Hi nairalanders,
I will like to table my case before y'all cos am in a terrible state of mind. I ve been in this dilemma for 3yrs now. There is this girl ve been trying to win her heart for over three yrs nw. When we first met we started off as friends, though I thought and was hopeful it culminates into a serious relationship, sincerely speaking, a perfect chemistry existed between us and Igot all ma hopes high. But when I finally made a move on her she rejcted me claiming she has a boyfriend. I was dumbfounded and found it difficult to tke that frm her, but later on I thought it wise to let her be. I actually thought I would be able to get her off mind within a short while but how wrong I was, I had to go back to her to mke her realise what am going through but she still insisted our relationship can't go beyond friendship. Later on I made up mind to move on with ma life and most of my friends advice me to go for anoda girl claiming that will be the only solution to get this girl off ma mind.I took to their advice. I thought I was through with this emotional trauma bt I was wrong, I discovered that inspite of the fact that am in relatonship with another girl and ve been avoidig her I still can't get her off my mind.There are so many things around me that reminds me of this girl, I just can't help it. For every moment I spent with ma present girl I keep thinking about the other girl eventhough ma present girl I can't say she is 90% if not 100% faithful to me, though there are certain traits she put up which I can't tolerate-she nags, too possesive and doesn't trust me. I tried calling of the relationship with ma present girl cos I realised I do not love her as much as I love the other girl and I made this known to her but she refused and claims we shld give it a try.
Just recently I met my dreamgirl again and I discovered she is still her usual self we had a hrt-hrt talk but she still maintain her stand on this issue.She evn told me she is in reationship presently, I believe thats enough to scare me away but I still can't let go. Now my present girl sems to have lost hope in the relationship cos she has come to realise how much I love this other girl. Now I'm totally confused cos I dnt know wat step to take either to win my dreamgril's heart or to get her off my mind.Now she doesnt even want to be friends with me probably because she realise I cant stand being just a friend, she doest call me anymore,no txt, smetimes doesnt pick ma calls.But what amazes me is that whenever I see her she seems to be happy to see me Getting her off my mind seems to be difficult for me probably because we live nearby, eventhough I dnt see her on daily basis. Its up to you nairalanders, I need advice fast! Cos dis girl is driving me nuts!

Wussy!

You may never get any good girl if you continue that way.

Firstly, you are diminishing your manly pride by wasting your energy on someone that had made it clear she can't love you. To her, you are second to somebody. As long as that somebody is there, you are a nobody! Get that fact into your head and it would begin to clear. She had started treating you like a leper now. Wait till she humiliate you before you know who is a "wussy"!

Secondly, your dream girl gave you 3 good years opportunity to show her why she should leave her man for you. All you did was advertising your emotional woes. You can still win her. And that is if you SHOW her that you are a better alternative to her lover. Or maybe you get the other guy off the way!
It is surprising that in a nation where hundred of thousands ladies cry out due to loneliness, you failed to realize NO WOMAN IS WORTH DYING FOR except she is yours already!
Thirdly, you did your present girlfriend a great dishonour. You proposed to a her and then told her you don't love her as much as someone who don't care if you existed. You can never find a woman who possesses 100% of the qualities you are looking for. That your dream girl would also have something you hate.

My advice:

save yourself from further humiliation, forget your dream girl! Even if you want her, the only way to get her is to forget her! Then concentrate on your girlfriend or better still, get another.
Make a show of your girl and let your dream girl see that you are happy.
Fake your happiness. Fake your love if you have none. Then instead of counting the negatives in your girl friend, count the positives.
Be firm. Be strong. Be a man. Don't ever go for a year playing "wussy" to any girl again. Three years is humiliating to a real man pride.

You can forget that dream girl if you could snap out of your dreamy state. Don't call her again. Don't visit her. Take control. Your mind would follow your resolution. It is up to you, not Nairaland users.

10x for ur advice, but I felt 3yrs is enuf for me to get her out of mind, sometimes I get scared that she has become more than an obsession but all the same I will try moving on with life.

You must make a firm commitment to forget her. Focus on your new gf and see if she has any good traits. Show her love. Tell her you hate a nagging gal and tell her to change. Be kind to her. Who knows she may turn a new leave. And if she remain a nuisance, write her off and flock with guys. Do anything to forget your old gal.

@poster the 2 of una no well at all na person send u, carry im pic go babalawo now, ahaha the girl na mamiwater

My brother I tire oh!

Olanajim said d truth, She gave u 3 good years 2 give her a good reason 2 leave her man 4 u and u FAILD!!
Y d hell r u Squirming lyk a baby now?? D Ball was in ur court long tym ago!
Now, even if she gree 4 u, u wuld b 2 engrossd in ur dreams 2 b a man! Shit!!! Callin her "Dreamgirl" and shit!!

Wake up man! Don't b a slacker and move on! U cant always win in ds lyf u kno,

@ola,tobaro
u guyz av said it all,
@lonelypal,
u shd learn hw to be in control as the man in charge.

Abi oh!

l am so sorry,l really feel for you,but try and get over her
l am sure with time you will find someone else who will reciprocate
your love