Hello everyone!
I'm Cipriana and I'm in need of assistance. I've asked close friends for advice and have asked my siblings but I think I need an answer from some guys directly before I decide on what I'm going to do

My boyfriend and I recently took a break after a disagreement we had. I'm totally confused about what the next move should be. Even though we've taken a break we both still love each other very much. I care about him and want to make things work. And I know he cares as well. I guess what I'm trying to ask here is as Nigerian men, how much time do you think is appropriate for you and your girlfriend to stay apart before either of you decide to get together and work things out?

Based on you own personal experiences, what would you say is an appropriate amount of time? I have already asked girls their opinion on this but what I really what to hear if a guy's perspective

I have read comments on this section of the forum before so please please please, I'd appreciate it if there were no horse playing on this thread since this is something that is very dear to me. I'm not looking for any kind of trouble. All I want is answers. I just want things to be as they were before. And yes, I know they probably won't be exactly as they were because of this bump in the road but I'm just looking to get back the sense of harmony we had and see how we can make things better. So guys of the romance section can you please give me a bit of insight? If it were you, what would you say is a decent amount of time apart before you reconcile? I'm really begging you all at this point. I've got nowhere else to turn to with this

Well, I know you asked the guys for their opinions but I'mma chip in! 

If you really love each other, then talk over the stuff that you think is pulling you apart!
You may give each other a bit of distance and take things slow so that you can renew things again. But Nigerian guys are not known for 'giving space/taking time out'.

You're either in, or out!

It's totally fine. I don't mind if the ladies reply as well. All I want is advice. All the advice I can get would be great! I know you said Nigerian guys aren't know for "giving space". I just didn't want a situation where it seemed like I was pushing things. If there's one thing that I know about guys in general, they don't want a girl that is pushy or clingy

Where are all the guys on this section?

By the way, thanks ladies

Cirpiana although Ink/Lola have points about the 'in or out' thing, it still depends heavily on the guy and his mentality. I see you are in NM which means you are in the U.S. so your guy may have adopted the "American mentality" when it comes to relationships.  Anyway it also depends on the issue.

Sis, i do not wish to put you out there or be in your business but did the issue pertain to culture, money or fidelity? How heated was the argument?

btw sis. becareful what you wish for (guys to respond). if the advice you get is from the following names: lefulefu, 190, born2fuck, or mr.cork, skip it!!

@op
Sorry for intruding considering I am a girl but, is a relationship not supposed to be between two parties and is it not supposed to be in a solidarity(I scratch your back, you scratch mine). If you are trying to mend the fence, what is the other party doing or what steps has he taken to mend the fence?

My question is not valid, if you can authoritatively tell me that, you were the cause/reason for the break or you initiated the break. But if it was a mutual thing, then both of you must work on mending things mutually as a team. I am saying this because its very possible the other party is not willing to mend things so be sure you know what you are doing.

Anyways there is nothing a matured conversation can not solve, I suggest you get to see him and have a conversation on what transpired and the way forward but don't beg him so that you won't be forcing him to comply because that would lead to a future break. Make sure he expresses himself fully, don't be in a haste to cut him short or put words into his mouth. Once you have that dialogue with him, then you would feel light even if things don't return as normal at least you guys will remain friends.

I don't see what guys would say that hasn't been said here. 

Lola Luv was point blank, either YOU IN or YOU OUT.  The fact that you even asked what you should do already solidified what you are going to do next.  If you guys will break up over trivial things then I wonder what would happen if you guys were to get married?

Let it go.

MsDarkSkin:

Cirpiana although Ink/Lola have points about the 'in or out' thing, it still depends heavily on the guy and his mentality. I see you are in NM which means you are in the U.S. so your guy may have adopted the "American mentality" when it comes to relationships.  Anyway it also depends on the issue.

Sis, i do not wish to put you out there or be in your business but did the issue pertain to culture, money or fidelity? How heated was the argument?

btw sis. becareful what you wish for (guys to respond). if the advice you get is from the following names: lefulefu, 190, born2fuck, or mr.cork, skip it!!  

Yes, we're both in the US but I wouldn't say we've adopted the "American mentality". We're still as Nigerian as can be but I can assure you that it had nothing to do with culture, money, or infidelity. I don't want to sound cliche but we are genuinely committed to each other. I don't think he'll run if I didn't talk to him but I'm not the pushy or clingy type of girls. I have brothers and guy friends and I know how they feel when a girl is clingy or pushy.

Lol, and thank you. I will stay away from those people you mentioned. I've seen their posts and threads before so I've learned to not take them seriously. Oh and you weren't putting my business out there. Like I said, all the advice I can get is appreciated.

Cuddlemii:

@op
Sorry for intruding considering I am a girl but is a relationship not supposed to be between two parties and is it not supposed to be in a solidarity(I scratch your back, you scratch mine). If you are trying to mend the fence, what is the other party doing or what steps has he taken to mend the fence?

My question is not valid, if you can authoritative tell me that, you were the cause/reason for the break or you initiated the break. But if it was a mutual thing, then both of you must work on mending things mutually as a team. I am saying this because its very possible the other party is not willing to mend things so be sure you know what you are doing.

Anyways there is nothing a matured conversation can not solve, I suggest you get to see him and have a conversation on what transpired and the way forward but don't beg him so that you won't be forcing him to comply because that would lead to a future break. Make sure he expresses himself fully, don't be in a haste to cut him short or put words into his mouth. Once you have that dialogue with him, then you would feel light even if things don't return as normal at least you guys will remain friends.

Lol, I don't mind scratching anyone's back that's understandable. I know he's willing to mend the situation based on how our disagreement ended. There are certain things that he would have said that indicated if he wanted the relationship to come to an end. He didn't say any of those things so I know for sure that there is room for reconciliation. Well, I can't go into too much detail because I'm afraid it could jeopardize my identity but overall. But I will say this though, it wasn't one of those name calling/rude remarks kind of disagreements. We just a polite exchange of opinions on the relationship as a whole. Even when he was talking, I could tell that the conversation was hard from him. We don't fight or call each other names (aside from when we're just being playful with each other).

Mrs, Chima:

I don't see what guys would say that hasn't been said here. 

Lola Luv was point blank, either YOU IN or YOU OUT.  The fact that you even asked what you should do already solidified what you are going to do next.  If you guys will break up over trivial things then I wonder what would happen if you guys were to get married? 

Let it go. 

Its nothing trivial, I can assure you. Neither one of us quarrel over trivial things. We don't really have the time or patience for that. Well, he has patience for that kind of thing but trivial things aren't part of my personality. He usually deals with trivial things from other people, not me.

You really need to work out your differences. Being together does not pull you together, it rips you apart more especially if the guy is Nigerian. We like to define our relationships.

Mynd_44:

You really need to work out your differences. Being together does not pull you together, it rips you apart more especially if the guy is Nigerian. We like to define our relationships.

Can you please elaborate on that?

*observing thread*

i hope this doesn't get derailed this could be interesting. btw cuddlemii said exactly what i was leading up to, talk about it hun. life is too short and from what you told me, this is the guy you love. You are both grounded from what i hear and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I don't see why it wouldn't work out. Just talk it out with him sis. It can only get better if you two start putting your differences aside.

^^^
Sorry I meant being apart does not bring you together, in most cases, it rips you apart cos the only thought going through the guy's head will be that you don't care enough to come back even if the suggestion came from him.

MsDarkSkin:

*observing thread* 

i hope this doesn't get derailed this could be interesting. btw cuddlemii said exactly what i was leading up to, talk about it hun. life is too short and from what you told me, this is the guy you love. You are both grounded from what i hear and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I don't see why it wouldn't work out. Just talk it out with him sis.  It can only get better if you two start putting your differences aside.

I'm going to be very honest. Before I even created this thread, I had already made up my mind to talk to him. I do love him, so I never had any intentions on not working things out. That wasn't even an option in my mind. I believe that him and I have a strong heart together and can work it out, what I wanted to know was what is an appropriate amount of time before I approach him??

By the way, I'm not one of those people that sits around and waits for the guy to come around and try to fix things. If I see a problem, I will address it, learn from it, and move on

Mynd_44:

^^^
Sorry I meant being apart does not bring you together, in most cases, it rips you apart cos the only thought going through the guy's head will be that you don't care enough to come back even if the suggestion came from him.

Chineke!! I don't want that kind of situation

Cipriana:

I'm going to be very honest. Before I even created this thread, I had already made up my mind to talk to him. I do love him, so I never had any intentions on not working things out. That wasn't even an option in my mind. I believe that him and I have a strong heart together and can work it out, what I wanted to know was what is an appropriate amount of time before I approach him??

By the way, I'm not one of those people that sits around and waits for the guy to come around and try to fix things. If I see a problem, I will address it, learn from it, and move on

the right time? the moment you've calmed down and realized not speaking is fo0lishness. that's the right time to make amends. i have faith in you and i hope it works out, in fact i believe it will. just talk to your Mr. and make it right.

MsDarkSkin:

the right time? the moment you've calmed down and realized not speaking is fo0lishness. that's the right time to make amends. i have faith in you and i hope it works out, in fact i believe it will. just talk to your Mr. and make it right.

Thank you! You know I can't help but wonder what happened to all the guys on this section. Did they all go to church or something?

Nonetheless, the information was helpful. I'm gonna go get my guy (after I have some lunch) lol!!

^^^why are you surprised the guys have answered?

Cipriana:

Thank you! You know I can't help but wonder what happened to all the guys on this section. Did they all go to church or something?

Nonetheless, the information was helpful. I'm gonna go get my guy (after I have some lunch) lol!!

BUAHAHAHAHAAA!!

*picturing romance section guys toting bibles in some church shoes!!**

hell would freeze over!!

anyway lol lunch = food for courage abi? just kidding.

@Cuddlemii  has already asked the question i was going to ask, no need to repeat.

Uhm. . . Who is that lady trying to generalize all Nigerian men to say we ain't the space giving type and the talk of being "in or out"? You berra watch your tougue (fingers).
Now over to the OP, there is no fixed time to stay on break dear. Whenever you two feel you are ready to reunite and sort out your issues the break will be over.

^^^I think the problem here is breaking the ice. Well, i dont believe Nigerian guys are different from other guys. I found the post somewhat discriminatory too, but i just wanted to let things flow. Maybe the poster has a point sha.

Cipriana:

Yes, we're both in the US but I wouldn't say we've adopted the "American mentality". We're still as Nigerian as can be but I can assure you that it had nothing to do with culture, money, or infidelity. I don't want to sound cliche but we are genuinely committed to each other. I don't think he'll run if I didn't talk to him but I'm not the pushy or clingy type of girls. I have brothers and guy friends and I know how they feel when a girl is clingy or pushy.

Lol, and thank you. I will stay away from those people you mentioned. I've seen their posts and threads before so I've learned to not take them seriously. Oh and you weren't putting my business out there. Like I said, all the advice I can get is appreciated.

Lol, I don't mind scratching anyone's back that's understandable. I know he's willing to mend the situation based on how our disagreement ended. There are certain things that he would have said that indicated if he wanted the relationship to come to an end. He didn't say any of those things so I know for sure that there is room for reconciliation. Well, I can't go into too much detail because I'm afraid it could jeopardize my identity but overall. But I will say this though, it wasn't one of those name calling/rude remarks kind of disagreements. We just a polite exchange of opinions on the relationship as a whole. Even when he was talking, I could tell that the conversation was hard from him. We don't fight or call each other names (aside from when we're just being playful with each other).

Its nothing trivial, I can assure you. Neither one of us quarrel over trivial things. We don't really have the time or patience for that. Well, he has patience for that kind of thing but trivial things aren't part of my personality. He usually deals with trivial things from other people, not me.

Now that you explained further and if you really want to make it work GO TO HIM. Mynd is right do not spend any more time APART from your man. Men period can't be away from their loved women for a long period time and often times think you are not interested so he will start to cause "wahala" and then it would be harder for you guys to communicate.

I know it should be the man that make the first move but this is a new era, make that move girl and get your man before SOMEBODY ELSE DO.

Blackteeth:

Uhm. . .  Who is that lady trying to generalize all Nigerian men to say we ain't the space giving type and the talk of being "in or out"? You berra watch your tougue (fingers).
Now over to the OP, there is no fixed time to stay on break dear. Whenever you two feel you are ready to reunite and sort out your issues the break will be over.

I'm the one that said it! 
And I stand by my words!
we know una, nor be this country we dey?

@lolaluv. Correction, it is your current and ex-guys you know and not Nigerian men.

Mrs, Chima:

Now that you explained further and if you really want to make it work GO TO HIM.  Mynd is right do not spend any more time APART from your man.  Men period can't be away from their loved women for a long period time and often times think you are not interested so he will start to cause "wahala" and then it would be harder for you guys to communicate.  

I know it should be the man that make the first move but this is a new era, make that move girl and get your man before SOMEBODY ELSE DO.  

Now that is speaking reality

Blackteeth:

@lolaluv. Correction, it is your current and ex-guys you know and not Nigerian men.

Tell her o jare

There are some Nigerian and other ethnicities of men that are clingy and protective.

well hope all the advice works out for you

Honestly there is nothing to advice here. The OP should know what to do by instinct. Lets move to a head cracking issue please.

Blackteeth:

@lolaluv. Correction, it is your current and ex-guys you know and not Nigerian men.

I know you guys here on NL too. I remember a certain thread where a girl talked about the fact that her boyfriend got married while 'they were taking a break' from their relationship.
Most of the guys blamed her on going on the break. Infact, insults rained heavily on her despite the fact that she was the aggrieved party. The evidence is all here.
I know why I made the statement.

@lolaluv. Why are you making it purely a male thing? Are you saying all the ladies are the spacing giving type who will never run away during the so called break period? Some ladies are guilty of this as well.
The fact that you read that thread doesn't mean ALL men aren't space giving.