There is this man that I am extremely interested in. I respected him, because he was able to bring himself out of the gutter, and free himself from the bondage of crime and jail and has become a successful businessman. He has a lot of ambition and drive, which I love , as well as this magnetic power emanating from him. The attraction was definitely mutual.

I went by his shop, and we talked for maybe an hour about many things. He knows that I am a Christian. He wanted to know what my dreams were, my goals for the future, and where I saw myself once I graduated college. He wanted to know why I was not in a relationship, and I told him because I was not willing to settle for just any old man. I made him laugh, and he made me laugh. He told me he was 32 with four kids, and 3 baby mothers, which scared me. I mean I was ready to run for the hills. But as he began to talk of his children, I could see the love he had for all of them, and I began to soften up once more, but at the same time my guard was still up because I know that sometimes men will talk of their children, to make themselves appear more wholesome than what they really are.

He knows how old I am, but as we were talking he picked up on the fact that although I was young, I had lived a little. He asked me why I went to church. I told him because I had problems, and I was trying to work them out with and for God so that I could become a better person.

As most men tend to do, he got a little fresh and asked could I come over and cook him dinner, once I revealed to him that I was a guru in the kitchen. I told him absolutely not, and he wanted to know why. I said because I was not ready. He said that he could respect that, and that was the end of that particular conversation. Once it was time for me to leave, I stood up, and couldn't take my eyes from him. He asked was I ready for a hug, and I sort of melted and said that I was. He took me in his arms, and his hands roamed all over my lower back, and my hips, and I could feel his hands hovering over my behind, but he stopped short. I never knew that just a simple hug could ****** not only my body, but my mind as well.

Fast forward to a couple of days later. I am talking to my aunt and cousin, about this new man I have met. I asked for prayer from my aunt, because I need to stay strong and the lady always. She wanted to know what his name was, and once I said it, my cousin turns around and is flabbergasted. According to her, this man is quite the player around town, and is known to dog women out. He may even have a girlfriend, but my cousin said she didn't know for sure. She told me to stay away from him because he was too old, and the only reason older men talk to young girls ( I'm always a child when its convenient, at other times I'm a grown up when it suits her purposes) is so that they can feel like they are doing something. My aunt chimed in and said I should ask him to pay my light bill and take me out to an expensive restaurant. She said that would get rid of him quick. It's ironic that she would suggest this considering that her own husband is an invalid who hasn't worked not one day in their ten year marriage. My cousin is a thirty something, unemployed, and bitter woman, who awaits the release of her on/off again boyfriend from prison so that they can be wed. She ridiculed me because he is shorter than me, but I don't care! according to her I'm "settling." I mean for God's sake I'm 5'11! alot of men will be taller than me, but he told me he loved my height, and that if we were ever to go out, that he definitely needed me in a pair of heels.

In my opinion both are bitter, but I can't totally discard what is being told to me. I'm scared and confused. He not once disrespected me in anyway, and seems to be accepting of all that I have told him. Is this information that I have received from my cousin a sign that I should leave this man alone? Should I walk away and never look back?

.

Walk away and dont look back. I dont have time for much stories and explanations.

Hmmmnn...this is serious and your question is best answered most accurately with a crystal ball but what human knows what will happen exactly if you dated this guy? It all boils down to asking yourself simple questions and answering very honestly based on what favours you:

1. Everything is a risk, are you prepared for the worst if it doesn't work out?
2. He is older with kids, would that not bother you after the initial shine of a new guy wear off?
3. What do you want from him, long term - marriage, sex or companionship?
4. Would you not be looking at the younger guys sooner than later if your aunt, cousins, etc ask you probing questions?
5. In your heart, do you honestly want him and can handle whatever comes out of it without bitterness? Note that this guys doesn't seem to have hidden his "badness" from you so proceed with two eyes open!

ive been here before. im glad i have enough sense to be scared. im not going to walk, im running!!!

Are u trying 2 apply 4 mother (nt wife ooo) number four? Or u just want a taste of him niii?

Exponental: Are u trying 2 apply 4 mother (nt wife ooo) number four? Or u just want a taste of him niii?

the more i think about this, the more afraid im becoming. i dont want him.

@OP
how can you judge him before even spending any time with him? go out with the guy, see if you find anything that you like/desire about him. spend valuable time to discover if he is who he claims to be. yeah, on paper he doesnt look too good but so far he hasnt treated you or showed you anything negative.

forget about what people are saying, you are in the frontline and can judge him and evaluate him by yourself. if his past didnt scare you then what your family and friends are saying shouldnt either.

here is the only rule you have to stand by: you should keep your "cootie cat" away from this man as LONG as possible.......even wait after marriage (if possible) because his track record is NOT good. he certainly should understand that with a few baby mamas, he cannot be fully trusted on this subject.

btw: do not follow your aunt's advice of asking him to pay for your bills etc. that is just a cheap way of giving yourself to a man! if he pays your bills then he becomes part of your life, and your will have to return the favor.......... that entails giving away some of your "pleasures", even if you dont want to.

and remember, accept him for ALL of what he is (kids/baby mamas/past etc) or NOTHING.

MRbrownJAY: @OP
how can you judge him before even spending any time with him? go out with the guy, see if you find anything that you like/desire about him. spend valuable time to discover if he is who he claims to be. yeah, on paper he doesnt look too good but so far he hasnt treated you or showed you anything negative.

forget about what people are saying, you are in the frontline and can judge him and evaluate him by yourself. if his past didnt scare you then what your family and friends are saying shouldnt either.

here is the only rule you have to stand by: you should keep your "cootie cat" away from this man as LONG as possible.......even wait after marriage (if possible) because his track record is NOT good. he certainly should understand that with a few baby mamas, he cannot be fully trusted on this subject.

btw: do not follow your aunt's advice of asking him to pay for your bills etc. that is just a cheap way of giving yourself to a man! if he pays your bills then he becomes part of your life, and your will have to return the favor.......... that entails giving away some of your "pleasures", even if you dont want to.

and remember, accept him for ALL of what he is (kids/baby mamas/past etc) or NOTHING.

very predictable answer coming from a person with a pic of a girl's behind tooted up in the air, with a middle finger hovering over it in their profile.

dogs can not be reformed, i am old enough to know that much.

its not as though he's a loser, but im just on edge. im scared of the situation, and scared because a part of me wants to get to know him, but then i think to myself maybe i AM in over my head. maybe he IS too old.

TisaBone:
very predictable answer coming from a person with a pic of a girl's behind tooted up in the air, with a middle finger hovering over it in their profile.

get your facts right sista, the gal on my pic is laying FLAT on her stomach, but thanks for "acknowledging" that she has a great behind lol!
by the way, how do you know that this aint my wife of 20+ yrs? and if i was to judge YOU by your profile pic too, then putting a photo of Keith Sweat makes you a lover of old men then....... come on now.

dogs can not be reformed, i am old enough to know that much.

fair enough...........and if you think that this is what this man is, then simply WALK AWAY. no harm done!

its not as though he's a loser, but im just on edge. im scared of the situation, and scared because a part of me wants to get to know him, but then i think to myself maybe i AM in over my head. maybe he IS too old.

again, if his children are a problem to you NOW, then WALK AWAY!!!!
if his baby mamas are a problem to you NOW, then WALK AWAY!!!!
if his past is a problem to you NOW, then WALK AWAY!!!!
.........because none of these issues will change in the future, however you wanna look at it.

btw you never told us how old YOU are, for anyone to consider if he is too old for you or not.

TisaBone:



very predictable answer coming from a person with a pic of a girl's behind tooted up in the air, with a middle finger hovering over it in their profile.

dogs can not be reformed, i am old enough to know that much.

its not as though he's a loser, but im just on edge. im scared of the situation, and scared because a part of me wants to get to know him, but then i think to myself maybe i AM in over my head. maybe he IS too old.

it appears you're already on decision, why open a thread and come for advice? You already said you're running, so what could be else?
And i really dnt like u, it shld suffice for u to jst give us the advice your family gave u and not talk abt their life. For fucck's sake, one's husband aint workin and d other's in jail. Okay, now we knw.
Plus a fucck, we knw who u are too, you're d type dt bilivs she's better than others, d type dt thought life will alwys come rosy, d type that won't take advice from people whom she THOUGHT she's better than, and d type dt one shld keep secrets from cos you're a jerk and a big mouth like a spoilt zip!

.

KINGwax: it appears you're already on decision, why open a thread and come for advice? You already said you're running, so what could be else?
And i really dnt like u, it shld suffice for u to jst give us the advice your family gave u and not talk abt their life. For fucck's sake, one's husband aint workin and d other's in jail. Okay, now we knw.
Plus a fucck, we knw who u are too, you're d type dt bilivs she's better than others, d type dt thought life will alwys come rosy, d type that won't take advice from people whom she THOUGHT she's better than, and d type dt one shld keep secrets from cos you're a jerk and a big mouth like a spoilt zip!

Who cares that I'm talking about them? It's not as though they'll ever read it so what's the big deal? For all you know, they could have done horrible things to me,has it ever occurred to you that maybe they are bad people, and IM not the bad guy here? I get tired of people like you. You don't like me, you must come to my thread and tell me what you think of me? Don't respond to me at all then. Don't talk to me at all. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Secondly, there is a difference between thinking you are better than someone and knowing that a person is not on your level. A pauper and a rich man can't be friends. it will never work. the pauper will only bring the rich man down into the gutter with him/her. Now helping a person is another story. It is my christian duty to help, but I refuse to help someone who will not help themselves, so let them stay where they are at, which is at the bottom. Any person of substance will tell you the same thing. You have to surround yourself with like minded people. A Buddhist monk isn't going to hang around a den of thieves now will he?

Which brings me to my last point. yes I am on the forum seeking help, and I am listening, but i'm not going to take advice fro m someone who appears to be a profligate rake and libertine. At least that is how he has fashioned his internet persona. Do expect me to not comment on what I have observed?

TisaBone:
Which brings me to my last point. yes I am on the forum seeking help, and I am listening, but i'm not going to take advice fro m someone who appears to be a profligate rake and libertine. At least that is how he has fashioned his internet persona. Do expect me to not comment on what I have observed?

lol!!!! if this is what you think i am then shouldnt you also think that i am best suited to tell you what to do about the man that "seem" to be NO DIFFERENT than my persona?! thats the kind of man you are presently attracted to, and i am helping you with pointers. you should be thanking me, instead of judging me, just as you are judging this "dog" you are attracted to, lmao!

I DON'T want a dog. that's the whole point. At first I didn't even know that he was like that. So it's not my fault that I am still attracted to him. the consensus is that i should run. which is what i want to do. so i guess the best thing i could do is just let my desire pass. this relationship just can't occur. I'm too young for this bm drama. he has too much going on in his life. some women do like nice guys and i am one of them.

TisaBone: I DON'T want a dog. that's the whole point. At first I didn't even know that he was like that. So it's not my fault that I am still attracted to him. the consensus is that i should run. which is what i want to do. so i guess the best thing i could do is just let my desire pass. this relationship just can't occur. I'm too young for this bm drama. he has too much going on in his life. some women do like nice guys and i am one of them.

if thats how you really feel about this guy and your "r/ship", then fair enough........ move on with your life, forget about this guy and [size=14pt]CASE CLOSED!!!!![/size]

so why does relationship have to be in parenthesis? and quit stealing my sayings. i said "case closed" to a jerk in another thread who was trying to insult me and my story.

TisaBone: so why does relationship have to be in parenthesis? and quit stealing my sayings. i said "case closed" to a jerk in another thread who was trying to insult me and my story.

life is about filling your needs and desires...... therefore getting what you want, which in return will bring satisfaction to your life. to settle for something/someone that you are clearly against is wrong.

you cant have your cake and eat it too, you cant change people, you cant take what you like about this guy and dismiss what you dont. you guys simply aint compatible and you should leave it at that. just like someone walking in front of a store, seeing a great pair of shoes but dont have the money to buy them......as hard as it may be, just walk away!

i dont know about the other thread where you wrote case closed, but it is a very popular saying here on NL.

MRbrownJAY: @OP
how can you judge him before even spending any time with him? go out with the guy, see if you find anything that you like/desire about him. spend valuable time to discover if he is who he claims to be. yeah, on paper he doesnt look too good but so far he hasnt treated you or showed you anything negative.

forget about what people are saying, you are in the frontline and can judge him and evaluate him by yourself. if his past didnt scare you then what your family and friends are saying shouldnt either.

here is the only rule you have to stand by: you should keep your "cootie cat" away from this man as LONG as possible.......even wait after marriage (if possible) because his track record is NOT good. he certainly should understand that with a few baby mamas, he cannot be fully trusted on this subject.

btw: do not follow your aunt's advice of asking him to pay for your bills etc. that is just a cheap way of giving yourself to a man! if he pays your bills then he becomes part of your life, and your will have to return the favor.......... that entails giving away some of your "pleasures", even if you dont want to.

and remember, accept him for ALL of what he is (kids/baby mamas/past etc) or NOTHING.

I think this just about summarizes it; couldn't have put it better myself.
-
I'm something of a floating player myself - keeping a girlfrnd is a no-no for me right now - reasons mostly bothering on a still shaky financial base. But i know in my heart that any woman who sticks with me through all this present shyt and takes me as i am, warts n all, is DEFINITELY the woman i'm taking to the altar.
So... evaluate your options and make up your mind, babe.

Considering the number of baby mothers in the picture, this is probably not the best move for future purposes. I am assuming you date with a view of marriage in mind. If he had all 4 kids from one woman, I could say go for it!

[img]http://www.spgames.info/g.gif[/img][img]http://www.spgames.info/g.gif[/img]

@OP. . . .Looks like you're cool with becoming the 5th baby mama. A man has 4 baby mama's and u didn't ask him how that came to be and now you're considering him? You sound very young indeed and don't have quite some experience about relationship. Better carry Okada and run like pesin wey book haram dey pursue.

Fishbrains , more of them, when is God going to take a personal interest in the Women Brain Manufacturing Company of Heaven. Guys or angels there should be sake.
A man got 3 different women in family way and is not staying with any of them, and u don't ask urself why or what made them to go.
For God so bless players with a chocolate mouth that make u melt and feel the magnet , but sorry , He could not give them enough attitude to maintain a relationship.
Enjoy him while it last.

For someone who goes all over the forum claiming to be born again or whatever you sure do come across as a very horrible person. The stuff about your aunt and cousin was unnecessary and very judgemental.

Subscribing

TisaBone: There is this man that I am extremely interested in. I respected him, because he was able to bring himself out of the gutter, and free himself from the bondage of crime and jail and has become a successful businessman. He has a lot of ambition and drive, which I love , as well as this magnetic power emanating from him. The attraction was definitely mutual.

I went by his shop, and we talked for maybe an hour about many things. He knows that I am a Christian. He wanted to know what my dreams were, my goals for the future, and where I saw myself once I graduated college. He wanted to know why I was not in a relationship, and I told him because I was not willing to settle for just any old man. I made him laugh, and he made me laugh. He told me he was 32 with four kids, and 3 baby mothers, which scared me. I mean I was ready to run for the hills. But as he began to talk of his children, I could see the love he had for all of them, and I began to soften up once more, but at the same time my guard was still up because I know that sometimes men will talk of their children, to make themselves appear more wholesome than what they really are.

He knows how old I am, but as we were talking he picked up on the fact that although I was young, I had lived a little. He asked me why I went to church. I told him because I had problems, and I was trying to work them out with and for God so that I could become a better person.

As most men tend to do, he got a little fresh and asked could I come over and cook him dinner, once I revealed to him that I was a guru in the kitchen. I told him absolutely not, and he wanted to know why. I said because I was not ready. He said that he could respect that, and that was the end of that particular conversation. Once it was time for me to leave, I stood up, and couldn't take my eyes from him. He asked was I ready for a hug, and I sort of melted and said that I was. He took me in his arms, and his hands roamed all over my lower back, and my hips, and I could feel his hands hovering over my behind, but he stopped short. I never knew that just a simple hug could arouse not only my body, but my mind as well.

Fast forward to a couple of days later. I am talking to my aunt and cousin, about this new man I have met. I asked for prayer from my aunt, because I need to stay strong and the lady always. She wanted to know what his name was, and once I said it, my cousin turns around and is flabbergasted. According to her, this man is quite the player around town, and is known to dog women out. He may even have a girlfriend, but my cousin said she didn't know for sure. She told me to stay away from him because he was too old, and the only reason older men talk to young girls ( I'm always a child when its convenient, at other times I'm a grown up when it suits her purposes) is so that they can feel like they are doing something. My aunt chimed in and said I should ask him to pay my light bill and take me out to an expensive restaurant. She said that would get rid of him quick. It's ironic that she would suggest this considering that her own husband is an invalid who hasn't worked not one day in their ten year marriage. My cousin is a thirty something, unemployed, and bitter woman, who awaits the release of her on/off again boyfriend from prison so that they can be wed. She ridiculed me because he is shorter than me, but I don't care! according to her I'm "settling." I mean for God's sake I'm 5'11! alot of men will be taller than me, but he told me he loved my height, and that if we were ever to go out, that he definitely needed me in a pair of heels.

In my opinion both are bitter, but I can't totally discard what is being told to me. I'm scared and confused. He not once disrespected me in anyway, and seems to be accepting of all that I have told him. Is this information that I have received from my cousin a sign that I should leave this man alone? Should I walk away and never look back?

So u just finished ur cousin and aunt on a public forum cos of a man that has 4 children from 3 women. . . . You need psychological help. . . period

His love comes with a lot of baggage, is the attraction strong enough to see you through and are you mature enough (physically, emotionally and spiritually) to carry it?

You cannot teach an old dog new tricks, you know. Best thing for you is to walk away.

@ Tisabone

Seriously what future can you have with a man with three baby mamas?

TisaBone: There is this man that I am extremely interested in. I respected him, because he was able to bring himself out of the gutter, and free himself from the bondage of crime and jail and has become a successful businessman. He has a lot of ambition and drive, which I love , as well as this magnetic power emanating from him. The attraction was definitely mutual.

I went by his shop, and we talked for maybe an hour about many things. He knows that I am a Christian. He wanted to know what my dreams were, my goals for the future, and where I saw myself once I graduated college. He wanted to know why I was not in a relationship, and I told him because I was not willing to settle for just any old man. I made him laugh, and he made me laugh. He told me he was 32 with four kids, and 3 baby mothers, which scared me. I mean I was ready to run for the hills. But as he began to talk of his children, I could see the love he had for all of them, and I began to soften up once more, but at the same time my guard was still up because I know that sometimes men will talk of their children, to make themselves appear more wholesome than what they really are.

He knows how old I am, but as we were talking he picked up on the fact that although I was young, I had lived a little. He asked me why I went to church. I told him because I had problems, and I was trying to work them out with and for God so that I could become a better person.

As most men tend to do, he got a little fresh and asked could I come over and cook him dinner, once I revealed to him that I was a guru in the kitchen. I told him absolutely not, and he wanted to know why. I said because I was not ready. He said that he could respect that, and that was the end of that particular conversation. Once it was time for me to leave, I stood up, and couldn't take my eyes from him. He asked was I ready for a hug, and I sort of melted and said that I was. He took me in his arms, and his hands roamed all over my lower back, and my hips, and I could feel his hands hovering over my behind, but he stopped short. I never knew that just a simple hug could arouse not only my body, but my mind as well.

Fast forward to a couple of days later. I am talking to my aunt and cousin, about this new man I have met. I asked for prayer from my aunt, because I need to stay strong and the lady always. She wanted to know what his name was, and once I said it, my cousin turns around and is flabbergasted. According to her, this man is quite the player around town, and is known to dog women out. He may even have a girlfriend, but my cousin said she didn't know for sure. She told me to stay away from him because he was too old, and the only reason older men talk to young girls ( I'm always a child when its convenient, at other times I'm a grown up when it suits her purposes) is so that they can feel like they are doing something. My aunt chimed in and said I should ask him to pay my light bill and take me out to an expensive restaurant. She said that would get rid of him quick. It's ironic that she would suggest this considering that her own husband is an invalid who hasn't worked not one day in their ten year marriage. My cousin is a thirty something, unemployed, and bitter woman, who awaits the release of her on/off again boyfriend from prison so that they can be wed. She ridiculed me because he is shorter than me, but I don't care! according to her I'm "settling." I mean for God's sake I'm 5'11! alot of men will be taller than me, but he told me he loved my height, and that if we were ever to go out, that he definitely needed me in a pair of heels.

In my opinion both are bitter, but I can't totally discard what is being told to me. I'm scared and confused. He not once disrespected me in anyway, and seems to be accepting of all that I have told him. Is this information that I have received from my cousin a sign that I should leave this man alone? Should I walk away and never look back?

Runaway girl. Can't you just wait until you find a responsible single man without baggage? Must you jump from one bad relationship to another? I thought you said you were living for you to make yourself happy. Do you enjoy heartache?

you been told he is a dog, and so? why do you have to tell us? mschew

I swear I feel like smacking the 55hit out of this op. how old are u sef? Primary wetin u dey?

kelz88: For someone who goes all over the forum claiming to be born again or whatever you sure do come across as a very horrible person. The stuff about your aunt and cousin was unnecessary and very judgemental.

do you think being a Christian means I'm perfect? It means I'm trying to become a better person. and if you knew the 411 on my family, you would be thinking [i]them [/i]the bad people. I am working of forgiveness but it's a day to day struggle.needless to say, it doesn't matter what you think or don't think of me. kick rocks if you don't like what I have to say.

maclatunji:

Runaway girl. Can't you just wait until you find a responsible single man without baggage? Must you jump from one bad relationship to another? I thought you said you were living for you to make yourself happy. Do you enjoy heartache?

No, I don't enjoy heartache. That's why I'm reaching out to people for help on as what to do. it's a shame, but I don't trust the advice of my family.


and we are just in the friendship stage, because of course i have reasons to be wary. I have been praying on this, and I don't want to dismiss him as of yet because we all fall short of the glory of god. I want to get to know him a little more to see what he thinks of his past actions, and whether he is learning from his mistakes or not. not one of you on this forum is sinless or without fault! I know I'm not, and I'm woman enough to admit that.