Efemena_xy:

WHAT??!!

That was b@ng out of order! Where was the husband whilst all this was happening? Is he a weakling or what?

If to say dem dey over here, that MIL would be done for serious assault charges!! What if the DIL lost the pregnancy or if mother and baby died in the process? Na only for Naija pessin fit do and undo. Mtcheew!

I'm sorry to say but I think that husband is really stoopid! I'm so angry reading this! Is that MIL educated sef or na from village she come? I blame the husband for all that because it's when you open the door of your marriage to outsiders, then you have no one but yourself to blame when they meddle with your matrimonial home.

I hope that woman won't mind too much if her daughter's MIL does the same to her...

Hmm they are here ooooo, that was the question i asked her, if her hubby was there and what his reaction was? but she said he did not do anything and that was when she made up her mind that this battle is for her to fight. The MIL hates her, because the DIL is not giving her any opportunity to control her life and her home.

stillwater: I still don't get this MIL and DIL tiff. Are you saying somebody will just come to your home and start throwing tantrums just because. . .? How does the scuffle between MIL and DIL start? Or both parties just lack maturity and manners to get along?

Wait small. You will soon marry.

davidylan: Wait small. You will soon marry.

Won't I learn from the experienced married ones before I enter it? Because I know myself something I don't do well with is dramatics or excessive noise making. I can take any other thing but not some trifling individual. Biko carry your bad spirit/luck and leave my house. I do not have respect for any adult who cannot channel his/her emotions without throwing tantrums, not even my mother. You will be banned from my house, until you learn to be civilized. So when I hear stories of [b]continuous [/b]strife between DIL and MIL, it doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm just talking because I've not been in it.

stillwater:

Won't I learn from the experienced married ones before I enter it? Because I know myself something I don't do well with is dramatics or excessive noise making. I can take any other thing but not some trifling individual. Biko carry your bad spirit/luck and leave my house. I do not have respect for any adult who cannot channel his/her emotions without throwing tantrums, not even my mother. You will be banned from my house, until you learn to be civilized. So when I hear stories of [b]continuous [/b]strife between DIL and MIL, it doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm just talking because I've not been in it.

I say wait small now, shebi you go marry. We'll see how you want to "ban" your husband's mother from her sons house.

Can't wait. Thank God we'd all be contributing to the payment of the house .

dayokanu: What I say in this is that I solemnly pray that the way you treat your MIL is the way your own DIL would treat you in the coming years

Hope I would get an AMEN to that this time around

Cos I rarely see ppl complain about Father in Laws, its always MIL vs DIL

Honestly answer this question. Who is more likely to come live in a couple's home? FIL or MIL?
I know of mothers that leave their husbands in the village or wherever they are, then come and balance in their sons' houses here in America going for months.
You can see where the cycle comes from. Husband does crap, woman turns to her son and puts all her energy on him. Son marries, mother can't let go, leaves hubby in village. New wife is angry husband can't stand up for her, worst case scenario. . .he cheats, impregnates housegirls, lol meaning husband has messed up. . .new wife turns to her own son. . .cycle continues.

stillwater:

Honestly answer this question. Who is more likely to come live in a couple's home? FIL or MIL?
I know of mothers that leave their husbands in the village or wherever they are, then come and balance in their sons' houses here in America going for months.
You can see where the cycle comes from. Husband does crap, woman turns to her son and puts all her energy on him. Son marries, mother can't let go, leaves hubby in village. New wife is angry husband can't stand up for her, worst case scenario. . .he cheats, impregnates housegirls, lol meaning husband has messed up. . .new wife turns to her own son. . .cycle continues.

So that means its women who are giving themselves problems.

I can swear that those MIL that are "wicked" today also complained about their own MIL's 30yrs ago

stillwater:

Honestly answer this question. Who is more likely to come live in a couple's home? FIL or MIL?
I know of mothers that leave their husbands in the village or wherever they are, then come and balance in their sons' houses here in America going for months.
You can see where the cycle comes from. Husband does crap, woman turns to her son and puts all her energy on him. Son marries, mother can't let go, leaves hubby in village. New wife is angry husband can't stand up for her, worst case scenario. . .he cheats, impregnates housegirls, lol meaning husband has messed up. . .new wife turns to her own son. . .cycle continues.

and those sons are sitting there saying nothing? Thankfully my mama has a house and a stable husband. I know she wont be staying more than 4 weeks max. Even that sef dey too long... me and wifey will be needing the whole house to get our freak on abeg

I do not buy all this MIL story...

What I have been brought up to understand is that you need Patience when it comes to marriage.

And, we all know its not every DIL that has that. People have misconception about MIL and so, are all so ready to dish out the worse even before they get into the guy's house.

Respect comes and goes both ways...DIL should respect MIL and viz versa.

But most especially, each other's space should be respected.

Hubby should be understanding, however... the wife would hardly win in the such DIL and MIL war... he would most likely be on the fence. Then would approach each party independently.

Above all, its important that as DIL we should not go into marriage with the intention of waging war with MIL.

Thank u dayokanu! If u hear my mother inlaw talking of her own mother in law ehn, laff go kill u die! She's always talkin of how her mother inlaw pursued her physically and spiritually!
Where d problem starts from is mothers in law discussin deir sons wives issue wit deir daughters especially. Take for instance my mother neva gives room for that, I have an elder sis who is always complainin of my brothers wives,but my mum always shuts her up, dats y my brothers wives are @ peace wit my family. I honestly pray 2 God that my sons wives will neva have course 2 call me a wicked mother in law,and I know I can make it because my mum has made me knw its possible.

Women honestly contribute to a large percentage of the problems in this world! What surprises me the most about my MIL is that she has the most stable marriage ever! I wonder where she has the time to jump up and down from? One of these days I will soon shoot off her big toes! Nor b person son she marry?

My rules about this issue are pretty straight forward. I know my mother well, her strengths and weaknesses. My role as a man, son and husband is to allow my future wife to get to know my mum well too so she knows how to treat her and vice versa. I simply cannot marry a woman that doesn't get along with my Mum. It's non-negotiable for me. Once a girl starts acting funny and starts making stupid in-law jokes, she's out.

mutter: It`s always MILs but they are mostly acting after consultation with FILs.
Is it right for a woman to come into a mans life and break the existing bond that has existed since conception? A wise woman will strengthen the existing bond and so bond with her husband as one.
How can you love a man and hate his mother?
Women have a jealous nature when it comes to their sons. It takes respect and diplomacy to convince a woman that you are not there to build barriers between her and her child but that you are there to join the family.
The core problem that affects marriages and our relationship with our in laws is vanity and ego trips.
Modesty, humility, patience and understanding come a long way.
Your MIL may act in ways that offend you. If you are able to keep control of the situation she will became your best friend. That does not mean that you have to give in to her demands. It just means knowing what to say, how to say it and when.
Also one needs to be very careful about what one says to one`s husband about his mother. Many a men would go giving their mothers complaints about their wife, even using their wife`s as an excuse for certain actions. They then go back to their wife and do the same there, thus causing a conflict between the woman and the man.

How can a mother love her son and hate his wife? (Especially wen d woman is good enough)? It would b better if a rule is put that mothers in law should just pick wives for their sons! Den dey wuld knw dat ders no perfect woman out der

jennykadry:

You haven't answered my question. Do you live on nairaland? Do you have a life?

LMAO

My MIL and I were sweet at first then wahala started when she will just burst into the room when hubby and I are havng alone time. If hubby complains she will say we are not doing anything she hasn't seen before. She gave my 2yr old son raw egg to drink - complain she says I don't appreciate her. She wants to tell me when to shait and pee which I don't mind o for peace sake but when it comes top the well beign of my child I stand my ground. If she use over sabi kill am na me loss.

Hello, learnt that you are trying to reach me, here is my line 08025896688

Hello mary, learnt you are trying to reach, here is my line 08025896688

its a very difficult matter especially when u r d type that takes no nosense even from ur own mother & sibblings, u get married & they expect u to a saint.

In my case, even though i ve a large family, i didn't like a crowded house, i moved out at a very young age to squat wt a friend, then i got my own apartment until i got married. I just loved my privacy!

I had to tell my hubby i didnt want family members to live wt us, both his & mine but now d pressure to keep one family member or d other is really pressing on him.

He didnt do his homework well b4 getting married. In my brother's case u dare not impose anyone on him, he clearly told us his not responsible for anyone except his children

moremi2008: My rules about this issue are pretty straight forward. I know my mother well, her strengths and weaknesses. My role as a man, son and husband is to allow my future wife to get to know my mum well too so she knows how to treat her and vice versa. I simply cannot marry a woman that doesn't get along with my Mum. It's non-negotiable for me. Once a girl start acting funny and starts making stupid in-law jokes, she's out.

What if she pretends & becomes real after marriage, will she also be out? I believe u r not married, u 'll understand when u do. but i'm already seeing sign of failure on ur part, u r obviously a mummy's boy, & people like u always ve problem in marriage.

My Aunty that has had a 30 year MIL / DIL war with her Mother in law is now having the same war with her son's wifey....

No need to curse after all you have kids too.

Apply wisdom and know that you can choose how you treat the Mama but you do not choose how she treats you.

moremi2008: My rules about this issue are pretty straight forward. I know my mother well, her strengths and weaknesses. My role as a man, son and husband is to allow my future wife to get to know my mum well too so she knows how to treat her and vice versa. I simply cannot marry a woman that doesn't get along with my Mum. It's non-negotiable for me. Once a girl starts acting funny and starts making stupid in-law jokes, she's out.

I know some mother in laws are crazy but my mama can be crazy too.....do I disrespect her when she tells me to go and change what I am wearing at my age. Of cos not I simply apologise, crack a joke and drive off wearing what I have on.
If I were looking to marry if a man does not manage my Mum well not necessarily get on but respect, honour her while still taking his own decisions ....then it will be a deal breaker. I can never disown my family.

Oldpath: Hello mary, learnt you are trying to reach, here is my line 08025896688

Thank you old path, I will contact you

Well this issue of MIL is a cycle, dats why we shuld take it upon ourselves as women not 2 b bad mothers in law, if you love ur son, u shuld love his wife n not see her as a stranger!

Women are possesive in nature, my mum was always complaining abt my brothers' wife cos he is the only son, btu we the ladies in the house were the ones that curbed that, we told her emphatically that she should allow our brother run his family, she faced a similar challenge with her MIL,( my grandma) and for that cycle to be broken, we had to stop her, now, they are cool, no more compalins, any complaints comes to us and we always lie to her that we do even worse to our hubbies, case closed. My MIL is authoritative, at first I took it personal and wud always complain to my hubby but later I discovered she does that even with her children, so what the heck, I had to accept her for whom she is, we all have our shortcomings, afterall, we dont live together and we only see once in a while.

Advise to DIL, accept them for whom they are and only make ur complaint known to ur hubby, dont confront ur MIL, she is old enough to be ur mum, no matter what she does, pretend it didnt hurt u, afterall, final decision is still urs and ur hubby. Like my hubby would say, we decide the way we run our homes no matter the advise or suggestions people bring, it is our home, there are ways to say NO to things without being confrontational.
Someone said MIL comes into dia room, in that case, what I will do whenever she is around is to always lock my hubby room when we are having private times, when she knocks, hubby will have to answer, let him be the one to face himm by going out to her, I wont leave the room myself.

horny4u: My Aunty that has had a 30 year MIL / DIL war with her Mother in law is now having the same war with her son's wifey....

No need to curse after all you have kids too.

Apply wisdom and know that you can choose how you treat the Mama but you do not choose how she treats you.

Cest fini. Sensible woman.

No long talk, The way you treat your MIL, Same way your DIL would treat you.

How come its the same aunt who had a war with her MIl is now having same with her DIL.

Like I said What goes around would surely come around.

The same way you call your MIL a witch and wish she is dead thats the same way your DIL in 30yrs would call you a Witch and wish you die.

Those that want their Husband to kick the MIL out, thats the same way your own son would kick you around too

Can I have an AMEN?

What about MILs that move into sons house and wants to run it? What should the DIL do? Some men just don't know how to control their mothers doings in their own homes.

Siena: I'm not sure how others cope with an interfering mother-in-law, but I know how I would deal with such a situation.

I loved my mom before I met and married my wife. The love I have for both women was very different - I loved my mom, but I'm in love with my wife. My wife is Number One, my mom was aware of this, and accepted it as such. She would never have disrespected my wife, or interferred in our marriage. Why would she? She had her husband, my father to contend with, he kept her busy.

Only an idle, spiteful mother-in-law would attempt to come between her son and his wife. And for this to happen, the son has to allow it. I would never allow it, my mother would never have just turned up unannounced, or decided to move in on a semi-permanent basis. I'm not such a weakling as to fail to defend my wife if need be. And yes, against my mom too, even if it meant I had to banish her from our home, till she learnt to respect my wife. Any man who sits back and allows his mom to torment his wife, and generally raise cain in his house is a stone jerk.

You are different. My MIL is twice divorced and retired so she has all the time to treat hubby and I like a project. SOme women are just wicked. Husband will complain, daughters will complain and son will complain but for where? She wants the DIL to suffer stress. And most DIL can't help but be blamed by MIL for turnning her kids and husband against her. Then the you must go song will start.You must go oo, since they married you there has been divission in my house even my son now warns me cos I talk some sense into you. Something he has never done until you came into this family.

davidylan:

the problem isnt the mother in law but your husband. If he cant control his mother or insist that she respect his wife then he has a problem. As for me my folks already know the rules well before i get married...
1. once wifey enters the harem, all family members lose automatic rights to my home as they please. You need advance notice and approval to enter
2. Wifey is the mistress of the manor, insult her and you will be spending the night on the street no wahala
3. all access to me must go through the wife... so if you are rude to her you know what that means.
4. No her, no me. chikena!

Madam tell your husband to grow a new pair of balls.

Any man that don't realize this is a dead man, Nobody bleeps with my wife, if you do dat consider yourself a dead man or woman. If you are in my house she is in charge take to the rules. But WOman remember play a good role...so dat you dont put your husband in a mess. Call me woman wrapper-I like it, tell me my wife hole go kill me-no problem na there i follow com...My mother or my wife mother know me...umhhh lol

my MIL don die but I dey miss her shaa

Just like d one i've as a mother inlaw,any mother inlaw who no want make her daughter live in peace her own daughters go c hell for husband house.infact dem no go reach there,AMEN

Ruthnkem: Just like d one i've as a mother inlaw,any mother inlaw who no want make her daughter live in peace her own daughters go c hell for husband house.infact dem no go reach there,AMEN

And any Wife that gives a MIL hell would also see triple hell from her own daughter in law in 30yrs time