Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? - Family (2) - Nairaland
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| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by otokx(m): 5:04pm On May 05, 2012 |
Talk about another failed family, not so bad as there are cases where both parents simply abscond under the guise of going to earn money leaving the children to either themselves or house helps. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Nobody: 5:05pm On May 05, 2012 |
@ OP. Hell no! |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by violent(m): 5:06pm On May 05, 2012 |
PrinceDudu: @op at this stage all suggestion seems to be useless what I think u should do is get us the mans phone number or house add so that we can bombard him with calls and letters. Please. I think every NLders will agree to this. and how is this the smartest thing to do at this point? @ OP can i suggest you write to the head of the school and suggest to them that they should hold a meeting with this boy's father? during the meeting you and a few colleagues could explain why the child's performance in class is not likely to improve due to the stress and constant beatings from his father...if possible you could also suggest that the dude should leave you -his teachers- to dealing with his assignments and all the extra stuff at no extra cost to him. It may be that the guy is not as terrible as conveyed through the post. It's hard to think any father who will do anything to be with his kids after a split up from their mum and even spends his time to help them with their homeworks could actually be described as terrible. It may be that he actually wants the very best for his kids although he may have gone about it the wrong way, many thanks to the society that has taught him to believe this is the 'right' way to train up a child....when the push comes to shove, such fathers are usually the ones to take the first bullet for their kids. You should also understand that it may be difficult bringing up two kids....anyone in his shoes will likely go crazy if one of the kids you are spending time and valuable resources on keep showing up on your doorsteps with a monumental failure! I believe you are likely to see some positive results if and when you sit down with the dad and suggest an approach that may eventually improve the kid's performance. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by yogun(f): 5:49pm On May 05, 2012 |
The father needs to understand that all kids cant be the same in as much as he might not agree with that i think it is best for him yo look into other areas of interest for the young man. He only needs to encourage him to finish up the high school and then look into what he enjoys doing. pple have been able in recent times even in our country to make a living out of hobbies. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Nobody: 5:56pm On May 05, 2012 |
taryour: which authorities? |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by shadrach77: 6:10pm On May 05, 2012 |
Kindly report the father to the Social Security Department fast!   |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by pheesayor(m): 6:40pm On May 05, 2012 |
shadrach77: Kindly report the father to the Social Security Department fast! Where dat one dey for naija? 2 Likes |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by horny4u(f): 6:43pm On May 05, 2012 |
You can not collect a mad woman's kid .....so my mind booogles how sane women let their kids off. There is a reason why it is a woman who does the 9 months not the man. Let someone call their mum quick before this man will break the boy spirit.... |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Kaboom1: 6:58pm On May 05, 2012 |
pheesayor: Ayo and Tunde are brothers, Ayo is 11 while Tunde is 8. (Not real names, they are actually igbos). The Idiot should first look up the meaning of the word "FATHER" it does not include battering your kids. You should call the cops because even in Nigeria it is against the law. By keeping silent of this gross child abuse, am sorry to say you are also part of it. The Man is EVIL for spitting a somebody created by God |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by ferhyntorlah(f): 7:16pm On May 05, 2012 |
tasandra: anoda brainless Idiot in the name of a fada |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by ferhyntorlah(f): 7:32pm On May 05, 2012 |
Poster, you could try to have a lengthy conversation with the boy's father. Please choose your words carefully and don't paint the man as an uncaring father because your choice of words and the manner you convey your message might be taken the wrong way. Let him know your sincere and genuine concern for the boy. I think the boy has grown fond of you, that is why he is so comfortable telling you his fears and problems he faces at home. Since you are a teacher yourself, why don't you try and persuade the father to allow you be his son's tutor for a change and see if his performance improves or not. I think you understand this boy and the learning methods that would work for him. Please plead with him and let him know since his method is not yielding the desired result, he should be open to another method so far the result he wants is for the boy to have a better academic performance. I wish you the best in your assignment. Since you are fond of him, please help him out. You could discover a hidden talent/trait of yours through this. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Smooth278(m): 7:54pm On May 05, 2012 |
PrinceDudu: @op at this stage all suggestion seems to be useless what I think u should do is get us the mans phone number or house add so that we can bombard him with calls and letters. Please. I think every NLders will agree to this. Best suggestion so far!!! let's try this option kk!!! |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by damilola15: 8:24pm On May 05, 2012 |
shadrach77: Kindly report the father to the Social Security Department fast! Social what  ?pheesayor: He probably ment KAI |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by member479760: 8:28pm On May 05, 2012 |
The father should continue beating him to put the brain in order otherwise, the boy will end up in Chinese jail and same you guys will be complaining. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Nobody: 8:58pm On May 05, 2012 |
I'd suggest you do not report the dad to the cops nor agencies. Oftentimes such cases aren't handled well. Moreso, since you'd want to remain anonymous, I'd suggest to you to visit the boy's school. Have a chat with his class teacher or school proprietress/proprietor (tell them about the beating etc). Although the best would have been to meet up with the School Counsellor...but, not all schools can afford one. The school would simply use their discretion to call on the father without raising any suspicion, ask him some questions about his boy and probably suggest better ways to helping him improve on his academic performance, they could counsel him on child training, development etc. #I know they'd handle this discretly without having to mention names. Pls, don't hesitate to help this 'poor' child out of this, pls. PS: I know of a human right NGO that could be of help. They're based in Festac, too. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by HenryDivine(m): 9:29pm On May 05, 2012 |
That's a father that doesn't understand that we are unique and different. I wish he knows better. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by violent(m): 9:30pm On May 05, 2012 |
The man is evil, really? He looks after the welfare of his kids without their mum, and note that their mum is ALIVE!!! For once, cut this dude some slack!!..put yourself in his shoes! He wakes up early to ensure that his kids are well prepared for school, attends to their immediate needs (which includes having to constantly ensure that they have breakfast and provision is made for lunch)...he probably drops them off before going to his own office and after a long crazy day at work, he drives back to their school to pick them up!!!....and out of all this, he STILL spends time to work on their assignments and ensure that they are right on their feet as far as academics is concerned......All this does not include days he may have to spend taking them to the hospital and ensuring that they stay healthy and fit.... Point out to me, how many Nigerian fathers actually do all of this ....Anyone will likely be frustrated if after going through all this, your kids still ends up bringing home a poor result. I see the overreaction on this thread which is rightly justified....anyone who's not a single father taking care of two kids will likely say the same!!The dude may not have handled his kids poor performance very well...but does that really make him evil?....does he become less evil if he doesn't show any interest in his kids academic performance and left him on his own (and peharps risk him ending up in a Chinese jail later on in life)?? |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Nobody: 9:40pm On May 05, 2012 |
^good point. Kudos to him -the father for his terrific acts, really! Howbeit, he shouldn't spoil his good deeds with this inhumane act. That continous single act could still make that child resentful and eventually end up in jail. So, he's got to put in more effort, it's no bad idea for parent to learn some useful parental skills if need be. I'd suggest he learn to control his frustrations and anger on that little boy.... |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by violent(m): 10:01pm On May 05, 2012 |
^^ True that the father need to control his frustrations and anger, but most people here cursing the dude haven't actually considered whether or not the beatings was out of genuine concern for the kids future!! While growing up, I know a few peeps whose parents don't give a flying shyt about them, most of them ended up as drop outs who continuously lied to their parents that they were attending school just to squeeze some extra cash from them! Any man who can take as much interest in his kids to the extent of sitting down with them with their homework cannot in my own books be said to be evil...that language is dirty, ugly and too strong to use for someone whose intentions are borne of our genuine concern and love, if he wasn't interested in the kid's warefare, he may have pushed him on to his irresponsible mum (that's how i see the mum) For reference sakes....are there people on this thread who grew up in Naija and whose parents have never flogged them shitless for coming home with a poor performance? I got some of those floggings too...i got those floggings each time i stayed out of school to play football with my friends and I got flogged each time i came home with a very poor performance.....Does that actually mean those acts were inhumane? well at least now, i don't think so, and i thank God for having parents who may have spared me from ending up in Chinese jail! People should really cut this dude some slack! The best approach, if it appears that the beatings are excessive, should be to have a meeting with the dad and let him see reason why a more gentle approach will help the boy more! |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Obiagu1(m): 10:22pm On May 05, 2012 |
My father beat me well well oo but not every time sha. Anyway, if the family can't help and the neighbours can't help either, then nothing will happen until the child turns 16 and fights back. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by henrychubayo: 10:36pm On May 05, 2012 |
The answer to the question is yes in Nigeria but No in Europe, americas or even south africa. If you are caught beating your child, you must pay heavily for it. As for the story you narrated, the father should treat the 2 boys the same way. If he like to treat them harsh, no problems provided the 2 boys get the same treatment. But if he treat the younger one bad and leave the other, i fear because he is creating division and problems he can't handle when it matures. welfare association nigeria can still handle the matter if you wish to see and end to that action of the father. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by mollie12: 12:00am On May 06, 2012 |
PrinceDudu: @op at this stage all suggestion seems to be useless what I think u should do is get us the mans phone number or house add so that we can bombard him with calls and letters. Please. I think every NLders will agree to this. Best idea so far. Please act on this OP. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by mollie12: 12:12am On May 06, 2012 |
This is a really sad situation. Abeg any one that can help out should please help out. And please when you reference an NGO or what not, share their contact details nah? We no be winch.... The flogging method does not work anymore these days. I teach Sunday school and I know. That child would just grow up viewing you as a big devil. There are other ways to instill discipline and correction in your kids. A lot of modern schools use this these days. You can research these methods on the internet. Children learn at different rates so there is no point getting violent on a child. There are some whose learning styles do not meld AT ALL with the present Nigerian educational style, so they have learning challenges all the way from primary school to the university. One would need patience with these type of children. Of course as an earlier poster has mentioned, the child needs to exert diligence - no matter his learning style - to his studies to achieve good results. OP please don't relent on the situation oh! That's how some people have ended up killing their children in the name of enforcing discipline on them. You could try to intervene by offering yourself as a private tutor and using the time to patiently discern what is wrong with the child. After like 5 or so sessions with the child, you would have enough information to knowledgably advice and convince the father of the error of his ways. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by SHUPZY(m): 1:36am On May 06, 2012 |
"Ayo and Tunde are brothers, Ayo is 11 while Tunde is 8. (Not real names, they are actually igbos). They live with their father, their mum is seperated from their dad. The elder is very brilliant and catches up easily, he's in jss 2 and his father shows him much love. The younger however is in primary 4 and is not as brilliant / sharp as his elder brother. The father expects him to be as brilliant as the other so he spends time everyday teaching him and overloading his brain, at times to as late as 9-10pm. If he makes mistake the father beats him mercilessly, at times he punches him and even spits on him. Now the boy feels less important and his morale drops by the day, his mother is not home to defend him. The father simply unleashes anger on the boy, as I'm typing his head is swollen and the father has refused to listen to anybody, he has the strong belief that overworking his brain with assignments will make him brilliant. The boy needs help but there is no one to help him. I know the beatings are not justified but how can the boy be helped before the father kills him?" In the UK sure he will get at least 25years to life in prison for this .U cannot flog ur own pet (Dog or Cat)in the present of ur neighbour letalone a human being.If it happens ur neighbour will charge u 2 court.once guilty u 're going to jail and loose d custody of ur ward.
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| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Nobody: 1:48am On May 06, 2012 |
@ poster, this is so sad. I cant imagine how hurt that little boy is in every way. Please act on this with whatever suggestion you think would work the best. Its the little boys protection that is the most important here!And not to mention that these children will grow up and either continue with this way of treating people and or feeling worthless.There is absolutaly no justifiable reason to punch and abuse anyone. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Theblessed(f): 3:02am On May 06, 2012 |
[size=16pt]The word 'Excessive' tells the reader a lot. It suggests one passing the boundaries of 'scolding a child with a fatherly love' in order to correct his/her wrong doing to 'hate or wickedness'. We hope the excessive force he used on this child was out of character that might have stemmed, from frustration and should not be repeated in future - that, we hope! It is intolerable to hear about abuses perpetrated on vulnerable children who can not defend themselves. Whatever the frustrations, a child did not asked to be born after all, when you were climbing your woman, didn't you realise it is difficult to raise a child  Parents and adults, be mindful!!![/size] |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Tgirl4real(f): 4:18am On May 06, 2012 |
OlowoTee: I'd suggest you do not report the dad to the cops nor agencies. Oftentimes such cases aren't handled well. Moreso, since you'd want to remain anonymous, I'd suggest to you to visit the boy's school. Have a chat with his class teacher or school proprietress/proprietor (tell them about the beating etc). Although the best would have been to meet up with the School Counsellor...but, not all schools can afford one. The school would simply use their discretion to call on the father without raising any suspicion, ask him some questions about his boy and probably suggest better ways to helping him improve on his academic performance, they could counsel him on child training, development etc. #I know they'd handle this discretly without having to mention names. Why not give the name of the NGO already? @ Post, Some of the responses here got me laffing but this isn't a laffing matter. I see some people blaming the mother. This is Naija, people. The child belongs to the father. In this case, the mother is mentally unstable whilw the father is wealthy. Is it not obvious y the child is with the father? Calling family members or police will not work here. Even if you ask the school to intercede, it will just provide temporary solution. Infact, the family will rather not intervene. They might not see anything wrong any. In cases like this, people just talk for a while and later mind their business. They will go like "shebi na hin pikin, make e kill am". I doubt this man will kill his child sha. We see similar stuff like this everyday where the best you can do is pity the child. And mothers indulge in this act more. They take out the frustrations of their husbands on their kids in which case, its easier to solve cos there is a father that can intervene. The main problem I see is the child having a low self esteem and turning into a beast of a husband/father in the future. OP, the best solution is the mother or a sincere close relative of the mother to come and take the boy away secretely to avoid further abuse. If you can't do that, please contact the office of the Public Defender in Lagos State. You should find them easily via google. If they don't take the case up, they can direct you to the right chanel. I know Lagos state has this covered. The man needs to be served for child abuse and molestation. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Delafruita(m): 7:25am On May 06, 2012 |
Fred527: Which authorities can I report to? And it has to be anonymous too[img]http://www.dubaa.info/hmp.gif[/img]the office of the public defender takes up child abuse cases in lagos.their contact is available on the internet |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by pheesayor(m): 7:30am On May 06, 2012 |
Thanks everyone for your suggestion, first I'm not a teacher in his school but a teacher in another school. The mother is not is not in her right mind to care for the kids that's why she's away. The man has a very tight routine daily: goes for jogging early in the morning, afterwards go to his office, drive through traffic from alaba to festac then comes home very tired and still takes time to ensure he does his school assignment or the home assignment he have him, if he doesn't get the sums right he makes sure they solve together at times till about 10-11. And note, the father is always sad whenever the boy doesn't get things right but has refused to listen to the fact that children don't develop the same way and that the boy needs time, he's just stubborn that's it. Its a duplex house so no one hears during the beating except seeing from outside in the evenings when he's beating in the living room so its possible neighbours are not even aware. I will contact office of the Public Defender in Lagos State for more guide about thi and report back here. Thank you all. |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by moremi2008(m): 7:41am On May 06, 2012 |
pheesayor: Thanks everyone for your suggestion, first I'm not a teacher in his school but a teacher in another school. The mother is not is not in her right mind to care for the kids that's why she's away. The man has a very tight routine daily: goes for jogging early in the morning, afterwards go to his office, drive through traffic from alaba to festac then comes home very tired and still takes time to ensure he does his school assignment or the home assignment he have him, if he doesn't get the sums right he makes sure they solve together at times till about 10-11. And note, the father is always sad whenever the boy doesn't get things right but has refused to listen to the fact that children don't develop the same way and that the boy needs time, he's just stubborn that's it. Its a duplex house so no one hears during the beating except seeing from outside in the evenings when he's beating in the living room so its possible neighbours are not even aware. How do you know all these details about the man? 1 Like |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by violent(m): 7:44am On May 06, 2012 |
The man has a very tight routine daily: goes for jogging early in the morning, afterwards go to his office, drive through traffic from alaba to festac then comes home very tired and still takes time to ensure he does his school assignment or the home assignment he have him, if he doesn't get the sums right he makes sure they solve together at times till about 10-11. And note, the father is always sad whenever the boy doesn't get things right And there are still people that believe this man must be evil? smh! I will contact office of the Public Defender in Lagos State for more guide about thi and report back here. Feel free to contact the office of the Public Defender in Lagos, but i'd advise you NOT to take decisions that might cause rifts within a family that's already having several problems of their own. Nairalanders as usual will always give both silly and useful advise at the comfort of their computers directed only by their emotions and nothing else.....but most of them don't have a mentally unstable wife, an extremely busy routine or two kids to care for |
| Re: Does A Father Have The Right To Excessively Beat His Children? by Nobody: 9:25am On May 06, 2012 |
moremi2008:Good ask... |
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