Balance the equation gal.life isn't always rosy all d time.u can call d paddy and iron issues objectively.
Use ur head to Ahead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Katch ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rice and Stew Very Plenty. [font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

LOL!!

u guys shld just take it easy in here.

wahala dey! Moni your bf don catch you!

davidylan:

wahala dey! Moni your boyfriend don catch you!

na you?

nwando:

na you?

me ke?

Just read telltoo's post.

The game don enter another level

i don't think you're expecting too much but instead you're simply pouring out your heartfelt and i think he should understand and reason with you.

Yes, the guy is always busy, remember he has to struggle to take of of his future family (thats no excuse though) but we all know marriage is not a 1month affair, it takes forever and one has to plan properly for it financially and emotionally, i believe you're working towards the emotionally aspect with the way you expressed yourself but it doesn't go the same way for the guys.


"In a relationship, its not important that both partners think the same way. What is important is that they think 2gether."

At this note, I'll want you to let him understand how you feel, not just at the introductory level but intensely. As you speak, i sense you want to walk down the aisle with him and you both need to work things out now or,

I hope it goes well with both of you.
I n z e

Ogbono soup don sour!

sit him down. tell him how you feel for one last time. if he persist. time you show him the red card.

This makes for interesting reading. Are the both parties Nigerian based? The talk of money hard cannot "fly" for not getting your girl a birthday present even if its just N200 recharge card .

Abeg no come Dey promote recharge card as a gift, you wan spoil the babe?

if telltoo or her boyfriend is as 'BUSY' as he wants her to believe, how come he has enough time to be coming to nairal land to see what we are gossiping about? How come he has enough time to register and post a reply instead of just calling his chick and settling issues?

He wants us to believe that he is extremely hard up, but he has enoug to afford an internet connection or at least to visit a cyber cafe and browse sites like naira land. (Abi na Y-Y boy?)

And his tone is too harsh and defensive, it is not the tone of a man in love, it is the tone of one who is defending himself at all costs. There is nothing in his post that suggests he loves the babe:

he says
and if youre getting bored because i no longer take you out then, what do u xpect me to do? go find someome who will!

Regard to the religious thingy, its strictly between u and i, if we can live with it fine! if not, fine!


what kinda tone is that?

With regards to religion, it can really mar a marriage and should be given really serious attention.


But as someone said earlier, A man will spend a lot of time on whatever is high on his priority list. It is apparent that his girl is not high on his list.

My advice to the poster: Bail out. The guy does not like you enough. And if he is the one who posted that reply, then he is a damn idiot. Bail out.

what kind of business is the guy setting up that he cant even afford N2000 - N3000 to buy her a gift or take her out.he dey build factory?
Moni abeg fashie that guy.he's just a stingy SCRUB
if he cant afford the little things that can lighten up friendship,he should go and self-service himself off.
no be by force to get girlfriend.
and talking off religion,in the long run,u'd be under pressure to convert to his.are you ready to do that?
dating and marriage no be the same thing o!
abeg shine ur eye

Bolarge has strong points here

@monisoola


The minor in this case being:
-Your man's seeming non-chalant attitude. Every guy passes through a nonchalant-like phase at some point (though I get this feeling this might be more major than it actually appears)

Something tells me your man has already done a better/more objective analysis of the situation than you have and doesn't exactly see a future. Sorry, but that's how I see it. I may be wrong. This will explain why he's not exactly keen on investing in the relationship the way you are.

Way forward:
Dearie start thinking with your head rather than your heart. Anything above 2 contraindications to a relationship is a red alert. Ignore it to your own peril.
Sit him down and table everything before him matter-of-factly.
Take note of everything he says and use your womanly instincts to read between the lines.
Then act wisely.
Cheers.

But just listen to telltoo's good points too

telltoo:

hi guys
the lady sounds suspiciously like my girlfriend!,,,, the story is practically identical to mine, like in the story, my girl and i are of different religious backgrounds,
like in the story, i 4got her bday and promised to make it up to her blablabla
like in the story , i have been quite stingy of late, however, i have what i regard as a reasonable explanation, if the story is ACTUALLY about me!

1st of all i must say im suprised at the no. of ladies who insist on her dumping me simply because she thinks im stingy!!!!!

i am REALLY busy because like she said im trying to setup a business of my own and as im also tryng to pull tremendous resources 2gether i can no longer afford to take her out 4 dinner and movies for now!!! i really need every penny i have to set up a business bc even tho she and i both have reasonable paying jobs,, i d really love to be a little more finacially secure in a marraige.
YES!!!!! I did momentarily forget her bday!!! I ADMIT IT!!!!!! ok is she going to kill me now? but i calld as soon as i remembered, im not proud about it but im a sort of 1 track minded person.
I havent given her a bday gift simply because I AM OUT OF F, G TOWN!!!!!!
as soon as we get to be 2gether, i ll give her something!!!! yes, even if its chewing gum!!!!

The problem with most ladies is that they think falling in love is all about peaches and cream! when we get married , guess whos going to have to pay the bills

and if youre getting bored because i no longer take you out then, what do u xpect me to do? go find someome who will! i really can't even afford to spend as much money as i do on credit everyday (well nearly everyday) but i do. im putting myself through such tremendous pressure simply because of you and i! the only reason y i don't take you out baby is because i CANT!, the last time we went out to the movies i had to borrow the moni, which i have just paid back!

REmemebr what i gave u last bday?
remember what i gave u 4 xmas?
so if i wasnt stingy back then , isnt it likely that theres a justifiable reason 4 my apparent stinginess now?

Regard to the religious thingy, its strictly between u and i, if we can live with it fine! if not, fine!

I really hope im the person in question on this thread, or else i just wasted an hour i should have spent working
Cheers folks!

My recommendation: This Guys doesnt exactly see a future with u. Talk to him about it then make up ur mind. Use ur head & not your heart this time

@poster, pls i advice you to move on with your life. No man worth your price, they are all the same. How can i date a man that will not give me quality time? Oh! girl,make hair while the sun shines. if you insist, well na you nooooooooooooooo.

Wow, Telltoo,

and if youre getting bored because i no longer take you out then, what do u xpect me to do? go find someome who will! i really can't even afford to spend as much money as i do on credit everyday (well nearly everyday) but i do. im putting myself through such tremendous pressure simply because of you and i! the only reason y i don't take you out baby is because i CANT!, the last time we went out to the movies i had to borrow the moni, which i have just paid back!

REmemebr what i gave u last bday?
remember what i gave u 4 xmas?
so if i wasnt stingy back then , isnt it likely that theres a justifiable reason 4 my apparent stinginess now?

Regard to the religious thingy, its strictly between u and i, if we can live with it fine! if not, fine!

I really hope im the person in question on this thread, or else i just wasted an hour i should have spent working
Cheers folks!

ur post is nasty, am a guy too u know.
you have just explained out crap,clear your not so tripped by your girl anymore,it happens to every guy but, apply balance and be fair to her. if shes important to you,u wouldn't hav had to make effort to remember her birthday! and besides there ar fun things you can do without having to spend money,as long as she understands the situation. hanging out means a lot u know.

i really hope u guys are compactible?

to be frank telltoo's post is indicative of a man i would not advice my sister to marry. If indeed Moni is your gf then you are a disappointment, rather than log on to NL to give her a verbal pasting, a simple call or a visit to thrash out issues with her in love would have been most ideal.

Moni, you're better off finding a replacement.

word

monisoola:

I would like to thank everyone that has contributed so far. You guys are the bomb. I really appreciate this.
I’ve tried inviting him out as you suggested but something always happens and he’ll become so apologetic. Not that I’m making excuses for him but he is very good at using the most difficult words; sorry, please and thank you. So you see why getting angry or trying to pull out will make me feel guilty each time I get mad at him.
Recently he surprised me, he bought wooden fabric for me. It’s an aso-ebi, a female colleague in his office (also my friend) is getting married. (Did I hear someone say I should not be deceived). He even asked how much my tailor charges. That I may never get but he still asked. I acted like I might not be interested in going ( since he’s used to standing me up too) and guess what he said it was ok as he might of course be busy. We’ve decided we’ll go but he said we will not be staying long at the party.
I’ll take your advice and have a dialogue one more time. Don’t worry, keep a date. I’ll give you a feedback. But this religion thing?

don't get carried away by wooden, the issues are more serious than that

Hi telltoo,

If you are the person in question, i guess you guys need to apply more maturity in sorting things out. To my utmost surprise, the contributors so far have fogotten to realize the fact that courtship is designed purposely for two different people to get to know each other and to aclamatize with each other ways of life. Well, my candid advise to the guy is that you should at least take it slowly as ladies of today only appreciate what they see at their very hands.

let me share my personal experience with you, I like surprises, i mean getting someone un aware most especially when I am taking up a big project. Not informing my babe.This does not hinder my true love for her by not letting her know at the begginning. We used tohave little problem over this as she always felt otherwise, may be consider herself not totally in my heart by not telling her my plan before it materialise. Your man maybe somebody like that, so you need to understand his plight and don't forgat that he his human and needs to be advised. Remember, all that glitters are not gold. Cheers!!!!

Telltoo or whatever your name is. I don't really like the way you sounded in ur mail.
It's good that you're doing a lot of work. But you need to understand that MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS
We speak different languages.
If you were telling all your stories about time management and budget constraint to a man, he would easily understand but this is a woman and one that you claim to love. You must devise the most effective means of communicating with her. You can't just keep doing what you feel is right and expact her to understand. No my brother, it does not work that way. Your case is a rather critical one, something very little can wreck it if ur not careful.
And do not push her into the hands of another man. We men are like wolves and believe me, there are so many waiting to pounce on ur gurl. But if you feel you can't put in the extra effort to make ur relationship work then i think this is the best time to quit. Like I always say: "BETTER A FAILED RELATIONSHIP THAN A FAILED MARRIAGE".
GOD BE WITH YOU!!!

hmmmn as it seems moonisola is really in love with this guy.there is nothing one can do than wish her the best of the choice she has made for herself.

Stinginess in a man comes with all sorts of other vices.
Some men take advantage of an undemanding female to just takecare of their own selfish desires.
Someone said Moni should not talk about a gift, why not?
She is not asking for the expensive and unaffordable stuff
she just wants a simple gesture of love.

There can be no love, I repeat no love without giving!
Like someone says it is a matter of priorities, if a girl is very important to a guy, he will share what he has with her even if he is trying to set up a business of his dreams.

The bible even says your heart is where your treasure is.

It is this sermon of 'do not ask for a gift' that has landed many sisters with selfish brothers/husbands who do not have the capacity to think of any other person apart from themselves.

Dear Monisoola,

Take it from me, and it's authentic; The only change that happens to people in marriage with time is for the worse, Behaviourally, socially, emotionally, and of course, physically.

Never marry on the premise that your spouse will get better on any aspect you do not like, let alone detest, or cannot live with. For those dislikes will sooner aggravate to become detests. Therefore what do you think your detests will degenerate to?

Whatever you have now is the best you'll ever get from a relationship (God forbid, marriage) with the guy. Don't be fooled by attempt to cover up his extreme selfishness, which is a glaring defect, as his plans to set up a business (for himself alone). Girl, if he really loves you, what says he can't involve you in that business plan? Afterall, he should start sharing some part of him with you now, if he will ever share the "whole" of his life with you in marriage! But truth is that, he is a "ME, MYSELF, & I kind of person.

However, if you do not mind committing lifelong "emotional harakiri" then go ahead and "sentence" yourself to a psychological life imprisonment, all in the way of marriage with someone you are obviously not compatible with, and whose life and habits will bore you to death.

The choice is yours.

Good luck as you attempt the plunge!

, nice yarn

hmmm, monisoola, is it telltoo?

Homegirl,

Move on but before you do try as much as possible to clean up any residue of feelings you have for him.

The best way to do this is to confront him on his fuckups and from his response, try to see if he is worth hanging out with or dumping into the trashie.

Also watch out for types of response, if he's avoiding decision taking on serious issues, he's avoiding taking the decision to be serious with you.

All the best in your love life,

No, telltoo cant be my boyfriend

people!!!!!!
i apologfis if my tone was harsh, i was quite upset when i read the post, i cant imagine y she would post stuff abt us on nairaland instead of discussing it with me, also i want to set some issues staright

1. i did buy her a bday present, however i ve been out of town on business 4 over a month and we havnt seen each other, when we do see , i ll give her her present, i wonder y she just assumes i hav no gift 4 her simply because i didnt metion it or send it thru sm1, i actually wanted it to be a suprise, like give her smthng when she least expects it, and i expected thtt if she was upset abt it she d tell me instead of coming to nairaland!!
2. i really cant afford to take her out to places we are used to going AT PRESENT!! cos as she knows ALL the moni i make is going into a project
3. i dont see y she cant suggest tht we go out and foot the bills especially when she knows exctly what im diverting my funds for, she s not xctly broke, shes got a very good job
4. i actually apologise to her if i havnt been paying her as much attention as b4, i m not doing it because ive lost interest in her, its just that my business is still in an immature, fast evolving phase and its demanding all my energy rerserves, both physical and emotional!
5. if i sounded nasty in my 1st post it s because i was upset tht she harbored such sentriments against me and didnt even hint me, please read her post and imagine you re her bfriend, there are some facts u ll discover that will hurt you a little

i also strongly object to some posts on this thread that used insulting words on me, thers no need 4 that. please learn not to judge ok? remember the saying that goes, pluck out the log of wood in your eyes before,

he wont av time to visit nairaland, talkless or writing all that. he doesn't even check his mail unless he has to retrieve some important info. telltoo sounds mean too and frustrated. hope this aint you.