chi-baby:

Well maybe marriage is not there because of financial reasons or wateva they reason maybe. Dat sed, With marriage being the missing link, A man still cannot be fulfiled in my opinion. Marriage is powerful when entered into by two individuals who desired it. However dats lecture for anoda day.

P.s my opinion Mr b4 u ask anoda silly question  

you need blood tonic. . . .

all i am just trying to say is your theory of no fulfilment without being married does not really hold!
that they are unmarried does not mean they don't have a permanent girlfriend who has been  performing the role of a wife for years. . .it does not mean they don't have children by these girlfriends. the only missing link is the marriage ish of saying "i do"!
if every woman allows that, most men won't enter into marriage.

Moremi

i edited my post, hence your confusion.

The parts about money being important in a relationship were added later, in order to avoid arguments about the importance of money in relationships.

Anyway, my point is spending money on a girl, or having "fun", isnt necessarily what a relationship is about.

Marriage is hard work and a lot of people dont want to see it that way. You want a fairytale and cant accept such a paradise might not exist outside the tv screen.

coogar:

you need blood tonic. . . .

all i am just trying to say is your theory of no fulfilment without being married does not really hold!
that they are unmarried does not mean they don't have a permanent girlfriend who has been  performing the role of a wife for years. . .it does not mean they don't have children by these girlfriends. the only missing link is the marriage ish of saying "i do"!
if every woman allows that, most men won't enter into marriage.

Hey! I did say u cud have a long-term Rship where woman is playin the role of wife and wat-not but no marriage for sum reason, e.g finances. In ds circumstance, They are more or less a couple and all they need is God's blessings (Marriage).

The reasoning behind me saying a man cannot be fulfilled without a woman alongside him is the fact that a woman is the natural backbone for a man. U do knw without a backbone u cannot stand ryt?
2ndly, human beings are naturally built to be dependent on others. Hence why the saying 'Two heads are better than one'. A man jumping from one bed to another is more or less alone. No 2nd reasoning. The marriage part is my personal belief which I appreciate myt b different from urs

moremi2008 :
Spoken like a true golddigger!
Unfortunately, most of the "successful" women around me aren't Nigerian. Marrying a foreigner is a no-go for me

Spoken like a true close minded slowpoke. Well then. Die alone its not difficult.

davidylan link=topic=859170.msg10099627#msg10099627 date=1328126919:

hmm ok. What were you saying?

Hmmm ok what did you read?

[quote author= coogar link=topic=859170.msg10099627#msg10099627 date=1328126919]
are you successful? define successful

your right, our definitions of success will be different

Sagamite :
Was that a scientific/sociological research

Probably, if you need to dig deep to utilize common sense.
Again i say, success if different for each of us so I retract my last statement.

[/quote]

marriage is a game, we each play our part and accept the inevitable. i wouldn't say cuz i fear the nasty guys (like dayo, Saga and Harakiri) and then not marry. i tell you, if you find the right person, your song will be different. till then, keep spending your money on the pretty ones as they spend on you too, don't they? I'm sure they do  .

hope you are planning for Valentine. Don't stay lonesome on that day  

armyofone:

marriage is a game, we each play our part and accept the inevitable. i wouldn't say cuz i fear the nasty guys (like dayo, Saga and Harakiri) and then not marry. i tell you, if you find the right person, your song will be different. till then, keep spending your money on the pretty ones as they spend on you too, don't they? I'm sure they do .

hope you are planning for Valentine. Don't stay lonesome on that day

Would you come and stay with me for valentines day?

i like expensive Roses and expensive (real) black chocolate.

when you fit afford those, let me know

Sagamite: I think we both know where YOU stand on the issue of marriage so going back and forth is like going around in circles.
We share very different views on it. I suppose you're extremely wealthy and would love to keep YOUR money should things go wrong.
Good luck with that then

If se.x wasn't that free, all of you would be on your way to the jeweler's shop begging to buy a ring. Who would remember to ask 'Is marriage worth it'? lol.

armyofone:

i like expensive Roses and expensive (real) black chocolate.

when you fit afford those, let me know

Sure no problem, My chocolate lollypop is very black you would enjoy licking it

moremi2008:

Her list is tall and ridiculous. She wants a Yoruba woman but not one from Ijebu or anywhere in Ogun State.

What is this whole fuss of Ijebu people apart from their dialect and the old adage that they are said to be" thrifty spenders" which by the way seems to be actually dying out with the younger generation.Can someone enlighten me on this because I hear it a whole lot but I have come to a conclusion it has to do with more than just money and the dialect

still water you have said it all! absolutely hit the nail on the head-

Quote from: opribo on Yesterday at 10:32:38 AM

In my opinion, marriage nowadays is not worth it, it has lost its significance and meaning. A situation you call a woman your wife yet she goes about showing her Unclothedness to other men is that the sanctity of marriage. In every 5 marriages today at least four have been unfaithful to their spouses. At the end of the day marriage today has become money for stay, no money for go.

It is not even a matter of poverty because even the so called working class women are high on the infidelity list. the problem here now is that when these women cheat and get sick they carry their 'wahala' to the husband in the house he is the one to carry the headache.

So to answer to the poster if you can have children out their like Tuface all well and good and you bring them up to your taste and in the way of the Lord, get a nanny to handle that for you.

There are no more good women out there all of them are too materialistic, they lack the fear of God and they are worldly. Thay have sold their souls to the devil and therefore luring more and more men to hell just as Eve did to Adam. If you doubt me take a look at their dressing nowadays it is targeted to seduce any man. Some ladies today will just meet you on the road and the next thing they are in your bed without any qualms tell me are those not agents sent to destroy.

So now some unsuspecting guy will now go and marry them into the house after destroying their bodies with men who wont marry them, and these same women will have the guts to give you trouble even in your own home all in the name of marriage.
its just not worth it any more. Just have kids and move ahead, the women dont have any love in their hearts no more.

They are just after money, money  and more money.
It was never like this in the past, it has become very bad mow and dangerous. Guy beware of the modern day women out there.

stillwater:

If se.x wasn't that free, all of you would be on your way to the jeweler's shop begging to buy a ring. Who would remember to ask 'Is marriage worth it'? lol.

LOL,

Tell me women don't want sex .

So what is free about it.

naijababe:

^ I'm really curious as to why you are so darn worried about divorce, isn't that like setting yourself up for failure before even starting

ronkebp:

Why would you be thinking of divorce, even before tying the knot You are just a funny young man. Don't worry when you meet ''the one'' you think you cannot live without, you will see clearer.

SMH. These ladies are so typical. The sort of things they learn in pentecostal churches and 'fellowship': Optimism. Positivity, blah blah. . .and other such delusory and/or manipulative shenanigans. Lol. Skin-deep positivity.

Some of us value the ugly, cold reality much more than hare-brained, baseless 'optimism' and self-delusion. I'm sure the likes of Tiger Woods, Phil Collins, and very recently, Kobe Bryant foolishly went into marriage with zero thought of divorce, along with ultra-moronic amounts of positivity and optimism. What happened to these 'optimistic' guys afterwards? ? ?

Fact is, human beings (not just women) are mostly perverse and unpredictable. It is ALWAYS wise to presume them to be the devils they really are and take necessary precautions. . .rather than foolishly (in the name of 'positivity' and 'optimism') assume that they're nice and sweet by default. . . . only for them to deal with you so ruthlessly when your guards are down. We learnt from experience, primary and secondary experience.

Any one entering into marriage with a supposedly 'modern' woman (yea right), would be an i.d.i.o.t of exemplary proportions not to acknowledge and prepare for the possibility of divorce. If it were our grandmothers whose orientation was that of marital permanence and absolute endurance no matter what, then of course fine. But these supposedly 'enlightened' wo(e)men (*clears throat*) of nowadays that are fickle and materialistic? Divorce is a reality that a sensible man MUST anticipate and take necessary measures to protect his interests against.

^^^^^^^^ no need for ;long talk, you, marry today and divorce tomorrow, nobody will ask you any question,  nobody is asking Koby Bryant, Tiger woods and the rest why they are divorced today, at least it is not for the fear of spending their ''hard earned'' money with their wives.


Marraige is supposed to be forever, but definitely not at all cost (especially when it involves life), if you are wife beater, you would be dumped, if you are a serial cheat, trust me, your arse is alreday dumped, if you are lazy, , that one has it's own answer already, now if you go to the village and pick a wife, she might manage your excesses , if you refuse to shape up then it pays to remain single, you cannot wish for a wife like beyonce and expect a village mentality in her brains.

Freesia:

What is this whole fuss of Ijebu people apart from their dialect and the old adage that they are said to be" thrifty spenders" which by the way seems to be actually dying out with the younger generation.Can someone enlighten me on this because I hear it a whole lot but I have come to a conclusion it has to do with more than just money and the dialect

Funny, I asked my grandma the same question! The Ijebu people are not feared for their "thrifty spending". They are feared because they used to be really wicked slave catchers and traders (that's where the Ijebu kingdom made a lot of its money) and they have a reputation for strong fetish practices.

I am afraid that I sort-of agree with those fears. I have seen Ijebu ladies display and they aren't easy oh (my uncle married two of them! Ojigbijibi! That house is hot like fire! One of them just ran mad two years ago and the other one's very old children are unmarried and jobless) If you must marry one, you will need to go spend a month on a holy mountain in preparation!

Abeg let's not derail the thread with Ijebu people stories.

ronkebp:

^^^^^^^^ no need for ;long talk, you, marry today and divorce tomorrow, nobody will ask you any question, nobody is asking Koby Bryant, Tiger woods and the rest why they are divorced today, at least it is not for the fear of spending their ''hard earned'' money with their wives.


Marraige is supposed to be forever, but definitely not at all cost (especially when it involves life), if you are wife beater, you would be dumped, if you are a serial cheat, trust me, your arse is alreday dumped, if you are lazy, , that one has it's own answer already, now if you go to the village and pick a wife, she might manage your excesses , if you refuse to shape up then it pays to remain single, you cannot wish for a wife like beyonce and expect a village mentality in her brains.

Lol. Typical. If a man is a 'wife-beater', then I expect that the woman should leave the very first day she is 'wife-beaten', not wait and pretend to endure just to have a larger share of his self-made fortune. Same applies for cheating. If you hate cheating so much, file for divorce the very first time he cheats; don't wait 10 years so you'll get half of his wealth. The one that I don't quite understand is 'Lazy'. Women tend to categorize every broke or struggling man as 'lazy', regardless of how hard he actually tries: I've obseved this severally, and it is a universal fact. If you knew he was 'lazy', why marry him in the first place? Oh, I get it, he wasn't broke lazy when you married him, he just became 'lazy' along the line when things started going awry with his work/business. Smh.

In any case, you'll need to become more realistic and quit all these funky 'fellowship' mindset of shallow optimism. Part of being realistic is KNOWING that any young and successful man that does a random woman a favour by marrying her SHALL most likely have another woman/women. Ignoring this fact ab initio, only to later use it as an alibi to seek divorce (in order to reach for a chunk of his self-made wealth) is serpentine and deceitful to say the least. If you know you hate cheating husbands, reduce the odds by avoiding the sort of dashing/successful young man that you KNOW you can't have alone for the rest of your life. Anything else is pure deceit.

emmatok:

LOL,

Tell me women don't want sex .
So what is free about it.

By the natural order of things men are the predators, most likely to chase the woman. However, this is not even a matter of who wants se.x here but who is capable of staying off it. And of course it's the woman. So don't even argue, lol.

you (and many guys on this topic) are suffering from "too many options" syndrome. I mean what else could inspire such a topic as this?

pro01:

Lol. Typical. If a man is a 'wife-beater', then I expect that the woman should leave the very first day she is 'wife-beaten', not wait and pretend to endure just to have a larger share of his self-made fortune. Same applies for cheating. If you hate cheating so much, file for divorce the very first time he cheats; don't wait 10 years so you'll get half of his wealth. The one that I don't quite understand is 'Lazy'. Women tend to categorize every broke or struggling man as 'lazy', regardless of how hard he actually tries: I've obseved this severally, and it is a universal fact. If you knew he was 'lazy', why marry him in the first place? Oh, I get it, he wasn't broke lazy when you married him, he just became 'lazy' along the line when things started going awry with his work/business. Smh.

In any case, you'll need to become more realistic and quit all these funky 'fellowship' mindset of shallow optimism. Part of being realistic is KNOWING that any young and successful man that does a random woman a favour by marrying her SHALL most likely have another woman/women. Ignoring this fact ab initio, only to later use it as an alibi to seek divorce (in order to reach for a chunk of his self-made wealth) is serpentine and deceitful to say the least. If you know you hate cheating husbands, reduce the odds by avoiding the sort of dashing/successful young man that you KNOW you can't have alone for the rest of your life. Anything else is pure deceit.

There is a difference between having a 'potentia'l and not working on that potential, having a vision without a mission is equal to laziness (not in all cases though), we have so many men that build castles in the air, and do not have what it takes to back-up their mindsets of ''building castles in the air'', hence, the laziness thingy.

Now!!!! you do a woman a favour by marrying her?? you guys must be allowing boxers to wear you all, it is a thing of pride even if you as man wed a woman appropriately and not ''chickenly'' put a woman in the house.

What yardstick do you use in measuring your 'realism'', thank God for the ''funky fellowship mindset'' we have, at least we know what we go by, what is so realistic about what you have been saying??Any man that has the balls to marry a wife should be ready to part ways with some of his ''hard earned'' money, if you cannot, as in parting is already giving you typhoid, stay out of the circle.

Todays Naija woman especially those in the West do not have the capacity to love. Their hearts are stone cold even though they maintain an outer mien of spirituality.

You are better being permanently single than signing your own death warrant by mistakingly marrying these heartless animals.

Marriage is an everlasting handcuff so you have to be careful who you shackle yourself with (if at all).

Don't expect to find true love from a westernised Naija woman because they do not understand the word.

They try to copy the oyinbo woman except when it comes to genuine love.

What can you expect from a breed that base their choice of a man on what they perceive that he has or does not have.

The minute love moves to the realms of "No romance with no finance" then it is no longer love but greed.

If you want to wreck yourself as a man then make the mistake of marrying from the large pool of mentally unstable westernised naija babes and sign your own death warrant.

hell no am not marrying any girl now.  women are naturally selfish in my own opinion, and will compare you to all the others including your friends.  it would take a special girl to hold me down, even my chinko wan marry  . i will have the most fun as i can. i notice the less you

give with ladies the more you get .  if i do get married, i would make sure i keep in contact with as many female friends who may be

married or single.  a fall guy is one that actually believes that women want guys to be respectul, monogamous, and ever so present to their

needs, i tell u they are done for "she has seen him finish".  if women know wanted they wanted themselves lesbians wouldn't be spliting,  dont get me wrong they can be most pleasant, until they get into their heads your the right one

Marriage is a coming together of two souls MORE than money or possessions.  When Steve Jobs passed on he was not thinking of his money but of his wife, children and family.  His money would not mourn or remember him - nor would chasing women for conquests earn you any pleasant memories - trust me I have been there.

Young men please spend time becoming a DECENT MAN, then you can also attract a decent woman.  Money and possessions will be the last thing on your mind when you meet a compatible woman.

This thread is sad - it reveals the state of affairs in the world not just Nigeria. Good women meet bad men and Good men meet bad women! Creating overall distrust on all sides real shame.

that laziness thing is really getting overflogged by women. A guy is struggling to make ends meet but because of things outside his control, he isnt bringing enough to the table and then you dump/divorce him (your husband). with this alone, I should be agreeing with Moremi and Sagamite.

for me sha, marriage is not by force but i must get married. i also choose to stay with my village mentality about marriage. roll with the sophisticated chicks, marry the rustic but career-oriented chick. and surely get married in naija. cant remember Nigerian laws but it is like 200 naira per month you provide rite

and trust me, there are girls who would stay with their husbands till death do us part. i know a couple and these are the girls I would be marrying. they understand the institution of marriage (something the sophisticated, overseas resident girls dont understand but yet want guys to go into). Cheating/ infidelity is not an excuse for divorce. and some of these girls even have the looks to match so guys (Sagamite, Moremi), just come back to naija to do your wedding at least.

naijababe:

  at comments here

@ Pro01, you can't be much of a player if you can't differentiate between se.x and companionship. Even players eventually tire of playing at so point and want more than casual sex.

True that!

I am not (nor ever been) a player , but nowadays, very very very few women enthuse me.

naijababe:

Sagamu, u berra turn all these money that's turned you loco into beds and mattresses and whatever the delicacy in Sagamu is so you eat as much of it as you want and sleep on the rest.

See this woman o.

Which money? I have used my penkere savings to order 500 bags of Ijebu garri that I have stored to last me a lifetime and I need to protect it from any women that wants half in divorce.

naijababe:

As if successful women don't have to worry about deadbeats and moochers ?! And since y'all like to liken yourselves to celebrities so much, wasn't it Eric Benet who asked for alimony from Halle Berry simply because she adopted his daughter from his first marriage?! Shio!!!

The Exceptions.

Lets not deceive ourselves that these laws were not created to unjustly benefit women. Most cases are men.

chi-baby:

Well then how will u be fulfilled if ur dealing with women who jus wanna hump on it for a nyt and dats it?
In dat scenario, u do not hve a woman 'along side' u. Notice I sed a woman not women

That is why I corrected you. Women, not woman.

If you mean men need interaction with a woman to be fulfilled. Biologically you are right but an unmarried man can have it with multiple women. They can change women at will and end things when it is no longer the best for them.

If you mean men need marriage to be fulfilled. That is utter bollocks. How many married men are fulfilled or even more fulfilled than unmarried men this days. They are divorcing in droves.

It is normally women that need marriage to be fulfilled because they biologically want company, protection, provision for their offspring and emotional security.

queensmith:

Probably, if you need to dig deep to utilize common sense.
Again i say, success if different for each of us so I retract my last statement.

You retract it? So you finally found some common sense?

armyofone:

marriage is a game, we each play our part and accept the inevitable. i wouldn't say cuz i fear the nasty guys (like dayo, Saga and Harakiri) and then not marry. i tell you, if you find the right person, your song will be different. till then, keep spending your money on the pretty ones as they spend on you too, don't they? I'm sure they do  .

hope you are planning for Valentine. Don't stay lonesome on that day  

Come on.

You know I am the shitzo. 

You know if you knew me in real life, you will want to husbandy me.

chika98:

Sagamite: I think we both know where YOU stand on the issue of marriage so going back and forth is like going around in circles.
We share very different views on it. I suppose you're extremely wealthy and would love to keep YOUR money should things go wrong.
Good luck with that then

Extreme wealthy?

No.

But I will be effing rich in future, baaaby. So I need to make it clear it is all down to my ability and not some lunatic assumptions of a court.

pro01:

SMH. These ladies are so typical. The sort of things they learn in pentecostal churches and 'fellowship': Optimism. Positivity, blah blah. . .and other such delusory and/or manipulative shenanigans. Lol. Skin-deep positivity.

Some of us value the ugly, cold reality much more than hare-brained, baseless 'optimism' and self-delusion. I'm sure the likes of Tiger Woods, Phil Collins, and very recently, Kobe Bryant foolishly went into marriage with zero thought of divorce, along with ultra-moronic amounts of positivity and optimism. What happened to these 'optimistic' guys afterwards? ? ?

Fact is, human beings (not just women) are mostly perverse and unpredictable. It is ALWAYS wise to presume them to be the devils they really are and take necessary precautions. . .rather than foolishly (in the name of 'positivity' and 'optimism') assume that they're nice and sweet by default. . . . only for them to deal with you so ruthlessly when your guards are down. We learnt from experience, primary and secondary experience.

Any one entering into marriage with a supposedly 'modern' woman (yea right), would be an i.d.i.o.t of exemplary proportions not to acknowledge and prepare for the possibility of divorce. If it were our grandmothers whose orientation was that of marital permanence and absolute endurance no matter what, then of course fine. But these supposedly 'enlightened'  wo(e)men (*clears throat*) of nowadays that are fickle and materialistic? Divorce is a reality that a sensible man MUST anticipate and take necessary measures to protect his interests against.

Nelly (Saga remix): He's right you know. Heeee's fcking right!

ronkebp:

^^^^^^^^ no need for ;long talk, you, marry today and divorce tomorrow, nobody will ask you any question,  nobody is asking Koby Bryant, Tiger woods and the rest why they are divorced today, at least it is not for the fear of spending their ''hard earned'' money with their wives.


Marraige is supposed to be forever, but definitely not at all cost (especially when it involves life), if you are wife beater, you would be dumped, if you are a serial cheat, trust me, your arse is alreday dumped, if you are lazy,  , that one has it's own answer already, now if you go to the village and pick a wife, she might manage your excesses , if you refuse to shape up then it pays to remain single, you cannot wish for a wife like beyonce and expect a village mentality in her brains.

You know you can stay single and have Beyonce. And when you get bored of her, you can move on to Kelly Rowland. Then Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose, Chessika Cartwright, Rihanna so on and so forth.

monex:

for me sha, marriage is not by force but i must get married. i also choose to stay with my village mentality about marriage. roll with the sophisticated chicks, marry the rustic but career-oriented chick. and surely get married in naija. cant remember Nigerian laws but it is like 200 naira per month you provide rite

I don't think such figures in itself is reasonable (assuming it includes child maintenance). I have no problem taking care of my kids. I even have no problem taking care of an ex-wife (most especially if she sacrifices) it should just be reasonable. I even have no problem being generous to her. I just feel any extras should be on my terms not some crazy, stewpid legal illogicality.

^^ on the basis that our definitions of success will be different yes.

on the point of you asking me whether 'succesful' people will be surrounded by men and women of thier kind. . . . . . really? i mean really? seriously?

queensmith:

^^ on the basis that our definitions of success will be different yes.

on the point of you asking me whether 'succesful' people will be surrounded by men and women of thier kind. . . . . . really? i mean really? seriously?

Your 'scientific' conclusion seems to conclude all successful men date (or are surrounded by only) successful women.

Now use common sense to evaluate that conclusion and how you arrived at it.

freecocoa:

Moremi and co,ya'll should go and make money and then get married,forget all these long talks joor.

Why?

i dont know what your reading, I do conclude succesful people (in my definition) will be surrounded by like.

Its probably easier for you to believe millionaires only know tramps, of course, since it will give you an excuse to live a lonely pathetic life pretending its due to there being no succesful women.

you can go and dig through journals to further justify this delusion and present them to whomever asks you why your soo lonely and pathetic.