I'm sorry, this is quite long but it can be longer. please read and advice .
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for about 18 months now.

The story is----

Hmmnn. I love him (at least I think so) and he tells me he loves me every time he gets the opportunity to say it.

Don’t get me wrong I said think I love him because of the circumstances that surrounds our relationship. We are from different religious background and as I grew up my parents never fail to remind me to not to marry outside my religion.I always put that in mind before I date, it was different when I met him. I avoided starting a relationship but he was very persistent like his life would end if I did not agree. Somehow we started dating not because of his persistence but because I felt different with him (call it love): he is not a trouble maker and he seems much matured to me unlike other guys that have tried to ask me out, Plus he is good looking too (though not a point for me but that’s the physical aspect my friends see, can’t stop hearing, He looks so sweet and nice. Don’t leave this guy o.

We are at a stage where everybody that sees us together ask us why we are not married yet, like when we get an i.v. for someone’s wedding, his friends will jokingly say it's you guys' turn o. he has not asked me to marry him and I don’t want to press him but he has shown gestures like he calls me “iyawo mi” and has a pet name for me that means my beloved.

My problem with our relationship-------

Despite my parents wish. I want to marry the person I love and that loves me too. They are having a fit already and to them I’m not seeing anyone. I meet guys every now and then my cousins even want to introduce me to rich nice guys that have shown interest in me but of course I’ve declined. As I said earlier, he tells me he loves me but I believe he just says it but not show it. He is always busy, at first I understood because I know how tight his schedule is. He is also trying to set up his own business which explains why he’s always broke. I understand so I hardly expect gifts but a girl needs affection ad needs to be pampered too, no matter how little, don’t u think? We never go out. His idea of being together is me coming over to his place, when I want it vice versa; he reminds me how he has to plan a strategy to meet my parents so they will accept him and his idea of showing affection is talking to me on the phone everyday. I loved that at first as he’s always checking on me but I’m getting bored, we never do anything fun. When I try to complain, he will be apologetic and melt my heart by saying he agrees and he’ll change but he never does. He didn’t call me on my birthday and I was very sad because my toasters kept calling to take me out but my dear friend was no where to be found only to tell me he had been extraordinarily busy and didn’t forget and he would make it up to me, it’s been over a month, no outing, no gift? I’m not materialistic (that may be a problem because I don’t ask him for things) but a gift means a lot to me even if it’s just chewing gum. It means I’m in the person’s mind. Ask me do i give him gifts, yes I know the surprise I gave on his last birthday.

[I know my parents want my happiness and will give their consent if I do not bring home anyone else and they are sure he’s the best person for me. Note, I have not told him this so he doesn’t take advantage of it, I would, if I see more seriousness. I’m not very happy at the moment and I can’t boast and say he can always be there for me. I’m ready for marriage and if you ask him the same, he’ll say yes. I’m confused here. What should I do now? Am I expecting too much?

No, you are not. He's just a cheapskate and will never change. I had an ex like that once who said he was too broke even MacDonald's sef he couldn't buy for me. Move on with your life jare. He's selfish and stingy . I don't care how broke a person is but he/she should atleast be able to get you something nice but inexpensive! Did you say he forgot your birthday ? Girl, move on seriously.

If you have other people that are intrested in marrying you,i suggest you forget him since he is not ready and has plenty commas

$ammy:

If you have other people that are intrested in marrying you,i suggest you forget him since he is not ready and has plenty commas

good idea.

Hey, this religious difference is a big issue pple seem 2 gloss over when they are dating, only 2 realize after marriage dat it really is a bigger issue than they thot.

Apart from dat dis guy doesn’t buy u anything, not even an outing to Mr biggs, my dear he is a cheap skate (well if u really luv him like u say u can invite him out, bills on u) and see if he’l realize that the next time is his turn

2 busy to call on ur bday Dat is unforgivable (for me o!)

In asummary I wouldn’t be caught dead dating dis your guy cuz of the religion, frugality and insensitivity traits he has displayed but den dats ME! UCHE!

U are not expecting too much. Ur boyfriend is a ninny.

Funny thing, one tend to like people like that so much. I'm sure u love this guy & i'm sure that if he changes those stingy habits of his, he'll be that perfect gentle man u want.

I think u should do the part of taking him out. Take him to like three nice places, if he loves u enough he'll shamefully reciprocate what u did. List down the things u don't like in his attitude & discuss it with him.

I get pissed off with guys like these, 'cos most times they spend their life investment on people that are not worth it

will you marry me?

@monisoola
To answer ur question straight up, no, your expectations are definitely not grandiose.
To address the situation u have however detailed above, I will say you are dealing with 2 major and 1 minor contraindication to your relationship.
The major contraindications being:
     -Your parents' lack of consent and
     -Differing religious orientation.

The minor in this case being:
       -Your man's seeming non-chalant attitude. Every guy passes thru a nonchalant-like phase at some point (though I get this feeling this might be more major than it actually appears)

Something tells me your man has already done a better/more objective analysis of the situation than you have and doesn't exactly see a future. Sorry, but that's how I see it. I may be wrong. This will explain why he's not exactly keen on investing in the relationship the way you are.

Way forward:
Dearie start thinking with your head rather than your heart. Anything above 2 contraindications to a relationship is a red alert. Ignore it to ur own peril.
Sit him down and table everything before him matter-of-factly.
Take note of everything he says and use your womanly instincts to read btw the lines.
Then act wisely.
Cheers.

Funny thing, one tend to like people like that so much. I'm sure u love this guy & i'm sure that if he changes those stingy habits of his, he'll be that perfect gentle man u want.

I think u should do the part of taking him out. Take him to like three nice places, if he loves u enough he'll shamefully reciprocate what u did. List down the things u don't like in his attitude & discuss it with him


hope it works,cos from all indications i guess she must ve tried it

@poster

Please so kindly to read the following existing topics to refresh your new next steps---forget about the color, nationality, and major generalizations you heard at below:

7 Reasons Why Females Get Hurt In Relationship
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-94423.0.html

10 Insights You should take steps into serious relationship before you get marry her/him

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-95533.0.html

Bolarge:

@monisoola
To answer your question straight up, no, your expectations are definitely not grandiose.
To address the situation u have however detailed above, I will say you are dealing with 2 major and 1 minor contraindication to your relationship.
The major contraindications being:
     -Your parents' lack of consent and
     -Differing religious orientation.

The minor in this case being:
       -Your man's seeming non-chalant attitude. Every guy passes through a nonchalant-like phase at some point (though I get this feeling this might be more major than it actually appears)

Something tells me your man has already done a better/more objective analysis of the situation than you have and doesn't exactly see a future. Sorry, but that's how I see it. I may be wrong. This will explain why he's not exactly keen on investing in the relationship the way you are.

Way forward:
Dearie start thinking with your head rather than your heart. Anything above 2 contraindications to a relationship is a red alert. Ignore it to your own peril.
Sit him down and table everything before him matter-of-factly.
Take note of everything he says and use your womanly instincts to read between the lines.
Then act wisely.
Cheers.

good point

@ poster
talk to your BF abt how you feel, and if he doesn't change my dear i'll advice u take a HIKE.

@jkpretty and Bolarge
I love u guys contributions. I will add that the poster holds the last decisions. However let me say no man is perfect, though there are certain things that can not be over looked. like some one said list his short comings and discuss with him, do not mention the part about gifts, simply take him out yourself. Finally pray. Do not listen to those who ask you to delete him immediately. Time works everything.

yeah sugar u really re not xpectin too much. like someone said she had an ex like that who couldnt even get her mcdonalds. mine was a great flop to humanity. icouldnt say he was broke because i could swear dt even if i didnt know d color of his bank acct it was pippin hot. but damn was he,  i can't say if i shld call it stingy he  always had an excuse to give over every issue he couldnt caRELESS OR SO I TOT IF IT WAS UR PATH TO SUCCESS BUT HE PROFESYS Love like hell and always get me tinkin like i was been ova demandin nd he as well asGod nd i no that it was only impossible situations that made me ask him of anytin. i kept myb cool for 5yrs but tins only got worse it was only when i tried to blank him that he even shows face.
   so my dear if u can't sit 4 20mins witout tinkin of sumtin good to give him nd he can sit 4 three days nd not boda about antin that makes u feel good den u can clearly c both tables dnt measure ip nd guess what dey never ll,.
if a guy can't try to prove himself to u while dating or courtin when he knows its likable that u walk out girl he aint going to do it when he marries u either.definitely not when u re his property.
dose excuses never end.
as for the religious bacgrounds m sure u no beta.
i agree wit the patience nd hear to heart talk but i bet u re gonna kip gettin the same damn excuses dat makes u feel like u dont appreciate oor undastand,. m talkin frm experience but give it atry nd i wish u luck but pls dont sit around waitrin aimlessly 4 him 2 change to nothing.

Hmmmmmm story,story.

A man will make out time to do what he likes. You only get to know what is priority to him by observation. Yes he is busy trying to set up that means career and the likes is No1. Couldnt even bother to get a gift for Birthday and so on and so on. So you can know what your position is on the list of things. Take a clue and make your decisions. I am a man and thats the way we are.

nope u r not. but jst move on.

Life goes on.

my dear,forget this guy n move on.he still will remain desame after da marriage.do u want a husband dat doesnt have ur time.

@ monisoola

so much advise for you already, you're not asking for too much but enduring too much my dear.

but 1 thing i believe in any relationship is dialogue. why don't you just walk up to him and tell him what your worries are let him know u r not ready to endure anymore, let him know u r getting tired of the relationship, if he can't give you any meaningful reason for all his actions. that means you're not so important to him afterall.

am with olababe on this talking will do a lot BUT the whole point of dating someone is to kinda like know more about the person right, do you think he will change when you marry him,or maybe his saving his best for last i don't think so you need to sit and tell him am about to break it up and am sure his gonna beg and promise to change then you should probably give him a Little more time but if he dose not change,which i doubt he will dump him.And religion seems to be the least of your worries buts its big a big issue love does not always conquer all and in this case we not even sure of love

you have endured enough and still YET to enjoy anything.is he waiting for you to get gray hairs or what  leave him and move on.

when you love something you go out of your way to cherish,possess what you love,love knows no bound.god love us that was why he sent his son jesus to die for me.if you truely love someone then you create time for that person.dearie let me tell you the truth ladies spell love as 'time'love is all about action.ladies need feel and see love.my dear i think you should ask him to create time for you people to discuss heart to heart,you seeing his face to get his reaction,then you will be able to know if to continue or end the relationship.there are some people out there who are not ready ro marry,but are ready to stop others coming close to you.thanks

Probably the guy hasnt got money, but obviously, that should not apply to birthdays. I would talk to the guy if i were you, sometimes things are not always what they seem. If after you talk to him and things dont change, then im afraid you have to start looking for another bf. Then you mentioned the difference between your religeous orientations, my dear, this is a landmine, thread carefully.

Bolarge says:
Something tells me your man has already done a better/more objective analysis of the situation than you have and doesn't exactly see a future. Sorry, but that's how I see it. I may be wrong. This will explain why he's not exactly keen on investing in the relationship the way you are.

Way forward:
Dearie start thinking with your head rather than your heart. Anything above 2 contraindications to a relationship is a red alert. Ignore it to your own peril.
Sit him down and table everything before him matter-of-factly.
Take note of everything he says and use your womanly instincts to read between the lines.

Hhmmmmm. Truth is bitter. But bitter pills often give the desired relief.

try to talk to ur guy about how u feel, u're matured enough 4 marriage, what is his take, he's spending eternity trying to secure a future he knows nothing about and i can see he's not carrying u along - worrisome, the religious side isnt even a barrier but he might b considering it, things are just loose dear girl, u need 2 shapen them up.

Just call ur guy, sit him down n talk heart 2 heart, head 2 head, something needs 2 b done and fast

Baby I feel you.  

Please you have to take extra caution infact be really careful with this guy who doesnt want to meet your parents and who does not consider it right to be with you or buy you just an inexpensive gift on your birthday.  If he is like this while dating I wonder what he would do after you are married.

You demonstrate true love by sharing and giving not only material things but time as well. They dont have to be expensive but those little little things are always a prove that the person cares for you and have you in his mind to go somewhere and get sth for you, even God demonstrated his love towards us by giving his son. Please dont fall for those calls o. A man maybe with a girl friend and rushes to the restroom to place another i love you call to another girl friend. Im talking from  experience here. Study him very well for sometime more and when you are satisfy with your curiosity take to your heels before he uses you and dump you. A word is sufficient for the wise.

[color=#990000][/color]
Yes Uche.I will marry you,if you are TDH(tall dark and handsome) +rich.

Back to the topic,
I really dont think you are asking for too much,monisoola.but if you ask me i thing you should really consider the religion part of your relationship before anything else.Who know if your guy had already thot about and has suddenly become indecisive concerning your marriage plans.I think you guys should really talk about it before making any firm commitments.There are so many things that love cannot sort and one of them is religion.

I would like to thank everyone that has contributed so far. U guys are the bomb. I really appreciate this.
I’ve tried inviting him out as you suggested but something always happens and he’ll become so apologetic. Not that I’m making excuses for him but he is very good at using the most difficult words; sorry, please and thank you. So you see why getting angry or trying to pull out will make me feel guilty each time I get mad at him.
Recently he surprised me, he bought wooden fabric for me. It’s an aso-ebi, a female colleague in his office (also my friend) is getting married. (Did I hear someone say I shd not be deceived). He even asked how much my tailor charges. That I may never get but he still asked. I acted like I might not be interested in going ( since he’s used to standing me up too) and guess what he said it was ok as he might of course be busy. We’ve decided we’ll go but he said we will not be staying long at the party.
I’ll take your advice and have a dialogue one more time. Don’t worry, keep a date. I’ll give you a feedback. But this religion thing?

It's a pity that a pity can't pity itself under a pitiable condition!
What I'll suggest if you still love him is that, sat him down and tell him exactly what you which a man you'll love to marry could be, and if he doesn't change for good, then LEAVE HIM, means he'll never change for GOOD!!!
To be honest some guys are naughty, they don't know what to do until you educate them !

while he's at that, give ur fun- seeking heart somethingone esle to think about. we guys use work as a perfect alibi as an excuse for many different things.so baby shine ur eyes well well o

hi guys
the lady sounds suspiciously like my girlfriend!,,,, the story is practically identical to mine, like in the story, my girl and i are of different religious backgrounds,
like in the story, i 4got her bday and promised to make it up to her blablabla
like in the story , i have been quite stingy of late, however, i have what i regard as a reasonable explanation, if the story is ACTUALLY about me!

1st of all i must say im suprised at the no. of ladies who insist on her dumping me simply because she thinks im stingy!!!!!

i am REALLY busy becos like she said im trying to setup a business of my own and as im also tryng to pull tremendous resources 2gether i can no longer afford to take her out 4 dinner and movies for now!!! i really need every penny i have to set up a business bc even tho she and i both have reasonable paying jobs,, i d really love to be a lil more finacially secure in a marraige.
YES!!!!! I did momentarily forget her bday!!! I ADMIT IT!!!!!! ok is she going to kill me now? but i calld as soon as i remembered, im not proud about it but im a sort of 1 track minded person.
I havent given her a bday gift simply because I AM OUT OF F, G TOWN!!!!!!
as soon as we get to be 2gether, i ll give her something!!!! yes, even if its chewing gum!!!!

The problem with most ladies is tht they think falling in love is all about peaches and cream! when we get married , guess whos gonna have to pay the bills

and if youre getting bored because i no longer take you out then, what do u xpect me to do? go find someome who will! i really cant even afford to spend as much money as i do on credit everyday (well nearly everyday) but i do. im putting myself thru such tremendous pressure simply because of you and i! the only reason y i dont take you out baby is because i CANT!, the last time we went out to the movies i had to borrow the moni, which i have just paid back!

REmemebr what i gave u last bday?
remember what i gave u 4 xmas?
so if i wasnt stingy back then , isnt it likely tht theres a justifiable reason 4 my apparent stinginess now?

Regard to the religious thingy, its strictly between u and i, if we can live with it fine! if not, fine!

I really hope im the person in question on this thread, or else i just wasted an hour i should have spent working
Cheers folks!