Why Does This Always Happen To Me? - Romance - Nairaland
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| Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 5:10am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Ok, so I was at the salon getting my hair done, and the owner of the salon's son (he's maybe 14) had just come in from school. Out of nowhere he came up to the chair I was sitting in, and began to strike up a conversation with me. I thought nothing of it as he was just telling me about his day at school, and how he was in big trouble because of something he had done, and that it was a long story. I gave him a little advice, because he said he was having trouble at school, and that some people didn't like him. He told me he wanted everyone to like him. I told him that that was never going to happen and to just be himself. It was totally innocent on my part. His mother was at the sink washing a clients head, listening to the conversation the whole time. I thought he was a charming young man. I meant no harm, but then his mother yelled at him to sit down,saying that he talked to much and that he would talk my ear off. Finally, by the time it was time for me to go, the little boy opened the door for me, but he only opened it part way, so that I would have no choice but to brush against him. Again I was not thinking anything of it. A business associate came into the salon, and the salon owner and he were talking business. He comes up to my chair and says hello. I say hello back. Then he says weren't you going to ask me how I was doing? I said I was just about to, actually. Then he said no you weren't. because you really dont want to know how i doing anyhow. I again told him, you are beating around the bush, either tell me or dont tell me. He promptly complimented me and said I was very smart. I expressed to him that I also wanted to own my own business one day, and he gave me very good advice. Once again I thought nothing of it. But then it occured to me: More than anything, i seem to attract older men and young boys only. Im so confused!!!! I dont want a child, neither do i want a man older than me. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. And this is not the first time this has happened. my 15 year old next door neighbor harrassed me, and bombarded me with love letters until finally I had to tell his mother. Another instance at work, one of my co-workers who is much older than me brought me flowers. Which I thought was highly inappropriate. I guess the bottom line is, how can i begin to attract guys my own age? |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by Dyt(f): 5:16am On Feb 12, 2012 |
oh my dis s one of funiest piece v read eva damn laughin real hard sm1 pls stop me well well nottin wrong in dat, u gd lookin n every1 wants 2 compliment, dont loose up, hold ur head high, u v a gd hrt dat ur age s nt sn |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 5:50am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Dyt: im serious. I never seem to attract guys my age (i.e. early 20's) they always say i act too "old" many cant handle my maturity but there has got to be one out there who appreciates me for ME. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by amuukwu1(m): 6:10am On Feb 12, 2012 |
:oHow old are you? Do you look dress/dress like a sugar mummy?  |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by Nobody: 6:12am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Maybe you wear skimpies |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by InkedNerd(f): 6:57am On Feb 12, 2012 |
OP: I don't necessarily see this as a problem. I think overall, you're probably a charming person hence the reason why these people seem to pay so much attention to you. If you want, you could try to hang around places that have men who are within your age range or go places with your girlfriends [if you have any] that involve things that people your age generally like. In groups, that can be quite helpful. If I may ask, these older men that hit on you, about how old are they and how old are you? |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by Scash(f): 7:04am On Feb 12, 2012 |
lolz. . . Theres nothin u can do except the obvious. Watch d way u dress and try to act a little less old. Mature is perfect, but actin old is terrible. Some guys are scared of matured women cos dey r yet to b matured demselves, so u just av to be patient and hold on a little longer. . . Am sure u'r not yet up to 24, d wworld is still in ur hands. Cheers! |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 8:00am On Feb 12, 2012 |
amu ukwu: im 22 going on 23 and whatever a sugar mummy is, i sure in heck dont look like one!!!!! here is moi, http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa184/essential_tee/46479_1582819732440_1294123992_31607069_2477123_n.jpg http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa184/essential_tee/100508-032034.jpg http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa184/essential_tee/101003-013038.jpg http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa184/essential_tee/07-04-07_1507.jpg it's not a matter of how i look, but i dont know what to do, as far as dressing like a heaux, thats not me. and random sex isn't either. and men like 30 and up try to talk to me. and i dont want to be in bed with someone who feels like my daddy. they know more about life, and i dont want them to use what they know thanks to them being on this earth longer than me, to take advantage of me. that's why i dont like older men. I dont like young boys for obvious reasons. Im not trying to go to jail. but lord some of these 16 and 17 year olds look good. now those i cant wait until they turn 18. but even then i still probably wouldn't want them because i am on a whole other level than them. *sad face* and then when it comes to guys my age i get really shy. I dont know how to approach them. they always talk about the latest parties and going out to drink and act silly and smoke mary jane. but i dont do any of these things. Plus, there was a guy i kinda liked at church, but the church elders told me to stay away from him. and because of the person I am, I know that obedience is better than the sacrafice, so i did as they said and left him alone. How is one to meet a god fearing young man around my age? not necessarily for romance, but to just hang out and chill. thankyou for the advice so far. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by InkedNerd(f): 8:30am On Feb 12, 2012 |
TisaBone: If you don't mind me asking, what was it about him that made them say that you needed to stay away from him? |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 8:37am On Feb 12, 2012 |
i have no clue why they told me to stay away from him. but my best guess is that they know something about him that i dont. three people warned me about him. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by Nobody: 8:51am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Hmm |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by OgidiOlu3(m): 8:57am On Feb 12, 2012 |
TisaBone: TisaBone:Did u say u're mature? I'm not sure about that cos u 'sound' more like the 'yes mummy' type. U didnt even bother to ask them why. If u continue like dis, u might end up dating an infant or my grandfather  |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 9:06am On Feb 12, 2012 |
i am too scared to ask why. i dont even want to know why. what does it matter? besides, for years, i never listened to anything that anyone told me, not realizing that they were telling me for my own good. i ended up suffering because of my disobedience, and my disregard for advice. Many lessons i had to learn the hard way. The world disciplined me. So now, if i know that someone is telling me the right thing, i will listen., i can distinguish between wrong advice and right advice. I just dont wish to repeat the same mistakes two and three and four times. I've had enough of that in my life. I just want to do the right thing. and if they are telling me to stay away from him, that's what i will do. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by InkedNerd(f): 9:36am On Feb 12, 2012 |
TisaBone: TisaBone: Honestly, it would be in your favor to at least inquire as to why they'd want you to stay away from him. Ogidi-Olu is right. if you do continue just doing as your told without even questioning such things, you may actually end up someone younger or older than you or perhaps with no one at all. I remember a woman came on Nairaland talking about how she wanted a family and children but because she listened to her pastor, at some point in time she had reached an age where she could no longer bear children. Her pastor kept telling her to ignore the men that came her way and that she needed to wait till God found her the "right man". Well, she waited and sadly she never did find the "right" man and was no longer able to produce children. If I am not mistaken, when she addressed the issue with her pastor, he just made light of the whole thing as though it didn't matter. If you're indeed a mature young woman of 23, then as a 23 year old, you need to learn to make decidions for yourself. Part of being an adult is being able to differenciate what is good and bad for you. Suppose there was nothing wrong with this fella you were eying? Suppose they wanted you to stay away because of their persona bias? I'm not saying that your should just go and get involved with a guy who is no good just so you can be rebellious but your at least owe it to yourself to make inquiries. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by OgidiOlu3(m): 9:49am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Inked_Nerd:On point!  |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 10:05am On Feb 12, 2012 |
yea i understand where you are coming from inked nerd. actually i told my aunt about the situation, and she said to me, he cant be all that bad if he is going to church, that means that he is seeking god. I mean sometimes during sermons, he dances around, and i think its funny to be honest. he knows what he's doing, because he looked back at me one time. I mean after all, I might be in my early 20's but I'm still a kid in a lot of ways. I remember the first time I saw him, and I thought how handsome he was. He is way taller than me, which I like alot because im 5'11. I went up to him and told him I could tell that he was running the streets and maybe doing things that he shouldn't. He started laughing and told me that i was spot on. I told him that just because that he was doing the wrong thing didn't mean that he couldn't turn himself around, because really, i saw something so beautiful in him. As we began to talk, he grabbed my hands in both of his, and held my hands so gently and made me feel comfortable, something about it felt so right. then after our conversation he gave me a big hug. afterwards, a woman interrupts our conversation and said he comes to church and talks to all the pretty ladies. seriously, you dont want to talk to him. she said this right in front of his face. and as she was saying this, i was thinking to me, there are no pretty ladies in this church. but anyways, im going to pray on this. im not exactly on the market for a man, and im not really looking. im a firm believer that everything happens in its own time. so if its meant to be it will happen, also, was it inappropriate for him and I to hold hands? I didn't think so, but one of my church elders said that i needed to "slow down" |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by OgidiOlu3(m): 10:17am On Feb 12, 2012 |
^^^@Tisa. Dat's d problem with 'church love'. Any slight show of romance is regarded as a sin. Everyone won't mind their fvckin business, even d preacher will turn to ur security camera. But be carefull with him sha, he might just b in church 4 d gals. I knw cos i do sometimes. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 10:30am On Feb 12, 2012 |
i highly doubt that he is in church looking for a girl. he was a member of that church way before i joined. and there are no cute girls there besides me. any how if its meant to be, then everything will fall into place. the thing that made me feel guilty was when i was told to "slow down" I mean i am trying so hard to be a born again Christian. I am preparing myself to not have sex before marriage by fasting. I figure that if I don't eat for a couple of days and deny myself food, then that will prepare me for denying myself sex, which I have enjoyed in the past. so he wouldn't be getting any booty anyways. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by InkedNerd(f): 10:38am On Feb 12, 2012 |
TisaBone: Hahaha @ the pretty ladies part. So all the girls in your church are ugly lol? I understand what you mean about them telling you to stay away. Ultimately it up to you to decide. I can see why they'd warn you about him. Maybe he is indeed indeed in church just to pick up women, maybe he's not. Only he knows. I personally don't know that manner that he held your hand so only you can really determine if it was inappropriate for you two to have been holding hands as you were. Based on what you said, it seems that they're looking out for your best interests but I'm sure your mature enough to do what is right for you, regardless of this situation or the guy. All I can saw is to weigh your options when faced with certain situations and think about what the consequences of certain actions can be. With time, it'll all be clear to you. By the way, that thing that your aunt said about him not being all that bad if he is going to church and that it means that he is seeking God may not necessarily be true. Time and time again, we always hear of people within various religious institutions who commit acts that would ordinarily be deemed as inappropriate within their religious setting. Just be careful and take your time when getting to know such people and decision making. Though I may not know you personally, I trust that you will make the right choices for yourself. Ogidi-Olu: lol na wa for you, its amusing when I hear people who talk about church boys and girls as though they can do no harm. I've seen Nigerian girls who say they want a God fearing man or someone who isn't interested in them just for sex and they become quite alarmed when they find out that these church boys aren't as innocent as they might appear. It's like the Muslim girls at my school. Often times I overhear people talking about the Muslim girls as though they're really quiet and innocent but when I see them in the school's library with their boyfriends or on the train, they're all over each other. I can't help and laugh at times when people make such assumptions. Chei, you wouldn't believe the sort of derogatory sëxual names I've heard some of the Muslim girls call one another TisaBone: lmao, that's if the lack of food doesn't kill you Him being a member for a long time doesn't mean he's not fishing for some äss [not that I'm saying you should or shouldn't stay away from him] |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by MrsChima1(f): 10:40am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Some of the biggest hoes are in church. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by OgidiOlu3(m): 10:49am On Feb 12, 2012 |
I find this amusing Do u think fasting suppresses urges or fights temptation? Wu told u all this things? |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by OgidiOlu3(m): 11:00am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Mrs, Chima:Seconded! @Inky. Wu said church members are as holy as they appear |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by InkedNerd(f): 11:04am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Ogidi-Olu: I never said that that is what I believe. I said that that is what some other people think/believe. People I have seen and know share that common belief, regardless of their religious background. Irrespective to what I have observed, I personally do not share those views nor have I ever believed it. I have always been aware that people do not always practice what they preach. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by doeeyed: 11:13am On Feb 12, 2012 |
@Tisabone, Simply reiterating some of the above comments. Try to hang about with girls n guys ur age. I strongly suspect, you might find them ( behavior, conversation, mindsets) boring. In the area of love, don't be prescriptive: enjoy the moments n life in general wt the one u love. You are mature enough to know that age is simply a number. You get wt a 30+ man, enjoy. Don't fret about the age difference except you two simply are not compatible. Relax, chill n embrace life. Last word on the church chap, having been warned by not 1 but 3 pple and noticing certain untoward issues, thread down that path very carefully if u must. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 11:17am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Ogidi-Olu: no one told me about fasting. it is something i decided to do for myself after reading the bible. I just really want to be as close to God as possible and not of the world. In the past I have made horrible choices in life and in men and I WILL NOT make the same mistakes. Although I am disappointed, because the longest I have been able to fast was for two days, then I got sick. so next time im going to have to have some sort of nourishment like slim fast, in order to meet my goal of three days without food. I am trying to live a certain lifestyle. Christianity is not a cloak you can take on and off. All aspects of your life must be changed. And the most important thing is adhering to the doctrines of God and not Being Intimate until marriage. Then once I get married THEN I will be able to do all the freaky things that I want to my husband, because everything is sacred in the marriage bed. Also, I will know for sure that the man loves me if he is willing to wait for me. I always gravitate toward the hood dudes and the drug dealers boys. but they never mean me any good and I only end up being the "good girl" I'm done with treating men who dont deserve that special treatment, and giving the my all. My African sisters, you are not the only women who are getting mistreated, mind, body, and soul. Im sick and tired and have been drained dry. I dont hate men, nor am i bitter, but i also know that i need time away from men to clear my head, and think on what it is that i truly want from a man, and what i am willing to put up with and what i wont accept.And most important of all, I need to put God first. old dude at church fits the bill. so really im glad that they told me to stay away. and thats why i listened. I am not a 'yes mummy' girl. but a wise man/woman is able to listen to instruction.I'm so glad that I caught myself, with the help of people that are looking out for me. What feels good to you is not always good for you. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by OgidiOlu3(m): 11:20am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Inked_Nerd:Well, u know wat they say; do as i say, dont do as i do! |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by InkedNerd(f): 11:25am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Ogidi-Olu: lol yes TisaBone: Sista no vex, but this sounds like a Naija version of Eat, Pray, Love I'm really not trying to make fun of your but that was the first thing that came to mind when you I saw your response. I think you'll be fine though. Although I don't necessarily share the same sentiments with religion, its nice that you want to become a better person. With time hopefully you'll find whatever it is that you're seeking spiritually. We all have different methods of creating a wholesome self so good luck on this journey of yours |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by OgidiOlu3(m): 11:43am On Feb 12, 2012 |
@Tisa. U fasted 4 two days and u became sick. Now u want to fast 4 three? Are u trying to win a 'fast competition' within u? If u die fasting, dat's suicide and it's a sin! Go to religion section to gain more exposure 'spiritual-wise'. PS. Pls make ur posts shorter cos reading all these 'essays' make me drowsy. |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by InkedNerd(f): 11:48am On Feb 12, 2012 |
Ogidi-Olu: Don't be surprised if some encourage the fast though she mentions she's become seick before  |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 12:14pm On Feb 12, 2012 |
Ogidi-Olu: its not a "fast competition" i sincerely want to do what it is that i say to myself that i will do.I pride myself on meeting goals that i set for myself. how else can i ever get through not making love until marriage. I have accepted the fact that it could many years before I am wed. as far as me dying while fasting, i highly doubt that, especially since from now on i will take some sort of supplement for the duration of the fast. Also, when you fast, you experience a spiritual awakening. Revelations and epiphanies are received;doors and passage ways are open to you, You discover alternative approaches to living your life, thus you gain better understanding of YOU. What I desire most is to fall in love with someone's mind. then the heart follows.Once we have wed, then and only then, will our love be consummated. We will "express love" there is no such thing as making love. The love should already be there to begin with. Sex is sacred and should be treated as such. It is not merely an amorous activity, but a meeting of two spirits, that intertwine, that join, that become one. Once he has "put a ring on it", then and only then, will I permit myself to experience the complete ecstasy that is the joining of man and woman. and believe you me, my husband won't be disappointed. I can't wait to be his little freak. oh, and by the way, I post in the religion section "religiously" |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by OgidiOlu3(m): 1:33pm On Feb 12, 2012 |
TisaBone:What else can i say? U've already found d solution to ur problem. I wish u the best of luck in ur 'search and spirituality' and btw, u're nt Nigerian, are u? |
| Re: Why Does This Always Happen To Me? by TisaBone: 1:50pm On Feb 12, 2012 |
no, i'm AA. but i have had an interest in African Culture since I was a child. my grandfather would tell me stories about his gullah friend. they live islands off the coast of the carolinas. he told me that he spoke geechee. which is very similar to many African languages. the Gullah have also retained a lot of the traditional ways from the motherland. what made you ask? |
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