Sagamite,

you have a decent premise, but I consider it unbalanced by numerous extremes and not grounded in reality. Let me explain;

ATM – It’s overly pejorative and depicts women as bulging-eyed desperadoes. And sure there may be some of that persuasion, but surely you don’t think all 30-35 year olds (even from our demographic) are so anxious as to cast away all caution?

Goal Oriented – Likewise, I think we are both agreed that having a “GO” approach to marriage is fine, but your painting it as a do or die mindset for women of a certain age to the extent that all thought goes out of the window is at best patronizing. And it cannot apply universally.

Duration 1 – I have stressed, duration of courtship is not an absolute key. The ability to reach a critical level of shared understanding, compatibility and commitment on a basis of transparency
and clear end point is. Oft times the ability to conclude quickly is due to the couple being further along the “curve of readiness”. “Shotgun” cannot be the universal conclusion here.

And no, I never got to the point of proposing to anyone else after 3 months, but as each couple is unique, so is every individual encounter. I met some that I knew where “close “, but one thing or another meant we didn’t make end-game. It happens. But this all builds towards that grand finale.

Duration 2 – A 10 year relationship is for the most part unfeasible. Very few from our – or any – demographic will hang about for that long. It’s feasible if they both start early, but not if she is ready. Not keen, not anxious, not desperate. Simply ready. And if she’s “blue chip” she’ll be sought after and won’t be left unsold for very long. I hope you read the “how my bestie stole my man” thread?

Remember your set of unbelievable gifts and extraordinary talents are not universal to all men !.

Limiting Factors – Again mostly around age as some sort of absolute rubicon – but singularly for women. Yes, all told, men have a wider window, but the “men can wait forever” mantra is a dangerous fallacy (or as you put it “Age is a negligible-to-insignificant factor for men”). There is a marked decrease in vigour, libido and fertility in men – for many from their mid to late thirties. Don’t be deceived, the vigour of youth is just that, of youth. Don’t confuse it with a zest for life.

Would you honestly counsel a man over 35 – 30 even – to court for a minimum of 6 – 10 years? Even with prospects a minimum of 10 years younger?

You paint all women as unpredictable and all but unbalanced. I’ve said before, in that case marriage simply becomes untenable, no matter your risk mitigation strategy. Time actually becomes a non-factor

For a solid 3 month review, satisfy yourself on the following in – not strict – order of importance;

• Physical attraction
• Worldview & how rounded
• Character & how balanced
• Aspirations (mostly around family life and career)
• Readiness (mainly for marital life and the required adjustments)
• Commitment (primarily to “being” and her view of “what being” a wife entails)
• Relationship with immediate/wider family, particularly her father. See it live if poss.
• Circle of friends and other key relationships
• Genealogical & cultural backround, tastes/preferences, education etc. are secondary.

Time together may well throw up pressure situations where content will be clearly exposed, but I don’t believe in forcing these or attempt to “test”. Some scenarios may just not happen, in courtship or marriage. And where they do, analyse her responses critically, was she just caught cold or was she faking all along. Was the response commendable, a deal-breaker, or will time and growth make that a non-issue? Very quickly, the mouth will reveal the contents of the heart.

Am I saying it has to be 3 months? No. It all depends on context. I always tended to do a bit of ground work if possible before I even thought of making an approach. Every individual, every situation and every encounter is unique.

Keen to hear what your list contains and why it takes at least 6 years to get 70% of the way through it?


Best
TV

haha! Eyin oloyinbo yi sef . . . u no go kill pesin o

TV01:

Your correlation of increased time = increased knowledge = decreased risk is flawed. Yes there should be a minimum time, but anything after this leads to diminishing returns. To whit, if you can know someone to say 70% in one year, what added benefit would the additional 9 years bring in that regard? Plus other factors at play could possibly destabilise the relationship. You could find yourself in a perpetual "non-completion" loop here?

You miss out sincerity, purpose and mutual commonality at the start, and risk, staleness, divergence and "losing your kill" to events/someone else to end - as opposed to complete.

Though all these grammer pass me, I agree

TV01: Short vs. long is relative. it's depth that is the key. And the key to reaching that depth is understanding and approach.

Yes . . . like a 100 metres Olympic gold medalist and that of 400 metres dash. The distance don't matter, they are both Olympic gold medalists

.

TV01: Sagamite,

you have a decent premise, but I consider it unbalanced by numerous extremes and not grounded in reality. Let me explain;

ATM – It’s overly pejorative and depicts women as bulging-eyed desperadoes. And sure there may be some of that persuasion, but surely you don’t think all 30-35 year olds (even from our demographic) are so anxious as to cast away all caution?

Goal Oriented – Likewise, I think we are both agreed that having a “GO” approach to marriage is fine, but your painting it as a do or die mindset for women of a certain age to the extent that all thought goes out of the window is at best patronizing. And it cannot apply universally.

Mate,

No 1, women generally use worse terms for men without any contrition and without society batting an eyelid.

No 2, I am actually very indifferent to women. I like ladies and there are very few of them especially Nigerian ones.

So whether o pejorative abi o pa-ejor-loja o, that na grammar. That one is the least of my concerns.

I am not saying they throw away all caution. But they frequently throw away most concept of love and just go for a nice, stable guy with sufficient prospects and that likes them.

As I said before, I would rather go for a woman that adores me and wants to be with me, which is something that takes time to establish and even differentiate from lust. An ATM is unlikely to have this feeling, and there is a risk she still has a soft spot for some ex that is hard to let go. These are all part of the risks my risk management tries to avoid.

If I marry someone, I want her to feel sustained butterflies in her stomach BEFORE the wedding, not feel like we just formed a social consortia to conceive kids and fulfill social expectations.

TV01:
Duration 1 – I have stressed, duration of courtship is not an absolute key. The ability to reach a critical level of shared understanding, compatibility and commitment on a basis of transparency and clear end point is. Oft times the ability to conclude quickly is due to the couple being further along the “curve of readiness”. “Shotgun” cannot be the universal conclusion here.

No 1, I don't think 3 months is ever sufficient to reach any critical level.

No 2, often times the ability to conclude quickly is NOT due to the couple being further along the “curve of readiness”, but due to compromises by someone whose time is ticking. I can guarantee you that majority of women that marry under shotgun would not do it if they were at a younger age. So it is not about readiness except you are saying a biological clock is spurring readiness. I have females friends, I have seen this shyt alot. The minute the are hit the big 3-0, you hear them saying they are getting married and I ask which guy. It is a guy I did not know or had not heard of 3 months earlier and who does not typify to adequate degree the kind of man she always claimed to want. None in their early 20s give me such a shock.

TV01:
And no, I never got to the point of proposing to anyone else after 3 months, but as each couple is unique, so is every individual encounter. I met some that I knew where “close “, but one thing or another meant we didn’t make end-game. It happens. But this all builds towards that grand finale.

What I actually asked is not restricted to coupling. Have you ever met a man or woman (apart from your wife) that you felt you know 100% and could trust under 3 months?

TV01:
Duration 2 – A 10 year relationship is for the most part unfeasible. Very few from our – or any – demographic will hang about for that long. It’s feasible if they both start early, but not if she is ready. Not keen, not anxious, not desperate. Simply ready. And if she’s “blue chip” she’ll be sought after and won’t be left unsold for very long. I hope you read the “how my bestie stole my man” thread?

I never said people have to date for 10 years.

Remember also that I am Diamond chip. So fck blue chip, I am the price.

TV01:
Remember your set of unbelievable gifts and extraordinary talents are not universal to all men 8D!.

Gbagbe! A da fun e! (Accept that! E go better for you!)

TV01:
Limiting Factors – Again mostly around age as some sort of absolute rubicon – but singularly for women. Yes, all told, men have a wider window, but the “men can wait forever” mantra is a dangerous fallacy (or as you put it “Age is a negligible-to-insignificant factor for men”). There is a marked decrease in vigour, libido and fertility in men – for many from their mid to late thirties. Don’t be deceived, the vigour of youth is just that, of youth. Don’t confuse it with a zest for life.

You are a joker!

Please show me the research of marked decrease in vigour, libido and fertility for many men in their late 30s. Especially fertility as that is the one that can make them ATMs.

Please! Show me.

You are trying to BS me again.

TV01:
Would you honestly counsel a man over 35 – 30 even – to court for a minimum of 6 – 10 years? Even with prospects a minimum of 10 years younger?

I don't recall me saying people should date for a minimum of 6 years.

TV01:
You paint all women as unpredictable and all but unbalanced. I’ve said before, in that case marriage simply becomes untenable, no matter your risk mitigation strategy. Time actually becomes a non-factor

No 1, I never said or meant all. I meant most.

No 2, you have to know them and you have to make them know you don't stand for shyt. It works. And if she makes the error of trying to test your resolve on that, dump her.

https://www.nairaland.com/958447/many-married-men-unhappy/5#11070067

TV01:
For a solid 3 month review, satisfy yourself on the following in – not strict – order of importance;

• Physical attraction
• Worldview & how rounded
• Character & how balanced
• Aspirations (mostly around family life and career)
• Readiness (mainly for marital life and the required adjustments)
• Commitment (primarily to “being” and her view of “what being” a wife entails)
• Relationship with immediate/wider family, particularly her father. See it live if poss.
• Circle of friends and other key relationships
• Genealogical & cultural backround, tastes/preferences, education etc. are secondary.

Time together may well throw up pressure situations where content will be clearly exposed, but I don’t believe in forcing these or attempt to “test”. Some scenarios may just not happen, in courtship or marriage. And where they do, analyse her responses critically, was she just caught cold or was she faking all along. Was the response commendable, a deal-breaker, or will time and growth make that a non-issue? Very quickly, the mouth will reveal the contents of the heart.

Am I saying it has to be 3 months? No. It all depends on context. I always tended to do a bit of ground work if possible before I even thought of making an approach. Every individual, every situation and every encounter is unique.

Keen to hear what your list contains and why it takes at least 6 years to get 70% of the way through it?


Best
TV

How did you do your review in 3 months of all those?

What channels, tools, media, framework, technique etc did you use?

Or was it just what she vocalised?

Plus some church elders that introduced you both telling you that "she is a very good girl o. She would make a good wife"?

Believe me, if any woman asks me what being a husband is, I will gaddamn be able to tell her the sweet things she wants to hear but that does not mean I am willing to do it. So if I wanted to act, she would erroneously fall for my word without knowing my heart. So your claim "Very quickly, the mouth will reveal the contents of the heart" is so wrong. There are guys whose mouth have on occasions soften leg muscles, their heart definitely did not keep them with the leg owner.

We don buy market today.

Where is Debosky to come and judge

With this few words of mine, I hope have been able to convince u and not confuse you that long...ahem! I mean short courtship is better for marriage.

Really Sagamite, I have seen people that courted for 6 years and their marriages are no where today. And I have sean those that courted for only 3months and they are waxing stronger and stronger by the day.

It depends on the individuals involved. If one party decides not to behave, it will tell on the success of the marriage.

Btw, the people of old didn't really court per se and they usually grow old together. If we can renew our minds as to what marriage truly mean, we would have blissful marriages.

Tgirl4real: Really Sagamite, I have seen people that courted for 6 years and their marriages are no where today. And I have sean those that courted for only 3months and they are waxing stronger and stronger by the day.

It depends on the individuals involved. If one party decides not to behave, it will tell on the success of the marriage.

Btw, the people of old didn't really court per se and they usually grow old together. If we can renew our minds as to what marriage truly mean, we would have blissful marriages.

I don't like to hear exceptions, I like to hear odds. Tell me about averages.

The people of old had marriages where the woman were open to taking shyt. Most did. I don't think your generation are willing to take the same. Your peception of marriage and your independence is utterly different. So the people of old's longevity is not evidence of short courtship being good. That is like telling me arranged marriage is better than marriage by choice because the former last longer on average.

Sagamite:

I don't like to hear exceptions, I like to hear odds. Tell me about averages.

The people of old had marriages where the woman were open to taking shyt. Most did. I don't think your generation are willing to take the same. Your peception of marriage and your independence is utterly different. So the people of old's longevity is not evidence of short courtship being good. That is like telling me arranged marriage is better than marriage by choice because the former last longer on average.

I actually prefer arranged marriage. It saves us a lot of heartache. I wouldn't mind one.

Btw, I think I should start a thread on that.

Sagamu can argue from now till next year. A man that knows what he wants and can financially afford it, knows in a matter of weeks if he wants to spend the rest of his life with that woman.

My parents kicked against long courtship and drummed it into our ears right from the beginning when we women started growing boobs and the men pubic hairs. I grew up despising long courtship but have nothing against those that go for it. People told me then to chill out, I will meet better men and more men cos I was still young. But this man I married can best any better men we have out there right now. I wanted maximum 1year courtship and that was why I never dated until I was in my 3rd year in the uni. It worked out for me and might not work out well for others, but I tell you I enjoyed dating my husband and knowing him in marriage. I enjoyed the kpekusing and different positions during our dating time in marriage and I still enjoy it

jennykadry: Sagamu can argue from now till next year. A man that knows what he wants and can financially afford it, knows in a matter of weeks if he wants to spend the rest of his life with that woman.

Mba!

Not in the time of 50 percenting.

- 50% marriage failures.
- 50% of my sweat gone to some woman.

I no dey for that.

jennykadry:
My parents kicked against long courtship and drummed it into our ears right from the beginning when we women started growing boobs and the men pubic hairs. I grew up despising long courtship but have nothing against those that go for it. People told me then to chill out, I will meet better men and more men cos I was still young. But this man I married can best any better men we have out there right now. I wanted maximum 1year courtship and that was why I never dated until I was in my 3rd year in the uni. It worked out for me and might not work out well for others, but I tell you I enjoyed dating my husband and knowing him in marriage. I enjoyed the kpekusing and different positions during our dating time in marriage and I still enjoy it

Bloody frigid prude!

So you are one of those girls that refused to open for me?

On the other hand, I prefer to mainly know someone before marriage than in marriage. I think it would also be to her benefit to want that as well with me because you yourself can see the 2 personalities I have on NL. On one hand the jovial and banter person, on the other hand, the aggressive stubborn basher.

In real life, most people would see the jovial, convivial side of me virtually everytime. It is rare for the aggressive side to come out but it is there, lurking under the surface. One must have really taken a piss for that shyt to happen. Like the murrafcker that once came to attack me because im babe dey cheat with me (I no know say im get man o and I no know the guy). For him attacking me, as a matter of basic fcking principles, mo lati fck e up (I had to fck him up). Any woman that thinks this babyface is always smiley and friendly is in for a very, very rude shock. Im fit unfortunately see a real-life Chucky (from the "Child's Play" movie).

We both have to see a decent spectrum of our personalities and I don't think a short relationship would give me that privilege.

^^i was allergic to players sagamu if you like date a girl for 6 years, a girl that wants to play you will, without any drama. Why are you still single saga? Still trying to know the girl? continue kpekusing diaa, no go marry

Sagamite:

Mba!

Not it the time of 50 percenting.

- 50% marriage failures.
- 50% of my sweat gone to some woman.

I no dey for that.



Bloody frigid prude!

So you are one of those girls that refused to open for me?

On the other hand, I prefer to mainly know someone before marriage than in marriage. I think it would also be to her benefit to want that as well with me because you yourself can see the 2 personalities I have on NL. On one hand the jovial and banter person, on the other hand, the aggressive stubborn basher.

In real life, most people would see the jovial, convivial side of me virtually everytime. It is rare for the aggressive side to come out but it is there, lurking under the surface. One must have really taken a piss for that shyt to happen. Like the murrafcker that once came to attack me because im babe dey cheat with me (I no know say im get man o and I no know the guy). For him attacking me, as a matter of basic fcking principles, mo lati fck e up (I had to fck him up). Any woman that thinks this babyface is always smiley and friendly is in for a very, very rude shock. Im fit unfortunately see a real-life Chucky (from the "Child's Play" movie).

We both have to see a decent spectrum of our personalities and I don't think a short relationship would give me that privilege.

jennykadry: ^^i was allergic to players sagamu if you like date a girl for 6 years, a girl that wants to play you will, without any drama. Why are you still single saga? Still trying to know the girl? continue kpekusing diaa, no go marry

He is afraid...my sister.....na fear dey catch am.

jennykadry: ^^i was allergic to players sagamu if you like date a girl for 6 years, a girl that wants to play you will, without any drama. Why are you still single saga? Still trying to know the girl? continue kpekusing diaa, no go marry

Why am I still single? Because I like being happy.

ronkebp:

He is afraid...my sister.....na fear dey catch am.

No be fear dey catch me o. Na sense dey catch me.

long term courtship without eating the forbidden fruit, oya now, dig into it.
long term courtship with eating what does not belong to you, gal playing wifey, live in lovers etc say you are experiementing what the marriage proper will be?
Mbanu.
long term courtship no way for me personally.

armyofone: long term courtship without eating the forbidden fruit, oya now, dig into it.
long term courtship with eating what does not belong to you, gal playing wifey, live in lovers etc say you are experiementing what the marriage proper will be?
Mbanu.
long term courtship no way for me personally.

you should be worried if you meet a man who does not
want the forbidden fruit. he might be suffering
from various strains of erectile dysfunction.

why court at all if the fruit is forbidden?

why court for long with the gal playing wifey roles? Why?

armyofone:
why court for long with the gal playing wifey roles? Why?

how would you tell the quality of a babe if she is not
tested in wifey roles? it's like mock exam, get on with
it. she plays wifey roles, the dude also plays husband roles.

armyofone: why court for long with the gal playing wifey roles? Why?

am with you on this one....i hate long courtship....just get married already and save us unnecessary time....some people claim to have dated their husbands for 6- 10 years before getting married..i don't know how they survived those times....God knows i would have dated 10 guys in-between....

ronkebp:

am with you on this one....i hate long courtship....just get married already and save us unnecessary time....some people claim to have dated their husbands for 6- 10 years before getting married..i don't know how they survived those times....God knows i would have dated 10 guys in-between....

i think the age they started dating is the key. a guy of 19 yr-old dating
a 17-yr old chic in nigeria would get married when? at 21? hell to the no...
of course, debarring any ugly issue, their relationship would last 6-10 yrs before
marriage comes into play.

coogar:

i think the age they started dating is the key. a guy of 19 yr-old dating
a 17-yr old chic in nigeria would get married when? at 21? hell to the no...
of course, debarring any ugly issue, their relationship would last 6-10 yrs before
marriage comes into play.

You are right..that is why it is good to wait before going into any relationship....i had a friend who was in a relationship with her ex since her JSS1, they kept on dating through out university and did not end up marrying themselves, apart from the relationship...she aborted like 6 different times during the course of their relationship...she is married to someone else and has not given birth yet.. so long courtship is just a waste of time.

ronkebp:

You are right..that is why it is good to wait before going into any relationship....i had a friend who was in a relationship with her ex since her JSS1, they kept on dating through out university and did not end up marrying themselves, apart from the relationship...she aborted like 6 different times during the course of their relationship...she is married to someone else and has not given birth yet.. so long courtship is just a waste of time.

for every story that ended this way, there are 5 that ended in marriage.

Ronkebp, you are right there. I wouldnt want to be any guy's sampling barbie

some gal can play nice for the duration of that courtship only to rear their real self after the marriage.

1 year
2 years
etc no proposal, na wetin biko what's a gal waiting for?
some people can be in a relationship just to piranha

anyway:

To each their own sha.

armyofone: Ronkebp, you are right there. I wouldnt want to be any guy's sampling barbie

some gal can play nice for the duration of that courtship only to rear their real self after the marriage.

1 year
2 years
etc no proposal, na wetin biko what's a gal waiting for?
some people can be in a relationship just to piranha

anyway:

To each their own sha.

6 months gan sef is too much for me oooo...i can't fit, i get bored easily...so i don't know what we will be doing for 10 years.

I think the saying “its not how far but how well“ should come into play here. You hear of cases where a sister sleeps with her sister‘s husband and bestfriend sleeping with her bestfriend‘s husband and so on. In all the years of sisterhood and friendship, there was no pointer that such betrayal could ever happen and these are people who have known each other from birth.
What am i trying to say? Courting someone for years is NOT a guarantee for a happy or lasting marriage. Most persons who get married after long years of courtship do it out of pity for the other person and for the fact that “people will talk“. While its perfectly okay to court someone for as long as possible in order to get to know each other, a man or lady that is good at pretending will successfully hide that aspect of him or her that he or she doesnt want you to know. At the end of the day, it all boils down to one thing- prayer, praying that God should reveal the ugly and worse side of that man or woman to you. I have heard of couples who date and court for years but their marriage crashed faster than a pack of cards.
Irrespective of the duration of courtship, the major thing is for the parties involved to BE MATURED IN MIND AND HEART, UNDERSTAND, RESPECT AND LOVE EACH OTHER and most importantly, they should both have a solid idea of what marriage is all about and be prepared for it.

PrettyCindy: I think the saying “its not how far but how well“ should come into play here. You hear of cases where a sister sleeps with her sister‘s husband and bestfriend sleeping with her bestfriend‘s husband and so on. In all the years of sisterhood and friendship, there was no pointer that such betrayal could ever happen and these are people who have known each other from birth.
What am i trying to say? Courting someone for years is NOT a guarantee for a happy or lasting marriage. Most persons who get married after long years of courtship do it out of pity for the other person and for the fact that “people will talk“. While its perfectly okay to court someone for as long as possible in order to get to know each other, a man or lady that is good at pretending will successfully hide that aspect of him or her that he or she doesnt want you to know. At the end of the day, it all boils down to one thing- prayer, praying that God should reveal the ugly and worse side of that man or woman to you. I have heard of couples who date and court for years but their marriage crashed faster than a pack of cards.
Irrespective of the duration of courtship, the major thing is for the parties involved to BE MATURED IN MIND AND HEART, UNDERSTAND, RESPECT AND LOVE EACH OTHER and most importantly, they should both have a solid idea of what marriage is all about and be prepared for it.

You are preaching to the choir. Preach sister, preachhhhhhhh

PrettyCindy: I think the saying “its not how far but how well“ should come into play here. You hear of cases where a sister sleeps with her sister‘s husband and bestfriend sleeping with her bestfriend‘s husband and so on. In all the years of sisterhood and friendship, there was no pointer that such betrayal could ever happen and these are people who have known each other from birth.
What am i trying to say? Courting someone for years is NOT a guarantee for a happy or lasting marriage. Most persons who get married after long years of courtship do it out of pity for the other person and for the fact that “people will talk“. While its perfectly okay to court someone for as long as possible in order to get to know each other, a man or lady that is good at pretending will successfully hide that aspect of him or her that he or she doesnt want you to know. At the end of the day, it all boils down to one thing- prayer, praying that God should reveal the ugly and worse side of that man or woman to you. I have heard of couples who date and court for years but their marriage crashed faster than a pack of cards.
Irrespective of the duration of courtship, the major thing is for the parties involved to BE MATURED IN MIND AND HEART, UNDERSTAND, RESPECT AND LOVE EACH OTHER and most importantly, they should both have a solid idea of what marriage is all about and be prepared for it.

No 1, do you not think it would be easier to spot a man with the kind of character to sleep with your sister over a longer courtship than over a short courtship?

No 2, are you saying people that have short courtship do not stay in marriage even though they are unhappy or have seen they have made a mistake, out of pity for the other person, because they have kids and for the fact that “people will talk“?

No 3, do you not think it would be easier to spot a pretender over a long courtship than over a short courtship?

If your answer to all 3 is "yes", so why is long courtship not better than short courtship?

We all know we don't want Sagamite, or Sagalulu as my sisters-in-law call me, to comment on the prayer part.

Sagamite

1yr maximum is enough for me. Anything more than that is boring. I have always wanted it so and God made it so. I got to know him more in marriage because we live together. I never cohabited before marriage so no matter how long it could have gone on for, I still wouldn't know him that well. He could claim to be a night sleeper during the day but party and club all night with other girls. I wouldn't have known any of that because we never lived together.

Marriage i repeat is a risk. You walk in there with heads held high and prayer on your lips that things will work out well. We women actually sacrifice a lot during marriage more than you guys you might not know this but feel free to argue : you think it was easy for me to leave my family and move into someone's house and become a part of a family I never knew from Adam? Change my last name from my fathers to his? Get preggers and bring kids into this world without harboring the thought of the marriage not lasting? Signing a paper on my wedding day telling the whole world that if I die in very good old age(100yrs from now) bury me not in my fathers compound but husbands, accepting my husbands sisters like my own sister and brothers like me own?

I have said it a million times on NLD that some of us women go into marriage first off with our hearts and hope for the best that our husbands stand by us in trying times because apart from God being the pillar of my life and household, my husband is the second pillar I hold unto daily for support(emotionally, physically, range rover evoguely etc) and it can be very devastating when these men don't live up to that expectation because you all are not broad shouldered for nothing, that shoulder was created for so many things, for us to cry on, sleep on, do an angle 69 on lean on etc. A lot of us have such great respect for our men even though we might not show it too often, you all are our backbone and when you men treat your wives like shalt, it drives me the hell crazy because we always want to look up to yous as a our earthly source of strength, you motivate us, your cheering us makes us push even harder when we are down. All in all I love my husband and I dont think I would love him this much if we dated for donkey years


Sorry I kind of went off topic there and pardon my errors, I'm mobile

jennykadry: Sagamite

1yr maximum is enough for me. Anything more than that is boring.

Wait is this 1 year for dating or 1 year from meeting to marrying?

jennykadry:
I have always wanted it so and God made it so. I got to know him more in marriage because we live together. I never cohabited before marriage so no matter how long it could have gone on for, I still wouldn't know him that well. He could claim to be a night sleeper during the day but party and club all night with other girls. I wouldn't have known any of that because we never lived together.

That is why it might make sense to co-habit before marriage but I guess unna God no go agree.

jennykadry:
Marriage i repeat is a risk. You walk in there with heads held high and prayer on your lips that things will work out well.

Mba! I am walking into it with Ifa chants on my lips and juju charms from my babalawo in my suitcase. Tor'mo ba fck up, she ni ima fck e up (If the babe fck up, I would fck her up).

jennykadry:
We women actually sacrifice a lot during marriage more than you guys you might not know this but feel free to argue : you think it was easy for me to leave my family and move into someone's house and become a part of a family I never knew from Adam? Change my last name from my fathers to his? Get preggers and bring kids into this world without harboring the thought of the marriage not lasting? Signing a paper on my wedding day telling the whole world that if I die in very good old age(100yrs from now) bury me not in my fathers compound but husbands, accepting my husbands sisters like my own sister and brothers like me own?

Well na una want am pass, so rightfully you should be the ones sacrificing more.

Men no dey sacrifice to get in the skirt when na dem want sex more?

You think me dropping my pride to approach you at the risk of being rejected or worse being insulted is not a sacrifice?

You think me paying for date is not a sacrifice?

You think me spending all that money on stewpid shyt like Valentine and Xmas is not a sacrifice to enter between the legs?

Anuofia, let me see you complain again about sacrifice.

jennykadry:
I have said it a million times on NLD that some of us women go into marriage first off with our hearts and hope for the best that our husbands stand by us in trying times because apart from God being the pillar of my life and household, my husband is the second pillar I hold unto daily for support(emotionally, physically, range rover evoguely etc) and it can be very devastating when these men don't live up to that expectation because you all are not broad shouldered for nothing, that shoulder was created for so many things, for us to cry on, sleep on, do an angle 69 on lean on etc. A lot of us have such great respect for our men even though we might not show it too often, you all are our backbone and when you men treat your wives like shalt, it drives me the hell crazy because we always want to look up to yous as a our earthly source of strength, you motivate us, your cheering us makes us push even harder when we are down. All in all I love my husband and I dont think I would love him this much if we dated for donkey years

Sorry I kind of went off topic there and pardon my errors, I'm mobile

ROFLMAO at Range Rover Evoguely.

If she is worth it, I don't mind it being Bentleyly as far as I am concerned.

That is why I am looking for quality, not shytheads.

If she can make me feel it is worth it being in life imprisonment, then I will make it my personal conviction to make her feel I am her guard-ing angel in one familial cell-unit.

Kai, una no like the way I used puns like imprisonment, conviction, guard and cell all in one sentence? Mo bad! I should go and work for a tabloid.

In addition to what i said earlier, both parties should be truely honest and open to each other. They should invest time into talking about their past, likes, dislikes, dreams, aspiration etc. In a situation where long courtship isnt an option, talking and honesty about themselves will do go a long way in helping them achieve closeness.

PrettyCindy: In addition to what i said earlier, both parties should be truely honest and open to each other. They should invest time into talking about their past, likes, dislikes, dreams, aspiration etc. In a situation where long courtship isnt an option, talking and honesty about themselves will do go a long way in helping them achieve closeness.

Do you honestly think that total honesty is likely to lead to a healthy relationship?

Believe me, women don't like hearing the truth. They like hearing what they want to hear. That is pure fact!

I pity the foool that will be totally honest with a woman.

And I pity the woman that would be totally honest to a guy about some things about herself.

I prefer to say honesty in moderation. It might not sound funky to some, but it is the functional reality.

Sorry guys, I am just keeping it real.