My marriage lasted for five yrs nd we hve two kids together. I left him cos of unreconcileable differences. I am a gradute of mass comm. But teaching due to lack of job. My marriage hit the rock finally, cos i dont love him again due to humiliation he made me to pass thru nd we re no longer intimate. I quietly left the house nd am staying in my bros house. How do i make him to cater for his children cos he said he will only cater for them in his house not outside the house but I am not happy in his house.

You took your kids,his kids and left. . .You should care for them! Dude,obviously still wants you.

What did he do that made you leave?Have you thought of forgiving him(if hes truly repentant and apologized)

Where you guys properly married?You can pursue a legal divorce which i doubt he'd give you anyway,if you want him to contribute to the kids upkeep.

Long story short,the guy wants you back,think about that.

take him to court, thats if you guys are legally married

We only did our traditional marriage. U talk of forgiveness, i have done that so many times, whn he gave me black eyes, whn he asked the cousin to beat me, whn he pushed us out nd brout another girl. Now he is still cheating. I am only happy whnever he is not at home. Dont ask me abt the parents cos no one talks to him.

If he's such a deadbeat that he won't support his children willingly, go to court and have support ordered.

My dear you have tried, report to social welfare you will be both invited to a meeting, based on his income he will be asked to provide a fair amount for your care and that of the kids if you were legally married, but since you are only traditionally married, only the kids will be entitled to support. Social welfare is in the local Government secretariate

Marriage don't just crash! Ur husband wld nt just wake up one morning to beat u.

Ask urself this question,
Wat changed in my marriage?
Why do u think he behaves to u d way he does now.

D issue of cheating has a root cause. Find it.
Human being tend to seek for happiness in things we do. As long as u dont give him dat happiness, he turns to cheating which he believes
Would make him happy. These things are done unconsciously!

So make good use of the break to ponder over the good tymes and bad times. Wat actually made the bad times BAD and wat made the good times GOOD.
Build on the thing dat made it good.

My advice,
Please go back to ur husband. Try to not to do things dat wld make u get beaten.
U can have a heart to heart talk but do not challenge him, nag e.t.c.
Do things dat wld make him happy. Forget about the cheating for now. A man wld stop cheating, only wen he decides. U can't forcefully stop him!

Men tend to do more for their wives wen they are happy!

And don't forget to pray!

Good luck!

there are support to laws obliging a man 2 cater for his children after d dissolution of a marriage. but as u know here in nigeria we just have institutions dat r disfunctional. i recommend u visitin a lawyer friend and get more info pertaining to family law and child welfare. maybe u could possibly slam him wit something dat could possibly move him to attend 2 his responsibilities.

@OP,try the social welfare as debrief suggested.or go to the customary court for proper divorce(if that is what u want).If you are in lagos,you can also try the 'office of the public defender'

Naijaklef: Marriage don't just crash! Ur husband wld nt just wake up one morning to beat u.

Ask urself this question,
Wat changed in my marriage?
Why do u think he behaves to u d way he does now.

D issue of cheating has a root cause. Find it.
Human being tend to seek for happiness in things we do. As long as u dont give him dat happiness, he turns to cheating which he believes
Would make him happy. These things are done unconsciously!

So make good use of the break to ponder over the good tymes and bad times. Wat actually made the bad times BAD and wat made the good times GOOD.
Build on the thing dat made it good.

My advice,
Please go back to ur husband. Try to not to do things dat wld make u get beaten.
U can have a heart to heart talk but do not challenge him, nag e.t.c.
Do things dat wld make him happy. Forget about the cheating for now. A man wld stop cheating, only wen he decides. U can't forcefully stop him!

Men tend to do more for their wives wen they are happy!

And don't forget to pray!

Good luck!

Dumbest advise, ever. May your own man beat you blue black, may he ask his OWN cousin to pounce on you and panel beat you.

A man that his parents don't talk to.See your mouth like a man will not just wake up in the morning and begin to hit his wife, is there ever an excuse(whether the person woke up at 11pm or 3pm) to hit a woman? Don't let me catch you writing this bull crap again. Ode Oshi

NOTHING or NO ONE can force a man to pay for his children welfare, if he doesnt want to. that man can simply stop working and there is NOTHING anyone can do about it. how can a man with no money pay for anything?!

@OP
instead of looking for ways to blackmail this man into doing something he already said he wont do, why dont you find a way to make it on your own and care for your own self/kids? i am sure you had a PLAN before you moved out of his house, right? so follow your plan and stop looking back for handouts from him.

if you were strong enough to move out then you should be equally strong enough to care for yourself..........if you aint, then LET THE KIDS LIVE WITH THEIR FATHER UNTIL YOU CAN CARE FOR YOUR OWN SELF!

If the kids are old enough why not let them live with the spouse who has the resources to take care of them instead of making them suffer.

If you are in Nigeria its very difficult to get cos after you carry him to court, you would still end up begging him

I disagree DK, Women are required by the Law to stay with the kids in custody arrangements till the kids are 7 years. The women who do not get money for support are the ones who do not want to or who do not seek legal redress (extremem cases) or in this cases social welfare. Poster, dont let anyone discourage you before you try, go there and you will be given a fair amount as support, he will be required to pay, believe me the social welfare officals have a way to handle Men who try to be sturborn.
Naijaklef I wont bother responding, yes Men get up and beat their wives, abusive spouses are not in anyway to be blamed for being abused, some people have problem managing thier anger, some have low self esteem and some just need to exercise power, this goes for both men and women who abuse their partners. Have you not been reading cases of husbands and wives killing thier spouses recently? When there is abuse in a relationship its best to leave. That is all, no one does anything to deserve being beaten

At debrief i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ nigeria Τ̲̅ђe law Ȋ̝̊̅§ that ɑ̤̈̊ woman Ȋ̝̊̅§ entitled †☺ custody of Τ̲̅ђe child subject †☺ Τ̲̅ђe father's visitation rights. However if she Ȋ̝̊̅§ unfit or unable †☺ provide Τ̲̅ђe care then Τ̲̅ђe father gets custody.
Also social welfare doesn't work. She needs †☺ go †☺ court under Τ̲̅ђe child rights law of lagos state. Τ̲̅ђe court will appoint an assessor aπϑ also lay down Τ̲̅ђe rules for Τ̲̅ђe child's wwelfare.

I agree to some extent. Social welfare is the first step if he objects then she goes to court. When you go to court they will ask you if you have visited the Soical welfare office to try to amicably reach a consensus. I agree with you to some extent sha, my knowledge of family law is rusty. But the law esp family law does work in Nigeria, I am a witnesss, can be slow but works. Just that so many people prefer family settllement and cant be patient enough to see the case through

@Juton,

I dont support beating and abuse of spouse.
Howeva, u need to realise dat a every problem has a root cause. Until u find the root cause and try to get a solution.
Nothing would change.
U can't force him to pay for welfare even if u arrest and jail him. This is Nigeria except you are outside nigeria.
u need to look at "practicable" solutions!!!




@Jennykadry,
Honestly, we have had her own side of the story but we have not heard his...
Jumping to conclusion makes me think that you are nothing but a FOOL!

Well Naijakef, please try to get on the wrong side of the law even in Nigeria where the law may not seem to work and answer that question. Why will a man refuse to support his own kids.
When I divorced even without kids i got a very very huge settlement here in Nigeria, a house and 2 cars, plus regular upkeep, I was the one who walked away from it all as he had option but to pay or go to jail for contempt of court. I just wanted to show myself that I could fight him and win, I wasnt interested in the money or anything from him, but her case is different, she has kids who need care and money.
As for whatever defence he has for beating her that is between him and his God, the aim of this thread is to find out how she can get child support.

@debrief,
I Understand.
All i'm saying is there are many ways to archieve the same result.
However, I'm after archieving the best result ...Not only how she can get child support.

Everyone's Opinion is right. It just our perspective that differs.

When has it become okay to hit a woman? Which kain yeye, hear his side of the story will justify a man hitting a woman?

Let me not catch you and that your mentally expired self typing that bull crap again on this forum,DO YOU HEAR ME?

Ewu ocha

@jennykadry,
I got beat u ooooooo!
Na 20 women i beat for lagos,30 kano,50 maiduguri even i beat 40 boko haram wives!

if i catch you... i go give u boko haram beating.

So Ujutonia, u finally left your husband? Why did you change your username?

^^for personal/ private reasons and thats if its truly ujutonia and I think We Should all respect that including you blank

Yes oh Jenny, we should respect that. Naijakef I agree, but yours is not necessarily the best solution oh. She asked a specific question and we aree answering based on that. If tmr she opens another and asks how to stay with an abusive man then be free to offer her that advice

If you don't live in a civil country your going to find it difficult to make him pay.
However if you trust your husband you might find it a better option to leave the children with him while you get yourself together. He is obviously trying to spite you, you should call his bluff. He will bring them to you immediately begging you with money.
Don't allow your children to suffer because the marriage has failed, they may be better off in his care for a short time.

queensmith: If you don't live in a civil country your going to find it difficult to make him pay.
However if you trust your husband you might find it a better option to leave the children with him while you get yourself together. He is obviously trying to spite you, you should call his bluff. He will bring them to you immediately begging you with money.
Don't allow your children to suffer because the marriage has failed, they may be better off in his care for a short time.

For the first time in a long while I agree with queensmith

Honestly I didnt expect this response from you.

That is the most logical thing said on this topic.

Since Nigeria doesnt have well laid down laws that can get money out of the guy, We dont file taxes properly so if the man isnt in office job its difficult to know how much he makes.

By the time you go to court, go to welfare, drag back and forth, The children go don suffer wella

And one thing I hate in cases like this is that its the innocent kids who didnt beg to be born that would suffer when consenting adults who decided to force them to the world

well how else can one have it in Nigeria? So long as he isn't an alcoholic I don't see why he can't care for them. She can always add more cash and get a maid to keep an eye on them. Or she can visit every other day to make sure the kids are doing fine.

She will have more time to sort herself out so it's better all round. She can even start dating again if she's ready.

Besides the man is bluffing, he's a fool no doubt but what can one do?



OP pls do not follow this advice it's terrible!

Pipo for don beat the man tire for yonder!!!! nonsense wife beater, and for those saying that the man should keep the kids, so that he can be beating the kids and shovelling them to one corner because their mother left. Nope!!! i don't support that, let the mother and kids drink gari together they will survive.

lol now you've put it that way you might be right, @op, does your husband beat the children too?

In that case follow Ronkes advice ooooo dont let him kill your children for you.

DK and Queensmith, please have you tried using any family court or social welfare and have failed? Yes In Nigeria, I am talking as someone who has used the courts personally and who has refered 100s who have had their matters resolved, Nigeria is bad yes but somethings still work abeg. If ypu have a personal experience say so else let the woman try. The girls should stay with him so we can come and read threads like "father impregnants daughters, says she tempted him" a man who beats his wife and calls relatives to beat her is a sane man to be trusted with girl kids abi?

jennykadry: ^^for personal/ private reasons and thats if its truly ujutonia and I think We Should all respect that including you blank

My question was not directed at you.

ronkebp: Pipo for don beat the man tire for yonder!!!! nonsense wife beater, and for those saying that the man should keep the kids, so that he can be beating the kids and shovelling them to one corner because their mother left. Nope!!! i don't support that, let the mother and kids drink gari together they will survive.

So the mother cant beat the child? Or the mothers new Boyfriend cant be molesting them?

She came here to complain that she cant take care of the child alone and you are insisting the kids should suffer with her? So its better for her to keep the kids, malnourish them with garri, Send them to public no good sch, or maybe send them to go hawk in the street

JUST TO PROVE A POINT??

I WONDER WHAT the motive of women are when getting married, Is it just to use the man as a sperm and get a child just to prove they are not barren or make the child succesful in life?