I like how you say what she SHE infected him with a STD and not what if HE has infected her with his voicemail LovePeddler

Orimili:

That's why I said ideally. It probably won't work that way, but at least she will know that she did right by telling him. You don't want a secret like that on your heart when you die.

Absolutely! She does not want a feeling like that haunting her for the rest of her life.  It's best to tell him, she's already feeling guilty and uneasy right now.

KarmaMod:

I like how you say what she SHE infected him with a STD and not what if HE has infected her with his voicemail LovePeddler

If you are trying to make me out to be sexist, it's not working. I am saying that that silence from both ends is not healthy at all. She is entertaining the idea of letting her partner know what happened, so let her be the one to break the silence. If he confesses first, then he confesses first.

Im not making you out as anything

Just goes to show women tend to have a conscience and men dont. Poor thing is going crazy for something her husband most likely has been doing for years.

The ultimate problem is that it boils down to who confesses first.  I doubt this man is going to confess; I don't think he has the heart. She's still very much interested in repairing the relationship with her husband.  She wants her husband's forgiveness and she wants to enjoy  mind-blowing sex with her husband.

puts HIM in a position to determine their fate.

Adultery?



Gross!!!


Y'all need to repent, believe the gospel and accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and Saviour and that is the only viable solution.

DeepZone:

Adultery?



                                                                     Gross!!!


Y'all need to repent, believe the gospel and accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and Saviour  and that is the only viable solution.

Yes, yes, but after which, you will still have this situation to deal with. Do you have any suggestions that are relevant to this particular problem? We can all sit here and act holier than thou, and feel good afterward, but at the end of the day, the physical problems still aren't solved.

Yes, yes, but after which, you will still have this situation to deal with. Do you have any suggestions that are relevant to this particular problem? We can all sit here and act holier than thou, and feel good afterward, but at the end of the day, the physical problems still aren't solved.

There is no limit as to what God can do. God is beyond problems and can fix a faltering marriage. Her issue sounds more spiritual than natural and I seriously think she's just looking for a placebo in nairaland because she'll definitely go back and sleep with her EX(if the guy is truly her EX) over and over again.

The inclusion of her philandering husband looks egregious and forged just to justify her infidelity. You can deceive and pull a cloak over everybody but you cannot deceive God and yourself.

Funmilayo

DeepZone:

There is no limit as to what God can do. God is beyond problems and can fix a faltering marriage. Her issue sounds more spiritual than natural and I seriously think she's just  looking for a placebo in nairaland  because she'll definitely go back and sleep with her EX(if the guy is truly her EX) over and over again.

The  inclusion of her philandering husband  looks egregious and forged just to justify her infidelity. You can deceive and pull a cloak over everybody but you cannot deceive God and yourself.

Funmilayo

Somewhat true, but I have always been taught that God helps those who help themselves. You can't simply repent and sit back and expect God to do all the work. There is no better way of being sincere with God than for her to repent, and still tell her husband the truth. I feel that is the only way. To rely on God simply to take care of such a problem would be taking advantage of him. I say she should still tell her husband the truth. She can repent now, but if she takes no action, she will just fall back into the same activities she was doing before.

i would love to know how many people offering advice are married? and from those that are married how many have cheated in thier marriage? I would also like to know how many have been cheated on in thier marriage? Addtionally I would like to know how many confessed this sin to thier spouses?

Just wondering

sistawoman:

i would love to know how many people offering advice are married? and from those that are married how many have cheated in their marriage? I would also like to know how many have been cheated on in their marriage? Addtionally I would like to know how many confessed this sin to their spouses?

Just wondering

whether we are married or not does not remove the fact that u're a disgraceful cheat.

davidylan:

whether we are married or not does not remove the fact that u're a disgraceful cheat.

I once cheated on my first husband and paid the price for that with my ex-bf whom i loved with all my heart. i can tell you thou that when my ex-bf confessed to me altou i finally took him back something died in me for him after that we were never the same.

sistawoman:

I once cheated on my first husband and paid the price for that with my ex-boyfriend whom i loved with all my heart. i can tell you thou that when my ex-boyfriend confessed to me altou i finally took him back something died in me for him after that we were never the same.

I guess you're suggesting they should then keep on sleeping with all manner of partners and keep mute so that that something doesn't die.
HIV may kill them before anything else dies

Queenisha:

I guess you're suggesting they should then keep on sleeping with all manner of partners and keep mute so that that something doesn't die.
HIV may kill them before anything else dies

No they should stop cheating but how fair is it to transfer your guilt and cause pain to someone you love just cuz you dont want to feel your guilt anymore?

They say the truth hurts.  But lies can hurt more.  This example is no different.  The more you lie the more you pile on the hurt.  You will never forgive yourself.

sistawoman:

No they should stop cheating but how fair is it to transfer your guilt and cause pain to someone you love just because you don't want to feel your guilt anymore?

It's not fair, but neither was cheating in the first place. There is a time in all this where people have to stop worrying about each others feelings and start being truthful. The relationship is only going to get worse if you don't confess. At least when you do, you can now focus on where the relationship went wrong, and work on trying to fix that.

sista is it that you cheated on your 1st husband OF 4 years or FOR 4 years?

Somewhat true, but I have always been taught that God helps those who help themselves. You can't simply repent and sit back and expect God to do all the work. There is no better way of being sincere with God than for her to repent, and still tell her husband the truth. I feel that is the only way. To rely on God simply to take care of such a problem would be taking advantage of him. I say she should still tell her husband the truth. She can repent now, but if she takes no action, she will just fall back into the same activities she was doing before.

I'm not particularly against confessing to her husband but it can be daisy. Why should she offer such information to him when he's not suspecting her? If she's truly penitent, she should hit the floor and ask god for forgiveness and get it over with but i suspect it's more than that because it sounds ludicrous that a married woman who painted a virgin picture of herself as a spinster will open her legs wider than 45 degrees angle because she wants to satisfy her sexual needs. What's this about "painful" sex with her husband? Why can't she talk it over with him and look for a solution as a couple?

Africa is not a place a woman can tell her husband that she cheated because he is cheating otherwise her load will be in her fathers house the next minute. Even her relatives will side the husband and treat her as a leper. That being said, she may wanna reconsider her rights et al.

I bet you, if she gives her husband an STD from her waka about, she'll be the first to accuse him of getting it from prostitutes. Either way, she's screwed and her only option now is Jesus.

Funmi detests adultery in it's entirety.

sistawoman:

No they should stop cheating but how fair is it to transfer your guilt and cause pain to someone you love just because you don't want to feel your guilt anymore?

In this particular case , however, the man is a more guilty party in the cheating game.
He'd better know how to handle the so called pain she may supposedly cause him.

Orimili:

It's not fair, but neither was cheating in the first place. There is a time in all this where people have to stop worrying about each others feelings and start being truthful. The relationship is only going to get worse if you don't confess. At least when you do, you can now focus on where the relationship went wrong, and work on trying to fix that.

You mean after the guy decides the relationship continues, right?  Cos that's the only way she's ever going to have dreams of ever trying to 'fix it'

No they should stop cheating but how fair is it to transfer your guilt and cause pain to someone you love just because you don't want to feel your guilt anymore?

So you are saying that men should zip it anytime they cheat on their wives even if their conscience is troubling them?

DeepZone:

What's this about "painful" sex with her husband? Why can't she talk it over with him and look for a solution as a couple?

Na that one me I wan know.
How come the husband"pains her" and the lover pleasures her
Is he XXXL ?

Do their conscience EVER trouble them?

Why else hasnt her husband mentioned his own sin.

DeepZone:

So you are saying that men should zip it anytime they cheat on their wives even if their conscience is troubling them?

Didn't you just say she should zip it because he's not suspecting her?

Africa is not a place a woman can tell her husband that she cheated because he is cheating otherwise her load will be in her fathers house the next minute. Even her relatives will side the husband and treat her as a leper. That being said, she may want to reconsider her rights et al.

That's why I advocate that the man will have to confess his own wakabout first, if not she'd better not say a thang.

KarmaMod:

Do their conscience EVER trouble them?

Why else hasnt her husband mentioned his own sin.

You can ask that question from now till tomorrow morning and never figure out the answer.  Why did she set out on a revengeful rampage thinking two wrongs will make a right?

Do their conscience EVER trouble them?

Why else hasnt her husband mentioned his own sin.

Whether her husband is guilty is another story because she sounds like a drowning person that is struggling so hard to pull another with her.

Men and women stop cheating! The world would be a far happier place if we werent led by our sexual desires.

HCH3COO:

You can ask that question from now till tomorrow morning and never figure out the answer.  Why did she set out on a revengeful rampage thinking two wrongs will make a right?

What effort is he making to have her enjoy intimate times with him?
Didn't you hear her say the man has a weapon of destruction ?
This girl is not made of wood,or is she?

I'm not excusing her cheating but clearly she's not getting it at home and it desn't look like he's concerned about that.
She cheated once (she says), it's only amatter of time and she'll have her undercover lover on a regular basis,he already has his.
na today?

Didn't you just say she should zip it because he's not suspecting her?

Didn't i also say that i'm not against confession as long as the physical and mental properties in her home remains ideal. Duh

DeepZone:

I'm not particularly against confessing to her husband but it can be daisy. Why should she offer such  information to him when he's not suspecting her? If she's truly penitent, she should hit the floor and ask god for forgiveness and get it over with but i suspect it's more than that because it sounds ludicrous that a married woman who painted a virgin picture of herself as a spinster will open her legs wider than 45 degrees angle because she wants to satisfy her sexual needs. What's this about "painful" sex with her husband? Why can't she talk it over with him and look for a solution as a couple?

Africa is not a place a woman can tell her husband that she cheated because he is cheating otherwise her load will be in her fathers house the next minute. Even her relatives will side the husband and treat her as a leper. That being said, she may want to reconsider her rights et al.

I bet you, if she gives her husband an STD from her waka about, she'll be the first to accuse him of getting it from prostitutes. Either way, she's screwed and her only option now is Jesus.

Funmi detests adultery in it's entirety.

I can see where this might become a problem. In this case, I think that I rather have her sent to her father's house with a clear conscience. It makes no sense to be in a relationship knowing your spouse is an unforgiving, unrepentant adulterer. However, you also said that God can do many things, so why can he not help this couple realize the error of their ways and repair their marriage?

Orimili:

I can see where this might become a problem. In this case, I think that I rather have her sent to her father's house with a clear conscience. It makes no sense to be in a relationship knowing your spouse is an unforgiving, unrepentant adulterer. However, you also said that God can do many things, so why can he not help this couple realize the error of their ways and repair their marriage?

Why can't we have constant electricity in Nigeria.
And roasted beef on every dinner table?