Our wedding jst clocked 3 yrs, since my husband use our wed pics as his DP on his BB I wanted to knw how Many of his friends that wished us happy annivesary not knowing dat I was in 4 a shocker below was. A conversatn he had wit a lady

Husband:You have such a lovely lips
I feel like kissing them. Am beginning to notice dat u ve a quality of a wife material. If I was persistent b4 I got married I wld ve gotten u pls now date me.

The girls response: the fact dat I didn't date u while u where single means dat I can't date u now dat u r married wit two kids

When I assked my husband to explain d meanin of his conversation with d girl he apologised and said that he
was just joking with her and dat his intention was just to pull her legs.

This has really got me thinking and I finD it hard to accept his apologies.

Why do you find it hard to accept his apologies and move on?

And what do you plan to do in retaliation? Divorce him? Where would that leave your kids?

My sister, no marriage is plain sailing. It's a life long comittment that entails hard work from both. Sit your hubby down and let him know how hurt you feel and how his flirtation has compromised your trust in him.. Don't bottle it up inside of you. Learn to forgive and move on.

@ Op where are you located? Well the truth of the matter here OP it sounds like a flirt to me althought it is inappropriate. @ least your hubby apologize, some men would not do that and thye might even go as far as to insult their wives. Look no one is perfect everybody makes mistakes, I think you should just forgive him and move on. You should not make this a major deal in your marriage befor you drive him into her waiting, adulterous arms.

Your hubby seems like a nice person and sometimes men just get so comforteble in their marriage they want to feel like they still got some appeal with the ladies, thats what this scenario sounds like to me.So please forgive and move on since this is the first time you have caught him flirting.

The beginning of trouble . . .or is it the detection of already existing trouble.
The only legs he ought to be pulling are yours. . . .Tell him to take his eyes, mind and hands off other women's.

BTW, if all girls were like the said girl, wandering husbands would have no one to cheat with, except their hands and inanimate objects. . . consequently, a good percentage of failed marriages would still be intact.

strangeworld: Our wedding jst clocked 3 yrs, since my husband use our wed pics as his DP on his BB I wanted to knw how Many of his friends that wished us happy annivesary not knowing dat I was in 4 a shocker below was. A conversatn he had wit a lady

Husband:You have such a lovely lips
I feel like kissing them. Am beginning to notice dat u ve a quality of a wife material. If I was persistent b4 I got married I wld ve gotten u pls now date me.

The girls response: the fact dat I didn't date u while u where single means dat I can't date u now dat u r married wit two kids

When I assked my husband to explain d meanin of his conversation with d girl he apologised and said that he
was just joking with her and dat his intention was just to pull her legs.

This has really got me thinking and I finD it hard to accept his apologies.

harmless banter!
i would have ignored this if i were you.

women who cry foul the very moment they see stuff like this sell themselves short.
in your husband's mind, you have done your worst by reacting to what you saw.

if your reaction fails to punch through a wet paper bag, he would start to believe even if
it happens, you wouldn't do worse than what you have done.

you screwed up, big time!

Your husband was just testing his dribbling skills. Just be on the look-out; you should only confront him when you have direct and serious evidence of cheating.

Missy B, is dat really u

@ OP,

Ur hubby is prolly remembering good 'ol days. Still we can,t be so sure. We have men like that. They suddenly remember the girls they were unable to conquer while dey were single when dey are fully settled into married life.

If na me, I wouldn't start a fight over it but I will surely let him know I saw it. I will accept his apologies and be on the look out.

I will also rub it in like joke with a lil sarcasm dat he should respect himself n stop sending wrong signals to innocent girls and disrespecting me, his wife.
It all depends on his response sha

coogar:

harmless banter!
i would have ignored this if i were you.

women who cry foul the very moment they see stuff like this sell themselves short.
in your husband's mind, you have done your worst by reacting to what you saw.

if your reaction fails to punch through a wet paper bag, he would start to believe even if
it happens, you wouldn't do worse than what you have done.

you screwed up, big time!

Ignore the "harmless banter?". How is it harmless? Disrespecting his wife like that? If only he had persisted he wouldn't be married to his wife, meaning she's a second best and a mistake? How is that harmless and how can any sane human being ignore that?

agiboma: @ Op where are you located? Well the truth of the matter here OP it sounds like a flirt to me althought it is inappropriate. @ least your hubby apologize, some men would not do that and thye might even go as far as to insult their wives. Look no one is perfect everybody makes mistakes, I think you should just forgive him and move on. You should not make this a major deal in your marriage befor you drive him into her waiting, adulterous arms.

Your hubby seems like a nice person and sometimes men just get so comforteble in their marriage they want to feel like they still got some appeal with the ladies, thats what this scenario sounds like to me.So please forgive and move on since this is the first time you have caught him flirting.

@bold, seriously?

jennykadry:

Ignore the "harmless banter?". How is it harmless? Disrespecting his wife like that? If only he had persisted he wouldn't be married to his wife, meaning she's a second best and a mistake? How is that harmless and how can any sane human being ignore that?

that's not the point, jennykadry.
women should always have an iron-cast evidence before waging wars or complaining.
it is more effective!

i was a part of the contingent that went to settle a quarrel between a couple some months back.
the wife caught her husband cheating and the evidence she had against him was fbi-quality.
of course, she had been investigating for months without saying a word. she had phone log details,
she printed back n forth e-mails, text messages, facebook messages. the evidence was about 60 pages!

when she presented the evidence to the husband after 3 months of investigating, the husband nearly fainted.
he was caught pants down. the kind of evidence that makes a man mute n look stupid. he had no choice but
to call people to come n help him beg. that is what i expect women to do not barking over issues men would
easily manoeuvre because the evidence presented is not strong enough to convict him.

you women often forget you married intelligent husbands(doctors, engineers, architects, computer engineers, etc).
men who have used 90% of their lives to tackle ambiguous problems. you then think covering up their infidelity
would be difficult for them to handle? if your evidence of infidelity is weak, he would beat you to it hands down!
women should smarten up!

Coogar, what isn't the point? What proof is she looking for? She should wait until his wandering dik strays? Which spouse will read that kind of message and ignore it or call it a harmless banter? A man is busy pulling another woman's leg with messages that should be for his wife only and you are telling her to ignore? She did the right thing calling his attention to it. Why should she ignore this?

It is the "ignore" and "harmless banter" part that I cannot understand in your post

Juxtaposed with The Identity Revealing Thread this thread makes for a hilarious read.

jennykadry: Coogar, what isn't the point? What proof is she looking for? She should wait until his wandering dik strays? Which spouse will read that kind of message and ignore it or call it a harmless banter? A man is busy pulling another woman's leg with messages that should be for his wife only and you are telling her to ignore? She did the right thing calling his attention to it. Why should she ignore this?

It is the "ignore" and "harmless banter" part that I cannot understand in your post

Aya!! You don said it!!!

jennykadry: Coogar, what isn't the point? What proof is she looking for? She should wait until his wandering dik strays? Which spouse will read that kind of message and ignore it or call it a harmless banter? A man is busy pulling another woman's leg with messages that should be for his wife only and you are telling her to ignore? She did the right thing calling his attention to it. Why should she ignore this?

It is the "ignore" and "harmless banter" part that I cannot understand in your post

there's no proof yet that the husband has cheated. what she saw were only words/texts.
like he said, he was just fooling/flirting around - which effectively puts the matter into the bin.
do you know for certain if he's serious about his intentions or he was just fooling around like he claims. no one knows.
and that half-truth, half doubt is the reason the poster should have ignored.

i don't know about you. i would never accuse a spouse of infidelity if there's 1% chance of maybe/maybe not.
it has to be 100%. airtight and watertight to the extent that the biggest pathological liar won't lie her
way out of the evidence. that is what women should aim for. patience is a virtue. flying off the handle
at every opportunity to prove smartness always backfires and akin to a child who cried wolf.

Sisi_Kill: Juxtaposed with The Identity Revealing Thread this thread makes for a hilarious read.

exactly my point! this is how to catch a thief. build up a strong evidence that is unshakable.
this wasn't a one-off event. they chatted for weeks.
no one fools around for weeks and then exchanges nude pics.
if the poster here had this evidence against her husband then i wouldn't have dismissed her claims.

the case you presented here is exactly what i am talking about.
you see - the man here was patient. he did not fly off the handle the very first day he saw his wife
exchanging sassy notes with another man(himself) on facebook. he waited, bid his time till the cruel
intentions of his wife became reality.

The poster did the right thing. The disrespect should be addressed whether it was a harmless flirtation or not. Some people can ignore such, some people cannot. It is left for you to know what would upset your partner and what wouldn't. Even if it wouldn't, it's grossly irresponsible. This is not about cheating yet to begin playing detective.

Efemena_xy: Why do you find it hard to accept his apologies and move on?

And what do you plan to do in retaliation? Divorce him? Where would that leave your kids?

My sister, no marriage is plain sailing. It's a life long comittment that entails hard work from both. Sit your hubby down and let him know how hurt you feel and how his flirtation has compromised your trust in him.. Don't bottle it up inside of you. Learn to forgive and move on.

i completely agree with u efe..

kill him

@coogar
You don't get me, it is not about the proof but the disrespect. No spouse should disrespect the other half like that

Ur husband got caught. If d girl had agreed to cheat with him would he have called it a joke? Won't he have grabed d offer? Better watch him closer. the potential for infidelity is there.

Bitter truth, ur husband wants to cheat on u

coogar:

harmless banter!
i would have ignored this if i were you.

women who cry foul the very moment they see stuff like this sell themselves short.
in your husband's mind, you have done your worst by reacting to what you saw.

if your reaction fails to punch through a wet paper bag, he would start to believe even if
it happens, you wouldn't do worse than what you have done.

you screwed up, big time!

Its always Easy when its another person to talk like this? Are u married? How could you say the husband would think she has done her worst. What if the girl had agreed?

@Poster, Your husband may not be a saint but he said he was sorry. Brace up and be the best wife u can to him and help him to come back home by being there for him, Dont hate and dont nag, let it go but be watchful too.

I told my husband a few times that I will not stop him from cheating, heck I don't wanno know what he does when I am not with him BUT the day I use my two korokoro eyes to see something that will make me lose my trust in him, or a solid proof that leaves me with the impression that he is cheating on me, he should not expect the marriage to be a happy one. It's either I walk with my kids or I ask him to walk out.

I am not going to raise my kids with a serial cheat, Nope I am not. This is my opinion and you all don't have to agree with it. I love my family so much and wish the best for us all. Will I leave my husband (God forbid this a million times) if he made a mistake like the Op's husband? Nope but will I if he went ahead to pluck the fruit?


OP, watch out for your husband. He has got the cheating seed in him already

Gaggi: Ur husband got caught. If d girl had agreed to cheat with him would he have called it a joke? Won't he have grabed d offer? Better watch him closer. the potential for infidelity is there.

I concur!

There's no turning a blind eye to it and be grateful he 'apologized', please. How difficult is it to say sorry?
No, do not bring the house down but make it clear without mincing words that you are disappointed, and find the act not in the least funny. Plus, you do not intend to permit or tolerate such ''legs pulling'' any time in the future.
The earlier you follow it up, the better. Like they say, Na from clap dem deh enter dance.

Tgirl4real: Missy B, is dat really u

@ EFemena_xy : Divorce is out of d questn it's jst dat it hurts badly.


@ Agiboma it does not sound like a flirt- IT IS A FLIRT tx 4 ur advice I wil 4 give him.

@ Coogar: HARMLESS. BANTER INDEED have u 4gotten dat out of d abundance of d heart d mouth speaketh
@ jennykadry, Ninapha n stillwater tx I kind of concour with u guys.

Hello, just incase you are looking to own a house, that is not too costly. My company has good package for you, instalmental payment available. email: saliubello2003@yahoo.com for pictures and details 08050323434 bello

If it is still bothering you, let him know you are still hurting, cos like someone mentioned what if she agreed? If he wants to file it under nagging, tough, but still tell him your mind. Why should you start pussyfooting around a young marriage at that!

kpolli: Bitter truth, ur husband wants to cheat on u

I agree. Same thing happened, he said it was harmless banter, I waited to get real evidence while d harmless banter blossomed into a full blown affair.

Missy_B: The beginning of trouble . . .or is it the detection of already existing trouble.
The only legs he ought to be pulling are yours. . . .Tell him to take his eyes, mind and hands off other women's.

BTW, if all girls were like the said girl, wandering husbands would have no one to cheat with, except their hands and inanimate objects. . . consequently, a good percentage of failed marriages would still be intact.

lol. True that.


@OP

He got caught, he apologized, like others said let him know such will not be tolerated again and move on.

Watch him closer if you must but don't get paranoid and start finding trouble where there is none.

jennykadry: I told my husband a few times that I will not stop him from cheating, heck I don't wanno know what he does when I am not with him BUT the day I use my two korokoro eyes to see something that will make me lose my trust in him, or a solid proof that leaves me with the impression that he is cheating on me, he should not expect the marriage to be a happy one. It's either I walk with my kids or I ask him to walk out.

I am not going to raise my kids with a serial cheat, Nope I am not. This is my opinion and you all don't have to agree with it. I love my family so much and wish the best for us all. Will I leave my husband (God forbid this a million times) if he made a mistake like the Op's husband? Nope but will I if he went ahead to pluck the fruit?


OP, watch out for your husband. He has got the cheating seed in him already

I agree JK even tho we dont agree everytime......

A man will always stay with woman with a good job and has a solid financial security, I will not go thru fbi nonsense for any man despite any amount he brings home and I am not bragging ,less than $500 for a PI will do the job if I sniff any nonsense. You snooze , you loose buddy.

@ OP let it slide......abeg

jidegirl12:

I agree JK even tho we dont agree everytime......

A man will always stay with woman with a good job and has a solid financial security, I will not go thru fbi nonsense for any man despite any amount he brings home and I am not bragging ,less than $500 for a PI will do the job if I sniff any nonsense. You snooze , you loose buddy.

@ OP let it slide......abeg

I am beginning to think that men cheat because our women have permitted them to. . .Have you seen women with low self esteem issues on this forum tell their fellow women to stay with their cheat of a husband because "the grass is not greener on the other side"? Who is even talking about grass here? A man cheats and apologizes you accept it of course he knows all he has to do each time is apologize and buy you a bag of rice and gbam the case is closed, tell me why the hell wouldn't he do it again and again and again?

Someone's husband slept with a neighbor and I saw these same women telling her that no marriage is easy ooo, she should stay put and pray. How low self esteemed can that get? Can it get any lower?


I love my mum, I love my mum and I wanno thank her for telling me while I was growin up that I do not deserve to have a confirmed rival in my marriage and if That happens(God forbid) then they are both below me and I need to find my class

Chai chai, I am charging 12hrs tomorrow and I am On NL chatting at 11.52p....I am sorry for me!!