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I Am Staying by dbisiback: 4:50pm On May 18, 2012
Yes i am holding on to my marriage i am not leaving, we have 2 beautiful kids. I just need to know if anyone knows where i can buy love.

He is good looking, everyone likes him, he is generally an ok person. Though he has hurt me in the past but to be fair he is not the worst man. He is not violent as well. He provides the little he can i help out as well.

My only problem is i do not love my husband, we have been married for over a decade i have tried and tried and tried as much as i can but i just cant find any emotion however small for him. Something happened shortly before we got married and i found that the love i had for him grew wings and flew away but stupidly believe i could grow the love back with time but after 12 years i still cant find it.

Sxxx is a challenge for us we do it for marital obligation not for pleasure infact i never for once enjoy it with him, its sad, its killing i wish i enjoy it like every other woman but as much as i try i cant find any emotion. We dont kiss i find it disgusting, dont hug it makes no meaning to me, we dont make love it irritates me we do however manage to have sxxx

I feel nothing, absolutely nothing for him, we relate as friends not husband/wife. He has tried his best he has resigned himself to fate, i have as well but sometimes its killing to live this way. I feel for him i really do no man should live like this. He never consider leaving, i do at times but i cant, i am not.

Where on earth can i buy love?
Re: I Am Staying by Nobody: 5:14pm On May 18, 2012
na wa o. You allowed this man to marry you knowing you didnt love him at all? You wicked no be small. Poor dude must be shedding tears in secret.

1 Like

Re: I Am Staying by Tgirl4real(f): 5:17pm On May 18, 2012
dbisiback:
My only problem is i do not love my husband, we have been married for over a decade i have tried and tried and tried as much as i can but i just cant find any emotion however small for him. Something happened shortly before we got married and i found that the love i had for him grew wings and flew away but stupidly believe i could grow the love back with time but after 12 years i still cant find it.

Awww . . . sis . . .

What exactly did he do? I believe you haven't forgiven him that is why you are still disgusted. Sometimes, when people we hold in high esteem disappoint us, it takes the grace of God to let go.

Will be back . . .

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Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 5:30pm On May 18, 2012
Tgirl4real:

Awww . . . sis . . .

What exactly did he do? I believe you haven't forgiven him that is why you are still disgusted. Sometimes, when people we hold in high esteem disappoint us, it takes the grace of God to let go.

Will be back . . .

Thanks Tgirl i trust people like you and the likes of CC etc and that is why i eventually brought this up here. It has 'killed' me for years.

Thanks again. What he did then i really would not like to discuss here but we are human we can offend each other, a few people were aware they might be reading this, some of these people begged me to carry on with him then they assured me i will get over it and will love him again with time. I stupidly believed it.

waiting...
Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 5:37pm On May 18, 2012
davidylan: na wa o. You allowed this man to marry you knowing you didnt love him at all? You wicked no be small. Poor dude must be shedding tears in secret.

D believe me it was not wickedness, i can assure you it was not. I told him i no longer loved him, told everyone that he asked to beg me but no one would believe me they all assured me it was just due to what happened and that overtime i will get over it and love him. If i ever knew it will remain this way i definitely would have insisted on ending it but too bad i could not see the future.
Thanks
Re: I Am Staying by Nobody: 5:40pm On May 18, 2012
@OP
if you lasted 10yrs, and you are not willing to be honest with this man then pls, indulge in 10 more yrs of unhappiness.
Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 5:50pm On May 18, 2012
MRbrownJAY: @OP
if you lasted 10yrs, and you are not willing to be honest with this man then pls, indulge in 10 more yrs of unhappiness.

not willing to be honest? as in tell him i dont love him? please expantiate, thanks
Re: I Am Staying by Nobody: 5:51pm On May 18, 2012
Re: I Am Staying by Nobody: 6:15pm On May 18, 2012
dbisiback: not willing to be honest? as in tell him i dont love him? please expantiate, thanks

of course!!!!
the issue can ONLY be resolved if both of you work on the matter. he is just as much involved in this as you are, so he should know FULLY what/how you feel, in order to possibly make this union better (or leave). you really think that loving him would make things better while he probably feel the same way as you do? be honest with the man you shared your bed with for 10+ yrs, thats the LEAST you should bring to the table.
Re: I Am Staying by dayokanu(m): 6:27pm On May 18, 2012
Basically you conned a man into marriage.

If you had told him before the marriage you didnt love him, I guess he might not have contonued but just to satisfy your own desire to be called Mrs something, you deceived an unsuspecting man into marriage

You know something about Karma right?
Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 6:28pm On May 18, 2012
chaircover: sweetie I really feel for you. It cant be easy being pulled from both sides. on one side is your First your conscience, your kids, what people will say etc and on the other hand, your emotional wellbeing.

I dont know what your husband did 12 years ago, but I want you to face whatever it is and thrash it out together. Dont be fobbed off that it happened so long ago; the fact that you are still dwelling on it means that it cant be swept under the carpet.

First of all I will advise that you got for counseling; please ensure that you go to an independent counselor, one who doesn't know either of you from Adam, that way, you can be certain of non judgmental or partial advise.

You both need to agree that is is critical now and you both need to work with the counselor and do whatever exercises you are given, no matter how silly they may seem at the time.

I tell you something; one only has one chance at life and therefore you owe it to yourself to make yourself happy. As you have made the decision to stay, which is good, then you must find ways that both you you need to be happy . . . and remember, the happier you both are, the happier the kids are too.


Thanks a mill God bless your soul. I will think about it. But do you think there might be something more to this? Why i asked is right inside me i feel there is nothing that can make me love him, not that i am happy with it but i have tried a few things from reading book and attending seminars but it hasnt worked.
Imagine being in the house all alone with your husband and you are just wishing that someone will at least come in. Imagine being together and silently wishing that your bodies dont touch yet we are fine outside the door and everyone thinks we are o great couple. We are like very good friends with no single emotional feeling at all
Its getting me crazy but i will try your suggestion and will get back to you. I like him like a friend and cant even stand saying to his face that i dont love him, i just cant find that courage.
Thanks again, i will come back.
Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 6:30pm On May 18, 2012
dbisiback:

D believe me it was not wickedness, i can assure you it was not. I told him i no longer loved him, told everyone that he asked to beg me but no one would believe me they all assured me it was just due to what happened and that overtime i will get over it and love him. If i ever knew it will remain this way i definitely would have insisted on ending it but too bad i could not see the future.
Thanks

dayokanu: Basically you conned a man into marriage.

If you had told him before the marriage you didnt love him, I guess he might not have contonued but just to satisfy your own desire to be called Mrs something, you deceived an unsuspecting man into marriage

You know something about Karma right?
Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 6:34pm On May 18, 2012
MRbrownJAY:

of course!!!!
the issue can ONLY be resolved if both of you work on the matter. he is just as much involved in this as you are, so he should know FULLY what/how you feel, in order to possibly make this union better (or leave). you really think that loving him would make things better while he probably feel the same way as you do? be honest with the man you shared your bed with for 10+ yrs, thats the LEAST you should bring to the table.

Thanks. I am still thinking have thought so hard in the past how to tell him to his face that i dont love him. I know him and i know what the consequence of saying that to him might be but will try and work around that. Hopefully i will have that confidence.
Thanks
Re: I Am Staying by taryour(f): 7:06pm On May 18, 2012
dbisiback: Yes i am holding on to my marriage i am not leaving, we have 2 beautiful kids. I just need to know if anyone knows where i can buy love.

He is good looking, everyone likes him, he is generally an ok person. Though he has hurt me in the past but to be fair he is not the worst man. He is not violent as well. He provides the little he can i help out as well.

My only problem is i do not love my husband, we have been married for over a decade i have tried and tried and tried as much as i can but i just cant find any emotion however small for him. Something happened shortly before we got married and i found that the love i had for him grew wings and flew away but stupidly believe i could grow the love back with time but after 12 years i still cant find it.

Sxxx is a challenge for us we do it for marital obligation not for pleasure infact i never for once enjoy it with him, its sad, its killing i wish i enjoy it like every other woman but as much as i try i cant find any emotion. We dont kiss i find it disgusting, dont hug it makes no meaning to me, we dont make love it irritates me we do however manage to have sxxx

I feel nothing, absolutely nothing for him, we relate as friends not husband/wife. He has tried his best he has resigned himself to fate, i have as well but sometimes its killing to live this way. I feel for him i really do no man should live like this. He never consider leaving, i do at times but i cant, i am not.

Where on earth can i buy love?

op if i av to b very frank with u,wot u av done is wickedness. U shoulndt av gone into dis in d first instance knowing u avnt forgiven completely,all u dis was marry him out of pity and not being called alesheju like d yoruba call. Now u are not only punishing dat man but urself as well and ur kids inclusive. If dis goes on without a change,ur kids would most likely grow up thinkin couples should live as u both are leaving now, they never see u both laff together,gist,eat togetha,e.t.c dat every happy couples do togeda.

Secondly i must comend u staying dis long,even witout d love u av stayed commited to ur family witout comiting any form of aldultry. Realy u are a stong woman.
Thirdly wot u need to do now since u av made up ur mind to stat with ur family and make it work means u still av a small spot for dis man.
Go to God in prayers,tell God to help u forgive ur hubby completely,Talk to ur hubby from d depth of ur heart,tell him how u feel and apologise to him. Beg him to teach u how to love him. This will take a while but u need ur hubby to coperate so u can achieve ur aim.
Wish u best of luck in ur efforts.
Re: I Am Staying by tpia5: 7:15pm On May 18, 2012
did the poster see someone she fancies on nl, or why all the story at this point in time?

maybe you saw sezkillz photo, or maybe coogar, denzel2008, richklintz, pennywise, maclatunji, seun, lefulefu, 2buff, reality, or any other male here, and suddenly your bodi dey hot you and "you cant bear it no more", abi.


pardon me - what exactly are nlers supposed to do for you, or is this another fake thread, as i suspect.

better accept Jesus into your life, whoever you are.
Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 7:24pm On May 18, 2012
taryour:

op if i av to b very frank with u,wot u av done is wickedness. U shoulndt av gone into dis in d first instance knowing u avnt forgiven completely,all u dis was marry him out of pity and not being called alesheju like d yoruba call. Now u are not only punishing dat man but urself as well and ur kids inclusive. If dis goes on without a change,ur kids would most likely grow up thinkin couples should live as u both are leaving now, they never see u both laff together,gist,eat togetha,e.t.c dat every happy couples do togeda.

Secondly i must comend u staying dis long,even witout d love u av stayed commited to ur family witout comiting any form of aldultry. Realy u are a stong woman.
Thirdly wot u need to do now since u av made up ur mind to stat with ur family and make it work means u still av a small spot for dis man.
Go to God in prayers,tell God to help u forgive ur hubby completely,Talk to ur hubby from d depth of ur heart,tell him how u feel and apologise to him. Beg him to teach u how to love him. This will take a while but u need ur hubby to coperate so u can achieve ur aim.
Wish u best of luck in ur efforts.

Ok if you insist i was wicked to have married him i accept though i didnt mean to be. Like someone rightly said i didnt want to be alasheju if you know what that means.

The kids has no idea trust me, we jist like 2 good friends, we laugh believe me we do so many things that if you know us you simply wont believe anything about us not loving each other or me not loving him, we go to parties together the problem is emotion, i mean having any kind of erotic feeling at all.

That i am strong and havent commited any form of adultery hunnnnnn believe me i have once some years back i nearly confesed to him but at the end didnt. I am sorry to disappoint you but there is no need covering that up to make myself look like a saint.

That i have spot for him trust me i dont, he is like a friend to me without any kind of emotion, none whatsoever.

That i should go to God in prayer, i did will keep doing it.

Thanks loads
Re: I Am Staying by Nobody: 7:24pm On May 18, 2012
Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 7:27pm On May 18, 2012
tpia@:
did the poster see someone she fancies on nl, or why all the story at this point in time?

maybe you saw sezkillz photo, or maybe coogar, denzel2008, richklintz, pennywise, maclatunji, seun, lefulefu, 2buff, reality, or any other male here, and suddenly your bodi dey hot you and "you cant bear it no more", abi.


pardon me - what exactly are nlers supposed to do for you, or is this another fake thread, as i suspect.

better accept Jesus into your life, whoever you are.

No sir i dont fancy anyone on NL, it is not a fake thread. Thanks anyway and as for accepting Jesus into my life thanks as well, i have Him in my life since i was a girl.
Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 7:30pm On May 18, 2012
chaircover: I dont normally do this but I took a look at the posters previous posts. She has been struggling with this for a while now and I give her some credit for staying put; her staying put and her post this evening is just another cry for help so if anyone has any ideas on how to help her to reclaim back this marriage then lets share them with her.

I dont know what kind of prayer to say for you God Himself will pray for you.
You are right, i have lived with this for so long, i hope i just get through this because sometimes i feel like the would should just end.
Re: I Am Staying by tpia5: 7:30pm On May 18, 2012
dbisiback:

No sir i dont fancy anyone on NL, it is not a fake thread. Thanks anyway and as for accepting Jesus into my life thanks as well, i have Him in my life since i was a girl.

so what exactly is your problem here, and what do you want nlers to do for you?

what kind of advice are you seeking from the majority godless people that are found on this site?

thread sounds fake, imo.

may God forgive you.
Re: I Am Staying by Nobody: 7:31pm On May 18, 2012

1 Like

Re: I Am Staying by dbisiback: 7:44pm On May 18, 2012
chaircover:

My question is what is love?

It seems that you are just not sexually compatible. How often do you make love? and when you do, do you both enjoy it? Is it painful?

Have you had a deep heart talk with him?

Are you ever apart from each other? the reason I ask is because sometimes taking time out from each other makes you appreciate the other person more.

Love is the ultimate feeling of affection that a person feels for another person. There is no feeling of affection.
yes ma we are not.
Not often believe me it is ridiculous we do it just to fulfil our marital obligation.
I think he enjoys it, i dont i never did not even once.
Yes it is painful most time and several times we have to apply . . .
I have not i cant stand having heart talk with him, he has tried to get us to talk but i just cant each time he tries, i just want us to talk about any other thing but not us. I dont know if there is something else with it but i just cant stand us talking that deep.
Sometimes we were apart from each other for a very long time when we saw there wasnt that excitement just normal bawo ni? at night i silently wish we would just both sleep off but he (not we) wanted to and we did as usual no pleasure.

I have the story (of our lives) written, it tells it all. I know you quite well, believe me, for a very long time and i can trust you, if you want to know as in everyting about this i will email it to you. Just that if i have to put it up for everyone i am pretty sure at least someone will know who i am. If you dont want to its ok i will endevour to answer your questions as much as i can (may not be able to answer all on an open forum like this though) but if you really want it i will email it to you.

Thanks again.
Re: I Am Staying by Nobody: 8:03pm On May 18, 2012
Re: I Am Staying by Busybody2(f): 8:49pm On May 18, 2012
Wow, I remember your story from romance section circa 2007 shocked shocked shocked
Re: I Am Staying by SisiKill1: 8:52pm On May 18, 2012
chaircover: From the sound of things, you most def have to go back to the incident that happened 12 years ago and address it. There is no way you can move on without you both having a deep chat. You owe that yourself at least.
I am more than happy to talk to you offline if that is what you want. [size=18pt]My desire is for you to overcome this and be happy; Everyone deserves to be happy.[/size] My Email addy is okeado@yahoo.co.uk

This woman. . .I swear I wanna have your temperament, your outlook, your....your everything sef!!

May God continue to bless you and bukun you with more wisdom!!

See this is why you are the Yeye oooooooh, the Ijile mama of the Cabality!! cheesy cheesy
Re: I Am Staying by Busybody2(f): 9:02pm On May 18, 2012
Brainstorming:

#Your Husband was the one who disvirginned you 4 years into your courtship


#He falsely accused you of cheating which hurt you deeply and made you nearly call off the wedding two months to the due date


#People rallied round you and pleaded with you not to cancel the wedding, but you only agreed because you had been dating for almost a decade.


#You got married but felt nothing sexual for your Husband and sex became a painful boring chore between you


#A few years after the wedding, you listened in on your Husband's voicemail and heard an ex describing what a wonderful stud your Hubby was and how he should not ignore her cos he is now married that he is too sweet in bed and she cannot give him up.


#Your mind in disarray and utter chaos, hurting and painfully questioning your womanhood. . . you painfully sought out an ex who you never slept with whilst dating and found out . . .shock horror. . . That you enjoyed every bit of it and he made you come alive.


#You have since been racked with guilt, not knowing whether to confess. . .and you are now back trying to look for a way to convert sexual attraction into love whilst letting go of the hurt he caused you and getting rid of your guilt. . . Like the late Fela sang "oro pesi je o, oro di hmmm" . . What a dilemma!!! Girlfriend you are strong, phew. The Lord's been your strength.
Re: I Am Staying by maryini(f): 9:07pm On May 18, 2012
tpia@:


so what exactly is your problem here, and what do you want nlers to do for you?

what kind of advice are you seeking from the majority godless people that are found on this site?

thread sounds fake, imo.

may God forgive you.

How does it sound fake? It is very real...I am even in a similar situation but thank God I am not married to him.

Like the OP we are very good friends...I keep thinking I would grow to love him because he is one of the nicest guys i have ever met but for where.
Re: I Am Staying by coogar: 9:11pm On May 18, 2012
tpia@:
did the poster see someone she fancies on nl, or why all the story at this point in time?

maybe you saw sezkillz photo, or maybe coogar, denzel2008, richklintz, pennywise, maclatunji, seun, lefulefu, 2buff, reality, or any other male here, and suddenly your bodi dey hot you and "you cant bear it no more", abi.


pardon me - what exactly are nlers supposed to do for you, or is this another fake thread, as i suspect.

better accept Jesus into your life, whoever you are.

tpia is not the same if she doesn't mention my name in a week.
instead of you to peruse what the poster is saying and not fall into the
same pit, you are busy pretending to be a nafdac agent who separates what
is real from what is fake.........

dbisiback: Yes i am holding on to my marriage i am not leaving, we have 2 beautiful kids. I just need to know if anyone knows where i can buy love.

He is good looking, everyone likes him, he is generally an ok person. Though he has hurt me in the past but to be fair he is not the worst man. He is not violent as well. He provides the little he can i help out as well.

My only problem is i do not love my husband, we have been married for over a decade i have tried and tried and tried as much as i can but i just cant find any emotion however small for him. Something happened shortly before we got married and i found that the love i had for him grew wings and flew away but stupidly believe i could grow the love back with time but after 12 years i still cant find it.

Sxxx is a challenge for us we do it for marital obligation not for pleasure infact i never for once enjoy it with him, its sad, its killing i wish i enjoy it like every other woman but as much as i try i cant find any emotion. We dont kiss i find it disgusting, dont hug it makes no meaning to me, we dont make love it irritates me we do however manage to have sxxx

I feel nothing, absolutely nothing for him, we relate as friends not husband/wife. He has tried his best he has resigned himself to fate, i have as well but sometimes its killing to live this way. I feel for him i really do no man should live like this. He never consider leaving, i do at times but i cant, i am not.

Where on earth can i buy love?

love will find you.....that's all i can say!
keep doing what you do or probably you guys need a change of scene.
a vacation for you two in a remote island might work and if all else
fails, hire a marriage counsellor(debosky)!
Re: I Am Staying by babuji(f): 10:03pm On May 18, 2012
Sometimes you can't fix what is broken.......

Only God can fix all things .........if only you can just believe .......and allow Him
Re: I Am Staying by tpia5: 10:40pm On May 18, 2012
oh, the lady said she has already "done the do"?

i don talk am say na im bodi dey hot am "lojiji" maybe after seeing photos or "testimonies" recently on nl.


anyway, k"Oloun ma fiso e so wa.

forgot to add dayokanu to the list of names anyway. Hope he's not offended.
Re: I Am Staying by coogar: 10:44pm On May 18, 2012
tpia@:
oh, the lady said she has already "done the do"?

i don talk am say na im bodi dey hot am "lojiji" maybe after seeing photos or "testimonies" recently on nl.


anyway, k"Oloun ma fiso e so wa.

forgot to add dayokanu to the list of names anyway.

na malaria fever? grin grin grin grin
Re: I Am Staying by tpia5: 10:48pm On May 18, 2012
yes oh.

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