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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Best Joke Today (2593 Views)
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Best Joke Today by Dondav(m): 8:40am On May 29, 2012 |
◀╦Laff don burst⇆ M̶̲̥̅̊γ̥ t0♍my o0Oo╦▶ =))•´¨) ¸.•´ ¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸¸.•´(=))¸.•´(¸.• =))♒ђåª•ђåª•ђåª♒=)) •°˚˚˚kk |
Re: Best Joke Today by Dondav(m): 8:40am On May 29, 2012 |
A dog asked the cat 'why do you hide yourself when you have Sex?' the cat replied 'you want humans to steal my style like they stole yours? |
Re: Best Joke Today by Dondav(m): 3:11pm On May 30, 2012 |
A guy from 9ja goes to China. While in China he has unprotected sex. He then returns to 9ja and after two weeks, he notices bright green and purple spots on his penis. He immediately goes to see a doctor. Doc says this is a rare disease called Mongolian VD. I'm sorry but the only cure is to amputate your penis. Horrified he goes the following day to see a Chinese doctor for another opinion. The doctor examines him and say"Ah yes Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease" The guy says "I know that, what should I do? My nigerian doc says I must amputate my penis?" Chinese doc laughs and says "stupid Nigerian doctas, always want to opelate. They make more money that way. No need to opelate" ! "Thank you" the guy replies "Yes" says the Chinese doc "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money" 3 Likes |
Re: Best Joke Today by Dondav(m): 9:54am On Jun 02, 2012 |
An angry wife calls her husband on his cellphone. "Where the hell are you?" She demands. " Darling, he says, "u remember that jewellery shop where you saw that beautiful diamond necklace? Remember i didn't have money at the time and said it would be yours one day?" Immediately softening, his wife says, yes, I remember that, my love. "Well," her husband says, "i'm at the bar just next to that shop." |
Re: Best Joke Today by Dondav(m): 9:56am On Jun 02, 2012 |
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at this my watch." |
Re: Best Joke Today by Dondav(m): 10:10am On Jun 02, 2012 |
Presents for Mother Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious." 1 Like |
Re: Best Joke Today by Dondav(m): 10:11pm On Jun 03, 2012 |
A man from ndundori returns a book to the library, bangs it on table & says: "What a waste?! I read the whole book, too many characters, no story at all" Librarian: "So, you are the one who took the Telephone Directory!" |
Re: Best Joke Today by Dondav(m): 9:52am On Jun 05, 2012 |
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness. |
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