This thread amuses me

at the risk of saying what has already been said, nigerians abroad must not necessarily nigerians, so i guess that answers this topic adequately. However the tendency to do so it absolutely there. Why? Because our culture trains us to be respectful to our elders, to our husbands, to our wives, and to know our place in a family. both nuclear and extended - with the extended family being very very important.

The originator of this thread has already stated his parents allowed him to marry an american already. and yet he is single again, An igbo proverb says, "the fly that has no one to advice him, goes after the corpse, and is buried along unwittingly" and a fly who has no one to advise him is as good as one who choses not to listen to advice,
so they are not against him marrying from any other culture, they just want their son to be happy, and get married to someone, and still have a happy stable family after 15 years, If they can be convinced a girl from another culture will do that, then they wont stand in his way. - but the girl must be convincing,

@Ayeisha. People grow more narrow-minded in their beliefs as they grow older - from every culture. Obviously, you didnt do your homework, and thus didnt help matters by greeting your boyfriend's mother "hello", and you compounded the issue even further by greeting the dad likewise, in nigeria, we dont greet our elders "hello". If i tried that, i'd get the cold shoulder, and scorn from the other elders/grown-ups, Even seniority among siblings is observed - in some families, And you dont call people by their first names if they are older than you, its brother x, or aunt y, or uncle a. You should be greeting his mum "Good morning, Ma" and his dad "Good morning, Sir". Believe me it makes a huge difference!

Secondly, your attitude around his parents will decide if they will be pleased with you or not, If the mother goes to prepare a meal, and u sit with the guy and gist, well, what will they think of you? you should be in the kitchen with her peeling onions, or washing the tomatoes, or the very least, asking what you can do to help her (and dont take no for an answer). If she insists you not help her, you can take a broom and sweep the kitchen or just stay and gist with her, Whats the point going to stay with the guy when it will only generate a bad impression? you can be with him all you want when his parents are not there,

And the mother is the most important to win over - cos when she is usually the only one who can change her husbands mind!

And, of course, no swear words in front of the parents, lol. not even a whisper of an exclamation!!!

y do nigerians prefer nigerians? i might even add to that, y do nigerian guys prefer girls much younger than themselves? Cos a ship cant have two captains, ! Who prefers anarchy and headaches and stress, to a peaceful evenings rest in the company and delights of a good wife? and so a younger wife usually has knows when to be respectful, when to be humble, when to be obedient. when to listen, and not shout/nag back. Ladies, dont mistake me, respect is reciprocal, In actual fact, wives control the family (husband included) - if not sooner, then later, but the husband gives the wife this hidden privilige, usually only after she has earned it!

And most important of all, nigerians on the average work on their marriage (with the aid of their extended family) when things start to turn sour, and not give up without a giving it a shot, and leaving vulnerable and traumatically damaged children, divorce is simply not our thing, In our culture, marriage is not a trivial thing, as it is elsewhere, it is also a union of two families! each with its new responsibilities towards the other. We usually dont think of divorce, and if we do, we do so with abhorence, invoking it only if absolutely necessary. If you're not going to be happy with your wife, why marry her and drag kids into it? If you're not sure how the marriage will turn out, why jump into it? marriage is a sacred thingy,
Personally, i've dated older people, and discovered the nigerian blood in me doesnt like being kicked/ordered around or spanked (even if playfully) by a wife as if i were a younger sibling to her, I've dated white girls, and as friends/girlfriends, they're wonderful people, but when things got serious, arguments abound, and cultural differences show up, Truthfully, if you love the girl, and prepared to take any shit from her for the sake of love, then you certainly have no problems, But very few nigerians put up with shit from anybody!

Some of the things i have said are traditional, and nigerians in diaspora are more open-minded, but you'd really be surprised how few really,

That said, you can always chose to go against the advice of parents, and get married, but remenber that older people have the wisdom of retrospect, and the younger ones retain the fallacy of experience, So only go against the parents wishes when you are absolutely certain that if things dont work out, you'll be happy with 2-3 years with your spouse, and maybe (but not necesarilly) a broken marriage with kids involved, instead of a lifetime union,

All i've said are from my own myopic personal observations, lol, and of course, may not always apply. But my mum is white, and my dad is nigerian, so i should have an inkling, i think, And my parents have faced the option of divorce a couple of times, but each time, the other party called in some uncles/aunts to plead/argue/negotiate/intercede on their behalf, and today, in their old age, they are still very happily married, and interdependent. (Little hint - my mum made my aunts to coach and advise her on how to handle my dad AND his family)

bottom line? If you choose to go to rome, you would do well to do as the romans do, I havent met any nigerian, from whatever tribe, who doesnt cherish good manners, and all too many who refuse to take your side cos you disrespectully called your elder cousin by his first name "Kelechi" instead of "ndaa kelechi" or "dee Kelechi".
I fell in love with a yourba girl, and to please her parents (and her!) i had to learn the yourba greetings to show them i was serious, and i had learn (however uncomfortable it was, and still is to me) to dobale (lie on the floor with my christmas cloths sometimes) for them whenever i went visiting her parents, ! (saying "hello" to them would have been suicide and highly disrespectul because of their culture, and i wouldnt even dare to try that!) Every parent wants a wife for their son who will take care of their son well, If you really like a nigerian guy/girl, bear foremost in mind, ur not marrying just the person, but his family, so you should be out not only to impress him/her, but also his parents, uncles, siblings,

I dated an american girl once who broke the relationship cos her parent told her that "my family is not compatible with her family", so its not only nigerians, you see,

If you're not nigerian, and want to marry a nigerian, well then get a primer on the nigerian culture (specifically his tribe's culture), ! from your fiance's friends if necessary. But dont you present yourself as a person without manners, unless you dont really care

my abbreviated 2-cents!!!