether
they seem to be yelling at the same kids."
--Derrick, age 8



WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them
to get to know each other. Even boys have something
to say if you listen long enough."
--Lynnette, age 8

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
--Martin, age 10



WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers
and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns."
--Craig, age 9



IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them."
--Anita, age 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change
no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother
and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing."
--Kirsten, age 10



WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich."
--Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that."
--Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do."
--Howard, age 8



HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"
--Kelvin, age 8
"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing
after us just the same as they do now."
--Roberta, age 7



HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even
if she looks like a truck."
--Ricky, age 10

. . .But i wunt read them 4 free.

Hmmm

Calling ur no you must be kidding tell me u are kidding

aimlove:

this man had so many children for so many different women that he couldn't tell them different, so one day one of his child came to him and said, "Daddy" and he said, "A who a fi u mother again".

I have jokes that i want to give out for free,call me on 08060374414,

First of all, u registered for free on this forum
second, you posted this stuff on someone's thread
third, u want us to call you to tell us joke,

guy, we have enough people on this thread and so many jokes to read that it'll takes us time. Wen the forum dies, we'll call you to contribute jokes. Thanks

I completely agree wit u

tope_teadr:

I completely agree wit u

hey sweetie how are u? no more quarrels ok am ur dalyn
how waz ur day? hav u eaten if u havnt come to our home myself and migs will be glad to welcome u cheers

freezy u hardly come online abi dem don sack you

i'm fine clemcy

@ ITUEN
BOBO she said Freezy and not Ituen dont tell me u re thesame person, i hope am wrong but y would u answer? am abit confused,

ehen back to the father christmas i cant just believe the species we ve in nairaland,

Thanks clem i appreciate it very much.