TV01:
Aren't these two statement contradictory?

If the couple can do all you set out in the first quote in 4 months, why is that lucky?

Mine was 3 and it's been bliss. Although I was well versed and had seen and experienced enough to write a book. As soon as I met my WTB, I thought hmmmm. After 1 date, it was hmmm, hmmm. proposing 3 months later was merely a formality. In fact I think we just started discussing dates.

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It's not. I don't believe in long courtship too esp. when you know what you want.

I was just telling Geomac that because it turned out right doesn't mean it couldn't have gone otherwise.

U will see people that will tell you it's cos they courted for 6 goods years that is why their marriage is working. Then, look at u and Geomac that courted for less than 6 months having a blissful union too. So, its relative really.

The bottom line is knowing what you want and going for it instead of going in circles.

@ TV01,

On second thoughts...could it be that those that didn't turn out right didn't get their priorities right? So, it's not about being lucky or unlucky

kay9:
Well we're back to Square One again... HOW LONG does this ''getting to know each other'' take??
Hey u know what? Lets make it a bit more real: How long would YOU would need to know someone enough to consider marriage?

It varies. For some, 6months is enough to decide whether they want to get married, for others 1year or 2yrs while for others it takes longer. Personally, I may not want to get married to someone I courted for just 6months but that doesnt mean others wouldnt and nothing says the marriage would not work either. It's all about personal conviction. On the average 2years is ok (my opinion).

I know some people are good pretenders but if you spend a day with someone, some people are able to know if they want to get married to that person or not.

I do not believe in long courtship at all, never had and never will. A man that is ready for marriage and can afford a marriage does not need to date a girl for donkey years before he proposes and it does not guarantee a good marriage either. Infact we are still busy courting each other so tey we never even reach honeymoon stage sef .

Marriage is a risk people take, I just find it silly that a man would court a woman for 8 years even when though they are not cohabiting just ot be sure he is marrying the right person or someone he is compartible with. You don't live with her and have no idea what she does, so be done with it already. Honestly if you marry the right person it will work out and you don't have to date for 50years to confirm that

After my whole shakara I agreed to spend a week of outing with him cos school was on break then, so for 5 days he would pick me up take me out and drop me off at home every evening and by the end of that 5th day I thought to myself "hey I know enough already to take me to the next level which was total commitment(not marriage yet) and in 4 months I knew enough to venture into marriage.

Truth is,no matter how much we think we know about our fiancés or fiancé or spouse, we cannot know it all. Even my own parents at old age are still discovering a few things about themselves talk less of we young ones

Tgirl4real: @ TV01,

On second thoughts...could it be that those that didn't turn out right didn't get their priorities right? So, it's not about being lucky or unlucky

I think that pretty much sums it up and is the point I was making. If people follow your first post to the letter and then some, whether they do it in 1 day or 1 decade, the chances of a happy union are high.

I am of course taking mature, honest individuals.

If a man were to meet someone on say July 1, would it really take until December 31st to figure out if she is wife material?

All things being equal, he'll know at first meeting if he fancies her or not. Her religion if he deems that important on the first date or before - no, 3 months and I don't know his name/age business - and her character, values and aspirations by the third - with a few phone chats in between.

Then spend time in her company, to really get to know her. The attraction - not just physical - is either growing or fading. Her character and behaviours are either being re-enforced or revealed as false. Six months? For where? Even if it's a date a week and phone chat is capped at 60 minutes over the same period.

I couldn't imagine dating someone for 6 months before deciding if she's wife material or not. She either is, is not, or is not ready. That will be clear quick time.

Not for those simply "hanging out" or "dating" for datings sake.

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TV01:



Mine was 3 and it's been bliss. Although I was well versed and had seen and experienced enough to write a book. As soon as I met my WTB, I thought hmmmm. After 1 date, it was hmmm, hmmm. proposing 3 months later was merely a formality. In fact I think we just started discussing dates.

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You sound like my husband, he always tells me till date that the first day he spent quality time with me and we talked, he knew what he wanted. I still tell him I don't believe him just to piss him off but I don't doubt it cos the way the dude rushed the whole thing? My parents had only 8 weeks to prepare but it all worked out well and still is. At first my siblings thought I kept it a secret it took a while for them to know that the man meant business just a few months after meeting him


Come on now, which man can resist omo to dun like me?

jennykadry:
Truth is,no matter how much we think we know about our fiancés or fiancé or spouse, we cannot know it all. Even my own parents at old age are still discovering a few things about themselves talk less of we young ones

very true. And I also agree 100% that marriage is a risk. There are no guarantees. Just go in with a correct head on your shoulder and hope for the best.

Tgirl4real:

very true. And I also agree 100% that marriage is a risk. There are no guarantees. Just go in with a correct head on your shoulder and hope for the best.

You just cannot know everything about your partner, are you God? How can you know that person inside out? Abeg leave that work for God cos he alone knows us from top to bottom. If you like date for 30 years, you cannot sabi that person finish. Just take the risk and walk into it already with hope that it will work out well for everyone.

People change, you might think you know the person well but that person can change. Look at me for Instance, I hardly ever got a jewelry as a gift cos I don't wear them, na only one ear ring I sabi, necklace and co no time and he never bought any of that for me cos he knew I would never wear them but all of a sudden, my eye don dey chook inside jewelry ooo, infact I am beginning to love them as much as I love shoes

Not only can you not know someone a 100% no matter how long you get to know them neither can you legislate for how they will "develop/grow" over time. That's why character and aspirations are key, along with a clear agreement of what exactly your union will entail and your joint commitment towards it. Cake.

And I put God ontop - and by the side and behind, above and below - fully hedged. I was ultimately at peace because I'm God fearing and put Him first in this.

Early on before I became well versed, a few tried to dribble me. Even later on, the odd one almost breached my defences. But He always intervened or led me aright.

Ecclesiastes 7:26 - And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.

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TV,

From what Jenny also said about her hubby, it seems we women take a longer time to decide than the men. Call it our indecisive nature. Men (matured ones) know what they want from the word go and they usually don't allow emotions to cloud their mind.

Tgirl4real: TV,

From what Jenny also said about her hubby, it seems we women take a longer time to decide than the men. Call it our indecisive nature. Men (matured ones) know what they want from the word go and they usually don't allow emotions to cloud their mind.

It has always been so. Mature men know what they want from the onset no dulling. Take shopping for instance, a man knows what he wants, he goes into the shop and gets it and gbam 2 minutes later he is out of the shop and driving home but how many times have we women gone into the shop to buy a red handbag and ended up spending 2 hours because some are on sale and we are comparing prices or asking ourselves if we really need the red bag when we can get two black bags for less? Or ended up not buying what we went into the shop for and came back home with something totally different? How many of us have walked to the car pack and back to the shop 2wce In 30 minutes cos we cannot truly make up our mind on what we want?or gone into the shop to buy a dress and on our way to the check out got distracted by a clearance rack of nice jeans on half prices? And you wonder why the men Complain when we come back home 5 hours later even though we told them we were just going to pick up one item?

Tgirl4real: TV,

From what Jenny also said about her hubby, it seems we women take a longer time to decide than the men. Call it our indecisive nature. Men (matured ones) know what they want from the word go and they usually don't allow emotions to cloud their mind.

Possibly, but I don't necessarily see any gender difference here if both are "there" to begin with, or just mature. I can be the worst when it comes to buying stuff - just like JK outlined above - my wife just shakes her head and laughs. But for this one thing - "wifing" - I was sharp. I had to be sharpened sha 0!

I gave my WTB a compelling value proposition. It didn't take her long to get it.

Marriage is an art/skill/sense that should be inculcated in us from a young age. It doesn't happen as much anymore and what people see modelled is mostly k-legged. People are running scared.

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jennykadry:

Come on now, which man can resist omo to dun like me?

...and what is she feeling like *hiss*

abeg, send me ya pix

jennykadry:

It has always been so. Mature men know what they want from the onset no dulling. Take shopping for instance, a man knows what he wants, he goes into the shop and gets it and gbam 2 minutes later he is out of the shop and driving home but how many times have we women gone into the shop to buy a red handbag and ended up spending 2 hours because some are on sale and we are comparing prices or asking ourselves if we really need the red bag when we can get two black bags for less? Or ended up not buying what we went into the shop for and came back home with something totally different? How many of us have walked to the car pack and back to the shop 2wce In 30 minutes cos we cannot truly make up our mind on what we want?or gone into the shop to buy a dress and on our way to the check out got distracted by a clearance rack of nice jeans on half prices? And you wonder why the men Complain when we come back home 5 hours later even though we told them we were just going to pick up one item?

hehehehe

I'm so guilty of this

When shopping for ma baby nko? The one that annoys even me is when I leave a store, stop half way to think n calculate, goes back into the store, walk out again and finally go back to buy the same stuff

btw Jenny, what are u driving at?

Are u saying that is how we dissect/analyse the men that approach us?

TV01:
Possibly, but I don't necessarily see any gender difference here if both are "there" to begin with, or just mature. I can be the worst when it comes to buying stuff - just like JK outlined above - my wife just shakes her head and laughs. But for this one thing - "wifing" - I was sharp. I had to be sharpened sha 0!
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hmm . . . you are right, but women take longer sha.lol

Looking back at things, I knew what I wanted from the word go. There were things I couldn't compromise and whenever I see anything that doesn't tally with what I'm looking for, I bail out. I don't even bother going on a first date with u. Well, except to tell you "NO, I can't date u".lol

kay9: @chamotex, hey where u been?

Wow I should be asking u the same question. I've been around here, you'll find me in the Sports section these days

Yep, it does.

Though it is not a guarantee for success, it does help in aiding successful marriage.

Before you marry someone, get to know them well.

And the longer you court, the more likely you would know them.

*subscribing*

Did y'all have a checklist of your spouse must haves during courship? What was d grade u needed, to know if ur spouse was marriageable out of say 10 things? My Aunt keeps saying any guy am considering must have 9 out of the ten things I need or I would be unhappy. Seems way too high for me.

Its not how long but how well. A nigerian lady can conceal her true colour for even a decade.

Tgirl4real:

U see . . . that is a relative one there.

I think we all should have our priorities set in order of preference. Like a list of important things and another list of less important things. When you find someone that meets your top priority list and you meet hers too, and you both are attracted to each other, and you both are sincere with each other and have genuine interest for each other,I believe you are good to go.

And when the qualities in the priority list changes (by your desires changing or by the person changing) and you are both less attracted to each other in a few years as you both change physically, what do you do then?

Tgirl4real:

It's not. I don't believe in long courtship too esp. when you know what you want.

I was just telling Geomac that because it turned out right doesn't mean it couldn't have gone otherwise.

U will see people that will tell you it's cos they courted for 6 goods years that is why their marriage is working. Then, look at u and Geomac that courted for less than 6 months having a blissful union too. So, its relative really.

The bottom line is knowing what you want and going for it instead of going in circles.

Well said.

It is not how long they court, but how well they get to know eachother... and how sincere and mature they are while courting, keeping in mind that the commitments they both vow to take at the end of the day should last a life time.

1. Courtship is like a case in the court. Some cases take 10 years but at the end no ending judgment and vise versa.
2. Long courtship is not idea for aged intending couple ( e.g. 30years & above)
3. Most early courtship like 15/16 years usually scrumble.
4. Perfect courtship is usually 3 years before wedding.
5. Knowing one another family help in courtship.

Well talking of "compatibility"they don't need it
before and in marriage. Cos marriage in itself, is a learning process. I don't think there is need or lenght for long courtship though. It all depends on love and understanding before tieing the knot.

jennykadry:
Come on now, which man can resist omo to dun like me?

And if you had had a little more patience, you might have had Sagamite all to yourself. [Gives her the head and lip sideways twist a teacher gives a naughty student]

Tgirl4real:

very true. And I also agree 100% that marriage is a risk. There are no guarantees. Just go in with a correct head on your shoulder and hope for the best.

Well said again.

And the longer you know your partner, the more likely you are reducing the likelihood of the risk and can even mitigate against the impact of the risk.

Dem dey teach all these things for Risk Management classes na.

One tin we re 4getting is dat "CHANGE" is sumtin we all cant run 4rm. U cant know everytin about a person.u might live wit sum1 4 up 2 20yrs and d person wil stil exhibit a character u hv nt seen b4.long courtship or nt is nt a criteria 2 know ur spouse is just God dat builds a relatnshp

To some people it does,it allows u knw ur partner better.

@all, courting is a personal thing. Some 3months is like 6yrs. If those involved are sincere, then U all good to go. I had one that ended d way it started after 4yrs, after so much patching. It was a great experience, dt I always make reference to. We both went for opposite of what we gave each other for 4yrs ( @least I know I did). My new story is similar to Jenny's. 1st week, I knew this is it, and bingo!

maryini: *subscribing*

Did y'all have a checklist of your spouse must haves during courship? What was d grade u needed, to know if ur spouse was marriageable out of say 10 things? My Aunt keeps saying any guy am considering must have 9 out of the ten things I need or I would be unhappy. Seems way too high for me.

I am very good at maths so I have been developing my algorithms and writing the computer code for a long time.

https://www.nairaland.com/312247/gf-material-vs-wife-material/1#4390898

maryini: *subscribing*

Did y'all have a checklist of your spouse must haves during courship? What was d grade u needed, to know if ur spouse was marriageable out of say 10 things? My Aunt keeps saying any guy am considering must have 9 out of the ten things I need or I would be unhappy. Seems way too high for me.

Why not letz have the 10 or @least the 9 things. Everyone can't possibly have the same things.

Sagamite:

And when the qualities in the priority list changes (by your desires changing or by the person changing) and you are both less attracted to each other in a few years as you both change physically, what do you do then?

Well, there are no guarantees. How each individual will react varies. Personally I think, if u both remain sincere with eachother and u keep doing what u do for fun, and if you still hold each other in high esteem despite the less attraction, there shouldn't be any problem except one partner is wanting more.

Sagamite:

Well said again.

And the longer you know your partner, the more likely you are reducing the likelihood of the risk and can even mitigate against the impact of the risk.

Dem dey teach all these things for Risk Management classes na.

People change over night Sagamite. All it takes is a lil shift in priority. U can't calculate the human emotions and always arrive at the same answers. There will always be a probability.