I can only speak on an unmarried relationship.
Instead of sexing together, you both pray together and sometimes study the bible together.
Other than that, it's like any other fun relationship between 2 people.
If God is kept the focus in such a relationship, the 2 would not conform to sin.

This is the sort of relationship I try to establish nowadays. Ones that pull me spiritually up & not down.
Unfortunately women too like sex and can only form for so long.

@ op, i think this thread is really a nice one, cos most times when i visit this site most thread i find really shows the rate of our moral degradation, with threads like this, it helps strengthen NL morals.

[color=#000099][/color]my candid opinion to fellow NL:
for partners who truly have the fear of God in them, i think it takes
1 setting moral standards before entering any relationship and strict adherence.
2 Trying to do it with God's help by praying to him to help you and trying to have control over our feelings.

though i must tell you it is really difficult in the world we are in now but is still possible.
Atleast i know i can use myself as an example;
before i entered my last relationship, i almost got raped by a friend but got saved miraculously and decided not to have pre-marital sex,
so when i entered my last relationship,we both set our standards,thou as humans we had the urge to cross the line but with God on our side and because of the fear of God we tried to keep ourself. thou we are not together now but i know he still respects me 4 that fact and i too do for the self control he exhibited as a man.

sensitive topic...though majority will end up committing more sins by not telling the truth but lies...remember, every little lie is a SIN!

this is a very beautiful topic as it challenges al christians that wat to do God's ll. i m currently in a relationship n it is not easy @ al. this yr made it 6yrs together. when we started, we were both not serious christians so u can imagine. along d line, we got closer to God n sex was stil a challenge. however, i noticed that it wasn't fun like before! at a time d Holy Spirit convicted me n i suddenly felt extremely dirty that i was really to end d relationship but my cousin adviced me (he's a pastor), al this happened immediately after my university. we went for service (our states was very near to each other) n stil fell once in a while but it was not as interestin as b4 n d feelin after is rock bottom! now after service, he has come to visit me about 3x at home (my parents) but nothing happened. when he comes around, we don't really feel turned on, instead we talk n go out. it is really not easy but it is worth it. one can approach God witout fear or a guilty conscience. though i ve never visited him at his place alone, i know that God ll c us thru.

Nashville: I am shocked to notice no one has shared any experiences so I will share mine. I dated my girlfriend for 2 years before getting married six years ago. One advice I will give christains dating is that do not date for too long before getting married else temptation will set in. We dated for two years and in fact if we dated much longer we may have succumbed to tempptation.

We met in college even though we were just friends and we started dating in 2003 after having good fun at a friend's party. We had both been born-again for about 8 years before then and we had laid down strict rules that we will wait till we get married. She was just 23 when we started dating and still a V. I was a lil experienced (lol).

To cut the long story short, we spent a lot of time going out with friends, parties, travelling abroad together (we did not stay together though). We will each stay with our own friend/family and go out together till very late but generally avoided spending the night together.
I tried to be as romantic as an African man could, sending her poems during the day, sending flowers to her office and buying lots of gifts: cloths, phones, jewelry.. I was a manager in a big four consulting firm in 9ja so I had some money. We did a lot of movies too and eat out at all the nice restaurants all-over Lagos and went for several concerts together.

Did we ever want to have sex? Yes we did and that is why I advice courtship should not be too long. We kissed several times hugged and smooched and the longer we dated the more we explored. I am just being truthful. We would pray together and commit our relationship and future marriage to God and we were very open to each other.

My point is you can be a Christain and have a God-lead romantic and enjoyable courtship where you do not have sex. We had soo much fun together doing lots of stuff. Be focused, prayerful and tell God exactly what you want. The Bible says you need to put your body under submission. You need to be dead to sin and the flesh. If you can do that b4 marriage it will be much easier after marriage because at least you are now getting it!

Hope this helps somebody

beautiful bro and thanks so much for sharing. I was once in a relationship like yours for about 2 yrs and to be honest it did include intimacy at one point. I will be honest and say that when God says "thou shalt not fornicate", it is not because He hates us but because He knows the end from the begining. Including intimacy particularly for 2 people who know at the back of their minds that what they are into is plain wrong can be devastating to the health of any relationship. Needless to say it crashed. I will say my only relationships that i truly enjoyed where those that involved little or no physical contact. Its amazing how much you can learn about your partner just by doing things you enjoy together without the needless sexual tension between you both.

Nashville: I am shocked to notice no one has shared any experiences so I will share mine. I dated my girlfriend for 2 years before getting married six years ago. One advice I will give christains dating is that do not date for too long before getting married else temptation will set in. We dated for two years and in fact if we dated much longer we may have succumbed to tempptation.

We met in college even though we were just friends and we started dating in 2003 after having good fun at a friend's party. We had both been born-again for about 8 years before then and we had laid down strict rules that we will wait till we get married. She was just 23 when we started dating and still a V. I was a lil experienced (lol).

To cut the long story short, we spent a lot of time going out with friends, parties, travelling abroad together (we did not stay together though). We will each stay with our own friend/family and go out together till very late but generally avoided spending the night together.
I tried to be as romantic as an African man could, sending her poems during the day, sending flowers to her office and buying lots of gifts: cloths, phones, jewelry.. I was a manager in a big four consulting firm in 9ja so I had some money. We did a lot of movies too and eat out at all the nice restaurants all-over Lagos and went for several concerts together.

Did we ever want to have sex? Yes we did and that is why I advice courtship should not be too long. We kissed several times hugged and smooched and the longer we dated the more we explored. I am just being truthful. We would pray together and commit our relationship and future marriage to God and we were very open to each other.

My point is you can be a Christain and have a God-lead romantic and enjoyable courtship where you do not have sex. We had soo much fun together doing lots of stuff. Be focused, prayerful and tell God exactly what you want. The Bible says you need to put your body under submission. You need to be dead to sin and the flesh. If you can do that b4 marriage it will be much easier after marriage because at least you are now getting it!

Hope this helps somebody

beautiful bro and thanks so much for sharing. I was once in a relationship like yours for about 2 yrs and to be honest it did include intimacy at one point. I will be honest and say that when God says "thou shalt not fornicate", it is not because He hates us but because He knows the end from the begining. Including intimacy particularly for 2 people who know at the back of their minds that what they are into is plain wrong can be devastating to the health of any relationship. Needless to say it crashed. I will say my only relationships that i truly enjoyed where those that involved little or no physical contact. Its amazing how much you can learn about your partner just by doing things you enjoy together without the needless sexual tension between you both.

Last time I tried, I failed woefully as we went too far, too fast. The fact her faith wasn’t as strong as mine didn’t help matters.

Now, I find myself surrounded by darkness, at times I feel snuffing out the light within will make it easier to live in a world that seems lost. Still I don’t, as experience has taught me all this is real. Hearing other people’s views will definitely help strengthen my resolve.

It all starts with self discipline and the need to establish rules that would bound the relationship. In my present relationship, when I met her and knew she was virgin, I had to let low because I felt since I have someone who has kept herself there is a need to also do same.
What we do when we meet was to go outdoors and hang out, get to know each other better, discuss the various things we did after our last meeting and that really helped understand who the other person was, discussed our challenges and many more. Sometimes, we choose to go visit people together or we could stay indoor watching movies and we try restrict the movies we watch.
However, of late, I heard my colleagues in the Graduate Lab where I work who are mostly Americans and some other Europeans discussing me saying they think I am gay because I do not participate in all the social events they have together and I laughed. I laughed because they feel everyone should act the way they do. They claim anti - social people are gays and I laughed because the thought that came to my head is you guys don't know where I am coming from and neither do you have an idea where I am going. I am much older than they are as most of them are in their early 20s who never have a quarter of the experience I had growing up as such, the best they can do is to sit down and keep thinking with their bias.
So in conclusion, I would advise you set the rules from the beginning but not until after you are sure what are stands are about pre - marital sex.

where

I tried a God-Centred relationship while in d university with Bible studies and social interactions as basis. I had to go dat way because she was apparently a core christian. I know and can interprete d Bible more but she is sincerely more a xtian dan me,pple attest to dat. To be concise,she was a virgin. Two yrs into d relationship I attempted to kiss her and folks,Quess wat she asked. Why haven't I kissed her all along,why do I hav to wait till den. She was pissed,that she has been burning wt desire and had waited all d while for my touch. Dat changed my view on Sexless relationship.

hmmmnnn. . . M

Friends, I am just coming because I just saw this. Here is my experience.

I courted my wife for seven (7) years & disvirgined her on our wedding night. She schooled outside of Lagos but ofcourse, she came every time she had holiday. These are what helped us.

1. GOD Himself
2. We MADE our minds NOT TO compromise & PRAYED about it.
3. We FASTED together even with thousands of miles between us. I usually wrote & initiated time & duration of the fasts; mainly crying for God to help us stay chaste. Whenever she was around, we prayed & studied together.
4. We DELIBERATELY DID NOT stay in compromising situations. I had my own two-bed-room flat then where we could do anything we wanted BUT we NEVER once got close as kissing.

Is she a beautiful lady? Without comparing, seriously, she looks exactly or even more beautiful than Ini Edo, all round.

Today, I am truly truly GRATEFUL TO GOD for helping us not soil the blessings we share today years ago. We will be 13 years in marriage this july & have 4 sweet children (2 boys/2 girls). Have we had any challenges since marriage? TONS & God helped us through...but we would have been blown apart if we compromised.

THERE ARE rewards for staying chaste in relationships & it is possible. The SWEETEST kind of courtship can not be verbalized....It is called PASSION & PURITY.

Its encouraging to here things like this especially for some of us who have vowed to go this path of honour. For me it hasn't been easy since am relating with a very beautiful lady. My relationship has grown from mere friendship to somethings that aims at a happy ending. We'v known each other for 4yrs now and so far no Sex. To succeed in this line, one has to state his/her stand from d outset but make d decision a personal one otherwise u may be disappointed by either ur partner or d society. As long as we are not married, I will be glad if she sticks to our agreement but if she cheats on me its still her life and she will bear d consequences of her actions; it can't make me disappoint God. Am learning alot here.

love is self-control. Control those urges while single, when you are married you and your spouse can enjoy it. Though I have never been into a relationship, I have "programmed" my mind on "no sex before marriage". Once you have made this a boundary that you will not cross, it will help when one starts a relationship.

All you people are doing is unnecessarily torturing yourselves. why exactly are you not having sex with your girlfriends ? who told you not to ? it is only a sin if you dont intend to keep her as a wife. sex is marriage to God. so sleeping with your girlfriend is not fornication. fornication is when you sleep with her and leave her without keeping her as your spouse

@OP

Its not so easy. I dated a lady who was a virgin and a "super spiri koko" sister. I felt, finally, I can go abt my biz and not get bothered abt intimacy and it'll be super easy to stick to d "no rockin d boat" rule, Guys, I was super wrong.

She pressed for sex! Its that plain and simple. And she's d type that wld do anytin to get what she wants: u just must give. She'll mount pressure so much u'll almost choke. I wasn't a virgin anyway and gave in after some time. And she wld call for it regularly as if it pure water.

We broke up anyway and not cos of d sex tin, cos some of u already raised ur sledge hammer.

We broke up cos of her mouth: "she'll say anytin abt u to anybody"

Staying away from sex in a relationship is not that easy, especially if its bein pushed by just 1partner, its a mutual effort. "Can 2 work except they agree?"

By d way, I've dated a lady b4 and there weren't any sex. I tot I was doin great till I later discovered she had someone who does d "regular maintenance" I refused to do. We broke up eventually on that ground.

So, d no sex tin is a double edged sword and not as easy as some say. It requires extra discipline on both sides.

May God help us

bigl: @OP

Its not so easy. I dated a lady who was a virgin and a "super spiri koko" sister. I felt, finally, I can go abt my biz and not get bothered abt intimacy and it'll be super easy to stick to d "no rockin d boat" rule, Guys, I was super wrong.

She pressed for sex! Its that plain and simple. And she's d type that wld do anytin to get what she wants: u just must give. She'll mount pressure so much u'll almost choke. I wasn't a virgin anyway and gave in after some time. And she wld call for it regularly as if it pure water.

We broke up anyway and not cos of d sex tin, cos some of u already raised ur sledge hammer.

We broke up cos of her mouth: "she'll say anytin abt u to anybody"

Staying away from sex in a relationship is not that easy, especially if its bein pushed by just 1partner, its a mutual effort. "Can 2 work except they agree?"

By d way, I've dated a lady b4 and there weren't any sex. I tot I was doin great till I later discovered she had someone who does d "regular maintenance" I refused to do. We broke up eventually on that ground.

So, d no sex tin is a double edged sword and not as easy as some say. It requires extra discipline on both sides.

May God help us

Finally, a truthful post! Only if more christians were open like you! Unlike some hypocrites claiming to be chaste here

kwabet: I tried a God-Centred relationship while in d university with Bible studies and social interactions as basis. I had to go dat way because she was apparently a core christian. I know and can interprete d Bible more but she is sincerely more a xtian dan me,pple attest to dat. To be concise,she was a virgin. Two yrs into d relationship I attempted to kiss her and folks,Quess wat she asked. Why haven't I kissed her all along,why do I hav to wait till den. She was pissed,that she has been burning wt desire and had waited all d while for my touch. Dat changed my view on Sexless relationship.

@kwabet: I concur. I've seen both sides of dis sex or no sex tin. 1 tin though, what works for A might not work for B. David in d bible was said to be "a man after God's heart" yet, he's also after his pricks wishes. I think, u shld make ur decisions whether u want to obey God in that area or not.

From observation over time, I think most boys/girls become aware of sex at a very tender age. Or why wld a virgin, and a sister of God be expecting d bros to come "poke", huh?

coolguy2002: where

In the US.

logicboy:

Finally, a truthful post! Only if more christians were open like you! Unlike some hypocrites claiming to be chaste here

Must you exhibit your lack of respect and hate for christians this much? I thought you reason to logic but I actually doubt it because if you truly do, you wouldn't keep ranting as you have been doing to people's post on here.

@Logicboy, what we share here is in the presence of the Lord. He is able to make it possible for whoever wants a chaste courtship. I am HAPPY I DID

GboyegaD:

Must you exhibit your lack of respect and hate for christians this much? I thought you reason to logic but I actually doubt it because if you truly do, you wouldn't keep ranting as you have been doing to people's post on here.

Clearly, I respect truthful christians and dislike self-righteous hypocrites

Fellywood: @Logicboy, what we share here is in the presence of the Lord. He is able to make it possible for whoever wants a chaste courtship. I am HAPPY I DID

Good for you!

buzugee: All you people are doing is unnecessarily torturing yourselves. why exactly are you not having sex with your girlfriends ? who told you not to ? it is only a sin if you dont intend to keep her as a wife. sex is marriage to God. so sleeping with your girlfriend is not fornication. fornication is when you sleep with her and leave her without keeping her as your spouse

My goodness,no offence intended but what kind of demonically ignorant logic is this?!

By d way, how many married couples can boldly come out standin and tell us "no touchin"? None @ all

Out of 100, maybe 5 or less.

U're not expected to kiss @ all not to talk of handle. And I'm being realistic.

If u do any of those, tell me what u're thinkin in ur mind while doin it.

Helloooo, anyone?

@Bigl, did you read my testimony? It is ONLY God who helps a willing person & HE DID for me

logicboy:

Clearly, I respect truthful christians and dislike self-righteous hypocrites

I can see that ur pained that it's not every one is a sex addict and sees it as normal. Who are u to determine who is telling d truth and who is not. If I spent 4 yrs in d university without sex, will I not be able to spend 3yrs outside it wtout sex? My dear, God knows we are humans when He called it sin and am sure ur not more Logical than God.u may continue to doubt it cos u'v not known that POWER that keeps.

Without HIM we can do nothing! It takes God and strong determination. Nice thread!

logicboy:

Clearly, I respect truthful christians and dislike self-righteous hypocrites

So what make you think those who were able to lead a godly relationship are self hypocrites?

bigl: By d way, how many married couples can boldly come out standin and tell us "no touchin"? None @ all

Out of 100, maybe 5 or less.

U're not expected to kiss @ all not to talk of handle. And I'm being realistic.

If u do any of those, tell me what u're thinkin in ur mind while doin it.

Helloooo, anyone?

So sorry to disappoint you but I know many would. That in your case that it isn't so and also for most of the people doesn't mean some others did not.

Learning a lot.this is coming at the right time because I was beginning †☺ get fed up of nl romance section and all its lewd comments.

Alumnus: I can see that ur pained that it's not every one is a sex addict and sees it as normal. Who are u to determine who is telling d truth and who is not. If I spent 4 yrs in d university without sex, will I not be able to spend 3yrs outside it wtout sex? My dear, God knows we are humans when He called it sin and am sure ur not more Logical than God.u may continue to doubt it cos u'v not known that POWER that keeps.

That's where you fail. You think that because I am an atheist, I'm a sex addict? I am a virgin (although I do a lot of touching)!

So many christians lie about their sexual activities that I doubt most of them when they claim to be chaste. I personally caught a christian borther watching gay porn. See how he was begging me not to tell anyone